Album 1: The Greatest Gala Ever
Chapter 7: Living On a Prayer
"Captain Griffin." Celestia began, nodding her head in as low a bow as she dared, "I thank you for your timely arrival. I'm also glad you requested an invitation, instead of simply crashing the party... I'd also like to introduce you to my new friend, Knightmare."
I twitched. Celestia called me her friend. "This is the best day of my life!"
"....A changeling fanboy?"
"...Maybe a little bit. But mostly, Princess Celestia just called me her friend!"
“I almost forgot that you're one of..... us. And Celestia's your favorite? Really? I can't imagine why...." He put on his best trollface, which Celestia snickered at. Really? How close are these two that he can get away with openly insulting her and she laughs at it..... I am moderately jealous.
Celestia and I stared at the pirate captain, each arching a brow slightly.
"Oooookaaaaaaaay then." Griffin grumbled, "So, Celly, what have you got planned? Some kind of epic prank? Planning session? A badass mission that you want me and this kid to do?"
"KID!? I'm eighty-two, ya dork!" I groused, feeling a bit mocked....
"...You're way older than me yet ten times the dork....why am I not surprised?" ...Oh, I get it. Teenager. Oi. Probably one of those pissy, easily-angered, 'Fuck the world' types. It'd explain why he became a friggin' PIRATE in Equestria of all places....
"One learns fast to never be 'surprised' when it comes to Knightmare." Celestia said with a grin. And then....BLAMMO!
"SISTER! WE HAVE PROCURED A DELICIOUS CAKE FROM MISS PINKAMENA DIANE PIE! SHE HAS REQUESTED GIFTING IT TO SIR GRIFFIN AND HIS CREW!" Thus bellowed Second-Best Pony, AKA Princess Luna. And there she arrived, with a cake towering nearly fifty feet with sugar-lace filigree, fancy decorations of fondant, and more delicious icing than you can imagine. What was striking, however, was the distinct LACK of pink! Rather, the trim-icing was bloody red, almost like ACTUAL blood! And the primary color was blacker than pitch black at midnight on the dark side of the moon under a black tarp!
"BLOODY HELL THAT'S THE MOST FUCKING METAL CAKE I'VE EVER LAID EYES ON!" No, seriously, this cake would make Dethklok cry from not being metal enough to be in the same room! Realistic-looking swords and knives made of fondant, with blades honed to a razor edge, molten sugar chains coated with silver dust to make them look like real steel, clockwork gears and buzz saw blades, all arranged artistically and tastefully to be as BADASS as possible!
"It's gotta be special dark." I say. "I swear, that's the only flavor badass enough for a cake like this."
"That...is a damn good cake." Griffin says, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the badass confectionary. Almost as if it was, by some miracle, not badass enough for him....
Good grief.
"Well?" Luna asked, "Aren't you gonna have some?"
"Guh. No thanks, Loony." Griffin said, holding a claw to his mouth, "I've, honestly, had more cake in the past few days than I've ever eaten in my entire life back before getting dragged here."
"Wow, I didn't think it was possible to get burned out on cake!" Celestia whispered, genuinely shocked at him NOT wanting cake. "Can I have your half?"
"Yeah, sure..." I watched the Princess squeal with glee before slicing off a rather LARGE piece with her magic....Wow, that was weird.
"So..." I opted to strike up a conversation with the apparently-human-turned-griffin-pirate, "You're the mysterious 'Griffin the griffin', huh? I guess that makes me 'Knightmare the Changeling'. Pleased to meet you!" I held out a holey-hoof to shake, which he responded to in kind. Nice guy.
"So, you named yourself after an Equestrian villain, with a K in front? Not only is it unoriginal, but it's gonna get REALLY confusing. What's more, you missed a fantastic opportunity."
"Wat." I was genuinely confused as to what he meant by that.
"You should have called yourself Chuck Testa. Just, think about it for a second."
I sat and thought, and then I realized exactly what he meant. I'm a changeling. That means I could be walking down the street, disguised as, let's say, Pinkie Pie. Someone walked up and greets me, I drop my disguise and say, 'Nope, just Chuck Testa.' It would never get old!
“Technically...” Celestia said, “I’m...the one who picked his name...”
"Oh you sunuva-" I was cut off by my own face-palming. Fun fact, hooves are HARD! Changeling hooves are Hard and SHARP! I accidentally facepalmed with enough force to give myself a concussion and began bleeding on the landing pad. Everyone began laughing...until they saw the pooling blood. At which point it began dying down.
"Did he really just...knock himself out?" Griffin asked.
".....If he's seriously injured, I'm blaming you." Celestia said, still munching on her cake. She hoisted my unconscious body with her magic and carted me off to the medical ward, leaving Griffin and Luna alone with a VERY big cake... Thankfully, I was out cold, otherwise I'd have seen the giant spider I later learned she was planning to scare Griffin with.... I wonder how that worked out?
OK, let's re-cap what just happened.
I facehoofed.
Hard enough to make me fall unconscious and bleed rather badly.
HOW MUCH OF A PUSSY AM I!?
OK, I expected SOMETHING embarrassing to happen. I didn't expect it to be self-hospitalization! For fuck's sake, Fate! Why do you have to be such a BITCH to me!?
All things considered? ....heh...
....shut up.
Ugh, anyway, I woke up several hours later, it was about noon-ish. I recall the smell. Sterile. Yes, that's a VERY unique smell. A hospital, or more likely the castle's in-house medical ward... I heard voices, muffled by the door. I looked around at the pearl-white room and groan. It was entirely empty save for a few standard medical equipment and a table by my bed. Upon the table was a full glass of water in an adult-sized sippy-cup. Likely so I could drink while laying without spilling it. My guitar was leaning against it, within hoof's reach. I felt around my head to find a small bandage covering my self-inflicted wound. Thank goodness for small miracles, eh?
Ugh. The door opened. I reached for the glass and grabbed it, using one of the holes in my hoof to hook around the capped mug's handle and pull it close. I took a nice big swig as who should enter beyond my beloved princess, Celestia, followed by my unwanted queen, Chrysalis.
"What's she doing here?" I blurted out, too tired and angry to bother thinking.
"She was just leaving." They both responded...simultaneously.... Celestia offered a trollish grin, while Chrysalis growled.
"Princess...any hopes I can figure out what's going on? Facts only, please..."
"I’ll handle this.” Chrysalis growled.
“I’m sending in Twilight as well, just in case...” Celestia stepped out, leaving the black ‘beauty’ alone with me for a brief few seconds. Had I been paying attention, I’d have noticed the apologetic look on her face before everyone’s favorite purple badass walked in. Followed quickly by his mistress, Twilight Sparkle.
Wait, who were you referring too?
Twi, if I have to explain the joke, there IS no joke.
As young Spike left with a bow, Twi and Chrysalis took their seats to my left and right respectively.
"Hiya, Twilight." I said, as cordially as possible, purposely not speaking to Chrysalis.. It came off as..well...emotionless. Because I don't express my anger well if I'm not screaming.
"Uh, hi." She gave her piss-poor pokerface and trotted up to me. "So..you wanted to talk with me?"
"Kindasorta." I sighed, "I've got some questions, and I know you've got some too. How's about we trade? Info or info?" That perked her up rather fast. "You ask first, ma'am."
"OK!" She produced parchment and a quill out of seemingly nowhere... Damn magic. "So, first off. What's life like in your world?"
"Boring, painful, dull, and aggravating." I grumbled at her pout and went into deeper detail. "Look at it like this. My world? Total opposite of Equestria. Here, there seems to be an undercurrent of racism beneath many layers of friggin' paradise. My world? Hate, rage, spite, and anger are the NORM. Trust is hard to find and fragile when located, and most people only care for themselves or immediate family. Some don't even care about family, and others still don't give a shit about themselves, either. While things like 'joy' and 'happiness' exist, they're hard to come by."
"I...see." She looked sad for a moment, before jotting things down on her parchment. "And your question?"
"You got any clues why Chrysalis is so fixated on me?" I looked to the changeling queen, catching a glimpse of sympathy from her before she regained her steely glare.
"I have some theories, but they require getting...'touchy feely', if you know what I mean. The most likely is instinct. She's queen and, technically, mother to all Changelings. So seeing one that's not part of her family probably sets off a lot of warning bells. Now then, with you, what was your own life like before being brought to Equestria?"
“I’ve only been regaining memories in bits and pieces. From what I’ve gathered together, before I was five, I lived a pretty good, happy life. Then, suddenly, I’m orphaned, fending for myself, and slogging through warzone after warzone for revenge over something I don’t even know WHY I wanted revenge over....Then, I got stuck with these assholes known as the ‘SCP foundation’, and have to track down freaky shit so the civilians have something resembling a normal life.
“I...see.” She looks sombre as she jots more notes down. “Your turn.”
"Will do. Now then, I've come to realize that Celestia's 'mission' for me is a tad more daunting than I'd expected. Where would you suggest I learn how to properly fight?"
"Honestly? I'd suggest asking my brother, Shining Armor." I raised a brow. I knew who she meant but I wanted to hear the facts. "He's the Captain of the Unicorn Guard, and one of the best defensive mages around. He, earth-pony-captain Harbinger, and pegasus-captain Barricade are the best fighters in Equestria and all three could be a big help in teaching you how to fight. Though you'd need to find a changeling to teach you more about unique changeling skills. I know one in Ponyville, but let's wait until after the Gala for that."
"Informative as always." I smiled sincerely. The 'Changeling in Ponyville' could be anypony for all I know. Maaaybe, that’s why there were voices in my head.... I've read a lot of fanfics. It could be Ditto the wingless changeling, Mirror Match, AKA 'Doomie', Morpheus Bloom the Changeling Commander, or maybe even, heh, Bon Bon. "Now then, my next question..... What, EXACTLY did you mean by 'Touchy Feely'?"
OK, NOW she's getting nervous. "W-well... From my studies, there's apparently three types of 'Male' changelings. Commanders serve as the brains behind lesser attack squadrons. They normally have armor over their bodies and can issue orders through the Hive Mind to anyone except Queen Chrysalis. The others are 'Behemoths', big, beastly things that basically maul anything not a changeling. Several of them almost killed Luna during the invasion a few months ago."
"I'm sensing an 'And' there...."
"Yeah... the last kind, and from what I've seen, most likely?" She whispered something. Even with my new hearing, it was hard to pick up, almost just a breath...
"Mind repeating that?"
"B-...breeders." You hear that? That sound of a record needle scratch followed by a loud crash? That's the sound of my brain coming to a painfully sudden stop.
"....please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means...."
"I'd have to take some measurements but...if you are a breeder, then had you been born a changeling....you'd never leave the hive...heck, you'd be lucky to leave the nesting chambers."
What Twilight's getting at is that I'd have been Chrysalis' personal fuck-toy from birth to death.... I hate being blunt but facts is facts. With that, she pulled out some measuring tape... I already know what she's gonna ask. "M-may I?"
"Sure....mind if I play?" She looked at me like I'm a pervert...well, I guess now I know why I'm so openly sexual now. But I grabbed my guitar and she realized just what, exactly, I was referring too.
I was about to begin, when Twilight used her magic to pull me to full mast.
No, she's not doing anything that perverse, she's literally GRABBING MY PENILE BONE, which I just discovered the hard way that changelings have, and PULLING my entire manhood from it's sheath! It hurts like FUCK!
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-STOP STOP STOP DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT HURTS!?"
...sorry.
Why’re you apologizing now?
Because that was....extremely rude, and disturbing of me to do. I really didn’t have any right to act that way.
Twi. Trust me. There are FAR worse ways to handle that situation....
Still..
Stahp! Lets just...drop it, and continue the song.
"Um...oopsie..." She blushed and admired her handy-work, my 'royal scepter' standing as tall as it was gonna get with my skin still attached. I tried my damnedest to ignore the measuring tape snaking across my ENTIRE EVERYTHING down there and tried to play a song all too fitting my current mood. Yeah, I'm currently getting fondled by Twilight Sparkle and I'm friggin' depressed....
Finally, I began playing an all too familiar riff.
I always listen to this song when I feel down. It reminds me that things can be worse, and that there's always hope. The song constantly built up, stronger and stronger, and with it, my hopes rose. I failed to realize when Twilight finished her measurements and actually listened to my song, humming along to it with Chrysalis. I wasn’t even paying attention to anything, just enthralled in the music. I hadn't realized until later, but Celestia and Griffin were just outside.
"Dude's a puss, but he's got some good pipes." Griffin quipped, passing by with Trixie on his back.
"He's got a point, you know." Celestia said, grinning at the pirate king, the grin spreading wider as the griffin warrior walked off.
My song died off in time, and I was fully relaxed. I smiled at Twi and raise a hoof.
"I know you've got the answer."
"Breeders kind of can't fight."
"As I was saying. ....I don't care what I am. I was born a human, and By Celestia's flaming mane, I'm gonna do this the human way!" I hopped up and landed on all fours...no, this is gonna change! I pushed myself up and begin concentrating. This isn't an instinctive change, I'm gonna force it how I want it. My rear hooves shifted into a form resembling stylish boots. Fake, of course, but who cares? My fore-hooves shifted into claw-tipped, human-like hands. My shoulders and hips changed, allowing for a more human-like stature. My outer shell altered, taking the appearance of clothing. I took a few notes from Michael Jackson, incorporating his infamous 'Thriller' jacket, in black and grey tones, and the spikes and chains-covered outfit from 'Bad'. You know what? Fuck originality! I know what I like and by DAMN I'M GONNA USE IT!
I spun on my heels, it felt just RIGHT being in a more human-like body. "So, how do I look?" I asked. Twilight's staring...at my crotch. I looked down and realized that I forgot to hide my family jewels. A quick flash of green flame and they're replaced by semi-tight leather pants.
"Yeah...you definitely look good....huh...um...." She blushed, "So...how does it feel, walking like that?"
"For someone born and raised human? It feels...natural." I buzzed my wings, gaining slight lift, and grabbed my guitar. "Well, wish me luck, Twilight. I'm gonna go meet your brother...." I bid the young mare a fond farewell and step outside, walking past the two royal ponies and headed straight towards the parade grounds.
"Hey!" Twi shouted, "Knightmare! That's the wrong way!" ....I promptly did a 180 and THEN marched in a manly fashion towards the parade grounds.
"Thanks, Twi." I couldn't help but grin at Chrysalis' face upon realizing that I'm a breeder....She got beat by one of her sex toys.... I'm sorry, but that's just funny to me.