Chapter 6: Preparations
“Golden Retriever, make sure to get reservations at Le Pomme D'or. I don’t care how busy it is. Tell them to find me a table if they want to make sure my reviews stay positive,” Trenderhoof ordered, walking around his lavish penthouse in Manehatten, overlooking Central Park. “And to make sure it is the perfect distance away from the violinist, I want to hear the music, but not so much that I can’t hear my date,” stopping in a mirror, he examined his face. “Set up an appointment at Chouchoutez et de Rajeunir. I want the earliest time for tomorrow, make sure they know it's me.”
A bespectacled grey colored earth pony with a light gold mane followed Trenderhoof around his penthouse like a lost puppy. She was holding a piece of parchment in front of her as she constantly dipped her quill into an ink jar to write down everything Trenderhoof said. The continuously scratching of the nib was the only indication Trenderhoof had that his assistant was keeping up with his demands.
“Yes sir, I will get on that right away,” Retriver said, as she followed Trenderhoof into his bedroom. “What time shall I have the limo come to pick you up?” Trender took a moment to look himself over in the full length mirror. Luckily that buffoon of a pegasus had not left any permanent marks on him.
“I want them here at eight, right on the dot. Make sure they also have a chilled bottle of Apple Redd Cider waiting in the limo as well.” Trenderhoof continued to examine himself in the full length mirror, trying to find any minute detail he might have overlooked that would be in need of fixing before his date.
Dating was nothing new to him. In fact, he had written several articles about the subject, and how a stallion could get any mare he wanted as long as he was a gentlecolt and understood the world around him; and had the right connections. If there was one thing in this world Trenderhoof had, it was connections.
This time, however, things were very different. This was no ordinary mare he was taking on a date. No, she was beyond any other mare he had ever met! She was not like the other mares he had dated, or wanted to date him. She was something far more special. A self made pony, just like himself, who used every skill and talent she possessed to be the best. How his heart sank when she wanted nothing to do with him, that he poured out his very heart and soul to her in that letter just for the chance that she would not hate him, and he could try to win her heart.
“Of course sir. Will you be wanting to go through your mail now or later?” a collection of letters in varying shapes were proffered with a hoof.
Trender picked the pile up and flicked quickly through them, murmuring to himself as he did. “Fanmail, fanmail, cheque, yet another request to investigate a clockwork toy shop in some place called Pasofino.” He paused to snort at the letter. “Honestly, do I really seem like a stallion who has time to play with toys? Hmm, Applejack might enjoy them, perhaps if I can ascertain what sort of toys she had as a foal. More fan mail, a magazine copy of my latest review, hmm, they didn’t catch my best side. That’s the last time I let the locals recommend photographers. More fan mail, ooh, one of my sources says that things are getting exciting in Bitaly. Hmm, I suppose I could see if there’s something exciting in those quaint little ruins. Fan mail, cheque, oh, another complaint saying I ruined some little pizza place in Bayroan, what was it again? Slice of Pie? Oh well, not everyone can appreciate my genius.” Trender floated the letters back to his assistant before focusing on his reflection again, tugging out his ever-present comb to fluff his bangs slightly.
“Yes sir, shall I fill out the fan mail as normal?” Retriever asked, taking the mail back and sorting it out to what he had deemed important and not important. “I have also taken the liberty of sending that dress to her this morning, the one you said brought her eyes,”
“Good, good” Trenderhoof replied, as he tugged on his mane for a few seconds longer, making sure it was in its proper place. “And yes, do whatever it is you do with them. You can sign them for me as well, I am far too busy to deal with those trivial things,” Putting his comb away, he turned to his large walk in closet and hit the light switch.
As the lights came on, rows of the most luxurious and extravagant clothes were on display. Each article of clothing was tailored specifically for Trenderhoof, made by the greatest designers in Equestria as gifts for his positive reviews. Running his hoof across them, he looked for one that would show off his good looks, physique, and show an air of sophistication and culture about himself, but nothing that would overshadow the beauty of his date that night.
“What to wear, what to wear,” Trenderhoof mumbled to himself, as his hoof ran across the fine fabrics. “Hmm, there is that silk caftan made by that lovely up and coming designer from Bovaland, they did do a lovely job with the embroidery, but then I’ll have to explain why it’s a formal robe and not simply ‘beachwear’ and that gets tedious. Hmm, perhaps that lovely fitted blazer with the Tamarack lace trim. No, wait, blast, it’s at the cleaners after that after party Pony Parada threw. Hmm, Perhaps that serape Rhinestone and Jet Black crafted, though I think they’re on their way out and they certainly don’t deserve my help propping up their poor efforts.”
Trenderhoof kept talking to himself, his eyes scanning his extensive wardrobe in search of the perfect outfit to compliment his date.
“If I may propose sir, your dark blue blazer from Gieves and Hawkins? It was just returned from the tailors and it would be a good match to the dress you sent to miss Applejack.” Trenderhoof looked up from the row he was examining and at the protective bag that was hanging just in the back of his closet.
His aura surrounded the bag and brought it over to him, unzipping it on the way. Once it was in front of him, Trenderhoof examined the contents inside and a wide smile spread over his face. “Golden, remind me to give you a raise.” Trenderhoof said in glee, making his way over to the dressing room leaving the mare behind.
“Third one this month” Golden Retriever said, in a voice barely above a whisper as she shrugged, before following the excited stallion to the dressing room knowing he would want her opinion.
--
Soarin groaned out as he laid on one of the beams of the Apple barn. His hooves were covering his eyes, while his wings were hanging loosely off the sides of the beam. For the last few days he had been in his cloud mansion, racking his brains about what to do with Applejack on their date, but nothing seemed to be good enough for her. Each one of his ideas didn’t seem to be good enough for her. In short…
He was a nervous mess.
He had been on plenty of dates, but anything he could think of doing he was sure Trenderhoof would do it first; making Soarin look like a cheap imitation of that pompous jerk! He needed something to give him an edge, to show how he felt about her, but he was not quite sure what that was. He would ask some of the other Wonderbolts for advice, but most of them would just laugh and torment him more for being a lovestruck fool.
That only left one pony for Soarin to turn to for advice.
Unfortunately, when Soarin went to seek that pony’s advice, he had found him skipping around the barn humming to himself.
Big Mac was positively giddy with excitement as he bounced around the farm. Soarin could only assume that he had secured a date with Rainbow Dash, and looked like he was ready to walk on clouds with how joyful he was. It was almost unnerving to see how full of life the normally stoic pony was. When Mac noticed Soarin entering the barn, he grabbed the blue pegasus and pulled him into a bone crushing hug, babbling and thanking him for getting the tickets.
He was the exact opposite of how Soarin felt. While he was nervous and apprehensive, Big Mac looked like he could break out into song at any second.
“Mac, seriously, I need an idea here!” Soarin groaned, pushing himself onto his side and looking down at the happy stallion. “I’ve been on dates with celebrities, royalty, hell I took Spitfire’s mom on a date once; but your sister… I just don’t know what to do!” Soarin rolled off the beam and fell a few feet before spreading his wings, slowing his descent and landing gracefully on a stack of hay bales.
Much to Soarin’s disappointment, but not too much to his surprise, the big red stallion kept skipping around the barn, putting tools away, shoveling hay, and whatever other chores he had to do that day. The pegasus was better off talking to a brick wall at this point with how Big Mac was acting, and it would probably be less disturbing. Giving a growl of annoyance, Soarin looked for anything around the barn that might help him get Mac’s attention.
“Oh hey, Rainbow! Fancy seeing you here,” Soarin said, looking up at the open window of the barn.
At once, Mac stopped skipping around the barn and whipped around to where Soarin was looking. His green eyes scanning frantically for any trace of the rainbow maned pegasus that he had finally gotten a date with. What would she think of him if she saw him acting the way he was? Would she laugh at him? Cancel their date for being too ‘un-cool’ to be seen with him?
His eyes darted around the barn in search of the mare, but there was no trace of her vibrant mane or sky blue coat. The only other pegasus there was Soarin, who was smirking at the dumbfounded stallion. Giving a low grunt, the large earth pony shook his head and sat down, looking up at his sister’s suitor.
“Alright, ya got ma attention,” Mac said, watching Soarin’s smile grow larger at his victory. “So what were ya bellyachin’ about?” Soarin’s smile fell at these halting words.
“Wait, you seriously weren’t listening to me?!” Soarin cried out, his wings falling just like his smile.
Mac just shrugged at Soarin’s disappointment, “Sorry Pal. As ya know, Ah finally got a date with Rainbow Dash,” Mac said, a delirious smile finding its way back onto his lips. Luckily for Soarin, the smile didn't last long. MMac knew if it was not for the stallion sitting there he would have not gotten the date he was so excited about. “What can Ah do ta help?”
Soarin sighed out, as he collapsed down on the bale of hay he was on. “That’s the million bit question… I just don’t know what to do on my date with your sister!” He lamented, placing his hooves over his eyes, seeing if the darkness would have answers for him.
Mac simply nodded, rubbing his chin with his hoof. “What would yer perfect date be?” Soarin pulled his hooves from his eyes, and looked down at Soarin.
“What?”
“What would be yer perfect date?” Mac repeated, looking right up at Soarin. “Tell me what would be yer perfect date. What would you want to do on it?” Soarin cocked his head as he looked at Mac, not sure where the country stallion was going with this. Without any other source of advice, Soarin took a breath and thought about what his perfect date would be.
“Well… I guess a dream date for me would be going out to the movies and seeing one of the newest action ones! I love going to those, and just gorging out on popcorn! From there, we would go get something to eat; popcorn never seems to fill me up. We’d probably go to The High Flyers Pie shop. It’s a great little place that’s dedicated to all sorts of pony flight record holders. Everything from the fastest wonderbolt to the longest sustained earth pony flight. They’ve got headshots all over and they make the best milkshakes and hayfries. And their pies, oh man, I never thought there could be a better apple pie ‘til Applejack sold me that pie at the Gala. After that, we would probably walk around downtown and hit up a few bars and see where the evening goes from there,” Soarin grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head with a hoof.
Mac listened to Soarin’s full dream date, giving a nod here and there to show he had been listening to him. As Soarin came to the end, Mac gave one last final nod, before he began to rub his chin once more. “So that’s it?”
Soarin blinked. “Well, yeah, what else should there be? I mean, the last thing I want is to go to some big fancy snobby restaurant.” Soarin gagged. “I hate that stuff. It’s so boring, everyone’s so obsessed with appearances and Spitfire always yells at me when I ask for pie. I mean. c’mon, why would you want to eat a single spinach leaf and a blob of paste when you can have hot tasty pie? Heck, I’m happy sitting out in a field eating corn on the cob or something.”
Once again Mac kept on nodding. His face didn’t change in the slightest as he looked up at Soarin, keeping that perfectly stoic look that unnerved the pegasus. He had to wonder if Mac had to practice that look to become so good at it. Mac stayed silent for a few more moments, scratching his chin while looking out into space.
“Ya know what ma ideal date is?”
“Huh?” Was Soarin’s intelligent answer to Mac’s question. His jaw was slightly open as he looked at Mac. Anytime he talked to this large work pony, it seemed that he liked to talk in riddles or around the topic, never straight forward.
Taking Soarin’s silence as compliance, Mac started to fill in the gap in conversation. “Gotta say, ma dream date would be after chores are done fer the day, so close ta supper. In the interest of not scarin’ them we’d go out somewhere so that the family don’t interrogate them. Maybe goin’ on a nice quiet stroll after supper around the property, explain’ about the tree’s and how the harvest goes. Most of all Ah’d just like ta listen, hear what they gotta say about things. From there, Ah’d have em’ home at a reasonable time, and hope that Ah get a chance fer another date,” Mac concluded, giving a slight nod as he looked at Soarin.
Nopony would ever claim, even himself, that Soarin was a love guru, or had any kind of advice to help another stallion get a date. He mostly just relied on his status as a celebrity and looks to get him dates and what to do on them. The one thing that he knew was to adjust the date so it was one the mare would like, and would want to go out with him again. After all the advice the big stallion had given him, Soarin could not figure out why that was his dream date.
“Mac, not to be a downer or anything, but that sounds like the worst date to take Rainbow Dash on,” Soarin said, swallowing a lump in his throat, afraid of what the other might do. Sure, he could get away from him if things got physical, but he was not really certain what he might tell Applejack about him. “As far as I know Rainbow is a mare for action and adventure. Taking her on a walk around your farm sounds like the worst thing for her. Yeah, she might like talking about herself but really? You think that is going to impress her?”
Soarin was beyond confused. All this time Mac had been harping on this ‘get to know her’ stuff, and he didn’t even seem to know the first thing about the mare he was taking out? Jumping down from the tower of hay bales he had been on, Soarin started to pace in front of Mac, confusion evident by the wrinkles in his face as he tried to understand.
“What kind of date would that be? She would be bored to death! That is not the kind of date you take someone like Rainbow Dash on.”
“Ah know.”
Soarin stopped his pacing, looking over his shoulder he saw the larger stallion sitting there with a half smile. Once again, he had fallen into a trap set by Mac and was once again going to be taught. Turning to fully face Mac, he sat down looking up at him.
“You know?”
“Eeyup.”
Soarin simply nodded. “Yet… you’re going to take her out on that date?”
“Only if Ah don’t want another,” Mac said simply, that half smile still evident on his face. “Ah’m no fool Soarin. Ah know the kind of mare Ah’m takin’ out and plan on takin’ her out on her dream date.” Mac grinned at his proclamation, still not believing that he had a chance to take that famous mare out on a date. Looking down at Soarin, it was still clear that he was missing the point that he had been trying to make.
Giving a deep sigh, Mac once again tried to help Soarin on his date with Applejack. “It’s about takin’ them on their dream date. What is it they would like ta do?” Mac said simply. “What Ah understand, Rainbow’s dream date would be goin’ to a Wonderbolt show, seein’ her favorite flyers perform. On the way to the show talk about the Wonderbolts, who broke what record, the latest in Wonderbolt stories, stuff like that. Once there, she would like ta keep talkin’ about the Wonderbolts, pointing out historical parts of the stadium they were in that day, and all the other trivia she knows about them. From what Ah heard, she wouldn't be the kind ta eat before or after the show, she would want ta have some fried food from the concession stand and watch the show while eating.
“After the show, she would not want to talk about anythin’ else but the show, attempting some of the stunts herself on the way home. From there, Ah’m not quite sure what she would want ta do, but it would be all up to her.”
As Mac finished his tale, he glanced down at Soarin again. “Yer not takin’ yerself out on a date, yer takin’ Applejack. So think what she might want ta do, what she would like, and Ah’m sure ya’ll find the answer,” Mac lightly punched Soarin on the shoulder before getting to his hooves.
Mac leaned forward, stretching out his back, the sound of bones cracking from not being used sounded like a string of fireworks. Proceeding to roll his neck, more crack and snaps emanating from the work pony, Mac started to make his way to the barn doors. “Yer welcomed ta stay here fer as long as ya want, just make sure AJ doesn’t see ya. She’s still givin’ Bloom and Ah a tongue lashin’ about accepting bribes,” Mac said in a low chuckle.
“Hold up!” Soarin shouted, turning to face Mac once again. “What does Applejack like? What would she want to do on a date?” Soarin asked, taking a few quick steps towards Mac. “Like, what's her favorite food, song, is their a certain outfit she likes stallions in?” Soarin’s face had gone from a confused stare, to one filled with desperation and uncertainty, causing the farmer to give another laugh.
“Oh, Ah know the answer to all em’ questions,” Mac said, as a look of relief came over Soarin, finally having the inside track over his hipster opponent. “But, Ah ain’t gonna tell ya,”
“What?” Soarin shouted, as his placed his hooves on Mac’s broad shoulders and started to shake the stallion, or at least tried, for Mac was as sturdy as any oak tree. “Why not?”
Mac simply grinned as he looked at the manic face of the supposed ‘Most Desirable Bachelor in Equestria’. “Because,” Mac simply said, “How weird would it be if ya knew everythin’ about her on the first date?”