S2 Chapter 4: Iron Pet Competition
-Xavier's Recap-
Pony Halloween was pretty fun. After I had annoyed Twilight into leaving that night, I knew it was just going to be me and Dash that night, the mare in question still having on her costume. She knew I was eyeing her in it earlier. Unfortunately we couldn't have any fun that night (with cuddling). The Pokemon Trainer had fallen asleep and therefore couldn't help me out of my costume. I slept on the floor as a Space Marine until next morning.
A few days later, I ran into a couple I never expected to meet one morning on a run. I ran into Rarity's and Sweetie Belle's parents, Hondo Flanks and Cookie Crumbles (I had to refrain from snickering) while they were dropping off their little filly off at her older sister's. I thought Sweetie lived at Rarity's house and did the iCarly thing. Nope! Turns out they drop Sweetie Belle at school, and Sweetie goes over to Rarity's before being picked up by her parents. I got along with Rarity's parents better than I got along with her basically. Hondo Flanks was a football coach (even though they call it hoofball, I'm sticking to my version) while Cookie worked at another bakery... as the cleaning lady. She said others never did appreciate her cooking. Sadly, our conversations were cut short and we had to part ways. I had things to do, and they had things to do also. "Oh well. That's the way the.... Cookie Crumbles." Later on that day, Brianna was asking me and bro to participate at this Sisterhooves Social they were having near Sweet Apple Acres the next day, and I was all for it to be honest. Bro, Bri, and I are pretty close siblings, so why wouldn't I? Me trying to be the big brother that spends time with his sister when requested agreed to it. The next afternoon, let's just say that I found out why they called it the Sisterhooves Special. They were for pairs of 'sisters.' Unfortunately I couldn't attend. We could only watch. Never have I ever heard Brianna wish that bro and I were girls so much.
Last week, the fillies stopped by one morning to see if Brianna and Jonathan wanted to go bowling. Of course, that got the attention of both of their older siblings. Things were going well for most of the humans (my ball wouldn't stop CURVING INTO THE GODDAMN GUTTER AT THE LAST MINUTE!!!), but the tallest, consisting of me, Jack, and Trae, ended up bailing when Jack nearly got maimed by Scootaloo's bowling ball. Probably for the best. We had a lot of work to do that day. I heard rumors of a filly with multiple cutie marks while working on Bonbon's broken sink plumbing. Yeah, I had decided that it was probably yet another Ponyville mishaps. Lyra and Bonbon broke into the house in hazmat suits while I was working, but unless I wanted to make a mess in their kitchen, under their sink, I couldn't afford distraction. I found out from Bri what it was though. Apple Bloom gave herself "Cutiepox" from a flower she stole from Zecora. That's what happens when you steal from a black wom-i mean a Zebra mare. You pay for it in on way or another.
-Xavier's Recap Over-
Tuesday, 11/8
"She's pretty~!"
"..."
"She's nice~!!"
"..."
"I think you two'll be perfect for each other!"
"..."
Ever since Nightmare Night, Brianna has been shipping me with Fluttershy. Here I was, walking her to school before my day started. Ever since we left the house, she's been telling me how pretty and nice Flutters is, and how we could make each other happy. Being frank, I had just gotten used to having two girlfriends. Three will most likely be weird. I was trying my best not to grace Bri on the subject.
"She's nice though!" Brianna whined.
"Yeah. Most of these ponies are nice when they get used to you."
I had accidentally bumped into a purple-maned pink mare going the opposite direction wearing a mint colored shirt and a diamond ring as her cutie mark. "You should watch where you're going, you filthy ape." I watched the bitch pony walk away before continuing.
"Yeah. As I said before, most of these ponies are nice..." Ooooh she's so lucky Brianna's here... We had just arrived at the school. When sis saw the crusaders and Jonathan, she made a B-line straight for them after waving goodbye.
"Think about what I said, Xavier!" She yelled at me.
"Yeah, yeah..." Needless to say, I didn't think about it on my way back home. I ran into Jack and AJ on the way. They said they were gonna head to the park with AJ's dog Winona. I left them alone after a short conversation. I crossed paths with Twilight when I reached my house. She was headed to the park with her pet owl Louis (Jack told me it was easier than Owlowiscious, which frankly I agree). She told me that Rarity, Pinkie and Fluttershy will be taking their pets to the park as well. I wonder why everyone is taking their pets to the park today. I chuckled at that. Not because I found it funny, but because I thought about how things would be if our previous pet was still alive and taking it to a park. We had a goldfish named Aquatoar. It grew pretty large, about the size of my hand. We've had it for quite a while. Sadly it died three years ago. It went down to Sewer Express after a rather short memorial service. Still though, if it was still alive, I could imagine. Applejack and Winona playing frisbee, Fluttershy chasing Angel, Rarity watching Opal play with her cat toys, Gummy chewing on Pinkie with his gums, and Louis flying around. Meanwhile, Bro and I are just sitting there watching our fish just swim around or float in place. I imagine how Dash would react. She'd probably think we were lame.... Now that I think about it... Does she even have a pet? I thought about that for a while and realized how much time she spent here. Either she didn't have a pet, or she's been neglecting it. And honestly, Dashie never seemed like the neglectful type (other than when she was Discorded).
Although now that it was on my mind, I figured that it would be time to get a new house pet. I remember seeing Youtube videos about umbrella cockatoos. They're loud, they look funny, and I've seen enough cockatoo videos to know they love dubstep. I smirked at the thought of having a bird bobbing its head on my shoulder while going to one of Vinyl's rave parties. It wouldn't be so bad, owning a pet. I looked at the empty fish tank that has been sitting in the living room since our fish died. Wouldn't hurt to get another fish either. Maybe I should talk to Fluttershy about this next time I see her. I wasn't going to impede on their time. I felt like I was butting into their girl time a lot, so I figured I'd let them have today to have their girl time.
Atleast until I realized that Jack was with them. After a while of thinking, I had decided to go back out and check on the girls and my best friend at the park anyway. When I got there however, they were no longer there. I met up with AJ on the way back home and asked where her boyfriend was. She told me that he went over to Fluttershy's cottage with Dash so she could pick a pet. I met with them there and found Jack standing by himself, watching Fluttershy and Dash pick a pet for the later.
"Hey Jack."
"Sup?"
"Whatcha doin?"
"Watching Dash pick a pet."
I noticed they were singing while doing so, and now I started to wear the same expression he did. "Jesus fucking Christ... Does it really take all of this to just pick a goddamn animal to keep at home? For fucks sake..."
Jack nodded his head in agreement before shouting in an annoyed tone "PICK A GODDAMN PET PLEASE?!?"
After 4 minutes and 25 seconds of singing, Dash was leaving the cottage with her 'suitable candidates' which consisted of a falcon, a bald eagle, a bat, a butterfly (really Dash?), a duck, a toucan bird, a goose, flemengo, owl, a humming bird, a lady bug, and a... a...
"NO YOU FUCKING DON'T DASH, YOU BETTER LEAVE THAT WASP HERE!!!"
Fuck wasp...
We followed the rest of the contestants to the town square where they were lined up. Dash was wearing a whistle around her neck and a hat like she was a coach. What the hell is this? The girls were there too, watching and mumbling in excitement until Dash blew her whistle to quiet them. When Dash had every being's attention, she started.
"So! You all think you've got what it takes to be my pet, do ya? Well, we'll just see about that! If any of you don't think you can handle it, bow out now before you humiliate yourself in front of your peers." The lady bug that was lined up with the other animals had just dropped out in shame. "This competition isn't for the weak. You'd better be prepared to step up your game!"
While Dash was yelling at her candidates, I noticed Fluttershy wasn't with us anymore. When I returned my attention to the events, I saw her talking to a tortoise she was dragging to Dash.
"Seriously Fluttershy? The turtle? What did you bring that thing here for?" I raised an eyebrow. Seriously?
"Technically he's a tortoise, and he's always dreamed of being somepony's pet. He just wants a chance to compete, he won't get in the way." Flutters tried to convince Dash. "You won't even know he's here." Dash stared at the tortoise for a moment before giving her answer.
"No." Rainbow replied. Fuckin seriously?
"Oh just let him try."
"Ugh, but there's no wa-"
"DASH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE! NOBODY'S GONNA DIE BY YOU GIVIN THE POOR TORTOISE A SHOT! I mean really.." I just had to throw that out there.
Dash looked at me in surprise, but it soon turned to a glare. I wasn't phased by it and she knew it, so she relented, turning to the tortoise. "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you. This isn't a game!"
"*cough*Yesitis*cough*"
"Xavier will you quit it?!" Dash yelled.
I'll quit it when you quit actin like a lil bitch.
"Xavier, I know Rainbow Dash is acting a bit mean right now, but aggravating her won't do either of you any good." Twilight warned.
"Sure. I'll try to keep my mouth shut, but with her acting this way, I won't make any promises." This wasn't like Rainbow Dash. I stayed silent throughout the entire thing. This was like the pet version of the Iron Pony Competition, but ran by a bitchy Dash. After each challenge, the poor tortoise was being taunted as he tried to impress Dash. She's real close to sleeping on her own tonight... Finally, Dash seemed to have had enough of the little guy.
"Listen Turtle..."
"Tortoise." Fluttershy corrected.
"Whatever.. You've had your fun, but I think you and I both know who made the cut and who didn't. You didn't. I mean, 'A' for effort, I'm sure they have a gold star around here somewhere you can have, but seriously, go home."
After hearing that, I couldn't take it anymore. I went up to her, I got down in front of her, and smiled. At first, Dash had a confused look. Atleast until-
"Dash, you're giving that tortoise the boot for the sole reason because it doesn't impress you enough because it's slow, quiet, and can't fly. Well, the little guy impresses me for still trying while putting up with your bullshit for even this long."
"Look. This tortoise isn't like the ones from your movies that uses swords and eat pizza! It's lame!"
"Yeah! You should be fucking lucky because if it was, you'd be picking your sorry ass off the ground right now!"
"Hey! I want a pet that's fast, cool and awesome just like me! Is that a bad thing?!"
"It is if you keep treating the animals like it's a fucking football tryout and putting them down when they aren't fucking perfect! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A SHALLOW HIGH SCHOOL BITCH!!!" Just like her...
Rainbow wanted to say something. I could tell by the way her mouth was opening. She couldn't say anything. Good.
"I'm surprised your little candidates are still here. If I were them, I would've left for Fluttershy's cottage, because I wouldn't wanna be a pet to anyone who treats their pets like you do." Before I left her there, I went to Fluttershy. "Let me know what 'pet' she picks after she's done acting like a fool."
I just left then and there. Twilight and Jack tried to call me, I wasn't really in the mood to hang around there anymore. The mood I was in wouldn't be described as pissed, or angry, but more like really really peeved. Not just because of her attitude, but one thing I noticed today was that Fluttershy's animals show emotion. They show more sentience than the pets on Earth. I man really, when a bat or a butterfly can smile or frown, I kinda see 'em a bit more than just critters. I guess I owe a certain wasp an apology.
The rest of the day went just as normal as usual. I had nothing else to do today but chill at home. The kids were back from school, but Hiroto went over to Twilight to help her with something. Later when I was in m room, I heard a tapping on the glass. I was still peeved at Rainbow, but I didn't expect to see a tortoise with a propeller attached to his shell. What the... Curious, I opened the window to let the lil guy in and Rainbow dashed in before I could even think to close it. Fluttershy came in behind her.
"Uh, hey Flutters. Dash..."
"Hey."
"Can I help the two of you?" I asked them suspiciously? "And why is the tortoise flying?"
Fluttershy answered for Dash. "She wanted a pet that could fly so she wouldn't have to be grounded all the time."
"So I got Twi and Hiroto to make Tank here, airborn. We thought it would take a week, but Hiroto's a bright kid. They made the tortoise able to fly in no time at all!"
I looked at the tortoise. "Tank?"
"Yeah! My new pet tortoise! Xavier, you were right. I have been acting like a jerk. What I thought was what I wanted in a pet, wasn't really what I wanted. Tank ended up saving my life during the race at Ghastly Gorge." As Dash explained to me everything that happened there, including the obstacles she put the other pets through, I couldn't help but glance at Fluttershy and how well she was taking this. I'd point out to Fluttershy that Dash put her animal friends in danger for a stupid competition, but I make and salvage friendships, not ruin them. She ended her story on how Tank saved her from being stuck at the bottom of the gorge, pinned by boulders. Not only did Tank patch her up somehow, but gave her a slow ride to the finish line. That really is impressive.
With that said, normally I would tell Dash to spend the night on the couch or at her own house, but I figured she'd been punished enough and ended up being saved by the very being that she continuously dissed. Hoods off to the turtle. When Fluttershy had left, it was just me, Dash, and her new pet in my room. Things were quiet for a moment until Dash broke the uncomfortable silence.
"So.. You're not still upset with me, are you?"
"Eh, usually I would be, but you seemed to have gotten what was coming to you, so I can't stay too mad. Tank would've had another owner if you didn't pick him. I would've named him Koopa." I scratched behind her ears.
She nuzzled me in return. "Heheh. I wish you would've told me that you planned on being his owner a lot sooner. We could've had two pets instead of one, you know."
Two pets... two pets....
Shit.. I forgot to ask Fluttershy about a new goldfish!