If there’s one thing I don’t want in my life is to kill myself. Can you think of something even more horrible than that?
The worst thing to imagine is: what if that was your kid? What if you had a gay kid, and you loved them with all your heart? And because they are bullied for being gay, you can’t see them anymore. Your kids die before you die, because they cannot handle how cruel this world is to them.
I’ve seen so many inspirational videos about LGBT ponies who encourage others not to turn to self-cutting and suicide, that things will get better eventually. It makes me wonder how hard it was for them.
Even I understand that I have it better than other ponies. Some are disowned by their loved ones, some even abused by their guardian, whom they loved and trusted. Ponies like that make me sick. Maybe I could move in with Derpy and Dinky. After all, those two are used to getting hate for being different.
I’ve read some of the terrible things ponies have said about us. They treat us like freaks and monsters, and like mistakes. Beings that were never meant to be but exist anyway. Is the world really so cruel? What about the elements of Harmony? What about the Princesses? Could they be so cruel?
And what if I do crack one day? What if one day I can no longer handle everything and I’m forced to turn to the knife? I’m brought back to the time when I tried to cut myself. Would it be like that, when I watch my last days play out before my eyes, and all I can do is sit and watch?
I don’t want that to happen, but somehow I can’t control it. There’s no way I’m going to some psychiatrist and answering a bunch of dumb questions about my life and my so-called ‘problem.’ Besides, by now I know it’s not a phase. I’ve known since I was ten years old, and my secret crush isn’t helping things.
The only ponies I would trust enough to ask for help from are Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. Maybe it’s time to come clean.