Day: Wednesday
Weather: Melting Snow
Time: 5:28pmThe Anon-A-Miss issue had been sewn up! The Cutie Mark Crusaders were forgiven by their sisters after I had forgiven them and were given an appropriate punishment for all the pain they caused to the student body. Apologizing to everyone wasn't going to be easy for them, but it had to be done as per Principal Celestia's decision. I still felt that six months of detention wasn't enough. It should have been eight! A few weeks had passed, and my friends and I met at our favourite spot to discuss the magic problem. However, they had an ulterior motive that made me question their integrity. I had my eyes on a jacket in the display window of a clothing store, and they knew that I really wanted it; I desired to change my look to reflect my new life. Rarity also made me a new outfit, which brought tears to my eyes. I truly believed everything would be fine from now on, yet one thing still remained that needed taking care of. I had to see Principal Celestia about some pictures.
The Other Journal
By Ganondorf8
February 14, 2016
Chapter 54: My Past is Not Today.
" I didn't see her straight away, if that's what you're thinking." I answered.
" Really? I assumed you wanted to get it out of the way quickly." Twilight said.
" Principal Celestia had a lot on her mind, so I couldn't talk to her about the portraits until a week after the fact. Dealing with so many angry parents took its toll on her, but something else came up that required her immediate attention. It made no sense to me at the time, but I'm sure you have a pretty good idea what happened." I said. Twilight scratched her head while trying to figure out the meaning behind my words, but I knew that she knew what Principal Celestia was dealing with. Despite having heard the name a couple of times, back then, the "Friendship Games" didn't resonate with me. I thought it was something fun where those involved would end up making fools of themselves, but I never thought it to be a serious competition with high stakes. If I had been informed sooner rather than later, I would have been more enthusiastic.
" I remember now." Twilight announced.
" Principal Celestia had to go to Crystal Prep in order to begin the official countdown to the Friendship Games."
" While everyone else was excited that the games were approaching, I didn't think too highly of it. Even now, after experiencing the games for myself, I still see it as nothing but nonsense designed to entice students into promoting the spirit of friendship--hence the name. Principal Cinch made sure that Principal Celestia was very uncomfortable during her visit as though to make a point. I personally thought it was immature to resort to such a deplorable display, but my former classmates didn't care. They simply looked forward to dominating the games like they always did. Principal Celestia was even forced into standing in front of an assembly of students to start the countdown. Normally, there was no need for a fancy display, but Principal Cinch relished the thought of making a fellow principal feel inferior." Twilight said.
I still don't understand the full scope of the rivalry between CHS and Crystal Prep, but what I did know was interesting--if you were into that sort of thing. The two schools have been rivals for years, yet their differences are like day and night. Both represent the final hurdle students experience in the educational system before college and university, but while CHS was a public school that was lax in how students approached their studies, Crystal Prep was a private school dedicated towards bringing out a student's full potential. In the eyes of Principal Cinch, Crystal Prep always had to be on top no matter what.
Given that Twilight recounted what happened during Principal Celestia's visit, she saw everything that happened during the latter's visit. I often wondered why she never wanted to talk about the experience when she got back to CHS before the day was out. No wonder I couldn't speak to her for several days. It must have been too much for her and she needed some time alone to collect her thoughts. When the countdown started, the games would begin in roughly ninety days, but no one at CHS showed that much excitement over it. Why would they? It was just another reminder that Crystal Prep asserted its dominion throughout Canterlot. To me, both schools were on equal footing--and completely inferior to the likes of Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns--but Cinch could never view it that way.
" So, I had to wait about a week before I could speak to Principal Celestia." I said.
" Was she in a good mood at the time?"
" I could tell she had something worrying her, but I chose not to inquire into it."
" This may sound strange, but do you have any pictures of those three portraits?"
" Didn't I show them to you earlier?"
" If you did, I've forgotten what they look like." Twilight answered, chuckling to herself. I rolled my eyes before chuckling as well. We had gone through so much in the journal tonight, we struggled to remember the smaller details. I had photos of the portraits stashed away on my cellphone, a punishment, if you will, that reminded me of the horrible person I once was, yet I suspected they were in the journal. Turning the page, my suspicion was proven correct. Three photos had been glued to this page, each one depicted me wearing formal attire and a crown on top of my head. What was immediately striking was the expression I had on each one. I looked pleasantly surprised in the first photo, smug in the second, and laughing maniacally in the third. Twilight couldn't believe what her eyes were looking at, and my response was slapping my forehead.
" This is the reason why I wanted to get rid of them." I said.
" Wow... You couldn't have made it any more complicated."
" These were a reminder of the monster I was."
" But you look so happy in that first photo."
" I was only pretending to have been surprised to win the Fall Formal that year, remember? I manipulated events from the shadows by exposing the secrets of my opponents so that they would drop out from embarrassment. Snips and Snails aided me at the time, the promise of power being their reward. No one could stop me, as they never discovered my deception until Princess Twilight thwarted my plans last year." I said. Just seeing my face in each photo made me sick to my stomach. I regret having ruined people's lives all in the name of wanting power. While everyone had since forgiven me for these atrocities, I still felt guilt over it, which constantly held me back from moving on with my life. I had to remove every last trace of my former life. The old Sunset Shimmer couldn't be allowed to exist at CHS in any form.
" Did you at least wear your new outfit?" Twilight asked.
" I wore that the day after receiving it, and I never looked better."
" People gave you looks, right?"
" Most definitely! Some actually thought I was a different Sunset Shimmer, as they were used to my old attire. While Principal Celestia was in favour of my look, the same couldn't be said regarding Vice Principal Luna. She happened to be in the former's office comforting her sister, and I had to listen to them talk for a while until they were ready to address my reasoning for paying them a visit." I answered.
I still couldn't believe what my friends had gone and done for me. They used their own money to buy me a jacket that had been on my mind since I first saw it in a store window, and Rarity went one step further by making me a new outfit to go along with the jacket. I could have spent months scrounging up the money to buy it myself, but they did it out of the goodness in their hearts. Truly, I didn't deserve to have them as friends. However, this also meant finally retiring my current outfit. I had mixed feelings about changing my clothes, but not because of what I told my friends was the reason. Yes, I wanted to have a new look that reflected my new life, but I couldn't simply throw away my old outfit. I never told my friends about how these old clothes just appeared on my body for no reason when I first came through the portal to this world.
As a unicorn in Equestria, I never felt the need to wear clothes. I was pretty fine with strutting about without wearing any accessories, yet coming here gave me clothes that didn't exist beforehand. Were they the result of a hidden desire I chose to keep locked away in my subconscious? Did the mirror provide the clothes to me knowing where I would end up going to? Or, was there a magical explanation? The answers eluded me. There was also a fear that these old clothes contained magical residue. Any non-magical person wearing them could gain powers they were never meant to have. I couldn't allow that to happen under any circumstances. I decided to place my old outfit into a cardboard box next to my bed so that I knew where it was at all times. The janitors would likely think of it as just an ordinary box to be thrown away or donated, so I included a label indicating it was to be left untouched. Even though Principal Celestia told them to leave my living quarters in the library alone, I remained cautious because they saw my arrangement as a hazard.
The next day came, and I came out of the library wearing my new outfit. Already, it felt like my life had begun anew, and people commented on how I looked. Some thought I was a different Sunset Shimmer, as they were used to the old duds. Rarity had truly outdone herself with the materials she used to make this. I didn't mean to brag, but I wanted to show off in order to make the other girls jealous. I couldn't help myself. Humans loved making people feel inferior whenever they showed off something new they acquired, whether it was practical or not. They felt compelled to remind their peers that they were better off than most. I wasn't going to do anything of the sort. Compared to most students, I lived in poverty and struggled to make ends meet. It was a fact of life I couldn't escape from. Had I the proper records on hand, I wouldn't be forced to live in the library. I didn't complain about it, though, as I had a roof over my head, and that's what mattered the most. Still, a part of me dreamed about living in my own residence and having things that weren't just handed to me.
A week had passed since I debuted my new outfit. It was lunch-time, and while my friends gathered at the cafeteria, I told them that I had other plans. I might be wearing a new outfit that symbolized my new life, but there was one remnant of the old one that continued to linger. For a long time now, it had plagued my mind, but I never bothered to do something about it until now. I guessed the new outfit convinced me to get it resolved.
I made my way over to Principal Celestia's office, and upon reaching her door, I saw that three nails lined in a row were stuck in the wall to the left. What had been hanging there was what needed to be taken care of, and that meant asking for permission to appropriately remove them from the school. Three portraits had been hung over the years that represented the winners of the Fall Formal, or, in this case, the one winner, as each portrait was a photo of me. When I was a bully, I loved seeing those photos, because it reminded me of how powerful I had become. No one could stop me from ruling over the school with an iron fist. Just knowing they still exist even now after learning about friendship felt sickening. I could no longer look at those photos without punishing myself for being a complete and utter jerk. After my defeat at the most recent Fall Formal, Principal Celestia moved the portraits into her office. Students used them as target practice out of anger when they learned the truth about me.
Not once did I condemn them for their actions. If anything, I'd have done the exact same thing. I wanted to smash those photos and move on with my life. However, I knew that resorting to anger got me nowhere. I had to be more delicate than that. Despite wanting to get rid of them, the portraits were declared as school property. Without permission, there wasn't much I could do without taking extreme measures. I didn't want to do that, either.
Knocking on Principal Celestia's door, a voice inside told me to enter. When I opened the door and walked inside, I saw Principal Celestia sitting at her desk, and she looked like she had experienced something horrible. Vice Principal Luna was standing next to her and appeared to be comforting her older sister. I originally wanted to see her the day after I got my new outfit, but I was told to come back after a few days. Apparently, Principal Celestia had an important meeting at a different school that day, and when she came back, she needed some time to collect her thoughts. I'd heard about a rival school that existed in the city from a few students, but I never thought too much about it.
" Sunset Shimmer! I must ask that you sit down over there until I am finished speaking with my sister. She will be with you after that." Vice Principal Luna said. She was the only person at CHS who referred to me by my full name. Everyone else had been calling me Sunset since the Battle of the Bands, so why did she felt the need to do that? Even her sister called me Sunset as a term of endearment. " It has been a week since your visit to Crystal Prep Academy, sister, yet what happened there continues to bother you. I suggest you regain your focus! Your students have need of you, including the one who has come here."
" Luna... I don't think going there was a smart idea. You should've gone in my place." Principal Celestia said.
" Nonsense! You're in charge of CHS, so it falls onto your shoulders to represent us when dealing with another principal."
" Even... her?"
" Yes, especially one as difficult as Principal Cinch."
" I went to Crystal Prep to start the official countdown towards the upcoming Friendship Games and was expecting it to be a private matter like it always has been. But, for some reason, Principal Cinch insisted it be presented in front of her students." Principal Celestia said.
" Perhaps she wanted to make us feel weak, considering her school beats us every time."
" Sometimes, I don't understand why she goes out of her way to ensure that Crystal Prep remains on top as the most dominant school in Canterlot. All high schools in the city offer the same experiences and help prepare students for post-secondary education, yet she demands perfection from her students. I am surprised no one who attends there has complained about how Crystal Prep operates." Principal Celestia said.
" That school is also the richest in the city. Many well-to-do families send their children there in hopes of them receiving the best education possible. Principal Cinch makes sure to spare no expense when it comes to producing the finest students around. I'm not saying that CHS can't compete against that, but I believe that we can provide the same kind of education Crystal Prep has." Vice Principal Luna said.
I had overheard their conversation up to that point, and it had me thinking about what kind of place this Crystal Prep was. It sounded like the students who go there were forced to become the best they could be, not allowing anything to get in their way. It sounded an awful like the other school I could've gone to when I first came here, but how coincidental was that? I never went there because its location wasn't beneficial to my plans at the time, so I'm glad I chose CHS instead. The students of this school sounded an awful lot like how I used to behave, thinking only of perfection. I always thought schools were meant to be places where friendships abound, but it seemed that wasn't always the case. There were some exceptions, such as Crystal Prep.
Principal Celestia finally noticed me sitting down and waved her hand to inform me that she was ready to see me. Their talk about this other school had intrigued my curiosity, but was she willing to talk about it? Vice Principal Luna glared at me, and I felt uncomfortable. She obviously didn't appreciate my presence, as she wanted her sister to have some more time to overcome her experience at Crystal Prep. Yet, it was unfair of her to treat me in such a manner.
" Luna! There's no need to give that look to Sunset." Principal Celestia said.
" You still haven't gotten over what happened to you, and I think her presence will serve as a distraction." Vice Principal Luna said.
" I could come back another time." I said.
" No, Sunset. You've been waiting long enough to speak to me, and I apologize for making you listen to our conversation. I could tell from your expressions that you don't know much about our fellow high school Crystal Prep Academy?" Principal Celestia asked.
" Some of my fellow students told me about a rival school, but I ignored them."
" Crystal Prep has been this school's rival for many years, and despite both schools providing excellent education, the principal of Crystal Prep--Abacus Cinch--has always strove to see her school remain an elite institution. While I have no qualms about how she goes about her business, there are times where I get frustrated over how she looks down on our school. I put on a brave face on behalf of CHS, yet Principal Cinch knows just what to do to get under my skin. I went to her school the other week to start the countdown for the upcoming Friendship Games, but my students aren't thrilled about the whole spectacle. Not anymore, at least." Principal Celestia said.
She mentioned that name again: "Friendship Games". Rainbow Dash mentioned it when we hosted the fundraiser before the holiday break, yet no one had explained to me what it actually was. It did sound rather silly with a name like that, but was there a deeper meaning behind it? Also, what did she mean that her students weren't interested? It sounded like these games have grown mundane around here, so why even bother participating if no one was excited? Why waste time doing something you don't like when you could do something else instead? Principal Celestia seemed enthusiastic about the prospect, so perhaps she wanted to keep the spirit of these games going, while the students had practically given up. I'd have asked more questions about this Friendship Games, but I had more important things to take care of.
" Um, I actually came here to discuss something else." I said.
" Oh! Well, I do apologize for wasting your time talking about my own problems."
" I didn't meant to imply--"
" Not at all. Now, why did you come here, Sunset?"
" I'm sure you and Vice Principal Luna are aware of how I've been changing my appearance to reflect my new life? I mean, you must know, as you make sure to be in on just about everything that goes on in this school. Anyway, I came to the conclusion that something from my past continues to linger about, and I aim to rectify that problem. I'm certain the two of you know what I'm getting at." I answered, tilting my head towards three portraits hanging on the back wall of the office. They were the three photos of me that were taken when I won the three Fall Formals before losing the crown at the hands of Princess Twilight. I stared at those photos for just a few seconds before turning my head away in disgust. They represented who I used to be, and I wanted them gone from this school.
" The three pictures of you? What about them?" Vice Principal Luna asked.
" I want to get rid of them."
" What!? Are you serious, Sunset Shimmer? You do realize those are school property, do you not?"
" I'm aware, yes, but I feel as though they remind me of how horrible I used to be towards everyone. Just seeing my expression in each one makes me sick! I want to move on from my past! Those portraits are a remnant of a life I never want to experience again! This will sound highly unusual coming from me, but I want to throw those portraits into a garbage can. Hopefully, they get incinerated." I answered.
Principal Celestia looked at me while rubbing her chin. She was thinking about my proposition, but the same wasn't true with Vice Principal Luna. She stared at me coldly, and I knew she didn't like the thought of me making off with school property. Technically, I had a right to remove them, as they were photos of me. But, would the school rules swing in my favour?
" Sister! You cannot give permission for her to remove school property!" Vice Principal Luna said.
" No need to start shouting! She does have a valid point in wanting them removed. They do portray her in a negative fashion, yet at the same time, they do brighten up my office with their 'unique' charm." Principal Celestia said.
" They were originally outside before you brought them in here." I said.
" School property could have been vandalized by unruly students." Vice Principal Luna said.
" I wouldn't have stopped them."
" And why not?"
" I did some questionable things during my first years here. If anything, you two should've expelled me a long time ago rather than keeping me here. Heck, I should've been arrested after what happened at the Fall Formal. Those portraits of me represent the monster that I was, a child who was too ignorant to realize how much she hurt everyone around her for the sake of power. Princess Twilight gave me a second chance, and I've worked hard since then to prove to everyone that my change was genuine. I know my reasons for wanting those portraits removed sound selfish and petty, but I'll never be able to move on knowing those remain as a reminder of how much I hate myself for the past." I answered. It felt good getting all of that off of my chest. I had a lot of pent up anger within me regarding my past. I made sure to remain calm, though. No need to have another incident like what happened with Trixie during the band competition.
Principal Celestia appeared to be in favour of allowing me to remove those portraits, but Vice Principal Luna still showed hesitancy towards it. Unfortunately, both sisters needed to be in agreement on anything, as they both run the school together. Sometimes, that proved to be problematic. I saw students talking to the two sisters in the hopes of seeing some changes applied, but were turned down because one sister didn't agree with the other. They did agree on a lot of things, yet I thought Vice Principal Luna secretly desired to be in charge of CHS. It was a terrible accusation to consider, but within reason, as she did question Principal Celestia's leadership on rare occasions.
" Very well, Sunset! You may remove them." Principal Celestia announced.
" Really?" I asked.
" Are you sure about this?" Vice Principal Luna asked.
" I have watched over your progress since you first came to this school, Sunset. Despite your attitude, I knew there was potential hidden inside of you. After the Fall Formal, you slowly changed by accepting that what happened was entirely by your hands. There were still some hiccups you needed to overcome, but I'm happy to say that you've become one of the best role models our school has ever seen. In fact, you might be on equal footing with the best student Crystal Prep has. Sister, I know you don't like the idea of Sunset taking school property to remove it from the building, yet I'll make an exception in this case." Principal Celestia answered.
" As you say, sister." Vice Principal Luna said.
" If it's okay with you, I'd like to come back and get them later. I've got class in a few minutes, and I'd rather not let anyone see me carrying those around. If you could hang them back outside your office after school, it'd be better than me coming in here to get them personally." I said. Principal Celestia nodded, and I clapped my hands together with glee before getting up from my seat and leaving her office.
That went better than I expected, although Vice Principal Luna did scold me for wanting to do something that was important to my life. I didn't get along with her all that well, as she was less approachable than her sister. But, I suppose she comes off as the voice of reason, while Principal Celestia wanted everyone to be happy.
One thing I learned from this experience was how they viewed Crystal Prep. They didn't like this Cinch person, as she sounded like she only cared about perfection and wanting her students to be the best. I wondered if it were possible to pay a visit to Crystal Prep in order to see the school with my own eyes. I heard from one perspective, yet there were others that could paint a different opinion of the school.
I was also curious about what Principal Celestia said about a student who attends this school. I could be just as smart as they are. I wasn't sure whether I could accept a compliment like that without knowing who I was being compared to. Perhaps I'd meet them someday--like during these upcoming Friendship Games. That was something else I needed to understand. What were these games, and what purpose did they have for CHS?
" Vice Principal Luna comes off as rather cold, a vast contrast from what I saw of her after you changed me back to normal." Twilight said.
" That's because she never could stand Principal Cinch. The same was true with Principal Celestia, yet she had to refrain from any harsh criticism. Her reputation as a principal would have been tarnished had she resorted to petty insults. While they both run CHS together as a team, they did have some issues of conflict regarding specific policies one favoured while the other didn't. I'd say Vice Principal Luna wishes the school to be more conservative, but she could never actually enforce it unless her sister agreed with the change." I said.
" But, they do watch each other's backs, right?"
" Oh, yes. Despite some differences, they are the only family they have."
" Do they remind you of their pony selves from Equestria?"
" I don't know regarding Princess Luna, as she was on the moon when I was growing up, so I never got the chance to meet her in person. She returned three years after I left, but Princess Twilight often speaks about her whenever she responds to my Friendship Reports." I answered. Almost immediately upon saying that, I covered my mouth, but it was too late. I turned towards Twilight, who was looking at me with that expression I've now come to know and loathe. There was no point in trying to change the subject. I knew what she wanted to know, but I needed to focus on the journal. This had to be a quick explanation. " To make a long story short, Princess Luna grew jealous of Princess Celestia and became a monster who desired eternal night. She was banished for a thousand years when the Elements of Harmony were used against her. Upon returning, she desired to make the night last forever, but was changed back by Princess Twilight and the pony versions of our friends."
" A thousand years!? I find that hard to believe." Twilight said.
" In Equestria, pure-blooded alicorns are able to live for centuries."
" What about Princess Twilight?"
" She was born a unicorn but ascended to an alicorn. Her lifespan hasn't changed, so she'll live as long as a regular unicorn."
" Which is?"
" About a hundred and twenty years, give or take."
" And Principal Celestia?"
" Her pony counterpart is just as motherly as she is, but has a much greater authority, in addition to vast magical powers. Also, Princess Celestia allowed certain events to occur that enabled Princess Twilight to fulfill her destiny and become an alicorn in her own right. Between the two Celestias, the pony version has experienced more hardship than anyone I know, yet she rarely expresses such feelings. She maintains a strong demeanour, even when she wishes to cry because of what happened throughout her reign. Her relationship with Princess Luna is incredibly strong, but they aren't perfect. Even sisters as close as them can argue over petty things." I answered.
I had no intention of telling Twilight about a story Princess Twilight told me about two months ago regarding the royal sisters. They had an argument--their first in a thousand years--and it revolved around a wedding gift. The two most powerful ponies in Equestria, conflicted over a mere wedding present. I didn't know whether or not to believe Her Highness' story, but then, she was told about this story by her version of Spike. Princess Twilight never did see the wedding in person, a mishap involving being locked out being the reason. The old me would have laughed at Princess Celestia's misery, but the real me felt sympathetic towards her. She needed a chance to break free of the shackles that prevent her from truly expressing her feelings, instead of hiding them behind a mask.
" You're thinking about something again, but there's no point in me asking, is there?" Twilight asked.
" It's something personal."
" Fair enough. Anyway, what happened when you came back for those portraits?"
" I wanted to wait until after everyone else had gone home."
" Yes, but that doesn't answer my question."
" I had... I had some issues I needed to deal with on my own. I didn't want anyone around to see what I was about to do."
" Why didn't you ask our friends to help you?"
" This was really personal, and I knew they wouldn't understand."
Throughout the rest of the day, my mind was focused on two things: my studies and those three portraits of me winning the Fall Formal. It was the latter that plagued my mind with images of what my life might have been like had friendship never resonated with me. I couldn't bear living in a world without my friends by my side. They were more than just friends--they were family. We cried together, laughed together, played together, and so on.
Before they entered my life, I had no one to turn to for guidance. In my twisted, black heart, I only cared about myself and no one else. The only thing I considered a "friend" was power, and I realized that brought nothing but sadness. Despite having changed, I was still haunted by the spectre of the demonic monster I transformed into upon wearing Princess Twilight's crown. It was something I never mentioned to my friends. They would have tried to convince me that my mind was just tired from all the studying, but I knew better than that. The she-demon, vile and twisted, was a painful reminder that I once lost my way. Princess Celestia tried to help me, but I was too ignorant to listen.
Ever since I started wearing my new outfit, I kept on seeing my demonic self in my reflection. Was she trying to tell me that no matter what I do to change, I could never be rid of her existence? Was it a fool's gambit? I had to believe that this was something I could overcome, or else I'd be forever tormented by this spectre. No one could help me deal with this problem; they cannot help what they cannot see. Only my eyes could see the she-demon, as she was a reflection of myself.
Once school finished for the day and everyone started streaming out of the building, I made my way to my locker and put my backpack away. I then walked over to the library, making sure to check whether any janitors were going about doing their cleaning. I didn't want any of them to know about my plan for going up to the school's roof. It was an ideal location to think about the images of the demon without anyone noticing. The janitors couldn't be trusted. They were against Principal Celestia's decision to allow me to live in the school library. I didn't want them interrupting my train of thought. Fortunately, the library had an emergency exit which connected to the roof and was conveniently located close to my place of residence.
There were no janitors around, but that didn't mean I was completely on my own. Principal Celestia sometimes stayed late in order to finish some paperwork before going home. I didn't want her to see me on the roof either.
The roof of CHS was barren, aside from the occasional ventilation shaft strewn about. There was also the dome in the middle of the roof which connected to a tower that housed a giant clock. I felt sorry for whoever had to make sure it was always working.
I opened the door that lead to the roof from the library, and my body became enveloped with all kinds of new sensations. I never went up there before then, so I felt nervous about standing in an area students weren't allowed to be. The cool breeze of the afternoon felt nice on my skin, though. Sitting down near the edge of the building, the expanse that was Canterlot greeted my vision. I never knew just how big this city was, but then, I didn't travel beyond the neighbourhood CHS was located in. As I stared longingly at my surroundings, the time just seemed to fly by, and soon, the sun started to set. The beauty around me was magnificent, but my mind had been preoccupied with the images of the she-demon I was seeing everywhere. It made me think about my former priorities in life, stupid as they were.
Why did I forsake friends for the pursuit of power? Could my childhood have been different if I had better role models? As I continued to think, my thoughts became a song, one I had created to express disdain towards myself.
" Power...
Was all I desired,
But all that grew inside me
Was the darkness I acquired." I sang to myself.
The lyrics were a retelling of my troubled past without any kindness or sympathy. They also told of when friendship entered my life and how it was the greatest experience I ever felt. I had no desire to treat this song as an act of desperation or a cry for help to anyone who happened to overhear me singing. I wanted to confront my inner demons, even if it meant condemning myself through self-inflicted torment. I wanted to break free. The past needed to become exactly that!
" When I began to fall,
And I lost the path ahead,
That's when your friendship found me,
And it lifted me instead."
Standing up, I walked over to the dome, and I immediately saw the she-demon. She began taunting me before reaching out with both hands in an attempt to hug me or pull me into the mirrored surface of her reflection. I backed away at first, knowing full well that I wasn't going to let her dictate my life. The demon then started laughing, mocking everything I stood for. My mind told me to run and never look back, but that meant giving into my despair. I wasn't going to allow this monster--me--to hover over my life anymore! I've paid my debt to society more times than I could count. It was time for me to take control and never look back again.
The past was history! My future begins now! Walking back over to the she-demon, she taunted me again before sticking out her tongue. This time, I stood my ground and stared at my twisted reflection, a stern look spread across my face. " I'm not going to let you haunt every facet of my life. You're nothing more than a shade that serves to punish me for my misdeeds. I will stop kicking myself for what I did, and focus on the future that now lies ahead. You represent the old Sunset Shimmer, a monster who sought power above all else. This world doesn't need the likes of you tormenting it for guilty pleasures. I'm taking a stand and declaring my freedom! The new me, the new Sunset Shimmer, shall be a shining beacon of hope for those who need it. I'll be their guiding light!" I said to myself.
Using my hand, which suddenly began glowing, I wiped it across the glass, and the she-demon faded away into nothing. Was this a new kind of magic? One that I never knew existed until now? Either way, I felt good knowing that monster would no longer haunt me. I knew it had been destroyed. Freedom... It felt wonderful. Yet, I felt sad knowing it wasn't the she-demon's fault for being a monster. She was just a reflection of myself. With those thoughts in mind, I resumed singing to myself.
" Ambition...
Is what I believed
Would be the only way
To set me free."
I felt the time was right to take care of those portraits, and I hoped Principal Celestia had placed them back outside of her office. I didn't have a key to her office, so if they were still in there, I'd be waiting until tomorrow morning before gaining access to them. Walking back through the emergency exit and across the library, the janitors had since begun their daily rounds of cleaning the school in preparation for the next day. If they saw me skulking about, there was going to be trouble. As I carefully weaved my way towards the library entrance, I began to think about my old ambition. I believed power was what I needed to secure my dreams. I thought doing things properly was a waste of time and deprived me of the chance to further my abilities. I should have been more patient.
Once I was out of the library and into the main hallway, I headed for Principal Celestia's office. Sure enough, the three portraits were hanging on the wall, just as I asked. I stared at each one, lowering my head each time out of shame. My hatred of these images grew with every passing moment, but I knew that anger only caused further pain. Grabbing the earliest portrait and taking it off the wall, I placed my hand on it before reaching for the next one. Grabbing it, I walked over to the final portrait, and looked away in disgust for a brief moment. This one was the worst of all. My expression was monstrous, and it made my entire body shiver. Refusing to look at it any longer, I removed it from the wall and slammed all three into the nearest garbage can.
I then thought about the students I hurt when I was a bully. After my defeat, they ignored me even though I wanted to be friends. My desire for power left me with nothing but the clothes on my back. It was a thought that pained me for many weeks. Then the incident with Anon-A-Miss brought their old misery back to the surface, and I was left alone once again.
I imagined a scenario after the Fall Formal. I was walking along, and everyone turned their backs to me out of hatred. Two students even whispered something about me that I couldn't hear. It made me want to curl up and never look at anyone again.
Then I imagined being surrounded by my friends, and I continued singing.
" But when it disappeared,
And I found myself alone,
That's when you came and got me,
And it felt like I was home."
Friends were a nice thing to have and I won't take them for granted. With their images in my mind, I walked away from Principal Celestia's office, back to the library, through the emergency exit, and onto the roof. My entire body glowed this time, and something within compelled me to take off my new jacket and toss it behind me. I had no intention of seeing it get dirty--Rarity would kill me for doing that--so I caught it while it was falling, placing it on the ground folded up.
This magical sensation continued to grow stronger, and I was worried. I didn't want to become a monster again, so I considered relinquishing it in case it corrupted me. A second thought then occurred to me. Perhaps it was a magic that represented what Princess Twilight possessed, but not to the same extent. I was practically her replacement in this world, but I was more than that. I was my own person, who could do her best to ensure this world remained safe from wild magic coming from Equestria. This magic... It reminded me of a mythical creature seldom seen in Equestria: the phoenix. Was I experiencing a manifestation of this majestic bird through my body?
" Like a phoenix burning bright
In the sky,
I'll show there's another side to me
You can't deny!
I may not know what the future holds,
But hear me when I say,
That my past does not define me,
'Cause my past is not today!!!!"
Upon singing those final words, my body lifted itself into the air with this sudden burst of magic. I thought it was normal given that in Equestria, the power of levitation was common practice among unicorns. However, I wasn't expecting my body to be consumed with fire, resulting in fiery wings appearing on my back. Was it a sign that one day I would ascend to an alicorn? I wasn't sure; this new magic was foreign to me. I must test it further by analyzing its properties under proper conditions. This world lacked the means to understand magic, a fact I needed to deal with all too often.
Perhaps a combination of my own magical knowledge and the technology this world offered could provide an answer. I also needed my friends to provide additional magical information to further support this sudden change. The school's budget wouldn't allow something beyond simple means to be considered. While everyone was aware that CHS now had magic in its midst, they still had trouble believing in its existence. I must build my own invention that can understand magic, or as close to one as possible.
" I have no words to describe how beautiful that was." Twilight said.
" My song was the final key I needed to free myself from the shackles of my past." I said.
" Did you actually build something that could monitor magic?"
" Yes, but it took a lot longer to build than I thought." I answered. The school couldn't afford the expensive components I needed, so I had to make do with what I could salvage from various pieces of technology. Perhaps my results would've been more accurate had I not used inferior parts. I'm still amazed over how easy it was for me to build a machine that could analyze magical energy signatures.
" I could possibly view you as a rival."
" Really?"
" I've built my share of inventions over the years. While I may not have won any awards, I'm proud that I'm able to use what I've learned to create something that had the potential to benefit mankind. Granted, that magic stealing device wasn't my best invention. That thing almost caused two worlds to be destroyed." Twilight answered. I knew she didn't intend on stealing our magic at the time, but she should've realized that dealing with something beyond your limitations always leads into disaster. Curiosity can cause one to experience a lot of pain if they don't stop themselves from going too far. Twilight realizes that now, what with her transformation and all, but I admired her desire to keep on going despite knowing what dangers lie ahead. She wouldn't let anything stop her from achieving her goal, and I was the exact, same way. Despite my own invention not living up to the expectations I had for it, I was determined to figure out the magic problem. " Sunset... Do you still have that device of yours?" Twilight asked.
" Not anymore."
" What happened?"
" It overloaded when it tried to analyze Rainbow Dash's magic."
" That's too bad."
" It was a valiant effort but one ultimately designed to fail. Technology cannot fathom the properties of magic. The two just don't go hand-in-hand. I knew that, but I still decided to go through with it. I'm glad our friends were willing to be experimented on." I said.
" You did what!?"
" I experimented on them."