Chapter 8: The Bitch, the Bear, and the Bastards.
Thursday 10/1st
-Xavier's POV-
-Recap-
I would say that we were beginning to have a normal life, but that would be a lie. It would be if I had a job and a flirty friend girl back on Earth, but to be honest I think I'm starting to like it here. Sure, I miss the taste of meatball subs and pepperoni pizza. Sure I'm going to miss the taste of ordering some General Tso's chicken and steamed rice. I hear Griffins here eat meat. I may have to order some from them when we run out or get tired of fish that Fluttershy sends us. Speaking of Griffins, Rainbow Dash told me that Gilda used to be cool. She was the very first friend she made at her junior flight camp. Funny story, Gilda was the one being picked on and bullied. How in the hell did she become a bully if she was so nice there?! I guess for a griffin, the older you get, the smaller the heart gets. I suppose I can say the same for some humans back home.
Fluttershy has been a huge help to us in multiple ways. Not only did she send us fish that her animals caught for her, but she also looks after Brianna and Jonathan. The later was upset that we forgot his birthday on Monday. Firstly, the ponies didn't know. Pinkie had pinkie swore to throw him an "I'm sorry we forgot your birthday" party soon. Jack said he didn't forget. He and AJ had picked Jonathan up and took him to the party for some apple pie and presents. Applebloom wanted to go over to my house to celebrate the birthday because of the cool stuff we had. Everyone was busy though and no one was at home. I was pranking with Pinks and Dash. Jeff was helping with repairs from the stampede incident. Trae was holding a stand for someone, and Hiroto was studying at the library. That kid needs to get out of the books and live a little if you ask me.
Dash and I have been hanging out more. Her colleagues even said that she wasn't taking mid-work naps anymore so she could get done faster. I had an idea why, but I didn't tell them. It's not like it was any of their business anyway. Dash and I got close since the Gilda incident, but not as close as the Jacks seem to be. Jack started volunteering to assist AJ with anything she may need help with on the farm. I think he just likes the food she cooks. That sounds like him. One thing I know about Jack is that he has a fat personality, but somehow he stays thin. Dat saiyan metabolism! Fluttershy is pretty much Brianna's mother from another world. Fluttermom! Hah! But blood is still thicker than water. She's still living with us. That won't change anytime soon. Bribri still plays with Jonathan and Applebloom though. I thought school would've started by now. I guess things are different here.
-End of Recap-
This morning was just as uneventful as ever. I wake up, perform my daily morning routine, leave the house to walk Bri over to Fluttershy's before I start my work schedule. Funny thing was that my first assignment was a request by none other than the first mare to demonize me, Roseluck. She, Lilly, and Daisy needed my help with putting up a fence around their flowers in case of another incident like the bunny stampede.
Of course, knowing me, I just had to troll her, saying that my payment would be her for dinner. It didn't work with either of them, an she responded with a "You're silly! You can take me to dinner if you want, Mr. Human." I don't know how Rainbow would feel about that. I knew we weren't that close, but I'm not gonna risk unintentionally upsetting anyone.
"Maybe another time." I replied.
The task ended up taking me a few hours. I had to make a lot of trips after I took measurements. The Apples had a few spare wood they couldn't use, but I only needed a little. I mean, c'mon. It's a flower fence. I took a trip to a store owned by two stallions named Nutz and Boltz to buy, uh. You guessed it. Nuts, bolts, hinges, etc. I made it home, and into my garage. The garage door has never been opened in Ponyville, and I don't plan on opening it anytime soon. Sure it'd be more simple to open it so I won't have to lug the wood, nuts, and bolts through the house to get it into the garage and then lug out the finish product through the same way, but there will be curious eyes. They do not know what's in here except stuff that makes loud noises. So far, all they know is that it's some type of construction magic considering I go in with raw materials and come out with whatever I was making. I silently thanked my dad for his homeschooling wood shop class. I would've lost a few fingers to these machines.
After I was done, I took the finished product and made it over to Roseluck's. I'm glad I was good at geometry. The fence reached around her flowers perfectly. She coughed up the bits and I was on to my next task at Sugarcube Corner. Or it would've been my next task, but Mr. Wilson was already there. Oh well. I guess I'm free for the rest of the day. So I was on my way back home until I saw fireworks going off in Town Square. Not having anything else to do, I went to check it out. I saw five of my friends plus dragon and siblings in the front. I then heard a voice.
"Come friends! Come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trrrrrrrrrixie!!!"
A blue mare with a silver-ish mane and tail wearing a wizard get-up appeared on the stage in a poof of smoke. Hm. A magician show mare. This should be entertaining.
"Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!"
I went over and sat by the five.
"My my my, what boasting." Rarity said.
Rarity, she's a fucking performer! That's what performers do! I remained quiet after being reminded why I disliked Rarity so much.
"Come on, no one's as magical as Twil-." I cut off Spike.
"Twilight's not a performer, Spike." I told him.
"There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there?" Twilight asked, walking up to Rarity.
"No, there isn't." I answered before Rarity could say some stupid shit.
Applejack looked at Trixie "Nothin wrong at all, except'n for when they're goin' around and showin it off like a schoolfilly with fancy new ribbons."
"Like I said, she's a performer. It's what she does!" I said, getting a tad bit irritated with being ignored.
"Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us." Rarity said.
"Yeah especially when you've got me around being better than the rest of us!" Rainbow 'agreed'.
If anyone were paying attention, I was pretty much making the Jackie Chan "What the... I don't even" expression. What the fuck?! When did she ever say she was better than anyone? Holy shit you all are stupid!!
Applejack noticed my visible agony. "You alright there, sugarcube?"
I was about to tell them everything wrong with their conversation until Trixie opened her mouth.
"Well well well. It seems we have some neigh sayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant and challenge the magic ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie?!"
Okay, she's angry at a group of hecklers while maintaining her persona on stage. Totally reasonable. Time to be the mature adult. I stood up to address the showmare.
"Sorry Great and Powerful Trixie. We appreciate your efforts in entertainment!" I said, looking at my small group of heckler friends. "We would appreciate seeing more of your magic PERFORMANCES and I hope will proceed to SHUT UP while you continue with the tricks you wish to show us."
Rarity was about to say something to me, but I put my hand over her mouth to shut her up instantly. I didn't want to hear it from a mare who shows off her talents all the fucking time!. Spike was about to go on about how Twilight was better in magic than Trixie was, but was shut up by Twilight. I was trying to keep calm. Trixie looked me over.
"At least somepony respects the Great and Powerful Trixie, even if it isn't a pony." For the sake of her show, I decided not to call her out on her small mistake at the end of her sentence.
Rainbow Dash flew up there and asked her how she was so great and powerful. Dammit Rainbow! She then went on about vanquishing an Ursa Major, which Twilight told me was the size of a mountain. Probably just her stage persona talking, but we all know she didn't do anything of the sort. Well, most of us. Two idiotic ponies actually believed her.
Trixie then challenged the 6 to a performance contest. Okay, she may be taking this stage persona thing a bit too far, but I can see why she would. She challenged Twilight first, but Applejack decided to defend her friend by doing rope tricks. Trixie countered it by tying her with her own rope and shoving an apple in her mouth. If Jack were here, he'd either be pissed, or think that Applejack was into bondage. Hahaha!
After AJ's well deserved humiliation, Rainbow did her speed performance, zipping a hole through multiple clouds that even the rain water followed her. When she finally stopped and formed a rainbow over her form as the water sprinkled her.
"Hey, that was actually impressive." I thought out loud. This made Rainbow blush a little.
"Yeah, I know. They don't call me Rainbow and Dash for nothing monkey boy!"
Trixie countered this by making a tornado out of Rainbow Dash's rainbow... What? ... and spun her off the stage. I wanted to go up there, but remembered that as impressive and awesome she may be, she was still in the wrong here. Well, I was going to do nothing until Trixie struck Rainbow by lightning. I was about to call her out on her unprofessional-ism. That was uncalled for. Well, everyone was laughing, and Rainbow wasn't hurt or anything. I guess lightning aren't lethal to ponies? Magic... Either way, I lost a bit of respect for Trixie.
I continued to sit there and watch. It seems like everyone who failed to upstage Trixie on her own show were edging Twilight to do the same. I went over beside my sister who was standing beside Fluttershy and asked her "Wait... so it's alright for Twilight to show off her magic but it's not alright for Trixie? I think even you can see the hypocrisy here, sis." She thought about it and nodded her head in agreement.
That was when Rarity took the stage. A grin creeped onto my face. Yes! This aughta be good! All Rarity did was use style her mane fancy-like. Trixie countered it by turning her now-ruffled mane green with earthworms and twigs sticking out. I liked Trixie again. I was rollin'. I busted a gut. I was cracking up harder than Gabriel Iglesias. Trixie saw that I enjoyed this and turned her coat another shade of green.
I laughed even harder. "SHE'S ANGRY EVERYBODY! YOU WOULDN'T LIKE HER WHEN HE'S ANGRY!!!" The now green mare ran off, crying. I got venomous looks from Twilight and the other ponies. They were gonna have a word with me and my lack of support. I just knew it. However, they were still in the wrong and were getting their just desserts. As her friends (Minus Fluttershy and Rarity) edged Twilight to take Trixie on, she did the exact opposite. She ran off, claiming her laundry was calling. She doesn't wear clothes.
I didn't bother with the five. They wouldn't want to talk to me right now anyway, and frankly, I didn't really care. After a while, Trixie was by her stage brushing her mane. I decided it'd be nice to greet her.
"Hey Trixie!"
"I see somepony wishes to admire the Great and Powerful Trixie in pony."
"Well, yeah, but I'm not a pony, as you pointed out earlier, and I just wanted to tell you that your performance was pretty damn impressive."
"Oh. It's you. Friends with those heckling up-stagers."
"Yeah. I know. I honestly don't know what got into them. I'm glad you did what you did though. They deserved it. Hah! What you did to Rarity though. That was grand!"
"Trixie is happy you liked her performance, although.. Trixie questions your choice of friends."
"I don't think they know what show names and personas are. Around where i'm from, performers do the same thing you do. And hey, everyone else seemed to enjoy your show too, but I'd call myself a fan. My little sis loves ya too." She blushed at he compliments.
"Well, Trixie thank you for your kindness. Perhaps she can entertain you with a special trick she has been working on?" she said, still talking in third person.
The very reason I'm okay with third person talking is because where I grew up, some people talk in third person. My grandma talks in third person. My gym teacher talks in third person. I paid it no mind. She took her hat off and was about to do something. That was until Dumb and Dumber showed up, shoving a glass of drink in her face. Seriously? Personal space! It looked like Snail butt has some sort of crush on her. They asked how she managed to vanquish an Ursa Major. I mentally facepalmed at how idiotic they were.
"Trixie is far too exhausted from performing feats beyond imagination. Begone you two, until morrow." They bowed and walked away while walking. I was about to leave too, but Trixie stopped me by pulling my hood with her magic. "Wait! Trixie is curious to know what kind of creature you are. In all of Trixie's journey, she has never seen anything like you before."
"I'm a human. I'm also a male. A 'he', not an 'it'. You called me an 'it' on stage."
She looked around, not seeing anyone around before speaking up. "Trixie would like to apologize for her rudeness and she wishes to know your name, human."
"It's Xavier Roberts, but just call me Xavier."
She smiled. "Trixie was wondering if you would like to travel and perform with her. Trixie has a cage that she thinks she could fit you inside of. We could get a lot of publicity and Trixie could get you a piano to play and everything."
I raised an eyebrow. "I'd have to decline, sadly. One, I'm not some exotic animal to be caged. If you hadn't noticed, I'm civilized, and I don't feel comfortable with being shown off as a sideshow. Secondly, I'm needed more here. I have a home here. A house, siblings, and other humans to live with. Thirdly, I suck at piano."
She sighed, a bit disappointed. "Trixie understands and apologizes once more."
"Don't worry. Like you said before, you've seen nothing like me. You couldn't have known. Just remember, human aren't pets. We may look like tail-less monkeys, but we're not." I said, scratching behind her ears.
She seemed to enjoy that. With that, we went inside of her stage and talked about show stuff. She said she was from Trottingham, and I stated that I'm from another dimension and my birthplace doesn't exist here. She laughed when I told her that my friends, siblings and I got sucked here along with our house. I also told her about TVs and movie theatres. She seemed interested. Half of me wanted to show her around, but the other half told me she could be too busy. I would've asked, but I didn't want to make it seem like I was coming on to her. She was cool off stage. She told me that she didn't really vanquish an ursa major, but it was a persona backstory that got a lot of ponies' attention and drew them in. I kinda know how things go, Trixie. I told her to be careful with that backstory from now on. Who knows what could happen?
"Trixie will take your words into consideration."
"Anyway, I should get going. It's getting late and I promised sis that I'd cook her favorite dinner today and I don't want her to-" I was cut off by a roar in the distance along with the two idiots from earlier shouting for Trixie outside.
"Trixie thought she said that Great and Powerful Trixie did not want to be disturbed!"
Idiots are incapable of taking a hint.
I heard a roar shortly after. Whatever it was coming closer. And judging by the shaking ground, it was pretty big. I saw it. It looked like a huge bear made of stars and nova dust. Trixie and I, along with the two stallions booked it. That thing was fast and it looked pretty pissed. I've never ran so fast in my life.
We kept running until we were cornered.
Scissor butt started. "Great and Powerful Trixie! You have to vanquish the Ursa!"
Snailly urged her on too, grinning like an idiot. "Yeah, vanquish the Ursa so we can watch!"
"We went through a lot of trouble to get that thing here!"
Trixie and I turned to the two. "Wait.. You brought this here?!? Are you out of your loony minds?!" Trixie exclaimed.
"But you're the Great and Powerful Trixie. Remember? You defeated an ursa major." They said, actually expecting her to do something.
"YOU FUCKING MORONS!!! IT'S A FUCKING PERSONA BACKSTORY!!! IF WE SURVIVE THIS, I WILL PERSONALLY KICK BOTH OF YOUR DUMBASSES ALL THE WAY TO THE MOUNTAIN-SIDE CASTLE!!!" I so badly wanted to throw them into the mouth of that thing, but then, that wouldn't look good to the rest of the ponies. I needed to do something. I bent down low infront of the mare unicorn. "Trixie, climb on my back. Don't question it, just do it." She didn't hesitate. She tucked her tail between her hind-legs and and jumped on my back. I started climbing on the lowest roof. Thanking my favorite outdoor hobby being free running, I was pretty much running on top of the buildings to get away from the large star bear. I then realized, it wasn't after the twins anymore. It was after the mare on my back who it heard had defeated an Ursa Major.
The bear was destroying homes trying to catch up to us. Jeff has his work cut out for him. Eventually, I spotted Twilight. She's the smartest mare in town. I landed by her. "Hey Twilight. How do you get rid of a pissed off giant star bear?" Somehow, the two responsible for this mess made it here first.
"We brought it here so wanna see the Great and Powerful Trixie vanquish the Ursa Major. What are ya waitin for?" One of them asked.
"I made it all up! I never did vanquish an ursa major! Weren't you listening?!? It's impossible to vanquish one! No one ever has! I just made the story up to make myself look better!"
If shitting bricks was a possibility, the two woud have enough to repair those destroyed buildings themselves. That's if they were made out of bricks..
The Ursa roared as it found us. Twilight stepped out in front of us. Her horn started to glow. I don't know what was happening, but someone was playing a flute somewhere that was lulling the giant behemoth. Twilight also carried a large large water silo full of milk she got from who-knows-where and gave it to the bear who was then lifted up, out of town, and back into the Everfree. Everyone congratulated Twilight.
"Well done, Twi." I said. "I don't know how you did it, but you did it." Twilight looked at me. I guess she hadn't forgotten about the Rarity thing.
She turned to her friends. "You mean you don't hate me?"
"Hate you?!" The four asked in unison.
"Whatever do you mean, darling?" Asked Rarity.
"Well, I know how much you all hated Trixie for showing off with her magic tricks. I just thought-" She was cut of by Dash.
"Woah woah woah. Magic's got nothin to do with it! Trixie's just a loud mouth!"
Shut up Dash...
"Most unpleasant." Agreed Rarity.
Shut the fuck up Rarity
"All hat 'n' no cattle." finished AJ.
I had it.
"shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP ALL OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!"
Rainbow Dash spoke up first. "Dude, what's your deal?! You've been acting weird today."
Applejack continued. "Yeah, I thought you were our friend."
Rarity finished for them. "Such uncouth language and behavior."
"NO! YOU THREE SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTHS RIGHT NOW!!! I AM TIRED!!! You four have been ignoring me ALMOST ALL DAMN DAY! I was chased by a GIANT FUCKING STAR BEAR!!! YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME RIGHT NOW!!!"
They all shut up, even the ponies in the background.
"First of all, ARE YOU THREE FUCKING INSANE?!?" I said to Twilight's friends. "Of course she's going to boast about her unique abilities! She's a fucking showmare! It's what she does to put food on her plate and maintain her home, which may I now remind you is now crushed! She's a fucking perfomer! IT'S WHAT SHE DOES!!! Twilight's not a performer! Sure she uses her magic in a more productive manner. That's pretty damn awesome! Trixie NEVER said she was better than anyone of you! You all assumed she meant it because of what? Her STAGE NAME?!? OF COURSE she never fucking vanquished a giant star bear! Have you ever heard of a PERSONA BACKSTORY?!? Performers do it all the fucking time!!! It gets them attention!! Not MEANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE!!! I tried to tell ALL of you that, but ya just won't listen! Ya ignant!"
The main three culprits were starting to see where I was getting at, not really wanting to hear the second thing I was about to bring up.
"Secondly, I gotta say, YOU THREE ARE FUCKING HYPOCRITES!!! YOU THREE SHOW OFF ALL THE GODDAMN TIME!!!" I tried to put on my best southern accent. "Ah got da best applez in Equestria right here at Shweet Apple Acresh! SHOWOFF!!!" I turned to Rarity. "Oh, and DON'T you get me started on you, Rarity! You're the worst hypocrite out of the three of ya! You're more flashy with your shit than Trixie could ever be! NO! Literally!!! Yes! You're a good seamstress, fashionista, or whatever! What Trixie does with magic you do with clothes!" I turned to Rainbow. "You, Rainbow Dash, I'm actually impressed with your tricks, but don't bring someone else down when they harmlessly try to make themselves look good too! I mean for fuck's sake! The three of you actually fucking deserved the humiliation Trixie gave you!! So no, I will not support hypocrisy! Not from my friends! Not from my family! No!"
I took a deep breath. "And third of all..." I turned to the two idiots who were trying to sneak away. Trixie magic'd them back. "If anyone should be chastised, it should be THESE FUCKING MORONS RIGHT HERE!!!" I turned to them. "what the FUCK was going on through your minds that you had to go about bringing a FUCKING BEHEMOTH INTO TOWN!!! HOMES! WORKPLACES! ALL DESTROYED! Some people may have gotten hurt because of you two!!!" As expected, they cowered.
"Well Spike gave us the idea to bring an Ursa Major here so we could see her vanquish it ourselves!"
Spike shrunk four sizes that night under Twilight's death glare.
I turned to Spike. "Is this true?"
"How was I supposed to know that they were gonna bring an actual Ursa Major here?!" Spike said in defense.
"They actually believed that she defeated one..." I answered simply.
"Spike, I know you didn't see it coming but you're lucky that was an Ursa Minor, and a baby one at that." Twilight scolded.
"I just wanted people to know that you're the most magical pony here." Spike said, on the verge of tears.
Twilight facehoofed. "Spike, what am I going to do with you?"
"I got the answer for you prissy lil' ponies!!" A voice called out.
Jeff stepped out of the corner. "How 'bout these three pansies pay there dues by helpin me with them torn down buildings! Who knows? Maybe a loose plank-a-wood might fall and knock some damn sense into 'em." He laughed.
Twilight nodded. "That sounds like a great idea, minus the plank of wood hitting them part. Right Spike? Right!" She answered for Spike.
"Bright and early infront of my house tomorrow morning! I'll have yer hardhats ready!" He said.
"Now! If you excuse me, I NEED A COLD DRINK! AND SOME FUCKING SLEEP!!!" I yelled. Right then and there, I started my trip back home. I was so steamed that I didn't notice I was being followed. I turned around, ready to scream my head off until I saw it was Trixie.
"Do you have a moment for Trixie?" she asked.
"If you can walk and talk at the same time. I wasn't joking about being tired."
"Trixie wants to thank you for defending her. Trixie will also take your advice in changing her backstory to avoid... this"
"Good idea."
We reached my house. I was about to bid her farewell, but remembered she didn't have a home. I invited her to stay a few nights and that I would pay and repair her stage home, but she refused. She said she'd stay a night then take the morning train back to Trottingham and stay with her parents until she can afford another stage.
Two things happened that night. I became a number one friend that night, and The Great and Powerful Trixie has grown a soft spot for humans.
