Twilight had a plan. Step one was to find Thunderlane and explain that she didn’t fully appreciate the significance of laurels in traditional pegasus culture, vis-a-vis, “Of course I’m not marrying you, you feather-brained lunatic. I barely know you!” Step two was to contact the Foal Free Press and get them to issue a retraction. Step three was to hide in her library and read about spackle until it all blew over.
It seemed like things were going well at first. She managed to find Thunderlane’s house, and only thirteen ponies congratulated her on her marriage on the way there. Plus one who said that Twilight hardly even looked pregnant.
“Thunderlane!” Twilight bellowed, her hoof slamming on his front door. His house was a little two-story thing in center of Ponyville, just spitting distance from the town hall. Ponies from the market and the square started as Twilight nearly beat the door down. “Don’t you pretend you’re not home! I can hear you moving around in there and I’ve already lit one pony on fire today!”
There was no answer, and after a few more moments of pounding, Twilight let out a sharp snort. Her wings spread, and she lifted off the ground, zipping around to each of the buildings windows. “Thunderlane!” she called, peering in one. “I know you’re in there!” She peered in another. Finally, she caught a hint of motion and the sound of hooves. “There you are!”
Vanishing in a flash of purple light, she reappeared inside the house, glaring hard ahead. “I am going to rip your wings off and—oh.”
It was Thunderlane’s little brother, Rumble. He was a sharp colt, a fast learner, and fast on the uptake. Thus, when confronted with an enraged alicorn wizard, rather than doing what most foals would have done and trying to explain himself, he cut directly to the inevitable step three: screaming and running.
“Help! Bridezilla!” he shouted, fleeing into the house as fast as his little legs would carry him.
“Oh for the love of—Rumble!” Twilight chased after him, out of the little playroom and into the front stair. He took the stairs two at a time, his little body shaking as he half flew and half glided down.
“Quick, everypony!” he rushed for the front door. “Warn Thunderlane before-” Twilight’s magic surrounded him, and swept him up off his hooves, holding him still in the air in front of her. “Oh yeah!” he bellowed. “Well I can still shout! And everypony will-” Twilight held his jaw shut.
Rumble floated there in silence for a few long seconds, as Twilight caught her breath. She flexed her wings, and popped a joint. “Okay,” she finally said, releasing Rumble’s jaw. “I’m sorry I startled you, Rumble. Could you please tell me where Thunderlane is?”
“No!” Rumble snorted, and flicked his tail in the air. “You’re only going to turn him into a newt or make all his hair fall out or something.”
“I promise I definitely probably won’t do those two specific things,” Twilight said, in her best reassuring tone. “I just need to talk to him about our ‘engagement.’”
“Nuh-uh!” Rumble insisted. “You said you were going to rip his wings off! You’re like the villain from those old faerie tales where a pegasus marries a unicorn princess only she turns out to be evil and a sorceress and makes him sell his boat.”
“Rumble!” Twilight lifted a hoof to her face and let out another long breath. “I am not marrying Thunderlane. I need to meet with him to call the wedding off. I don’t want to marry him. I don’t know him. It was an accident. I didn’t understand that those things he gave me were a wedding proposal.”
Rumble paused. “Wait, what?” he asked. “How do you not know about the gifts? Treis Dóra is like this huge thing—”
“Yes, this huge thing in Cloudsdale. I get it. Traditional pegasus culture.” Twilight let out an angry nicker. “I’m from Canterlot. I didn’t know. Now, where is Thunderlane?”
“Uh… probably in Canterlot.” Rumble twitched his ears, once. “I mean, normally, in Cloudsdale, the bride’s family does all the wedding planning. The guy’s family pays for it. It’s a tradition.”
“Oh you’re kidding me!” Twilight took a sharp step forward, and Rumble flinched away. “He’s in Canterlot right now telling my parents we’re engaged!? He couldn’t have waited a week!?”
“Well… no.” Rumble said, after he had a moment to recover. “That’s half the time. You’re getting married in two weeks. That’s the first new moon after the proposal and… um…” Rumble slowly trailed off, and leaned as far away from Twilight as his little neck could move. “Um…”
Twilight's left eye twitched sharply as her teeth ground together. “I mean, uh…” Rumble coughed. “Not… that.”
“No no.” Twilight gently put Rumble down. “That’s okay, Rumble. It’s not your fault. Thank you very much for telling me what I needed to know. And sorry for giving you a scare there earlier. I should get out of your house! Just one last question. Which room is Thunderlane’s room?”
Rumble pointed. Twilight made her way up there cheerfully, opened his window with a broad-spectrum laser blast from her horn, and calmly flew out of the house.
“Okay,” she said, as she made her way by air to the Ponyville Train Station. “This isn’t so bad. I just need to hop the first train to Canterlot, tell Thunderlane the wedding is off, tell my parents at the same time, and then it’s right back to Ponyville! No problem. I’ll make it a day trip.” Curiously, nopony bothered her on her way to the station. In fact, many made room for her, and the ticket line just cleared up when she reached the station.
“Well hello there!” she greeted the station attendant, an older stallion with greying hair. “One ticket to Canterlot please! Departing immediately.”
“I’m sorry, Princess,” he said, swallowing slowly. “But uh… the next train to Canterlot doesn’t leave until seven this evening.”
“That’s okay!” Twilight said, bright and cheerful and friendly. Exceedingly so, in fact. “I’m sure you can schedule another train! Leaving right now. I mean, I am a Princess you know. I’m sure you can manage that.”
“The track is occupied, Princess, even if we had another train-”
“Princess Cadence doesn’t have to take the commercial trains. She has her own private car that runs wherever she likes.” Twilight leaned in closer to the ticket manager, who in turn flinched and backed away. “She seems to manage getting around just fine.”
“Well, yes!” The old stallion nodded quickly. “Yes, that’s true. Princess Cadence does have her own car. But she… well. She pays the train company for the privilege. And there are crystal ponies to see to all the details. She rules an empire, you know? And you’re just kind of the pony up the street…”
“So what you’re saying is,” Twilight nodded forcefully, “that if I want to get to Canterlot today, my best option would be to conquer Ponyville and form an independent state. Is that what you’re telling me?” Her eye twitched. “Is that my best option right now!? Because I can turn a pony into an orange and don’t you think I won’t! Everypony, oranges, all the time! Plus it’s even better because oranges can’t turn up at my wedding and-!”
“Woah there!” a new voice cut into the discussion, as Rainbow Dash landed next to Twilight. “Cool it, pint-size-Sombra,” she ordered with a firm tone. “Come on, Twilight. It’s been awhile since you freaked out like this. I thought you were getting over this anxiety disorder stuff?”
“I am! I am so over it that I-”
“Then do your breathing exercises and stop bothering the ticket stallion. Jeeze.” Rainbow lifted off the ground just enough to cross her forehooves and stare down at Twilight. Twilight looked between her and the ticket counter, took a deep breath and let it out. “There. You feeling a bit better?”
“I… guess,” Twilight managed, though the strain in her tone was still obvious. She took another breath. “Sorry,” she said to the ticket stallion. “That was just the stress talking. I promise, I’d never really enslave Ponyville and then turn you all into oranges.”
“Oh.” He laughed quietly, taking a half-step towards the window. “I know, Princess. Wedding stress can be-”
“I mean, how would you even enslave an orange? It’s not practical.” Analyzing a complicated problem always made Twilight feel better. “Plus, there’s no way Princess Celestia would just sit there and stand for it. If I ever did turn evil, I’d be way more likely to just put a few local community leaders under mind control and-”
“Hey, Twilight. You know what you need?” Rainbow Dash flew up close and leaned in between the two. “Ice cream.”
“Ice cream?” Twilight asked, blinking. “Because it’ll make me feel better?”
“Because you can’t talk and eat at the same time.” She rolled her eyes. “Come on. Let’s go flying.”
After another word of apology to the ticket stallion, Twilight flew off with Rainbow Dash. They weren’t headed anywhere inparticular, but circled around Ponyville several times in silence. Twilight did her breathing exercises, and after a few laps, the tension left her shoulders and her brow, and she let out a long sigh.
“Thanks for the help back there,” she said. “I was really not at my best. I’ll have to do something nice for that poor stallion later.”
“Yeah, probably,” Rainbow agreed. “Wedding jitters are really getting to you, huh? I heard about what happened at Thunderlane’s house.”
“I guess I made a bit of a scene.” Twilight sighed, beating her wings once to catch up to Rainbow and float by her side. “This is just… not how I planned to spend today.”
“Yeah, I know.” Rainbow offered an understanding smile, and bumped Twilight’s shoulder. “I was really surprised you agreed on the spot like that. But, you know, I think you did the right thing! Thunderlane is a great guy and—”
“Rainbow, I’m not marrying him.” Twilight’s words were more weary than sharp, but she pressed on just the same. “It was a misunderstanding. I didn’t understand the significance of what he was doing. I thought they were just… odd gifts and he was asking if I accepted them.”
“Wait… what?” Rainbow put on a burst of speed and pivoted so she was flying backwards, looking Twilight head on. “How do you not know about that? Treis Dóra is one of Cloudsdale’s oldest traditions! It’s a symbolic representation of everything a husband and wife should provide for each other.”
“Rainbow, you know I grew up in Canterlot.” Twilight let out a firm breath and shook her head.
“Yeah, but…” Rainbow let out an exasperated breath as she tried to find the words, and spread her forehooves wide. “It’s still a big deal! This huge cultural… thing! And besides, even if you didn’t know the details, didn’t any of it strike you as odd? Like, three symbolic gifts, ending with the standard of his house? That it required a ceremony with five witnesses? You didn’t ask about any of that?”
“I know! I should have asked.” Twilight waved vaguely in the air with a hoof. “It just… didn’t come to mind, okay? I thought it was some silly pegasus thing.”
Rainbow’s hooves crossed over her barrel. “Silly pegasus thing?”
“Ugh!” Twilight lifted a hoof to her head. “Please, Rainbow? I’m kind of having a bad day. I don’t need this on top of it. I didn’t think to ask, okay? And it’s not exactly how I pictured my proposal.”
“Oh really? How did you picture it?” she demanded. “Mare down on one knee? Ring? Long courtship?”
“Well… yeah.” Twilight agreed. “Just… you know. A normal wedding.”
“Twilight,” Rainbow gestured over her entire body with one smooth motion of a hoof. “Where would I wear a ring?”
“I, uh…”
“You thought you were going to marry a unicorn.” Rainbow’s words were flat and direct.
“Uh!” Twilight stammered. “No! I mean… maybe! Statistically it’s likely. But that doesn’t mean I have anything against marrying a pegasus. Or an earth pony! All races are beautiful and valuable and should be treasured as equals!” She emphasized her words with a snort. “And… and that’s not the point!”
Twilight flapped her wings hard several times, banking towards Sugar Cube Corner and forcing Rainbow to catch up to her side. “The point is, it was wrong of Thunderlane to propose in the first place. And if he had gotten down on one knee with a ring, I’d still be upset. Not because he’s a pegasus—because I barely know him!”
“So?” Rainbow demanded. “I barely knew my husband before we got married.”
Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash in gaping silence.
Then she plowed face first into Sugar Cube Corner.