"Trixie swears!" A certain blue unicorn huffed and puffed until her cheeks were not-so-blue. With stomping hooves, she angrily followed Twilight Sparkle into Sugarcube Corner. "You are out of your mind, Sparkle! Trixie has no idea what you are trying to insinuate!"
"Exactly what it sounds like I'm insinuating!" Twilight muttered, stifling a yawn as she approached the front counter.
"Then would you mind repeating it?" Trixie glared daggers at her inexplicable Ponyvilliean study buddy. "If only to humor Trixie?"
"Eughhhh..." Twilight groaned, slapped the bell on the front counter, then turned to glare at the other mare. "Plain and simply... you are a drama queen, Trixie."
"Pffft! Trixie most certainly is not!" Trixie leaned back on her haunches, rolling her eyes and tossing her mane. "A master level sorcerer, maybe! A future almighty alicorn in the making, most certainly!" She placed a hoof over her chest while pontificating in a booming voice. "But a cretinous golem of melodramatic design, Trixie most certainly is not!"
"There you go! You're doing it again!" Twilight cackled.
Trixie blinked. "There Trixie goes doing what again?"
"Being melodramatic!" Twilight gaped at her. "Even in the simplest thing—like having a silly little argument—you have to treat everything like it's some... over-the-top stage play!"
"Why of all the—"
"Throwing your voice around as if all four corners of an invisible theatre has to hear you deliver your latest soliloquy!"
"But Trixie was born to perform on stage!"
"But don't you get it?" Twilight swung a hoof around. "Real life is not a performance! And yet you're always doing everything with unnecessary pomp and flare." She sighed. "And, quite frankly, Trixie, that's why I find it so insanely hard to enjoy a normal study session with you!"
"Pfft!" Trixie folded her forelimbs with a frown. "Trixie still thinks that you're overreacting, Sparkle." She smirked. "None of your other friends seem so alarmed by Trixie's manner of self-expression!'
At last, Pinkie Pie rushed up to the counter. She wore a bucket on her head and brandished a fire extinguisher. "Okay! Where is it?! I know you're out there somewhere, ready to pounce! Show yourself!"
"Relax, Pinkie," Twilight droned. "It's only Trixie."
"Oh, whew." With a breath of relief, Pinkie tossed the bucket and extinguisher to the kitchen floor. "For a second there, I thought the siren-tongued demon empress of banshees had escaped from Tartarus."
"Hrmmmmmm-mmmmm..." Trixie pouted, cheeks puffing red.
"I was just telling Trixie how she has a habitual problem with being melodramatic about everything."
"Silly Twilight." Pinkie waved a hoof with a smirk. "Trixie isn't melodramatic about everything."
"Hah!" Trixie grinned devilishly. "Chalk that friend off the list, Sparkle!"
"No no no..." Pinkie shook her head, smiling. "She's only melodramatic about performing magic... going to the filly's room... crossing the street... petting groundhogs... avoiding wagon wheels..." Pinkie's smile faded. Blinking, she tongued the inside of her mouth while scanning the ceiling with her eyes. "...sliding in under the covers... getting her picture taken... talking to zebras... mmmmmm—and forcibly taking over small Equestrian villages while under the control of an alicorn amulet."
"Wait just one moment..." Trixie squinted at the caterer. "So you do think that Trixie is melodramatic about everything?"
"Huh. Yeah. I guess so." Pinkie shrugged with a grin. "Oh well!" She beamed at Twilight. "So, what'll it be? Cupcakes or muffins?"
"Actually, I was hoping for a bagel this morning, Pinkie."
"Wow..." Pinkie nodded, scribbling the order down. "You know what? Me too!" She squinted. "I think we're getting old, Twilight."
"It's true."
"Alright, everypony stop what you're doing!" Trixie hissed. "How can Trixie prove—once and for all—that Trixie is not a drama queen?"
"You can't," Twilight droned, staring at her with dull eyes. "It's pathological. It's like gravity. The universe is written in such a way that whenever you, Trixie Heather Lulamoon, attempt to do even the simplest and most commonplace thing imaginable, you inexplicably and subconsciously invent a way to make the action needlessly complicated, epic, or even catastrophic."
Trixie leaned in. "Care to put your money where your muzzle is?"
"You mean a bet?"
"A science experiment is more like it, Sparkle." Trixie smirked wickedly. "Give Trixie a simple task, and Trixie will do it with as little circumstance possible to show you just how wrong you are!"
"You know what?" Twilight leaned her chin up, smirking. "I think I've got just the thing."
"OooOooOooOooh!" Pinkie cooed.
Twilight turned towards her. "Pinkie?"
Pinkie looked at her with eyes full of sparkles. "Yes, Twilight?"
Twilight slapped a golden coin onto the counter. "One banana, please."
"Coming right—" Thap! The curved yellow fruit fell onto the counter. "Oh! Lookie! I beat myself to it!"
"Trixie?" Twilight turned around.
"Yes, Sparkle?"
Twilight calmly pointed at the edible item. "Eat the banana."
Trixie blinked. "That... that's it?"
Twilight nodded.
Trixie squinted. "Seriously?"
Twilight shrugged. "What? Is that such a problem—"
"Nonsense!" Trixie dragged a chair over and stepped one hoof on it while raising a forelimb towards the ceiling fan in a heroic pose. "For there is no obstacle on earth or in the stars that is benea—" She froze in place, paling. Then—clearing her throat—Trixie slid the chair back, stood calmly on all fours, and nodded her head. "Right. Eat the banana. Trixie can do that... quickly and without unnecessary circumstance."
"Please." Twilight took a step back, gesturing at the counter. "By all means."
Trixie clenched her jaw. She approached the counter. Squirming slightly, she grasped the yellow fruit in the crook of her fetlock. "Mrmmm..." She looked at the mares.
Pinkie and Twilight stared back.
Eyes locked on the two, Trixie leaned in... then extended a velvety tongue. She ran her salivating muscle across the taut, curved, well-toned surface. Almost immediately, she blanched. "Mrmmfff—goddess."
Twilight blinked. "Uhm..."
"It's fine!" Trixie held a hoof out. "Trixie was just... n-not expecting the taste. Ahem. And now I shall proceed..." She then opened her soft, nubile lips and planted them around the pointed tip of the fruit.
"Uhm..." Pinkie shifted nervously. She whispered aside. "Twi? Has... h-has she done this before—?"
"Shhhh!" Twilight insisted. Both mares watched... then immediately winced as—
Crkkkkk! The banana crunched in Trixie's mouth.
"Mrmmmffff-frghhhh!" Trixie's entire muzzle grimaced, contorting as if the mare was giving birth out the opposite end. She blanched visibly, but nevertheless continued to chew, her lips and teeth producing hard, wet crackling sounds with each shift of her molars. "Grnnngh... uhhhgwddsssshhhh!" Panting, threatening to vomit at every turn, Trixie nevertheless took a second bite... then a third... then a fourth... each of them crunching disgustingly as she writhed from head to toe. "Grnnng—awwghhh!"
Twilight watched with wide eyes. Pinkie held a pair of hooves over her pale muzzle. Patrons from all across Sugarcube Corner craned their necks to watch in abject horror.
Crkkk-kkk! "Mrmmghhh—gllmehh... gllmehhhhhh!" Trixie's eyes watered. She tossed her head left and right as if she was on fire. She slapped her hoof across the counter top, squirming and quivering from head to tail.
Then, after an eternity of fruity suffering, the mare finally shoved the last morsel into her mouth. She rocked back and forth in undulating motion, curving and uncurving her spine like an eel. In such a hellish fashion, she struggled to massage her esophagus from the outside-in so as to force the partially-digested fragments of the banana bits down into her stomach.
Then, when the purgatorial episode was over...
"Guaaaaaaaaaaah!" Trixie hunched over, wheezing for breath. Her eyes teared and she fanned herself. At last, once the tortuous motions had run their course, she stood up, wiped her eyelids dry, then sported a devilish grin. "Hah! Take that, Sparkle! I ate your stupid banana! And I did it without delivering a theatrical speech!"
Pinkie and Twilight blinked.
"Indeed you did, Trixie," Twilight said with a nod. "However..." She pointed at Trixie's stomach. "...next time, you might want to strip the peel off before eating it."
"Huh?" Trixie blinked. She looked down at her belly, then clutched it with both forelimbs. "Ohhhhh-ohhhhhh!" She wailed, turning green in the face. "What a cruel, merciless world!" She held a dainty hoof over her fainting forehead as her eyes rolled back. "What has Trixie done to deserve such ill-fortune?" THWOMP! She fell back, slumping limply across the floor like a fuzzy blue cockroach.
Trixie and Pinkie stared at the twitching, would-be corpse for a few seconds.
"So, Twi!" Pinkie smiled, looking over the counter again. "Bagel?"
Twilight sighed through a tired grin. "Better make it Two."
A blue hoof waved from the floor. "Trixie wants hers with extra cream cheese!"