"Leave us."
Raven and Grim both bowed to Princess Luna. I wondered if I should do the same. I wouldn't want to make the princess think I'm being disrespectful now, right? She might blast me away with her insanely powerful voice that can cause untold destruction if not used properly within the recommended volume settings.
But I stood my ground. My body wasn't exactly in the mood to bow, regardless of whoever or whatever that stood before me. I could still taste the after-taste of the--- well, you know what I mean. I can't believe I actually managed to eat those...things and still live to talk about it the very same day. Most normal people would've probably be on their way towards the ER in an ambulance. Guess I'm not normal then.
I can't help but feel my heart sink all the way down to my butt as I watched Raven and Grim leave the room. I didn't want them to go. Why? Well obviously, for one thing, if things go south with the almighty Princess of the Night here, I'd most definitely need some bodyguards to ensure that I don't get obliterated into a million pieces. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a million pieces of yourself? I most certainly don't. But I sure as fuck ain't gonna try and find out.
Second, Raven and Grim are pretty nice to hang around with. They're not so bad, once you get the chance to know them properly. And did I mention how nice it is to be petted by them? It's probably the most comforting thing to have ever happen to me, except for that one time I got a free coupon to a massage at the nearest spa. But that's another story for another time...meh, maybe never.
Anyway, as the door in front of me slowly closed, I caught a glimpse of Grim waving at me. Was it a wave meaning good luck? Or a wave meaning good-bye? None of the two sounds good. They both leave ominous feelings inside my already trembling body. Maybe Ol' Luna here is going to give me a thrashing. A thrashing so bad that my body can't even be recognized any more. Even the greatest coroners on Earth will be dumbfounded, their fancy gadgets and tools will be useless in aiding their investigation. I bet even Caine and his team will be stumped.
Right, I'm getting a little way off track here. My two guardians are now officially gone, I'm left alone with a princess that might want to murder me (at least, I think so), and my only way out of this room is either by jumping out the window behind me or take my already low chances and escape using the door in front of me. Which is, of course, blocked by an all-powerful princess pony. I'll just stand here, thank you very much.
What did she say she wanted to do with me again? Chat? Is she cereal? Maybe she wants to personally send me outta here. You know, to get the last laugh or something like that. Celestia did say she hates us humans. But, wait...that can't be right either, the letter she sent demanded me to be her slave did it not? Oh...oh crap.
She's not here to get rid of me. She's here to get me. Celestia must have told her dear sweet sister I was planning to leave, so she quickly came to make sure that I remained. No matter what. Luna is gonna use some sort of possession voodoo magic on me isn't she? The moment I let my guard down, she's gonna throw on a thick, heavy choker around my neck, rigged with explosives no doubt. You know what that does right? Any attempts of escape and...BOOM! Next stop, Sleepy Hollow! If I somehow mysteriously managed to be alive, I might start looking for career opportunities there.
Wait...she...she doesn't really have that sort of things hidden away somewhere, right? I mean...that's...that's not possible in a world such as this, right? Their technology have yet to advance to the next stage yet. I must be over thinking this. I always do. I have nothing to worry about, right?
RIGHT? OH. FUCK. NO.
"What is your name, human?"
I jumped. Hearing her speak all of a sudden actually made me jump. Man, I'm such a wimp. Maybe it's the fear bubbling within me.
"Ron." Crap, I forgot to add 'your greatness' at the end of my sentence. That's five points scratched off my book.
Luna raised one of her eyebrows at me, as if questioning my answer. Was my voice not clear enough? Did my vocal chords fail to enter your eardrums, oh, dark and gloomy one?
"Ron?" she repeated my answer, with her raised eyebrow hanging up in the air (no, not really). "That is all?" she took a step forward, with her wings spread wide open. She shouldn't let her wings out like that. I mean, the room isn't exactly a penthouse suite, oh, crowned one. I might accidentally get a mouthful of her feathers in my mouth and eyes.
"Well?" Luna asked again, taking yet another step forward. "Is 'Ron' all that there is to your name?" her voice sounded ---no, is--- stone cold. Like unmoving ice, unlike her radiant sister of the morning sunshine or whatever. I swear, her voice is so cold, I could feel the shivers going through all over my body.
Almost as if by instinct, my foot automatically took a step backwards. Even my heart is starting to pound; am I'm being intimidated? Do I feel intimidated? Well ---if only to satisfy your need for an answer--- then, yes! I do feel intimidated. I mean, just look at the situation I'm in. Here I am, inside a room alone with a princess who might as well be a ticking time bomb; who knows when she's gonna blow her crown.
At this point, I'd rather be locked up in a room filled with fire-breathing, meat-loving, man-eating dragons. Fucking dragons, man. You don't want to mess with 'em. Unless your stuck with the Princess of the Night --- a princess that loves to punish her subjects by making them eat manticore cojones! Even dragons don't do that sort of thing.
The princess was still staring at me; it seems that she wouldn't be content until I answered her question. But I've been getting this particular question for an entire day. Can't I get a break? I couldn't stop myself; I sighed --- and a loud one, mind you. Why do they all want to know my full name? Isn't 'Ron' simple and easy?
"It's Rondelle D'oignon, your highness." I told her with an annoyed tone. I know I should be more respectful and stuff when facing royalty and all that. But, to be honest, I'm really not in the mood to go through with this 'full name' thing another time. Don't get me wrong; being here with Luna in this room is making me nervous, worried even. But I just want to get the question done and over with.
"Is something the matter?"
Her question caught me by surprise. I glanced at Luna. Somehow, for a fraction of a second, she sounded concerned, unlike the previous tone of absolute coldness. Pfft, yeah right, as if my soon-to-be slave driver will be interested in the lowly concerns and worries of a human slave. My brain must be going numb.
But she was, strangely enough. She had folded back her wings, and her expression seemed to have soften a little. The look she was giving me looked rather mixed --- like a combination of stone and cotton candy. In layman's terms: she seems to be concerned, but wanted her intimidation to remain. In kid's terms: Luna seems to be having trouble showing her true feelings. I mean, the look on her face kinda says it all. The corners of her mouth were twitching. Like she was fighting back some urge attempting to escape.
Make sense? No? I'm not good at explaining this sort of thing, but I can kinda...sense it, like that kid in that one movie --- except it wasn't about the dead, just...feelings. I can sort of sense what she's feeling. I feel it in my bones. I swear it by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin.
But never mind that. I see an opportunity headed my way; if I'm right, and Luna is feeling concerned, I can use this to my advantage. I will appeal to this "concerned" side of hers, maybe it will make her rethink about her decision of her wanting me to remain as her slave. Who knows, I might luck out and be set free. Better to take the risk than to have not taken it at all.
"It's nothing, your highness." I lied (just a little). "It's just...I've been getting that question ever since I stepped into this world of yours." A sudden itch came popping from the back of my head, sending my hand flying straight to the source. "I guess, I was getting tired of it." I quickly stole a glance in her direction. I needed to make sure that she's not putting up a front. Last thing I'd want is to find out I've been wasting my breath.
"My apologies, then. I hope I have not offended you in any way."
What?
What the huh?
WHAT DID SHE JUST SAY?
"E-e-excuse m-me?" My ears must be full of earwax. So full of wax that it caused me to misheard what Luna said. Yeah, that's right. That must be it. I'll be sure to remember to clean them once I have the time. With big-ass q-tips the size of elephants. One huge turn around each ear and voilà! Cleaner ears for better hearing!
Did the Princess of the Night just said what I think she said? She apologized? To moi? That was certainly not what I was expecting to hear coming out of Luna's lips. First of all, none of the things I've seen and heard about her adds up. Isn't she like, supposed to be super demonic and stuff? I mean, if you're the one who suggested using manticore testicles as a form of punishment because of disobedience, I'm pretty sure that counts as being demonic in my book.
And second --- and I blame my stupidity for only just realizing it now --- since when did the princess have a concerned side? From the sabotaged letter which was sent to Earth and all the way to our first meeting in the throne room, it seems to me that Luna is anything but concerned. None of her actions and gestures spells out the word for me; I just don't see it.
And last, but certainly not the least. Let's say, just for a moment, that I was completely wrong about her. That all my thoughts and all my opinions about her are all biased and one-sided. Let's pretend for a moment that the princess is indeed concerned about my well being as a human. THEN WHY IN THE MOTHER OF FUCK WOULD SHE DEMAND A SLAVE IN THE FIRST PLACE THEN? Wouldn't it be much better to have just asked for a representative from Earth instead? Why go through all the trouble? What was she thinking?
"Excuse me."
None of this make any sense. Was Grim and Raven playing a prank on me? Am I being punk'd by them? Was this all just a big set-up for the biggest prank ever done in history ever?
"Excuse me, Ro---"
No, no, no. This is just a plot, an evil plot plotted by Luna herself. And the plot is beginning to thicken and harden like the snot up my nose.
"E-excuse me, hey---"
Maybe all of this is just some poor, terrible writing to a story I somehow managed to get myself sucked into. I mean, if the current situation is the final destination the story is going for then, I must say...I'm not really impressed. And I'm already an easy-to-impress kinda guy. I get excited over chickens crossing the road, man.
"RON!"
As the sound of my name being shouted reach my delicate ears, a huge gust of wind suddenly blew straight into my face. The force of the sudden wind was so strong my face felt like it was going to get peeled off at any given moment. My eardrums vibrated so strongly that my head started to spin like crazy. The room I was in was shaking and rumbling like there was some sort of intense orgy going on between rhinoceroses and elephants.
Then, just like a snap of my finger, it all ended. It all stopped. No more wind. No more humping rhinos (not literally, sheesh).
I blinked...and blinked a few more times as I tried to figure out what in the world just happened.
Was the princess calling my name? I think she was, but where did the wind came from? Oh wait, of course, how could have I forgot? Luna has this insanely powerful voice, no? And to have use it in such close proximity...I'm lucky her almighty voice did not send me flying out the window.
"...on...Ro..." Luna seems to be calling out to me. I gave my eyes a quick rub and glanced in her direction.
"...n...R..."
"WHAT?" I said to Luna. Or did I yell? Did my voice even function properly as it should? I can't tell, I can't hear a damn thing right now. My ears are still ringing like mad. Like a madman with an extremely unhealthy obsession over bells and tubs of jelly.
I saw her mouth opening and closing a few times, but heard nothing coming from it. Oh no, am I going deaf? Am I going to lose my ability to hear?
Luna moved her mouth again, but still, I heard nothing. I gave a few taps on both my ears. A fruitless attempt, I know. But I wanted to see--- hmm, well, hear the tapping on my ears. Because if I can hear it, then that right there will be my semblance of hope. Hope that my ears were still in one piece, that is.
I made a few quick gestures and motions at the confused princess staring at me. Hopefully, she will understand that I'm currently unable to hear anything for the time being. I would tell her with my own voice, but, I rather not be yelling this late at night, especially not after what happened.
She nodded.
* * * * *
"Again, I am deeply sorry for what just happened, Ron."
I swatted away her apology with a casual wave of my hand. "Don't worry about it, your highness." I told her, as I picked up the books that had fallen of the bookshelf. "I get blasted by sudden gusts of wind all the time." I was lying of course, but I don't want to upset the princess. "I'm used to it." No, I am most certainly not, mate.
Luna stared at me, but said nothing more on the topic. She was already done with the tidying up of her end of the room we were in. Which was pretty obvious, obviously. I mean, she's got magic on her side. Powerful princess magic, mind you. The kind where even pretty flowers can be turned into murderous killers with a single flick from her horn. Neat.
With just a single swish and swoosh from her horn she had already got more than half of the room cleaned up before I could even pick up the first book lying on the floor. Talk about being incompetent; I feel so freaking useless just by being in the same room with her. It's pretty amazing what one could do with such skills at their disposal. If I have real magic like hers, I'd run for the position of SUPREME RULER OF THE ENTIRE WORLD (not a real available title, mind you).
It kinda makes you think though. If Luna is able to complete such menial tasks ---such as the one I'm currently occupied with--- with such ease. Why demand for a slave? And why a human being? Surely, with such conveniences already available, there is no need for my employment (forced labour) to begin with, right?
I placed the stack of books I have in my hand back into the bookshelf one by one. My eyes scanned the titles of the books as I tried with the best of my abilities to arrange them properly: 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Maul Them'. Huh...that title alone sure explains a lot about the whole testicle incident.
'A Hitch-hiker's Guide to Equestria'. That sure sounds familiar, except that it almost has nothing to do with Equestria.
'A Tourney of Thrones'. The front cover for this is pretty simple, just a dragon and an empty throne just below the book's title.
'Princess of the Flies'. And the list goes on and on. Man, the titles for these books sure are weird. Was the authors for these books high on something when they were planning the title for their work? But still...I keep getting this nagging feeling that all these books remind me of something back home. Like it all felt strangely...familiar.
"Does this collection of books interest you?"
I jumped. Accidentally dropping one particularly large black book on to my foot. I swore as quietly as I could as I tried to ignore the pain erupting from my big toe. I wish I would stop jumping from all those sudden voices that seemed to be always coming up from behind me. I'm such a pussy. Manly Man, please forgive my pussiness.
I turned around and noticed that Luna was standing beside me, her face uninterested at the event that befell upon me and my toe mere seconds ago. Instead, she was quietly looking at the bookshelf in front of us. Gazing at it, actually. As if she was in some sort of deep thought. Perhaps she was just annoyed by the way how I've arranged the books.
"They are certainly...er...different from what I'd normally read back on Earth, your highness." Using the word 'different' was already an understatement. Bat-shit weird is more like it.
For just a fraction of a millisecond, an expression of annoyance painted itself on Luna's face. "You are allowed to call me by my given name, Ron." she said casually to me, her eyes still fixated on the bookshelf. "There is no need for us to be so formal when we are unaccompanied by my subjects."
And risk dying? Hell to the NO. "I wouldn't want to sound presumptuous, your highness." Man, I do not want to sound like anything at all in front of her royalness, thank you very much.
Luna suddenly let out a huff and turned to face me. "Stop calling me 'your highness'!" she said with a stomp of her hoof, a frown forming on her face. "Why won't you call me by my name like with what you did with my sister?" she asked me, taking a step forward towards my direction. Her questioning eyes glaring deep into my confused ones. Is she...mad at me for not calling her...Luna?
I have to be honest here, that reaction from her surprised me a tad bit. It seems a little odd to see Luna here getting all frustrated over something like how I address her. Does she not enjoy being treated like royalty? Does she not appreciate the politeness I'm offering on bended knee? Does she not love the feeling of staring down at those more worthless than her? Does she not find the thought of having her own personal human slave all to herself stimulating?
Okay, that last part was really unnecessary. But still, you get what I'm trying to tell, no? As of this moment, the princess in front of me is acting exactly like nothing of what I believed her to be. Well, most of it anyway. I have yet to confirm the 'being a spoiled little brat' part.
Luna was still waiting for my response. What should I do? How should I counter that question of hers? Should I try to give her my reasons of not wanting to call her by her name, or do as I've been told to do?
Well, I going to have to go for the latter, obviously. Technically speaking, I am her slave now, aren't I? Best I start obeying all her commands and demands now if I want to be an exemplary slave.
"Very well then, your---" Luna glared at me. "---er...Luna." I cleared my throat, and swallowed my saliva. "There, I've said it. Are you sure is okay...er...Luna?" Please be okay. Oh, lordy lordy! Please be okay.
It was. Luna nodded her head and gave me a smil---
BOOM! KABLOOOM! W-What is this?! What is this feeling that is suddenly rushing and spreading throughout my entire body?! It's as if I've just been electrocuted by lightning! The energy from that bolt is sending waves and waves of pulses and signals towards my brain! Like some sort of coded message! Is that it? Is the feeling I'm feeling trying to tell me something? What is it, brain?! Crack the code and tell me all of it's secrets! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, OH FEELING OF MIN---
Oh.
Now I know what is this feeling I'm feeling.
Luna blinked her eyes and cocked her head to one side, her adorable smile still planted gorgeously on her mesmerizing face.
"Are you okay?" she asked, while my heart skipped a million beats per second.
Nope.