Time was going too fast for me. As Christmas came to an end and the next day followed I knew that I had to make up my mind. Twilight was going home and I knew that if I was going with her I would have to go now. It would be ridiculous to hold this off any longer.
I had stayed in my room most of the day just sitting on the bed trying to figure everything out. Deep down I knew what I wanted to do, but there was still a lingering feeling of resistance.
I wanted to stay with Sunset of course. She's simply amazing! The best mother anyone could ask for. I finally know where my obsession with magic came from. Of course Twilight was no help with this either, but still.
I smiled as I thought of yesterday when I sat on Sunset’s lap as we watched everyone else open the rest of their presents and talk.
She softly brushed my hair with her fingers as we sat against the couch. I liked that, a lot. It was so kind and comforting, something I had never felt before with anyone. Sure Twilight was sweet to me, but I was careful when I put down my guard with her. I just always questioned her, especially when she became a Princess. But with Sunset it was completely different. It was as if I knew I didn't have to be guarded with her. She was a very accepting person.
Part of me wondered though. What of all these weird things going on with me lately? I've had these anxiety problems, I'm overly emotional sometimes, and I feel so unsure of everything. They didn't start till I came here.
What if these things that had been happening to me were a sign? If dark magic was trying to get to me, would I be a possible danger? Or was Sunset the cause of this?
I glanced over at the journal Sunset had given me. No. How could I doubt her? She would never do something like that to me.
The flaming heart on the cover reminded me of what I was, what I was expected to be. It showed my power in magic and the passion for it I possessed deep in my heart.
Maybe who I thought I was destined to be has never been my destiny, I thought. I don't know. Honestly my thoughts are pretty mixed up right now.
A soft knock on my door snapped me back into the real world.
Twilight entered my room seeing me sitting on the bed. I fell back on the bed, acting like I was refusing to leave which is probably the reason she was here.
She came to me and put her hand on my leg.
“I have to go.” She sounded even more upset than me.
I sat up, resting on my arms against the bed.
“I suppose I have to make up my mind huh?” I said smirking a little.
She chuckled.
I ran my hand through my hair, moving my bangs out of the way then got off the bed and grabbed my journal. Twilight and I stared at each other for a second. I walked towards her, holding my journal close to my chest.
Part of me desperately wanted to go back with her, to return to the world I knew and loved, but deep down I knew that I would never be truly happy there.
But I may not be truly happy here either. Who knows. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy.
What if I just quickly make up my mind? I mean I can always just go back to Equestria if things go badly here. But still….it's going to hurt to leave Twilight, the one pony who has been there for me along with Princess Celestia.
“I'm gonna miss you Twilight.” I whispered.
A single tear ran down Twilight's cheek. She wiped it away quickly then hugged me tightly.
I closed my eyes as I let the journal fall and hugged her back, inhaling her scent. Ah! I held back tears. She smelled so much like home. It made me start to reconsider. No! I had finally made up my mind. I can't be so fickle.
Twilight pulled away from the hug and forced herself to smile.
“Shall I tell Sunset?” She asked.
“No. Wait till later.” I said.
She nodded as she let me go.
“Okay. I'll see you in a bit.” Twilight wiped away her tears then she turned around and walked out the door, closing it behind her.
I stood there unsure of everything I just did. This decision I just made feels so forced. I mean this is what I want right?
I picked my journal and put it on the bed.
I turned around to walk out of my room, but something stopped me. The oxygen seemed to escape from the room and I was gasping for air. I tried to move, but everything was frozen, I couldn't move a muscle. The light around me turned dark as I stood there trying to breathe. The room felt as if it was closing in on me. The walls came closer and closer. I tried so hard to breathe, but my attempts were useless. Suddenly I was able to gasp for air and the room returned to normal.
I fell back on the bed, gasping for air. I pulled my hair back, closing my eyes as I tried to breathe normally again.
Once my breathing went back to normal I let my hair go and opened my eyes.
But when I opened my eyes I saw that I wasn't alone.
A dark shadowy mist was floating in my room, blocking the door.
I creased my brow as I stood slowly.
This thing didn't feel threatening, but it didn't seem safe either.
It didn't move or do anything, it just stayed there as I examined it. Does it speak?
“What are you?” I asked cautiously.
It slowly took form as I spoke. At first it looked like a pony, but then it formed into a person. It had long dark red hair and piercing green eyes. It wore black clothes and its skin was really pale.
I didn't know what it was. It seemed female, but maybe it had no gender. It just took the form of one. I had read about many different kind of spirits and shape shifters in Equestria, but this isn't anything like what I've read about.
She smiled a little at me as she pulled her jacket's hood down, revealing a thin dark scar on her cheek.
“Your guardian.” Her voice sounded soft and very sweet.
I scoffed. “You? A guardian?”
She nodded.
“You're lying. There's no such thing. You're probably a spirit trying to cause trouble.” I said.
She chuckled softly as she shook her head.
“Ah, you are correct. I very well could be, but this is not what I am. I am merely an old soul that saw a poor young filly be mistreated by so many ponies and wished to help her. Look out for her.”
I give her a hard look then laughed. “Ha! Some help you've been then.”
She looked me in the eye as she raised an eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Yeah.” I tried to sound firm.
She chuckled, her laugh sounded like low ringing bells.
“Oh Solstice. If you only knew.”
I took a step back towards her and glared at her. “How do you know my name?”
She smiled a bit smugly. “I know more than just your name, sweetness.” She stepped closer to me as she crossed her arms.
“Your mother is Sunset Shimmer. She had you when she was a young teenager, even younger than you and then because she was much too selfish to look out for anypony but herself she got rid of you.”
My eyes hardened on her. “That's a lie. She didn't get rid of me. She loves me.”
“Oh really? Then tell me, if she did love you why did she not just go to Princess Celestia the minute your father threatened to kill you?”
“She was just scared! She didn't want to risk him getting away then hurting me.”
“Seems a bit of a ridiculous excuse. I'm sure Sunset would know that Celestia would never let that happen,” She scoffed.
I tried to come up with a defense, but my mind ran blank. So I quickly tried to change the subject.
“Who the hell are you? How do you know these things?” I asked in a hard tone.
“It does not matter who I am. What matters is the decision you are making.” She said in a cool voice.
“My decision?”
She nodded.
“Why do you wish to stay with her?”
“Because, she's my mother.” I said.
“But she hasn't been with you for so many years. Why would she suddenly want to be a part of your life now?”
“She couldn't be with me then. I was in danger.”
“Lies. All she wanted was to be rid of you. She didn't care about you” She said in a cold voice.
“No. That's not true.” I argued.
“Listen to me. I know that you're wary about your decision to stay here. What if it's because deep down you know I'm right?” She asked.
I didn't say a word as she came closer to me, her dark green eyes piercing mine.
“I know you Solstice Shimmer. I have followed you for most of your life. And the Solstice I know would never be so accepting of a pony like Sunset or this world she lives in.” Her sweet voice sounded like a chorus of bells. “Think about it. You have not felt like yourself ever since you've met Sunset have you? You feel scared and unsure of everything you do. And these panic attacks you've been having? Do you believe these all to be just a coincidence?”
I glanced at my journal resting on my bed. Well...I have thought of it. I can't tell her that though.
“What do you care?” I asked.
She pieced me with those dark green eyes as she came even closer to me, barley a foot away now.
“Oh I care, dear Solstice. I came across you and Sunset by chance and you sparked my interest so I decided to keep an eye on you. Ever since then I have protected you from the nightmares that dare try to enter your dreams as you slept, I watched over you every day in school and those nights you walked home alone. As Celestia comforted you when you cried over the pain of not having your parents I sought out revenge for you. I would torture them with nightmares and send the worst of all evil to stalk them. Know my dear, they have paid for their abuse they inflicted on you."
"When you would be drunk at those parties you went to I would watch out for you and make sure you were not raped as Sunset was. Those late nights you spent studying. Your long talks with Celestia or Twilight. Every day every night I have been with you.”
I blinked in surprise. Um. This is news. I didn't know whether I should be afraid or thankful to this spirit.
She saw the surprise on my face and she half smiled.
“See? I have plenty reason to care.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but suddenly I found myself unable to. Air seemed to be leaving the room again. I started hyperventilating hard as I stumbled backwards onto my bed.
No! Not now! Not now!
I sat on the bed and tried to gain control of my breathing, but it was getting harder and harder as the attack continued.
The spirit came towards me and put her hand on my shoulder.
I wanted so desperately to push her away from me, but when she touched me the attack suddenly stopped. I could breathe and the fear left me.
I looked up at her in amazement.
“It stopped.” I said.
“Of course it did.” She said in a calm voice.
“But-” I began.
“I'm telling you Solstice. She is linked to everything that has been happening to you. I would have helped you before, but she blocked me. She’s doing all this to you to manipulate you.”
“Why would she want to manipulate me?”
“Because she wants you Solstice. She knows how powerful you are. That's the only reason she has suddenly gained an interest in you. She just wants you to be on her side so she can continue her quest for power. And this supposed attraction to Twilight! If she gains the love of an alicorn think of it?! All that magic and power on her side. She would be unstoppable.”
What? What? No….it can't be true.
But it makes so much sense. What if it's true? Sunset could have reached out to me years ago, why now? She says she's changed. She could be lying though.
The Twilight thing could be true too.
No!! Why am I questioning her? She's…..she can't be…..
A tear ran down my face as I slide off my bed and sat on the floor.
Is she lying to me? Does she not love me? Does she just want me because I have a knack for magic?
I thought about how she looked into my eyes, how she seemed a bit wary around me sometimes. Yes….. All those years...she probably knew about me.
I buried my face in my hands as the thought sunk in.
No. My mother doesn't love me. If she did she would have sought me out years ago.
I felt a hand on my own, pulling them away from my face.
I looked up and saw the spirit. Her emerald green eyes were soft as she rubbed my hands.
“Hush sweetness. No use crying over her," She said in a musical voice.
I pulled my hands away from her.
“Then what do I do?” I demanded.
She smiled.
“You do not allow them win.”
“How the hell do I do that?”
“Don't take everything they say to be the truth. Find out if they're lying. And if they are do everything you can to make them pay for it.”
I looked at my journal that was resting on the floor now. Its cover was gleaming in the small bit of sunlight that was coming in through the curtain. I ground my teeth then looked back at her.
“Everything I can?” I asked.
She nodded.
I looked at the journal once more, seeing the meaningless promise. Then I licked my lips and hardened my eyes as I looked back at the spirit.
“Alright.” My voice sounded dead as I agreed.
The spirit smiled as she helped me to my feet.
“I have a question for you though.” I said.
She seemed interested in what I may ask her so she didn't hesitate.
“Ask away.”
“What is your name?” I wondered.
She gave a small laugh at my question. She probably thought it was a ridiculous one. I didn't care I was honestly curious.
“Raven. Raven Nevermore.”