Only I Know
“And then he took it from me, right there, in front of all my friends.”
Fluttershy listened patiently. She lied out on her stomach on the park bench by the fountain. It was a chilly spring day, the sky overcast with with bands of cumulus clouds that lolled by like lethargic snakes. Fluttershy, her hair caught in the wind, brushed a loose strand away from her face as she asked, “And what did you do?”
“Me? What could I do? He’s bigger and stronger than I am. Everyone’s afraid of him.”
“I seriously doubt that,” the lemonade-colored pegasus said. “There’s always somepony bigger.”
“That’s easy for you to say. He wouldn’t steal from you,” her friend pointed out. “I’m always getting picked on. You have no idea what that’s like.”
To which Fluttershy replied, “You’d be surprised. But finish your story. What happened after he took your acorn?”
The squirrel was even smaller than Angel Bunny with a bushy tail that was twice the length of his body. Rust-colored and with large black eyes, the young squirrel—Jacob by name—sulked on the bench before Fluttershy. His tiny shoulders hunched and he looked ready to cry. “Sniff. He laughed at me and called me names. Everyone laughed at me. Even my friends.”
“Sounds to me like they weren’t really your friends to begin with,” Fluttershy said.
Biting back a sniffle, Jacob wiped his eyes and composed himself as best he could before asking, “But I thought they liked me, Miss Shy. Why would they do that?”
With a smile that seemed to brighten the day, Fluttershy told Jacob, “Because they’re afraid.”
Jacob blinked. “Huh?”
“They’re afraid of being singled out. Take me for example. When I was a filly, I used to get picked on back in Cloudsdale. I used to think that all the other colts and fillies who laughed were just as mean as the bullies at Junior Flight Camp. I thought all ponies were that way.”
Jacob’s coal-black eyes widened. “You were bullied? But…you’re so big!”
Fluttershy giggled. “To you maybe, but not all ponies are big. There are a lot of things a lot bigger than we are. Anyway, even ponies who I thought were my friends would laugh at me as the bullies called me names. I used to cry myself to sleep at night. Then my mother told me that the reason those ponies laughed with the bullies wasn’t because they wanted to be mean, it was because they were afraid that if they didn’t then they would get picked on too. Do you understand, Jacob?”
The little squirrel pondered a moment, scratching his chin. “So…those squirrels who laughed at me really are my friends?” He asked hesitantly.
“I don’t think so. Rainbow Dash would come to my rescue whenever the bullies would pick on me. She’s a true friend. I never really spoke to the other ponies afterward, but Rainbow Dash and I have stayed friends even now.” Fluttershy patted his head. “Those squirrels may not be all that bad, but if they’re too afraid to stand by your side, then it’s time to look for some new friends.”
“Oh…okay.” Jacob saddened.
But Fluttershy smiled. “Don’t worry. I’ll bet there are plenty of squirrels who would love to be your friends, your real friends. I’m your friend and I think you’re wonderful.” When Jacob’s furry face lit up at the compliment, she added, “And don’t you worry about that bully anymore. I’ll just have a word with parents and have them put a stop to it immediately.”
“You’d do that, Miss Shy?”
“But of course I would, Jacob. You’re my little buddy, after all.” She reached for her saddlebag, which she had placed beside the bench. After rummaging around for a few moments she removed a small object and offered it to Jacob. “Here, a present for you.”
If Jacob’s eyes were large before, they practically grew into saucers now. “That’s the biggest acorn I’ve ever seen!” True enough. What was small for Fluttershy was easily as big as Jacob himself. Even when fully extended his tiny arms couldn’t hope to reach around the whole acorn. “This is the best gift ever! Thank you, Miss Shy.”
“You’re very welcome. Now run along and enjoy your acorn. I have a few errands to run today.”
Like a cat who caught a canary, little Jacob leaped off the bench with his acorn, nearly dropping it along the way. But Jacob showed remarkable strength for his small size and was able to hoist the acorn as he vertically traversed the nearest tree. He found a cozy spot on a branch where he then proceeded to enjoy the gift, munching loudly.
Hoisting her saddlebag over her back, Fluttershy trotted away.
“Thanks again, Miss Shy!” Jacob said through bites.
“It’s my pleasure, Jacob. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”
“Fluttershy?”
Gasping, she turned to find Lyra Heartstrings and BonBon looking at her from across the stone pathway. They were just close enough to have overheard that last exchange. They looked at her curiously. It was BonBon who had spoken to her. “Who are you talking to?” The earth pony asked.
Feeling a blush come to her face, Fluttershy looked away sheepishly. “Oh. Just my friend.”
Unicorn Lyra glanced around. “But…there’s no one else here.”
“He’s a squirrel,” she told them.
“A squirrel…” BonBon’s eyebrow arched.
“…named Jacob?” Lyra finished, her adjacent eyebrow a mirror image to BonBon’s.
Dipping her head, Fluttershy tried to talk her way out of this. “He just needed to talk to someone about being bullied. I told him everything would be fine. It just...” Fluttershy paused when she noticed the condescending looks the two ponies gave her. Realizing how she must have sounded, she smiled meekly. “Never mind. I have to be somewhere. Have a nice day.” She trotted off, which turned into galloping off, to put as much distance between them as possible.
Watching her leave, Lyra shook her head. “I know she’s into animals and all, but seriously. Talking to squirrels?”
BonBon was more sympathetic. “She’s usually alone in that cottage of hers on the outskirts of town. Aside from Rainbow and a few others, Fluttershy never really had that many friends to begin with.”
“And what kind of name is Jacob anyway?” Lyra blew a raspberry.
BonBon chuckled. They continued on their way, completely oblivious to the happy squirrel munching happily on his acorn.
Not long after, Fluttershy had entered the market. She was hard at work gathering the necessary ingredients for Discord’s visit this weekend. Who knew chaos gods ate so much garlic? She chuckled to herself when she thought of the time they would have. Discord’s weekly visits had become a mutual tradition of which they both enjoyed. For a pony so accustomed to routine, adding a bit of chaos was a welcomed reprieve from her (usually) mundane life.
“Good afternoon, Fluttershy!” A warm, husky voice called out.
Looking up, Fluttershy spotted a majestic goose flying above. “Well hello there, Daniel. When did you get back?”
“Just this morning. Ponyville’s still standing I see. I take it we have you to thank for it?”
Fluttershy blushed at the compliment. “Why no. It’s Princess Twilight and Rainbow Dash who keep everything running. I’m just, you know, there.”
But the goose was having none of that. He circled overhead. “Don’t be so modest, my dear. Why, all the new hatchlings know of how you saved our flock from that saber-toothed cat last winter.”
“Oh it was nothing,” she said, still blushing.
“Huff! My brood would not exist without you. You are a hero, Fluttershy.”
Her ears folded from embarrassment, Fluttershy said, “I just knew how sensitive big cat ears were to whistles. It wasn’t that easy to scare it off, and being that I could fly it couldn’t get me while I chased it off.”
“So you chased it all the way back to the Everfree Forest, whistling all the way! Huzzah, but what a heroic tale!” Daniel exclaimed.
Now so red her face resembled the beats she carried in her bag, Fluttershy stopped to paw at the ground. “Oh, not really. I mean, you’re welcome and all, I was happy to do it.”
“You must come to the pond when you have free time.” Daniel began flapping his wings, ascending. “You must regale us with the tale! I shall tell the flock to expect you.” With that, the dashing goose was gone, leaving a very flustered pegasus in his wake.
Clearing her throat, Fluttershy hurried as fast as she could. She was completely aware of the strange looks the nearby ponies were giving her as she left the market.
“Who was she talking to?” Carrot Top, her saddlebag full of carrots, asked the closest pony to her, which was none other than Dr. Hooves.
“I can’t say I know, Ms. Top. Perhaps she is haunted by some as of yet-unnamed apparition that only she can see and hear.”
“What was she saying?” Carrot Top asked.
“Deviled if I know. I couldn’t hear a thing over that goose’s blasted yammering.”
Fluttershy waited until she was far away before letting out a sigh of relief. She was accustomed to all the stares, the whispers, the feelings of misplaced sympathy. For all their intelligence, ponies could be remarkably ignorant, a fact of which Fluttershy found rather disturbing. It had been difficult enough explaining her gift to her parents after she got her cutie mark, and even then they didn’t seem to really understand. Or didn’t care to try.
How could they? A pegasus that talks to animals? Was there ever such a thing before me?
It never got any easier. The embarrassment of seemingly speaking to oneself in a crowd coupled with her penchant for being an introvert made socializing very awkward. And Fluttershy knew a thing or two about awkward. She considered herself the foremost expert on the subject.
A little bit later, Fluttershy was having tea with another friend. “I can’t stand it,” she said after taking a sip. “I just know they’re judging me. They may act nice and pretend to accept me for who I am, but I can feel it, you know?”
“Don’t I ever,” replied her cultured confidant.
Fluttershy sipped, loudly. That she was even sipping at all proved just how unhinged she was. Fortunately, the Carousel Boutique provided the sort of sanctuary she sought out: closed off and away from the crowd and their judging eyes. “I know it’s what my cutie mark is telling me, and I love doing what I do. I only wish I didn’t have to feel so self-conscious while doing it.”
“Darling, please. You don’t have to explain anything not me. I know exactly what you’re going through.”
Pausing a moment, Fluttershy looked up from her cup. “You do?”
“But of course! Do you think I was always so self-confident? There was a time when all I could think of is what others thought of me. Now I couldn’t care less.” Her friend took a sip of tea. “It’s all a matter of embracing who you are, my sweet Fluttershy. As you said, it’s what your cutie mark is telling you. You have a gift, dear, embrace it. To do otherwise would not only disgrace your talent but dishonor your friends, who’ve come to love and accept you.”
Fluttershy’s eyes widened at that. “Oh! I’ve never thought I’d dishonor my friends by not being myself. It really puts things in perspective.” Feeling like a great weight came off her shoulders, Fluttershy put down her cup and embraced her friend. “Thank you so much!”
“My pleasure, sweetling.”
“Fluttershy?” A voice called out from the hallway. Rarity poked her head inside the room. “Are you…talking to someone?” She asked hesitantly. She found Fluttershy seated by the kitchen window with two cups of tea, a kettle, and Opalescence—the snobby cat lounging about the table.
Fluttershy beamed at her friend. “Oh, I’m just telling Opal how much I value her advice.”
Rarity’s eye twitched. “Opal gave you…advice?”
“Uh-huh.” Fluttershy began petting the cat, who purred vehemently.
“I see. Well then,” Rarity walked toward the table. “I wish she’d send some sage counseling my way. I have three orders due by the end of the week and I haven’t even decided on the color scheme.” Using her magic, Rarity’s horn lifted the kettle and began to pour herself some tea. “I can’t begin to tell you what a day it’s been. Sweetie Belle’s been bugging me on and on about getting tickets for some overpriced RaRa concert and I simply cannot spare the bits.” She took a sip. “Do you know how expres---Ugh! Phew!” Rarity spit.
“Oh my,” Fluttershy said. In her lap, Opal smirked.
Wiping her tongue, Rarity said, “There’s a hairball in my cup. Ew!!!” She looked at Opal. “Has that cat been drinking out of my tea cup again?”
“Well, you were taking a really long time and I just didn’t feel right partaking all by myself.” Fluttershy hoisted Opal onto the table. “And Opal was nice enough to keep me company all this time. Isn’t that right?”
Rarity grimaced. “So you let her drink from my cup?”
“Goodness, Rarity. Opal lives in this house too. It would have been rude of me to tell her what she can and cannot do in her own home.”
“She doesn’t pay rent,” Rarity grumbled.
“Neither does Sweetie Belle.”
“Opalescence!” Fluttershy said. “You leave that adorable filly out of this.”
“What? She’s a bigger freeloader than I am. At least I keep the mice away.”
“WHAT?”
The cat smirked. “Relax. I don’t eat them. Too stringy.”
Fluttershy crossed her arms. “Opalescence! You’d better be telling me the truth.”
“Swear to Celestia!”
“Thou shalt not take the goddess’ name in vain.”
“I’m agnostic.”
“Um…Fluttershy.” Rarity looked worried. “Are you having a conversation with my cat?”
“Actually, we were having the most insightful conversation before you arrived. But I won’t bore you with the details. Let’s just say Opal helped me put some things in perspective. Kind of like I did with Jacob earlier today.”
“Whose Jacob?”
Fluttershy was about to tell her, but decided against it. “Just a friend who was having some trouble.” She took another sip of tea.
After leaving the boutique, Fluttershy stopped at Sugercube Corner to pick up some muffins for her and Discord. The place was busier than usual, probably because they were having a big promotion and Pinkie Pie, of course, did everything possible to ensure the largest crowd imaginable would show up. She had Gummy with her, of course, and naturally the little gator had a lot to say.
“No I haven’t stopped to consider my place in the universe today,” Fluttershy admitted. “Your existentialist philosophy sounds enlightening and I promise I will read the flyers and consider attending a service in the future.”
Sitting on the counter, wearing a chef’s toque, Gummy’s crisp voice replied, “The existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determines his or her own development through acts of will. You must embrace the self, child. You are distinct, unique, special. Conformity is the venom of the serpent we call society. Embrace the self. Be the self.” His tongue lolled out, licking his snout. “Be you.”
Putting the flyers in her saddlebag, Fluttershy nodded. “Thanks, Gummy. I sure will.”
“Hey, Fluttershy,” Pinkie bounded up to her while wearing a stained apron. “Is Gummy trying to convert you to his cult again?”
Fluttershy laughed. “No, Pinkie. He’s simply being who he is. I have trouble remembering how important that is.”
Bouncing next to her as she left the bakery, Pinkie said, “Oh, yeah. Being yourself in the best. I tried not being myself once and almost wound up destroying Equestria.”
Fluttershy thought of asking what happened but thought better of it. Being random and unpredictable is what Pinkie did best. Besides, she really had to start getting home. “Well it’s a good thing that didn’t happen. I’ll see you around, Pinkie.”
“See you, Flutters!” Pinkie bounded back to the bakery while Fluttershy began her walk home.
Along the way she bumped into Amy and Kat, the weasel twins, and stopped by to wish Mr. Briggins a swift recovery after spraining his wing. Fluttershy made it a point to check up on each and every one of her animal neighbors, which meant that when she finally got home she was exhausted.
“Angel Bunny, I’m home.”
“Well it’s about time!” The agitated white rabbit came right up to her. His foot thumped harshly on the wooden floor. “I’m starving! Did you bring anything to eat or must I forage in the woods again, like my ancestors did?”
“Don’t be such a drama king, Angel. Just let me wash up and I’ll get dinner started.” Fluttershy removed her saddlebag and went to do just that. “How is everyone?” She asked Angel, who was the de facto leader of the animal house when she was not around.
“Well no one’s eaten each other yet and the house is still standing. What? You think I can’t hold down the fort when you’re gone?”
Fluttershy rolled her eyes. “I know you’ll take care of the place just fine, Angel Bunny. It’s what you do. It’s who you are.”
“What I am is hungry.” His stomach rumbled to emphasize the point.
Fluttershy laughed to herself. Other ponies may think it weird that she could listen and talk to animals when they couldn’t. None of them could ever really understand (besides maybe Pinkie Pie—and nopony could understand her!) how familiar it was being odd. Then again, they didn’t need to understand. It was just who she was. Strange and beautiful Fluttershy.
Not that she thought herself beautiful to begin with. She wasn’t that conceited.
“I’ll get right on it!” She said as she made her way to the kitchen. Now that she thought about it, she had more friends than any other pony in town. That she was the only one they could talk to about their problems, their experiences, their days, made Fluttershy feel that much more special. It was a world only she knew.
And she was okay with that.