“I thought I would be starting first thing next week!” Spike cried, clearly dismayed by the sudden news.
“Oh, no, no, no – the plan was to do the move today and over the weekend so it would be done by the time everypony had to go back to work and school.”
“Oh… Twilight and I here hadn't really planned on me starting right now. I still have to set up the kitchen for her to cook and prepare the castle, how is this going to work?” Spike shot a strained look over to his charge, his eyes pleading for help in how to answer his own question. She smiled brightly, letting him know it would all be okay.
“Spike, I will be fine. Relax! You go ahead here and get started. I can take care of myself, okay?”
Spoiled's eyes widened – she couldn't have heard what she thought she had just heard. “You mean you have no other servants at the castle?”
“Nope, it's just me and Spike here, keeping things running smoothly! My friends come to help often, but mostly it's just the two of us. We're like two peas in a pod!” Twilight finished, wrapping her foreleg and hoof around her little assistant's shoulder and pulling him close, a happy grin on her face.
“Hmm, how very… curious,” she responded, with a single raised brow. “Ahem – anyway, Spike, I would still love to have you here helping us, if you're willing to start.”
Spike looked at Spoiled and then over to Twilight, wanting to say yes but feeling very apprehensive of leaving Twilight alone so suddenly. But the confident look on the alicorn's face filled him with hope – she really wanted him to succeed! So the decision was plain: “Alright, alright. I'll start today, Mrs. Rich.”
“Excellent! Let me call my daughter down so she can meet the both of you.” Spoiled leaned up on her forelegs over the stairway's railing, and called for her loudly. “Diamond Tiara, we have two very important guests! Would you please come down here this very instant?”
In the distance, the sound of a door opening could be heard, followed by the light clops of hooves coming toward them. Soon, a light-plum colored pony with a white-on-lavender mane appeared at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to seemingly bounce on her hooves as she trotted on each step, her pace quickening the closer she reached the bottom.
“Princess Twilight! It is so great to see you again!” she exclaimed as she hopped off the bottom step.
Diamond's mother looked at her daughter in surprise, “Again? When did you meet the princess, Diamond?”
“Not too long ago, mother. It was when she still lived in the town library.” Diamond explained, as she walked right past Spike, paying him no attention, and curtseyed before Twilight. “Didn't you know, mother dear, that the Princess of Friendship and I are on close terms?”
Before anypony else could speak, the little group was startled by a sudden and loud smoke-filled cough from the dragon standing next to them, followed by a few short gasps for air, at which point Spoiled broke in, “Spike dear, are you okay?”
Spike cleared his throat and replied, “Yeah, I-I'm fine. Just some issues with the ol' furnace down there, aherm,” he finished uneasily, pounding on his chest in an attempt to feign some sort of problem to cover for his outburst. All the while he was fighting to keep himself from breaking out into riotous laughter from the biggest fib he'd heard in a good while.
Diamond noticed this and shot him a quick scowl before Twilight spoke up, “Oh yes, I've met your daughter before, Mrs. Rich. She was invited over by her-”
Twilight paused momentarily, remembering what the relationship between the Crusaders and Diamond actually was, but decided diplomacy was more important right now, seeing she was standing before the filly's mother. “-her friends, when they were doing studies with me at the library. Perhaps you've met them – Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo?” she finished on a more cheerful note.
There was an uneasy pause as the tips of Spoiled Rich's lips drooped slightly as she glowered at her daughter. After a moment, she finally let out a sigh, and spoke. “Diamond, I think it is wonderful that your 'friendship' has allowed you to get the know her highness better. But, in the future, please be sure to check with me before you socialize with any fillies or colts in town. Do I make myself clear?”
Like a flower under a hot lamp, the little filly wilted at her mother's ultimatum. “Yes, mother.”
Spoiled cleared her throat before continuing, “After all, taking a more personal interest in how my daughter is raised is the main reason I decided to return to Ponyville, especially after the terrible injustice of her being fired as editor of the school newspaper. She wasn't even the one to blame, it was three blank-flanks that were responsible for all the libelous rumors started by the paper.”
Oh no… Twilight did not like where this conversation was going. It was bad enough being present for a family drama; it was made even worse that it was an event she and the Crusaders were personally involved in! Realizing she could get pulled into an argument suddenly made her wish she was back in the tower library in Canterlot, buried in her books like the old days. And what about Spike, he was there, too! It must be making him uncomfortable as well…
Well, not really – he was enjoying every minute of it, and had to keep from grinning comically in front of everypony!
Spoiled again turned to her daughter, and asked in a sarcastic tone, knowing full well the answer, “Now then, what were those ponies' names again, dear?”
Diamond felt a terrible pain in the pit of her stomach as she answered:
“Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo.”
Checkmate. Spike felt like he could just burst.
“Why yes, your three 'friends.'” Spoiled turned back the princess, “Now you see why I came back to Ponyville. While my husband does an adequate job with her, I don't feel she is truly learning how to become a success in this dragon-eat-dragon world.” She stopped and quickly turned to Spike, realizing her faux pas. “Oh, no offense to you, Great and Honorable Spike.”
“Don't think anything of it,” Spike assured her, even though he always thought that was a dumb expression; dragons don't eat each other – at least they didn't as far as he knew. “I already know all too well my kind is somewhat-" he paused momentarily, thinking of a nice way to describe the dragons he's met without throwing an entire species under the chariot. “– unruly. That's why I strive to be more like a pony instead of a dragon.”
“I think that's very commendable! Your close ties to all four of the princesses seems to have refined your manners wonderfully! Yes, you'll make a perfect assistant to Diamond here, perhaps some of that class will even rub off on her?”
“We can only hope,” Spike replied with a sly smile as he stared across the way at Diamond, to which she only responded by finally acknowledging him – with an icy stare.
“Now, as I was saying, my husband – while a fine father – needs to take more of a stand when my daughter is treated unfairly, like she was with her teacher. What is her name again,” she turned to face Diamond again, “Ms. Cheerilee?”
“Yes, mother,” Diamond replied quietly, still smarting from being humiliated in front of the princess.
“Now that I have been elected head of the school board, she will think twice before unfairly blaming somepony for a scandal she did not create!”
“Actually, she – oof!” Spike was abruptly interrupted by a swift but gentle kick to his rump from Twilight. Before he could even complain, he immediately realized he needed to drop the subject – Twilight was looking down at him with a crooked frown, slowly shaking her head.
Spoiled, now deep in her lecture, didn't even notice the slight commotion across from her. “After all, being in the presence of high society and royalty is the only way to move up in the world. That is why I sacrificed my home life with my family to be in Canterlot, where the seat of power lies. However, thanks to you Princess, Ponyville has secured its own royalty, so I could finally make my return and be with my spouse and daughter. Isn't it simply wonderful?”
“I am very happy my ascension has allowed your family to be reunited, Mrs. Rich. Though I must admit the whole royalty thing still makes me a bit uncomfortable…”
“Totally understandable, your highness. Just remember – you have a friend here in Ponyville who is always willing to offer you advice.”
“Oh, um, thanks,” Twilight replied quietly.
“As it is, I need to get back to working on the list for the move. Spike, I will be here all day today to answer any questions you may have, but this afternoon Randolph and the other servants will be traveling with my husband to Canterlot to move the first of the items on the list. During that time, I will expect you to be ready to assist my daughter and I with anything that is required.”
“No problem, Mrs. Rich. I was born ready!”
“Excellent. Diamond darling, why don't you show Spike around and explain to him some of the things he'll be helping with, hm? I'm sure we've taken up enough of the princess' time this morning.”
Twilight was relieved hear these words. While her host was soft-spoken, how she treated her daughter made her feel ill-at-ease. But, even though Twilight was royalty, she did not feel it proper to go poking her muzzle into some other family's business.
“Yes, I probably should be getting back to the castle. You never know when there might be another crisis in friendship that needs resolving, right?” She ended her words on a nervous chuckle, knowing in all likelihood today would be yet another day spent sitting around and doing nothing but reading books in the castle's library.
“Mm, indeed,” Spoiled replied.
“Mother, would it be okay if I start our guest in my room?” Diamond asked in response to her mother's request. She then turned and looked directly at Spike, “I'm sure there are some things that need straightening out.”
“Yes, that will be very good, dear. Off with the two of you, then.”
Diamond turned again to the princess before leaving. “Thank you again for visiting, Princess Twilight,” she said as she bowed her head slightly. “I'm sure we will have much for your dragon to do around here, so he won't be bored.”
“You're welcome, Diamond. It was nice to see you again. Take good care of him for me.”
“Oh, I will…”
With that, Diamond trotted up the stairs, and Spike reluctantly followed her. Halfway up, he turned to look back at Twilight. She was smiling and coaxing him on, so he gave her a half-smile in return and waved goodbye before turning back towards the steps in front of him. I won't let you down, Twilight. I promise!
Once the two of them reached the top of the stairs, Diamond walked a few short steps towards a door on the left and went in. Spike soon followed, after glancing one more time towards the entrance of the house to see Randolph return and open the door for Twilight to make her exit.
Inside, he took in the sight before him that was Diamond Tiara's room. It was the room of a well-to-do filly, alright! Aside from it's voluminous space, it was extravagantly furnished. Across from where he stood in the door, he saw an ornate canopy bed decorated in pink fabric, with lighter pink lacing on the edges. The posts and frame were painted a glossy white and lined with gold trim. On either side of the bed were chests and drawers, also painted white with gold and diamond knobs, each drawer and lid decorated with inset carvings similar to the ones seen on the woodwork throughout the house. Most prevalent of all, however, were various paintings and photos hung on all four walls of the room – most of them enormous in size – all of them featuring the little filly posing in various expensive outfits.
And Twilight complains that I'm too self-absorbed? This room is like a shrine to herself!
Spike took a few more steps into the room, trying to keep his stomach from reacting poorly to all of the gaudy, pink color. Suddenly the door slammed behind him, causing him to jump. From behind the now-closed door was Diamond again, with a scowl on her face that could melt rock.
“Okay, let's get one thing straight, dragon! This was NOT my idea.”
Spike, caught off guard, shrunk back towards the middle of the room, forced along by her strident demeanor.
“You think you're hot stuff around here, do you? Well think again!” The angry little filly stamped her hooves as she walked back and forth between Spike and her bed, mocking her mother's voice as she ranted and raved:
“Oh, we so absolutely have to get the princess' assistant to help you, Diamond! Not only is he her servant, but he has his own stained glass window at the royal castle and is well-known in the Crystal Empire! It will be so beneficial to raising our status across all of Equestria! Bah! I don't need some stupid dragon coming in here and disrupting the system I have worked so hard to create.”
Spike frowned, forgetting any pretense of being diplomatic with her and decided to regain some sense of authority. “First of all, my name's Spike. And for your information, this isn't exactly fun for me, either,” he exclaimed. “Twilight had to convince me to help out while your family works on their move!”
“I don't want to hear about it,” she said dismissively as she fell back on her haunches and sighed. “I was this close to getting mother and father to hire some movers to do the job,” she said, moving her two front hooves close together as a demonstration. “Then Randolph and the maids would have still been available to serve every request a pony as important as me deserves.”
Spike simply stared and looked through her, unimpressed.
“But nooo, she had to go and visit Celestia and Luna's castle before she left Canterlot, and saw how you're some supposed 'great hero' of some sort.” She let out a huff through her flared nostrils, the ire burning in her eyes. “I have the help around here all trained perfectly, but having you here has ruined my system, so spare me your complaints.”
“Heh, sorry to ruin things for you, sweetie,” Spike grinned sarcastically.
Diamond's features swiftly turned beet red. “Oh, don't even think about talking back to me. You haven't even begun to see how angry I can be when somepony acts like a smart-aleck!” she huffed, now right up in Spike's face. “So listen up, and listen good – here are the only rules you need to follow as my servant-”
“Assistant. I'm your assistant – I'm not a servant to anypony, unless they save my life or something like that.”
“Whatever. Rule number one: Don't talk unless asked to. Keep your flappy lizard-lips sealed at all other times.”
“But can't I-”
“Quiet! Didn't you just hear what I said? Keep your worthless muzzle shut!”
Spike opened his mouth momentarily to fling another comeback, but closed it again after realizing he didn't like the idea of having a shouting match in the house with Mr. and Mrs. Rich downstairs.
“That's better. Now, second,” Diamond continued, “you are to wait outside my room at all times. You will only enter if I request it. Got it?”
Spike gave a sigh of defeat, “Sure.”
“And third, if I want something done, you will do it without question, no matter what it is. If I want you to stand on one leg and sing the Equestrian anthem, you'll do it. Understand?”
“Be your personal clown and slave, check,” he replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Lose the attitude, that won't get you far around here. And finally, the last rule is don't touch anything without my permission.”
“You mean like this?” With that, Spike reached over and rubbed his claws up and down the canopy pole of her bed, grinning deviously at filly across from him.
“You. Are. The. WORST. Assistant. Ever!” Diamond growled. “Honestly, why does the princess keep you around? You're disobedient, you're insolent, and quite frankly, you smell atrocious!”
Spike laughed, “Sorry about that, I wasn't expecting to be working here this soon so I didn't get a chance to take a bath this morning. Besides, it's not so bad.” He demonstrated it to himself by sniffing his right armpit. “See? Hardly any odor at all.”
“Oh, gross!” she wretched at the sight. “That may be fine for a foul beast like yourself, but those of us with more refined tastes – ugh, it's utterly barbaric! If I were Princess Twilight, I'd fire you on the spot.”
“Hmph, if Twilight were even the slightest bit like you, I would have walked out long ago. But she's the total opposite of you – she's a kind, wonderful pony who cares about me a whole lot, and I feel the same about her! She even hatched me!”
“Wait, she hatched you?” Diamond's eyes widened to the size of saucepans and her jaw dropped at this new information. “Wh-what kind of freakish monstrosity are you? You mean she's your mother? I always thought highly of the princess, but if she's been consorting with dragons…”
“She's not my mother, silly. She just hatched my egg – she didn't lay it!”
“Well then, where did you come from, hmm?” Diamond asked, getting right into Spike's face again.
“I-I – don't really know,” Spike admitted sadly. “I don't know who my parents are, but it doesn't matter! All that matters is Twilight and her family are my family now – they all raised me – so one more insult out of you towards them and I'll-”
“Don't get your frills in a bunch, lizard-breath. I have no intentions of insulting the princess. She's royalty. She's done big things with her life. She commands respect and honor, which is more than I can say for a lowly servant like you.”
“I saved the Crystal Empire – twice! How about that, huh?”
“Oh, puh-lease. I've been hearing about the thing with the Crystal Heart for the past few days from my mother. So you carried it – big deal. Anypony with wings could have done the same thing. And quit exaggerating your deeds, you only 'saved' them once.”
“No, I also saved the audience attending the Equestria Games when an arrow caused a cloud to turn into a gigantic iceball. I melted it with my flames!”
“Oh, that,” Diamond waved off his explanation dismissively. “I seem to recall reading about that in the paper or something.”
“You mean you weren't in the audience? I thought everypony went to the games!”
“Hmph, those games were clearly fixed, so we skipped them,” she said with her head turned up and away from Spike with a haughty expression. “When three blank-flanks get picked over somepony as beautiful and talented as me, then something is definitely amiss!” Diamond turned back to Spike to finish her point, “Besides, the organizer was rude and insolent – just like you. She refused to allow my parents to sit with the royals and delegates; even Mayor Mare and Fancy Pants were allowed to sit there!”
“Uh, yeah. That's because they're mayors, duh!”
“Our family is just as important as either of them!”
“Well, somepony obviously didn't think so!” he countered with a smirk.
That was it. She had quite enough of this dragon's mouthing off. “You know what? GET OUT!” she yelled, pointing the scaly little troublemaker towards the bedroom door. “I don't need to hear another peep from you right now. You already know what I expect of you, so just go!”
“With pleasure,” he snorted as he turned and left. As soon as he was outside in the hall, the door slammed shut behind him, causing him to wince. Well, that could have gone better…
With nothing left to do for little-miss-crabby for now, he decided to head back downstairs. Perhaps Spoiled Rich had something for him? As he turned the corner of the baluster at the bottom of the stairs, Randolph suddenly appeared in front of him, looking somewhat flustered.
“Mr. Spike sir, there you are – my deepest apologies! While you were upstairs with Miss Tiara I remembered I still owe you some snacks from earlier.”
“Aw, don't think anything of it. I've kind of lost my appetite, anyway,” Spike lamented. “And here I thought you were coming up to see what all the noise was all about…”
“Oh, I'm used to it,” the old pony chuckled, before becoming more circumspect with his guest. “You had disagreement with the young mistress, perhaps?”
“You could say that,” he sighed. “Why does she have to be so mean all the time?”
Randolph smiled warmly at Spike and then bent down, putting a hoof gently on his shoulder. “My young drake, she wasn't always this way,” he said quietly, looking around to make sure nopony else was in earshot. “When she was a little filly, she had the brightest smile I've ever seen on a pony. She was simply a dear to look after!”
“What happened? It's hard to imagine her ever being anything but a pushy little sourpuss.”
“It would not be proper for me to discuss such matters. Suffice to say, it is perhaps the stress from trying to live up to everypony's expectations that darkened her once-bright demeanor.”
A light bulb suddenly went on in Spike's head, and he was amused by the realization. “Heh, that kind of sounds like a certain Princess of Friendship I happen to know who is also absolutely terrified of failure!” The little dragon's mood turned pensive, however, after thinking about it further. “The thing I don't get is even though Twilight expects to succeed at everything, she doesn't go pushing around other ponies to make it happen. What gives with the mean filly upstairs there?”
“Like I said, it is not proper for me to discuss the wheres and whys of Miss Tiara's current demeanor. All I can add is this: Try to be understanding and simply do what she says. You'll be done in a few days and will return to work for your dear princess.” Having finished his thoughtful advice, Randolph's left Spike with one additional thought, one that brought up a chuckle: “I, on the other hoof, will be serving her until I retire – or drop dead, I suppose!”
Spike wasn't too amused with his new acquaintance's dark sense of humor, and asked the obvious question. “Why don't you simply find another family to, um – buttle – for?”
“And abandon Mr. Rich? I've been serving him since he was a colt – it would be a terrible disservice to walk away simply because the job as his butler was difficult. Besides, I've seen your optimism – somehow I doubt you would be willing to similarly get up and leave the task laid before you here.”
Spike sighed. “Tell me about it. I can't quit because I'd be letting Twilight down; more importantly, I'd be letting myself down.”
“How do you mean, little one?”
“When Twilight told me you guys needed help, she suggested this might be a way to spread her message and improve Diamond Tiara's attitude. While I'm all for helping Twilight, it was really more about proving something to myself rather than just doing her a favor. I mean, if I don't challenge myself, I'll never improve. That's why I learned to cook, to play instruments – even ice skate for crying out loud!”
“So you see, you've answered your own question as to why I can't simply walk away. And, as for improving Miss Tiara's attitude, well… as they say – hope springs eternal!” he sighed with a warm smile, brows raised and eyes looking heavenward. “Now, I must be getting back to my duties, and I imagine you have yours to attend to as well?”
“Actually, that's just the thing – I came down here because Diamond didn't want me around right now, and was looking for Mrs. Rich to see if she had anything for me to do!”
“Oh well, I'm sure she would be happy to put you to work. You will find her in the kitchen, I believe. That is where I left her when I came to find you.”
“Thanks, Randolph! And, thanks for the advice, too. You're pretty swell for somepony that has to deal with a bossy filly all day!”
The old pony laughed, “You're quite welcome, oh Great and Honorable Spike.”
“Spike,” the little dragon corrected him. “If it's all the same to you, you can just call me Spike.”
“Indeed, Spike. That will be perfectly acceptable.”
They both smiled and went their separate ways. Spike, once again reflecting on his Crystal Empire moniker, caused him more worry. How am I going to get through to Diamond? Twilight has entrusted me to accomplish this task!
Trust, he thought, that was surely not misplaced, for a great and honorable dragon such as himself, right?