“This is it, agents.” Fritter started. “This is the museum where Mr. Marmellata is goin’ to be! Y’all sure you’re ready for this?”
“Ready as we’ll ever be! Right, Jer?” Merry asked as she elbowed me.
“Huh?” I asked, not really paying attention. “Oh, sure Merry. Sure.”
“Are you sure, sugarcube?” Fritter asked.
“Look I’m fine, Agent Fritter.” I insisted. “I just… I just can’t stop thinking about what Agent Snake Eyes said to me. They’ve been watching me for a long time. I mean… I kept an eye on the feds as we were sticking up joints! No offense though.”
“None taken.” Fritter said.
“Look, don’t let what Agent Snake Eyes,” Merry derps her eyes as she says his name, “bother you, Agent Jam. He doesn’t matter. We’re focusing right now on Mr. Marmellata. We’re going to catch him, and he’s going to answer all your questions. I assure you.”
“I know, but it’s not just Snake, it’s Mr. Marmellata too.” I said. “He said he wants me. I’m not sure what that means. How does he know me? He and the DIF have been watching me since childhood, and I don’t know why!”
“To get you into the DIF.” Merry said.
“Well that explains the DIF wanting me, but why the Marmellatas?” I asked.
“That’s why we’re going to capture him and see. It shouldn’t be too hard.” Merry said. “We just sneak inside, evade security, and BOOM, we’re in the clear!”
“Exactly!” Fritter said. “Ah studied the blue prints of this place. Security ain’t that tough.”
“For all of our sake I hope you’re right.” I said.
“Now c’mon, Agent Jam! Let’s pick a path on how we’ll get inside!” Fritter suggested.
“Picking paths again?” I asked.
“Oh pffft! We all know choosin’ is yer specialty!” Fritter said.
“I second that!” Merry agrees. “You chose a lot of choices in the past.”
“Some of them were bad choices.” I added.
“Setting that aside…. we know you’ll pick the right choice this time!” Merry insisted.
“Well if you really have confidence in me, let’s do it.” I said.
“Okie doke then! Lookie, lookie here!” Fritter said as she takes out some blueprint plans and shows them to me. “Now the way I see it, we have two choices: burst into the front door, or sneak inside. Now if we’re goin’ to burst in we’ll need to be very quick and swift. Guards will be in every room, we need to make sure we make the right choices of what tools we use while we’re in there, and quickly too. This is all about thinkin’ fast, sugarcube.”
“Ok, what about the stealth choice?” I asked.
“Well we don’t have to be THAT swift, but it helps.” Fritter explained. “But that would mean we have to keep very quiet. The slightest misstep can set off the alarm. Ah’ve been, umm… studyin’ the rooms carefully and how security works, so ah’ll help guide ya through this.”
“Wait if you have the blueprints, know how security works in here, and know that Mr. Marmellata is in here, then how come you didn’t know the location?” I asked.
“Ain’t technology complicated?” Fritter asked.
“I’m not sure.” I said. “That’s General Lee’s department when it came to the heists. Knowing this scenario, this might kinda be like a heist.”
“Except we’re not really stealing anything.” Merry said. “We’re after a pony.”
“Capturing a pony is still stealing.” I said.
“Ahem.” Fritter clears her throat. “But still, no matter which way we go in, we have to disable security, which is Agent May’s department, and if anythin’ goes wrong with the guards, you know what to do, Agent Jam. But just to let ya know, the more ponies you brainwash, the harder the process is goin’ to be.”
“You tell me this now!” I complained.
“Anything I need to know, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.
“Nope, you’re fine.” Fritter said.
“Lucky!” I pouted.
“So it’s time to choose wisely, Agent Jam.” Fritter said. “Should we bust in through the front door, or sneak our way in?”
Alright, you know the drill. Choose which option you wanna do, and we’ll do it. Option A is here, and scroll down to Option B if you don’t want to do A. Or read both, either or, we’re going to be at the same location at the end.
OPTION A: BURST IN
“I say we should bust in. We’re in a hurry.” I said.
“Ok, it’s done then.” Fritter said. “We can get our carriage driver to burst inside and we can get them offguard.”
“Of course! Bust in! Like a boss! Raise Hell!” Merry cried out.
“Shhhh.” Fritter shushed her. “But first thing’s first, Merry. Ya know what to do.”
“Right, right.” Merry agreed. She walked over to the small outlet by the small wall containing the small wheelchair ramp. Merry plugs in her little hacking device turns it on.
“Be swift, Agent May.” Fritter informed her. “We don’t want to be spotted by any Marmellata mobsters or anypony that might be workin’ them.”
“Got it.” Fritter agreed as she started up her maze game on the device.
“C’mon! What’s taking so long?!” I complained.
“I just started, relax!” Merry suggested.
“Sorry, sorry… just a little anxious, love. Just a little anxious.” I said. “I just… I just feel like I’m being watched.”
“No… looks like it’s not time to pounce yet, dawg.” A mysterious figure from behind the building said to another mysterious figure.
“His time will come soon enough, holms.” The other mysterious figure said as they both snuck off.
“Are you ok, Agent Jam?” Fritter asked.
“Fine. Fine… I… I heard voices. Somewhat familiar, but… I’m not too sure.” I said.
“Got it! I’m in! Hacking it now!” Merry said as she presses the hack button and then a floating pixeled head of Apple Fritter showed up on the screen, laughing evilly. “Ok that’s just creepy, Agent Fritter.”
Fritter then giggles and said, “Good work, Agent May! Let’s head inside!”
“But how?” Merry asked.
“Simple! We bust in!” Agent James said.
“Ah, sorry Agent James.” Fritter said. “We really appreciate your help, but we should handle this ourselves.”
“I insist, Agent Fritter.” Agent James insisted. “I’ll help you inside in any way I can, and then I’ll leave.”
“I really admire his carriage driving skills. It wouldn’t hurt.” I agreed. “We could just bust out and attack while he can also make a hasty distraction.”
“Alright, ah guess that plan will work.” Fritter agreed. “But, agent, are ya sure you wanna do this?”
“I’m sure.” Agent James nodded.
“Ok, then it’s a plan. Let’s do this, agents!” Fritter instructed us. We all headed into the carriage, and Agent James snorts like a bull as he pounds his hooves against the road.
“Ow. Ow.” He said. He glares over at the entrance and aims his eyes towards the doors where security guards were guarding the door.
“Uhhh, Mosquito Fly?” one of the guards asked his partner. “Don’t you feel a little suspicious over that pony over there looking at us strangely?”
Mosquito Fly looks over and says, “You say that about every pony that walks by here. Even that cat from last week!”
“MOSQUITO!” the first guard yelled. Just then, Agent James starts charging towards the guards.
How should we invade or evade them?
A: Evade
B: Ram
C: Kick
D: Jump
The results:
A: We crash into the wall.
B: Agent James rams the guards while running in slow-mo through the doors.
C: One of the guards is taken out, but then we all crash into the wall.
D: Agent James jumps out of the carriage and lands facing down on the ground, then the carriage runs over one of the guards we crash into the wall.
After we got inside, the guards now seem to notice we’re here. Agent James runs through the museum halls while still attached to the carriage. One of the guards says on his walkie-talkie, “Uhh, we got a breach heading towards the Griffon Displays.”
“Uhh, roger that, we’re preparing to seal the breach. Over.” The guard on the walkie-talkie said.
“Uhh, affirmative.” The first guard said.
“Uhhh…” the guard on the walkie-talkie said.
“Uhhh…” the first guard said while making a derpy open-mouthed face.
As Agent James was running through the halls he saw the blockade that was appearing up ahead. “Careful, agents. There’s a bunch of guards blocking the next wing up ahead. What should I do?”
“Agent Jam?” Fritter asked.
Well… reader?
A: Evade
B: Lance
C: Shield
D: Mace
Results:
A: The guards with the hot glue guns were shooting at us but miss as Agent James runs passed them. “Ha haaaa!” Agent James looks back and laughs, until the guard with the night stick knocks Agent James out as he wasn’t paying attention to him.
B: Agent James takes out a lance and starts to joust his way through. Unfortunately, the lance was too heavy for him, and then he trips over, flips the carriage over and lays on his back down as the guards all watched in confusion.
C: Agent James takes out a shield and protects himself against the hot glue the guards were shooting at him. He then rams through the guard with the nightstick on the back and the guard gets his face stuck on the shield. Agent James drops the shield and continues on.
D: Agent James takes out a mace, swings it in there, but accidently gets the mace stuck on an old zeppelin display. Agent James hasn’t let go of the mace and just hangs there chuckling in embarrassment.
Agent James runs passed the Griffon Wing (no pun intended) and passed a sleeping guard that wakes up over the fact that Agent James crashes the carriage into a display case holding a very expensive diamond. The carriage tips over to its left side and Agent James rubs his head in pain.
“Ok, out! We have to get out!” Fritter informed us.
“Out of the… museum,” I asked, “or out of the-“
“THE CARRIAGE!” Fritter yelled as we climbed out of the right side of the carriage which was technically above us. After we climbed out, we saw Agent James was hurt. Merry ran over to comfort him.
“Agent James, are you alright?” Merry asked.
“I’m fine. I twisted my ankle pretty bad though, but nothing like a hot bucket of water that can’t fix.” Agent James said.
“So if your ankle hurts, why are you rubbing your head?” Merry asked.
“Hey check this out!” I pointed to the expensive diamond that was in the case we destroyed.
“Yeah it’s a very expensive diamond.” Fritter said.
“No! Look at it! I recognize it!” I said.
“So if you recognize it, why are you tellin’ us to look at it? You think we’ll recognize it?” Fritter asked.
“No!” I said as I took out my phone and went through my picture gallery. I scrolled through the pictures until I could find it. “Uhh, ignore that last one.”
“Was that a picture of young you wearing a dress?” Merry asked.
“No.” I lied.
“HAHAHA!” Merry laughed. “Why were you wearing a dress?”
“I was wearing it for Jelly’s teaparty. I was Mrs. Nutterbutter.” I said in an irriated tone.
“Awww, you wore that for your sister?” Fritter asked. “That’s so cute!”
I blushed embarrassingly as I scrolled through the pictures some more. After a little while of scrolling and embarrassing photos, I opened a photo that showed a diamond identical to this one. “There this one!” I said.
“So what? A bunch of diamonds look the same.” Merry asked.
“Yes, but this diamond has the same little crack on the side here as this one.” I showed them. Fritter and Merry checked out the resemblance between the two diamonds.
“What’s your point?” Merry asked. “Why do you have a picture of the same diamond on your phone?”
“They ARE the same diamond actually.” I said.
“I know, I said that. What’s your point though?” Merry asked.
“That they’re the same diamond!” I said.
“We get that. Can you be a little more specific please?” Fritter asked.
“You two don’t pick up on current events well do you?” I asked. “Have you heard of the Museum Heist in Vanhoover?”
“The one you were going to hit right?” Merry asked. “Yeah you said that was going to be one of your future scores.”
“It was.” I said. “But I didn’t tell you the whole story. My crew and I were actually going to hit it. I took some photos of the most expensive treasures in the museum for analysis. But we never did the score. A rival crew beat us to it.”
“So you’re sayin’ this diamond is actually stolen property?” Fritter asked.
“Think about it! Why would the Marmellata family own a museum?” I asked.
“Because it’s a front?” Merry asked.
“Because they’re thieves.” I said.
“That’s stupid though. These are hot merchandise. They would’ve been traced!” Merry said.
“Not if you didn’t know they were stolen in the first place.” I said.
“What do you mean?” Merry asked.
“Of course you didn’t know about this heist, because it wasn’t actually a current event.” I said.
“Well, technically, a historic event.” Fritter corrected me.
“Now YOU’RE interrupting me, Agent Fritter. Feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked.
“You actually finished your sentence. There’s a difference to that.” Fritter said.
“Look, my point is – this whole museum here is a hoax. Stolen merchandise.” I said. “This whole museum is evidence against them.”
“Wait, hang on a second, Jer. What do you mean by we wouldn’t know about this event?” Merry asked.
“You know how these mates do heists?” I asked. “They do so well they don’t even get spotted! They replace the treasures we fake replicas. They keep under the radar without a trace. No news updates whatsoever!”
“Well in that case this whole place should be shut down.” Fritter said.
“I think they went in here!” one of the guards yelled from the other room.
“We don’t have time for this though. Agent James, ah need you to take that diamond with you out of here for analysis.” Fritter ordered him.
“By myself? Without a carriage?” Agent James asked.
“Relax, these ponies are after me.” I said. “We’ll lure them away from you on the way to finding Mr. Marmellata. This will get you time to escape.”
“Ok.” Agent James nodded. “Just let me rest my ankle a bit and I’ll be on my way.”
“Alright, mate. We got you.” I said. “C’mon Agents May and Fritter. Let’s go find the don!”
So we went on hoof from there without a carriage. The three of us ran and ran, but then we stopped after Fritter told us to, because hey, as agents, we’re supposed to THINK FAST! I just kicked a hoofball at your face. Did you catch it? No I don’t care if this is soccer in Equestria, I’m still calling it hoofball.
“What’s happened, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.
“We need to get through this big room but there’s pressure sensors all over the place.” Fritter said.
“Didn’t I disable the alarm?” Merry asked.
“The pressure sensors have their own security.” Fritter said.
“So I can just hack it and we’re golden, right?” Merry asked.
“Negative.” Fritter said.
“Aww, don’t be so negative.” Merry teased.
“This security system has a unique type of security engineerin’. We don’t have the necessary tools to hack this one. We need to evade it somehow.” Fritter said.
“I got some items with me.” Merry said. “Agent Jam, any suggestions on which of these items we should use?”
I dunno, which should I use?
A: Grapple Hook
B: Sticky Hand
C: Hamster Bubble
The results:
A: Merry takes out the grapple hook, aims it at the wall, and shoots it. Although after shooting it, the hook lands on the alarm box and the alarm starts going off. Really, what were the odds of that tiny little box being hit?
B: Merry takes out a rubber sticky hand out of her bag and stretches it out a bit. “Yes, this will do nicely!” she said.
“What is that thing?” Fritter asked.
“No clue, but it works.” Merry said as she stretches it some more and then accidently snaps it in half.
C: Merry takes out a small box from her satchel, presses a button on it and a giant hamster ball appears over the three of us. “How exactly does this help?” I asked.
“You’ll see!” Merry said. “You better start running.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Just do it!” Merry demanded. So the three of us started running inside the hamster ball and the ball began to roll through the big room. We went through the pressure sensors and the alarm starts going off.
“Like I said, how does this help?” I asked again. We kept running as auto-turrets went online and started spraying green goo all over the hamster ball. Luckily, the ball was a pretty useful shield. Blast doors began to close in all of the exits to the room.
This ball has special features on it. Which should we use?
A: Spikes
B: Eject
C: Thrusters
The results:
A: The hamster ball becomes a big spikey ball. Nothing can hurt us now! Unfortunately, the doors sealed and we’re stuck in here now. Yeah, sometimes the good defense is a good offense. Am I right? Hahaha!
B: The hamster ball spits us out, like literary, with saliva, and we no longer had the protection of the ball, but luckily it spat us towards the exit before the doors sealed.
C: The hamster ball’s thrusters activate and we start speeding faster than the speed of… horsepower, and we made it to the… wall beside the door. Boom... we crashed.
So after we did the right choice, we got up from the floor and we saw right in front of us was the Staff Only area. “This is it! Mr. Marmellata is right through here!” Fritter pointed. “Now, are we ready to go in?”
“I am!” Merry said.
“I dunno about me though.” I said. “I have another difficult choice to make. This is probably going to be the most difficult choice of my life.”
“Oh? And what is that?” Fritter asked.
“Whether sneaking in was the better choice.” I said.
_____________________________________________________________
OPTION B: SNEAKING IN
“I say we should sneak in. It’s best we have the element of surprise.” I said.
“Ok, it’s done then.” Fritter said. “We’ll sneak over to the wall over there when nopony’s looking and we’ll break in.”
“Of course! Like how all secret agents work!” Merry said as she started singing the Mission Impossible theme.
“Shhhh.” Fritter shushed her. “But first thing’s first, Merry. Ya know what to do.”
“Right, right.” Merry agreed. She walked over to the small outlet by the small wall containing the small wheelchair ramp. Merry plugs in her little hacking device turns it on.
“Be swift, Agent May.” Fritter informed her. “We don’t want to be spotted by any Marmellata mobsters or anypony that might be workin’ them.”
“Got it.” Fritter agreed as she started up her maze game on the device.
“C’mon! What’s taking so long?!” I complained.
“Take a chill pill, alright?” Merry suggested. “But be sure to ask your doctor first.”
“Well please excuse me for wanting for being anxious to find out what this stupid don wants with me!” I complained. “I mean, like every time I break into somewhere I shouldn’t be, I always feel like I’m being watched.”
“You haven’t changed a bit, homie.” A mysterious figure from behind the building said to another mysterious figure.
“He’s a little paranoid right now. Let’s give him some time.” The other mysterious figure suggested as they both snuck off.
“You alright, sugarcube?” Fritter asked me.
“It’s probably all in my head,” I said, “but I thought I just heard… umm… nevermind.”
“Got it! I’m in! Hacking it now!” Merry said as she presses the hack button and then a floating pixeled head of Apple Fritter showed up on the screen, laughing evilly. “Jurassic Park much, Agent Fritter?” she asked.
Fritter then giggles and said, “Good work, Agent May! Let’s head inside!”
“But how?” Merry asked.
“I have some items here that might be useful.” Agent James offered as he gives Merry a sack full of items. He then says in a mischievous way, “Agent Fritter’s personal stash she usually keeps in the carriage.”
“Way to keep secrets, Agent James.” Fritter said sarcastically. “This is why you’re a carriage driver and not handlin’ operations in the field.”
“I try.” Agent James shrugged. “I’ll stay out here in case you need a hasty extraction.”
“Ok sounds like a plan.” Fritter agreed. “Let’s head over to that side wall over there and think of a quiet way to head inside.” So we walked over to the right side of the museum without being detected by any of the mobster guards. Once we got to the wall, Fritter asked me, “Alright, Agent Jam. Ya seem to be as good as makin’ decisions than a scientist playin’ chess with a monkey.”
“I’m not sure how to take that.” I said awkwardly.
“Mah point is, how should we go in?” Fritter asked.
I’m going to need your help again, mates.
A: Shrink Ray
B: Anti-Gravity Belt
C: Pickaxe
D: Jumble Hoppers
The results:
A: I saw a tiny crack on the bottom of the wall, and I thought perhaps we can use that to get inside. Merry takes out a shrink ray from Fritter’s stash and shoots us all with it. We all successfully shrink down to ant size and we’ll be able to go through the crack. After we shrunk and after Merry cheers, the shrink ray falls on top of us and squishes us.
B: Merry takes an anti-gravity belt out of Fritter’s stash and wraps it around her head. “Grab on.” She tells us, and we both grabbed on her legs. Merry then presses the button and we start flying. As we got to the rooftop, Merry presses the button again, but the device does not shut down. She presses it many more times but the device didn’t work and we kept on flying. “Jokes on you guys.” She said. “I always wanted to go to space.”
C: Merry went through Fritter’s stash and found a rusty old pickaxe inside. I wasn’t sure how this was going to keep us quiet, but it was worth a try. Merry started to pick lightly at the wall and it started to crack mildly, but just then, a Creeper came out of nowhere and exploded right behind us. The wall blew up and the impact pushed us in, but we were ok, and the guards didn’t even seem to notice.
D: Merry went through Fritter’s stash and found six pairs of Jumble Hopper – spring shoes. Time to be Tiggers and jump up to the roof using these. After we put them on, the three of us bounced up and almost made it to the roof, but luckily it’ll be a soft landing, and the momentum will help us jump higher. Unfortunately, we bounced backwards and backflipped into the nearby pond inside the park and had points reduced.
When we climbed out of the rubble we saw two guards having a conversation of some sort. I wasn’t too sure what they were talking about. It sounded like gibberish.
“Oi.” The first guard said. “Mate we got a bloody long day if ya know what I mean.”
“Sure do, mate! Oi. Perhaps we may even get action, ayeright?” the second guard asked.
“Oi. Those two are really starting to annoy me.” I commented.
“Do what you gotta do, Agent Jam.” Fritter whispered.
How should I take care of the guards?
A: Novelty Miniature Plane
B: Display Gun
C: Bombshell
D: Wait until they stop talking
The results:
A: I take out a remote control for the tiny miniature plane, and I fly it towards one of the guards and it knocks them out. The other guard then starts running away like a chicken and bangs into a nearby column.
B: I broke the display case, took the gun out, and aimed it right at the guards. I pressed the trigger, but all we heard was three clicks. I should tell them I was joking.
C: I picked up the bombshell and threw it at the guards. It landed on the hoof on one of them, and then the other room shot with his hot glue gun at me. I dunno what I was thinking. Why would they have live bombs in a museum?
D: “Oi, you feel a draft?” the first guard asked. “OI, YOU!” We then got spotted by them. Doesn’t always pay to wait.
After we got through those guards, we found another guard guarding the Griffon Exhibit. He seemed to be half-asleep, but he wakes up every 2 seconds. It wouldn’t give us enough time to run through.
What should we do?
A: Penny
B: Tranquilizer
C: Falcon Kick
D: Invisibility Pill
The results:
A: I just took a penny out of my tuxedo pocket and threw it over to the guard. He looks down at it and smiles. “Oh look, a penny!” As the penny distracted him, we ran through without being spotted.
B: I took the tranquilizer dart out of Fritter’s stash and shot a dart at the guard. Unfortunately though, I missed because he yawned. Just then, the dart goes through some sort of tube and slingshots right back at me and hits me on the chin.
C: I suddenly jump up in front of the guard and yell, “FALCON… KI-“ Just then, I burn to ashes. To be honest I expected nothing to happen.
D: Merry gives me an invisibility pill from Fritter’s stash, and with the help of a bottle of water, I swallow the pill and turn invisible. As I started walking through the exhibit, I ran into a griffon sculpture and it falls on me. Yeah, it’s hard to see when you’re invisible, isn’t it?
So after we ran passed the Griffon Wing (no pun intended), we made it to another display room where there were no guards around. We decided to stop to catch our breath. “Ok…” Fritter catches her breath. “Ah think… ah think…” Fritter started breathing heavily like she was about to suffocate.
“Are you ok, Agent Fritter?” I asked.
“Yeah, yeah… ah’m… ah’m fine.” Fritter said. “Just… doin’ this… for effect.”
“Effect for… what?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter.” Fritter said as she got her breath all caught up. She started to speak normally now. “Phew! Ok. We can use this chance to rest up and catch our breaths.”
“By the looks of things, you were doing all the catching for us.” Merry teased.
“Heh!” Fritter chuckles. “Yeah, it sure seemed that way, Agent May!”
“Hey check this out!” I pointed to the expensive diamond that was in the case we destroyed.
“Yeah it’s a very expensive diamond.” Fritter said.
“No! Look at it! I recognize it!” I said.
“So if you recognize it, why are you tellin’ us to look at it? You think we’ll recognize it?” Fritter asked.
“No!” I said as I took out my phone and went through my picture gallery. I scrolled through the pictures until I could find it. “Uhh, ignore that last one.”
“Was that a picture of you in the bathtub as a foal?” Merry asked.
“No.” I lied.
“HAHAHA!” Merry laughed. “That is so adorable!”
I facehooved myself and said, “Why would I have a picture of that on my phone?
“Look at your tiny baby butt!” Fritter pointed in an adorable tone. “You were so small you took a bath in the sink!”
I blushed embarrassingly as I scrolled through the pictures some more. After a little while of scrolling and embarrassing photos, I opened a photo that showed a diamond identical to this one. “There this one!” I said.
“So what? A bunch of diamonds look the same.” Merry asked.
“Yes, but this diamond has the same little crack on the side here as this one.” I showed them. Fritter and Merry checked out the resemblance between the two diamonds.
“What’s your point?” Merry asked. “Why do you have a picture of the same diamond on your phone?”
“They ARE the same diamond actually.” I said.
“I know, I said that. What’s your point though?” Merry asked.
“That they’re the same diamond!” I said.
“We get that. Can you be a little more specific please?” Fritter asked.
“You two don’t pick up on current events well do you?” I asked. “Have you heard of the Museum Heist in Vanhoover?”
“The one you were going to hit right?” Merry asked. “Yeah you said that was going to be one of your future scores.”
“It was.” I said. “But I didn’t tell you the whole story. My crew and I were actually going to hit it. I took some photos of the most expensive treasures in the museum for analysis. But we never did the score. A rival crew beat us to it.”
“So you’re sayin’ this diamond is actually stolen property?” Fritter asked.
“Think about it! Why would the Marmellata family own a museum?” I asked.
“Because it’s a front?” Merry asked.
“Because they’re thieves.” I said.
“That’s stupid though. These are hot merchandise. They would’ve been traced!” Merry said.
“Not if you didn’t know they were stolen in the first place.” I said.
“What do you mean?” Merry asked.
“Of course you didn’t know about this heist, because it wasn’t actually a current event.” I said.
“Well, technically, a historic event.” Fritter corrected me.
“Now YOU’RE interrupting me, Agent Fritter. Feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked.
“You actually finished your sentence. There’s a difference to that.” Fritter said.
“Look, my point is – this whole museum here is a hoax. Stolen merchandise.” I said. “This whole museum is evidence against them.”
“Wait, hang on a second, Jer. What do you mean by we wouldn’t know about this event?” Merry asked.
“You know how these mates do heists?” I asked. “They do so well they don’t even get spotted! They replace the treasures we fake replicas. They keep under the radar without a trace. No news updates whatsoever!”
“Well in that case this whole place should be shut down.” Fritter said. “We should call up Agent James. Tell him to pick this diamond up for evidence and take it back to the HQ while we handle the curator, whom is probably the don.”
“Really? But wouldn’t he be caught?” Merry asked.
“Relax, these ponies are after me.” I said. “We’ll lure them away from here on the way to finding Mr. Marmellata. This will give him time to sneak in, take it, and sneak out.”
“Hopin’ he won’t be a blabber mouth again.” Fritter added. “Let’s just get this opened for him.”
How should we open the diamond case?
A: Laser Cutter
B: Hammer
The results:
A: Merry takes the laser cutter out of Fritter’s satchel and places it on the display case. She presses the button to activate it, and it starts to slowly spin. Just then, it malfunctions and slices my tie right in half.
B: Merry takes the hammer out of Fritter’s satchel and she smashes the display case. The glass quietly vaporizes.
“Alright, mates! We got this all planned!” I said excitedly. “C’mon Agents May and Fritter. Let’s go find the don!”
So we continued to sneak through the museum without getting caught. The three of us snuck quietly, very… very… quie- STOP! And then we stopped! Gotta think fast when it comes with dealing with Agent Fritter here! She’s the fast thinker around these parts. Oh wow, I’m starting to sound like her now.
“What’s happened, Agent Fritter?” Merry asked.
“We need to get through this big room but there’s pressure sensors all over the place.” Fritter said.
“Didn’t I disable the alarm?” Merry asked.
“The pressure sensors have their own security.” Fritter said.
“So I can just hack it and we’re golden, right?” Merry asked.
“No siree.” Fritter said.
“I’m a ma’am. Yes, ma’amre.” Merry corrected her.
“This security system has a unique type of security engineerin’. We don’t have the necessary tools to hack this one. We need to evade it somehow.” Fritter said.
“I got some items with me.” Merry said. “Agent Jam, any suggestions on which of these items we should use?”
How should we get through here?
A: Cannon
B: Cheese
C: Plank
The results:
A: Merry, Fritter, and I climbed into a cannon, but our weight makes the cannon lose it’s aim and it shot us right into the fossil statue in the middle of the room.
B: I took out a piece of swiss cheese and ate it.
C: Merry sets up a large piece of plank wood on some boxes so we can catapult ourselves through the room. The three of us did, in fact, do it, and we landed on a soft pillow right on the other side safely.
So after we did the right choice, we got up from the floor and we saw right in front of us was the Staff Only area. “This is it! Mr. Marmellata is right through here!” Fritter pointed. “Now, are we ready to go in?”
“I am!” Merry said.
“I dunno about me though.” I said. “I have another difficult choice to make. This is probably going to be the most difficult choice of my life.”
“Oh? And what is that?” Fritter asked.
“Whether busting in was the better choice.” I said.
_____________________________________________________________
“Whatever choice was better, it doesn’t matter, we’re here.” Fritter said. “We are ready to take on the mob papa himself.”
“Right! Let’s do this thang!” Merry said excitedly as she and Fritter start running towards the door.
Merry turns back and says, “C’mon, Agent Jam! What are you waiting for?”
“I dunno. Something doesn’t feel right.” I said.
“What do ya mean?” Fritter asked.
“Have either of you thought this was a bit too easy?” I asked.
“Easy? Easy?!” Merry complained. “You know how difficult that was?!”
“Difficult for an average security breach.” I said. “But not secured enough to hold a don.”
“What are ya tryin’ to say, agent?” Fritter asked.
“I know the don wants me for some reason.” I said. “Maybe it’s best I go alone for now just to be safe.”
“WHAT?!” Merry cried.
“Agent May.” Fritter said attempting her to calm down. She then says to me, “Are you sure that’s wise, Agent Jam?”
“What could Mr. Marmellata want with you two?” I asked. “No offense.”
“None taken. I know what it’s like to be unwanted.” Merry admitted.
“But if Mr. Marmellata wants me then he might as well get me, because I don’t want to disappoint him.” I said.
“Jerry, no!” Merry cried out. “I don’t want him to harm you!”
“He won’t, believe me.” I swore.
“Jerry!” Merry whined. “Jerry!”
“If you are absolutely sure, Agent Jam, then we won’t deny your request.” Fritter said.
“Are you kidding me?!” Merry yelled.
“Go, Agent Jam. Just go, before ah change mah mind.” Fritter ordered me.
“JERRY!” Merry cried as she was about to pounce on me, but Fritter holds her back. “JERRY! STOP! JERRY!”
“Ah know you love him and all but we have to give him what he wants.” Fritter informed her.
“SHUT IT WITH THAT!” Merry yelled.
“Yeah I agree with her with that.” I agreed just right before I walked in through the door.
“How can you do this, Agent Fritter?!” Merry yelled. “Why would you let him go alone like that?!”
“He’s never alone.” Fritter said. “We’ll be right there with him. His friendship will give him strength.”
“Well that doesn’t work all the time, Apple Fritter!” Merry yelled. “It doesn’t hurt to have confidence, but sometimes it just isn’t enough!” Fritter didn’t say anything back that time. She just looked down upsettingly while still holding Merry back.
After I walked into the staff only corridor, it was dark and quiet, and full of rubbish too. There were pipes on the ceiling; I mean have these ponies ever heard of interior decoration, even in a place that doesn’t need it? By that I mean everywhere needs it, even generator rooms, and they never get decorated. As I walked through the corridors it showed a very strong resemblance to the TARDIS interior in the episode Invasion of Time. I hope I don’t start walking in circles as well. I like the classic series. It may not be as intense as the new series, but you do see a side of the Doctor and the stories you never would’ve noticed.
Oh, by the way, as I was walking, I forgot to mention – the doors get sealed behind me, and in front of me, which didn’t surprise me one bit. I just stopped and stood there like the badflank I am. I didn’t even look back. “Nice trap.” I said. “Not very impressed though. These museums do have these defense mechanisms to keep intruders out, or to keep them from getting out. Although, I never expected you two to actually be part of the security.”
“We and our contact have mutual interests.” Orange Swirl said as he emerges from the shadows.
“We decided to make a deal so we can assist eachother in your downfall, holms.” Cesaer Salad said as he emerges from the other corner.
“Assisting a mobster like Mr. Marmellata?” I asked. “Have you two gone mad? He’s a very dangerous criminal!”
“Oh and we’re not?” Cesaer asked. “That’s a lot coming from you.”
“What are you two even doing here?” I asked. “I thought you were back at LP, sticking up cider stores?”
“We were… that was the original plan.” Orange said as he and Cesaer began to walk around me like a bunch of sharks. “Until we noticed how suspicious you were acting.”
“You know I’m a part of the FDA now. What more is there to hide from you?” I asked.
“OH! A lot there, holms! A LOT!” Cesaer said.
“You think of us as a bunch of fools, Jerry.” Orange said. “But this time the fools are going to fool the fooler, fool!”
“I don’t understand what you two are talking about.” I said.
“Abandoning your friends, ese.” Cesaer said. “Being the filthy, little traitor you are!”
“I told you! I didn’t abandon you, or betray you!” I said. “I just joined an agency! That’s it! That’s the only lie I gave you!”
“I dunno, O. I don’t trust him. Do you?” Cesaer asked Orange.
“No way, homie.” Orange said. “Just a snake in the grass. A very venomous one that sucks your skin dry of truth and happiness, and turns them into lies and despair!”
“That makes no sense, mate.” I informed him.
“That don’t matter.” Orange said as he walks over to my face. “I think that everything we knew about you, Jer, was a LIE! Who knows if that’s even your real name?”
“Wha- of course that’s my real name! What are you two bloody talking about?” I asked.
“AH HA! Blood!” Cesaer laughed. ‘See that, O? You were right! He’s thirsty for blood! Like a vampire snake or something!”
“You two are idiots. Can I please see Mr. Marmellata?” I asked.
“Senior Marmellata is unavailable at this time.” Cesaer said. “He’s busy with some prisoners of some sort. A dragon by the looks of it, and a couple of other prisoners. We didn’t see them.”
“So Scales is here then.” I assumed.
“Wow! And he knows dragons too!” Cesaer complained. “How many more secrets are you hiding from us, J?”
“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!” I yelled.
“Prison… General Lee… the FDA…” Orange whispered to my face. “We know it all now. All of it!” I have to be honest right now for the first time – I’m really feeling quite nervous right now, mate. I really have the feeling they know the truth.
“I dunno what you’re talking about.” I lied nervously.
“You don’t?” Orange asked as he tsks a few times. “It’s a shame, dawg. Maybe… maybe you just need to be reminded.” Just then Orange takes out the plasticware shiv that Lee made in prison and throws it on the floor in front of me. Wow, they weren’t lying! How did they know?!
“Hey! You found the shiv I made in prison!” I acted excitedly. “I kept it with me to keep the happy times we had together in there! Happy go-lucky friendship time in prison! Right? Am I right? Mates?” They just glared at me, not saying a word. “C’mon, mates! It was a long time ago! I realized I neglected you ever since I joined the agency, but I can make it up to you! I just need to have a word with Mr. Marmellata.”
“OH THE LIES!” Cesaer cried. “How long is this going to continue? The jig’s up, holms! You turned yourself in and ratted us out! You knew this was going to happen, J! Didn’t you?”
I nodded upsettingly. “I just didn’t know how long it would take. I was going to confess to you, and-“
“HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF CELESTIA! SHUT UP!” Orange yelled as he held his ears. “SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
“Whoa! Take a chill pill, O!” I suggested.
“NO!” Orange yelled. “Because I haven’t asked my doctor yet!”
“Seriously, J?” Cesaer asked. “You know your secret has been revealed! Why do you keep lying to us? Huh?! Why did you do it?!”
“The real question is: who told you all this?” I asked.
“We asked first! Answer the bleeping question!” Cesaer demanded.
Looks like it was time to confess myself. No getting out of this now. Maybe if I finally tell them the truth and explain everything, maybe they’ll understand and give me a second chance. I know these two. They are loyal to me until the end.
“Alright… it’s time to come clean.” I said. I then took a deep breath. A very deep breath.
“C’mon, quit stallin’, dawg!” Orange complained as he snaps his hooves at me. “You’re not swimming!”
“Alright, alright! Give me a chance!” I complained. “Alright… I did it because… I saw how ponies were suffering because we brought them out of business with our robbing. I saw an alley… in Mareami… bunch of ponies… with foals. They were homeless and poor. It was our doing. I wanted to help those poor ponies by redeeming myself to society, so I turned myself in.”
“Think that bothers us one bit?” Cesaer asked. “You could turn yourself in all you want. What we’re really angry about is that… you ratted US out! You made us rot in prison with you!”
“General Lee?” Orange chuckled. “He may have abandoned us there, but we wouldn’ve even gone in there if it weren’t for you, Jerry Jam!”
“But… I didn’t want you to feel guilty either! If I didn’t help you turn you in, prison would’ve been a whole lot worse for you!” I explained frightenedly.
“It was ALREADY worse when we tried breaking out of prison!” Cesaer said.
“And THAT wasn’t part of the plan!” I admitted. “We were supposed to do our time. The breaking out of prison thing – that one’s on you!”
“We were trying to fix the problem YOU caused, fool!” Orange yelled. “We were doing so well in life until you ruined everything! If you cared about those poor fools in the alleys so much, you could’ve just give them your money!”
“They’re not MY bloody money! It’s my parent’s money!” I corrected them.
“What have your parents ever done for you?” Cesaer asked. Whoa! Now that one crosses the line. I had nothing to say about that. I started to feel heartbroken. I completely forgot about my parents. They didn’t teach me right from wrong, and now here I am, fighting with my own best friends.
“Time to teach you a lesson you’ll never forget, and we’ll get our money!” Orange said angrily.
“What money?!” I yelled.
“Agent S promised us a fortune to bring you to the boss!” Orange said.
“Oi vay.” I shook my head. “Agent S, you bloody blabber mouth!”
“And we’re going to bring you to him.” Orange said. “But first…” Him and Cesaer start cracking their hooves. I really had the feeling they were going to give me a knuckle sandwich, and I gotta say, it didn’t taste good once they gave it to me.
Meanwhile in the rooms up ahead, Elusive and Jelly were sitting in two chairs facing back to back in the middle of a dark room where the only light was the one shining above them. Jelly woke up from her slumber only to find out her hooves were tied up with Elusive’s. Elusive himself, however, was still fast asleep. He was a pretty heavy sleepier because after all of Jelly’s struggling and jumping around, he didn’t wake up.
“Elusive! Elusive wake up, mate!” Jelly whispered, but no answer. “Elusive! Oi! Elusive!”
“I hear you loud and clear, darling.” Elusive said still with his eyes closed.
“Why are you still sleeping then?” Jelly asked.
“Because all that screaming has made me tired. Please don’t disturb me.” Elusive requested as he falls back asleep.
“Ugh!” Jelly groans. She then calls out, “Oi! Anypony here? We still bait for Jerry? Huh?”
“It’s funny that you mention him.” a voice from the shadows said as he blows on a pipe and bubbles come out of it. I hope he realizes it’s unmanly to blow bubbles. “I hope you’re enjoying our hospitality.”
“Ah hello there.” Jelly said. “I think you have a misunderstanding with the term ‘hospitality’. Y’see, my friend and I didn’t get any drinks.”
“Oh, of course, of course! All of that will come soon enough, my dear.” The voice said. Jelly could barely see him. She can just see a shadow of a pony figure with a disguised voice.
“Ah, you must be Agent S of the DIF.” Jelly assumed. “Jerry told me about you.”
“Hahahaha!” the voice laughed.
“Ok that laugh with that voice kinda creeps me out.” Jelly admitted.
“Why Jelly, my dear, I am nothing like that loser Agent S.” the voice said. “He’s just some geek behind a computer screen giving missions to ponies that do his dirty work for him.”
“And you’re not?” Eclipse Norton said sarcastically as he walks into the light.
“Yeah, like really, Missssster Marmellata.” Snake Eyes said as he joined along.
“Ah, Agent Snake Eyes. Jerry told me about you too.” Jelly said. “And… umm… I dunno, who are you again?”
“I feel insulted.” Norton said as he takes out a candy cane and nibbles on it. “I would’ve thought Agent Jam told you about me.”
“Oh right, Eclipse Norton!” Jelly laughed. “Sorry, sorry. I mean Snake over there is easy to recognize over his S’s, but you… I probably wouldn’ve recognized you if you didn’t take out that candy cane.”
“Sweetie, I hope you realize candy canes are bad for your teeth.” Elusive informed him.
“You sound just like my parents, my wife, my son, my friends, and pretty much everypony I know.” Norton complained.
“And let’ssssss not forget those commercials.” Snake added.
“Right. If I want to get rotten teeth, that’s my choice. Don’t judge me!” Norton complained.
“Fine, fine, cool your jets, bro.” Elusive complained. “Oh, and FYL, that is the worst looking tuxedo I’ve ever seen.”
“I agree.” Snake nodded.
“You always agree to everything I disagree.” Norton complained.
“Silence!” Mr. Marmellata demanded.
“My phone battery is actually dead so that won’t be much of a problem.” Elusive informed him.
“Jelly, sweetie, why are you hanging out with dumb peasants like Elusive here?” Mr. Marmellata asked.
“Who are you to judge me?!” Jelly complained. “You ain’t my parents! My parents have been missing for years!”
“Yes they have.” Mr. Marmellata agreed. “But we’ll get back to them later. Let’s start with Agent Jam.”
“Makes me wonder if that robotic voice is actually because he has a hole on his neck?” Elusive asked.
“What about Agent Jam?” Jelly asked. “Are we still bait to him?”
“More or less.” Mr. Marmellata said. “As it turns out, he doesn’t even know you’re here yet. He’s being comforted right now by his two best friends.”
“No…” Jelly said in a worried tone. “No, no! What did you tell them?”
“Me? I didn’t tell them nothin’.” Mr. Marmellata said.
“Agent Ssssss told them the truth.” Snake said. “After Orange Sssswirl and Cssssseaser Salad deal with him, he’ll be here, and he’ll know everything. He will finally belong to ussss!”
“Is it weird that I find this robotic voice creepier than his hissing?” Elusive asked.
“And they actually believed him?” Jelly asked.
“Jerry’s friends are very gullible it would seem.” Snake said.
“I can’t believe you would do this to him!” Jelly yelled.
“I agree.” Norton said. “Which is why he disagrees. If we need Agent Jam so much, why use his own friends against him? We’re trying to get him to join us, not ruin his life.”
“Exactly!” Jelly said. “Wait what? Get him to join you?”
“Somepony with his skills would be very useful to the DIF.” Norton said. “In order for you two to be safe, he would have to make a choice. Abandon his post in the FDA and join the DIF in order for you two get out safely, or vice versa.”
“Vice versa?” Elusive asked. “Isn’t that the name of a video game, or a credit card?”
“Really?” Jelly asked. “You would hurt us just so Jerry can join you? You are the most corrupted agency ever!”
“Hey we weren’t always like this.” Norton said. “It’s the new director that took charge. Our previous director was quite fair.”
“Who was your previous director?” Jelly asked.
“That is classssssified information.” Snake said.
“Of course it is.” Jelly rolls her eyes.
“Agent Jam’s time is nigh, my dear Jelly.” Mr. Marmellata said. “Soon… everything will go back according to plan. The Marmellata family will soon rise from the shadows. We’ll be stronger than ever. With the DIF by our side, and somepony like Agent Jam, we will be unstoppable!”
“Don’t think too far ahead, Marmellata.” Snake reminded him. “You are still under our protection. Don’t be too hassssty when it comes to robbing.”
“Exactly.” Norton agreed. “You are not to disturb the peace in Equestria. Your goal is to keep your operation running so all other organized crime can go out of business.”
“We’re helping your organization become the only criminal empire in Equesssstria.” Snake said.
“Of course, and as always, I appreciate this opportunity.” Mr. Marmellata said.
“I’m going to contact Agent Sssss and report this newssss to him.” Snake said. “Agent Jam is getting clossse.”
“We’ll all be sleeping peacefully very soon.” Norton said.
Meanwhile, back with Orange, Cesaer, and I, they were still beating the living poop out of me. They threw me across the room and I landed right on the wall, much like Herb Leafhorn did to Flare Gun back in school. I was bruised all over. I even played dead, but that couldn’t fool them; my leg twitched. They then threw me right in the middle of the room as my nose started to bleed.
“This is so boring! Fight us, el burro!” Cesaer yelled.
“Yeah, dawg! Is the shame killing you like us?” Orange asked as he kicks me in the face. “Had enough fool? You want us to take you to Mr. Marmellata now?
“Ugh!” I groaned in pain as I wiped the blood off my face. “I’ve wanted to go before this whole bloody beating started! I don’t have time to deal with you two! I just want to see what Marmellata wants with me!”
“Think he had enough?” Orange asked Cesaer.
“Hmm… nah! Let’s beat him some more!” Cesaer suggested.
“Later, homie. We need to get paid, right?” Orange asked.
“Right.” Cesaer agreed as he and Orange picked me up. “Let’s not let revenge get in the way of the dough.”
“Heh! You got that right, dawg!” Orange chuckled. So Orange and Cesaer started dragging over to Marmellata’s room. They dragged me up the stairs too, bumping my legs on each step, and even one of them got stuck on the railing for a second.
I coughed and said, “I know I lied to you and all, but this is too much. OW!” I yelled as they bumped my head on a stair.
“Or not enough!” Cesaer teased and chuckled. After I sigh, and after we got to the top floor, the double doors leading to Marmellata’s room was just up ahead. They dragged me inside and tossed me on the ground.
“Ow!” I yelled. “How long was my nose bleeding for? Is this the first time?”
“Actually, it started, stopped, and then started again just now.” Cesaer informed me.
“JERRY!” Jelly and Elusive both cried out.
“Jelly?! Elusive?!” I cried out surprisingly. “Oi! What are you two doing here?!”
“We got captured shortly after you left.” Jelly said.
“Hey Jerry, now you know how it feels to get beaten up, and I ain’t here to help you.” Elusive said.
“Heh! Yeah, ain’t that ironic, homie?” Orange chuckled.
“Irony is my forte, I must admit.” Mr. Marmellata said.
“Elusive… Elusive… I’m sorry.” I said. “I should’ve been there for you!”
“No… no… this is all my fault, Jer.” Elusive admitted. “I let vacations get into my head. I shouldn’ve yelled at you the way I did. But I realize… no matter what, I’d end up here anyway. This… this... freak that won’t even show his face used us to get to you!”
“I know, Elou, I know.” I said. “Mr. Marmellata… we meet at last.”
“Indeed.” Marmellata agreed. “But if you actually think about it, Jerry… we’ve met before.”
“We have?” I asked. “Whatever, mate. I’m here now, you got me. Let Elusive and Jelly go!”
“Oh in all good time, my boy.” Marmellata said. “But you all must learn the truth, as your gangster friends over there learned yours.”
“It’s not ‘gangster’, it’s ‘gangsta’!” Orange reminded him.
“Yeah, we ain’t mobsters. We’re hoodlums. That automatically replaces the ‘er’ with an ‘a’.” Cesaer added.
“Wow, you two need to realize how sssssstupid you sound right now.” Snake said.
“Hey at least they’re not wannabes.” Norton said.
“Norton and Snake are here too?” I asked. “Wow… all we need is my agent friends and the gang’s all here. Heh!”
“Yeah where are they anyway?” Orange asked.
“I told them to stay behind.” I said. “This fight is between me… and Marmellata.”
“That there is true.” Marmellata said.
“Now you owe me some answers, mate! Tell me what I need to know!” I demanded. “Why do you want me?”
“I made a deal with Agent S.” Marmellata said. “Ever since you were a kid I’ve been watching you grow, waiting for the right time. Agent S promised he’d clear all charges against me and my organization if he hires you to be one of his agents.”
“You’ve been watching me grow too?” I asked. “How did you know about me? What am I to you? When did we meet?” Marmellata and I were talking, Jelly looked up and heard some strange noises coming from the vents up above.
“Silly Jerry, we met since the day you were born.” Marmellata said.
“I barely remember that time.” I said.
“Oh no!” Jelly gasped. “Oh no! Could it be?!”
“Yes, Jelly, my dear.” As Marmellata said ‘my dear’, the robotic voice has turned off and made a familiar sound.
“Oh no!” I gasped.
“What? I’m missing something here.” Cesaer said.
“My… son.” Marmellata said as his face reveals himself from the shadows.
“MOM?!” I gasped.
“You didn’t take mail that letter like I asked you to.” she said.
“Whoa! I did not see this comin’, amigo!” Cesaer gasped as he and Orange were both surprised.
“Misssss Strawberry Jam issssss back!” Snake said.
“Wait… where’s dad?!” Jelly asked.
“You were always a daddy’s girl, Jelly.” My mom said jealously.
“Where is he?!” Jelly yelled.
“He’s… on vacation.” My mom said hesitantly.
“Heh! A liar… just like her ssssson! Runs in the family, huh?” Snake asked.
“Well that explains a lot.” Orange said.
“Wait… time out for a second!” I stopped them. “There are so many questions in my head right now! My mom’s a criminal?”
“The Jams were always criminals, Jerry.” Mom said. “It’s runned in the family for generations. Blueberry Jam, our ancestor, he was one of the greatest thieves Equestria ever knew from the old kingdom, back in the time of chaos.”
“Blueberry Jam was the one that discovered Mareami!” I said.
“Did he? Did he really discover? Or did he stole it?” mom asked.
“Wha… what do you mean?” I asked.
“Yeah I’m just as surprised as you, bro!” Jelly said.
“You mean this land actually belonged to either the Guns or the Leafhorns?” I asked.
“Nope! It didn’t belong to anypony.” mom said. “Nopony but an alligator colony. Mareami used to be the expanded Gatorglades swamps, but Blueberry, with his stolen riches from World Party II and the Chaos Wars, made a huge criminal empire. Stole the swamps right from the gators; chased them out. They cut down the trees, filled the swamps, declared this land as our own.”
“But if you think about it, Mareami wouldn’ve never existed without this crime.” Norton added.
“Unfortunately, after years went by, after the FDA was made, they got caught up in the investigation.” My mom explained. “Blueberry Jam was on the verge of getting caught. The FDA was onto him. He had to leave Mareami because of it. Jam operations got shut down by them. Blueberry barely escaped with his life. He moved to Manehattan and made a new criminal empire, one that was forever known as: the Marmellata family. The Marmellata name was passed down for generations. The FDA, however, were getting nosy again, so the fourth Don Marmellata created the DIF, another anti-criminal organization, used mainly to bring down our competition, and to protect our name.”
“Wait… so… the Jams created the DIF?” I asked shockingly.
“Yes… we did!” mom said.
“So… Agent S… is he… is he…” I stuttered.
“No, he’s not. He’s not a Jam at all.” mom said. “After many years went by, a new director came into power by the DIF. Our sixth Don Marmellata got taken down by a new pony. The DIF became… more of an anti-criminal organization, because it wasn’t runned by a criminal.”
“But do you get her point.” Snake said to me. “You didn’t become a criminal jusssst to have fun. Crime was in your blood, Agent Jam. Crime was passed down in your family for generationsssss. Why else were you so good at heists?”
“Whoa!” Orange gasped. “Jerry is a descendent of the greatest crime organization in Equestria history! That explains a lot!”
“Yeah, but what went so wrong?” Cesaer asked.
“Crime was just passed down in our family, Jerry.” mom said. “But you know what was passed down from dad’s side of the family? Mercy. That was your one weakness, Jerry. Mercy.”
“That would explain how he felt seeing those ponies in the alley.” Jelly said.
“Am I the only one freaked out by the fact that Jerry’s last name is still Jam?” Elusive asked. “I mean, if the family name was Jam, the Jams were the last name on his mom’s side, wouldn’t he have a different last name?”
“I had to find somepony that shared the same last name as me to get the Jam family name to go on.” Mom said. “I had no brothers, or stallion cousins, so I needed to improvised. I found a random stallion with the same last name. I made him rich. I made him did whatever I said.”
“You… you used daddy!” Jelly shouted as she started to get teary eyed. “You didn’t love him! You used him!”
“Of course I did! That is… until… I actually fell in love with him. Then… the DIF here… used it to their advantage.” Mom said.
“We arresssssted him after ‘Mr. Marmellata’ here started to get disssstracted.” Snake said. “We had to sssstep in and do something.”
“The time has come Jerry. It is time for me to give you to Agent S.” mom said.
“Why though?! Why would you do this?!” I yelled.
“Do you think I want there for harm to come to my daughter, or your boss?” mom asked. “Jelly… she’s going to become a great success! The FDA are nothing but trouble! Join the DIF, Jerry! It is the only way!”
“NO!” I yelled.
“You will join the DIF!” mom demanded. “Do as you’re told! Don’t you dare disobey your mother! Do it for Jelly! Do it for Elusive! Do it for Orange and Cesaer! Do it for Merry May and Apple Fritter!”
Just then, the vents up above open up, and Fritter jumps out of it and lands over by Snake and Norton, bopping both of their heads together, knocking them out. Merry also flies out of the vents and flies over to Orange and Cesaer, throwing a smoke bomb over to them. “RUN, JERRY!” Merry yelled.
“Agent May! Agent Fritter!” I cried out in excitement.
“Oooooh this is so exciting!” Elusive said excitedly. “It’s like a spy movie or something!”
“Go untie your friends, Agent Jam! We’ll need their help.” Fritter instructed me.
I nodded and ran over to Jelly and Elusive. I took out General Lee’s shiv that I picked up from the floor as Orange and Cesaer were beating me up before, and I untied them. “Ah, free at last! My hooves felt like they were about to fall off.” Elusive said in relief.
“Get me out of here!” my mom yelled as a bunch of Marmellata mobsters showed up to help get their boss to escape.
“She’s getting away!” Jelly pointed.
“Don’t worry! We’ll get her!” Fritter said.
“Good to see you again, Jelly!” Merry said.
“You too, Merry!” Jelly said.
“And you!” Merry glared angrily at me as she walked over to me and slapped my face.
“OW!” I yelled.
“I thought you said you wouldn’t be harmed!” Merry whined. “You promised! Look at you – all black and blue and red all over!”
“Ok first off: that last bruise was you.” I corrected her. “Second, I promised you that Mr. Marmellata wouldn’t harm me. This was their doing.” I pointed to my friends.
“And we’ll do it some more!” Cesaer yelled.
“Yeah, dawg! This ain’t over! We’re protecting her if it gets us paid!” Orange yelled.
“Not if we have anythin’ to say about it, ‘homie’.” Fritter said bravely as she and Merry stood in front of me.
“If you want to get to Jerry, you’ll have to get threw us first!” Merry said.
“Uh, no. I ain’t hittin’ a girl, yo.” Orange said.
“Yeah, ella chica. We have a code when it comes to that.” Cesaer said.
“Really now? You want us to settle this like adults?” Fritter asked.
“Merry, Fritter! What are you two doing?” I asked.
“Go, Jerry! We’ll hold off your friends! You go after your mom!” Fritter instructed him.
“I’m not leaving you two behind!” I yelled. “I will not-“
“THAT IS AN ORDER, AGENT JAM!” Fritter yelled.
“An order?” I asked. “Since when did FDA agents follow orders? I thought this was freedom of choice?”
“Go Jerry! You helped us! Now we must help you, and that is final!” Merry demanded.
Just then Orange and Cesaer started charging towards Merry and Fritter, and they tackle them.
“I will not abandon my friends again!” I yelled.
“And I’m glad you learned your lesson, Jer, but they offered.” Elusive said as he places his hoof around me. “You have to let them buy us time.”
“Our mom is getting away!” Jelly reminded me. “We’ll come with you to catch her!”
“Yeah as long as I don’t break a hoof.” Elusive said.
I looked over at my gangsta friends and agent friends and saw them fighting. I really felt like I wanted to do something, but I didn’t want to fight any of them. I wanted this to stop; but at the same time, my sister and boss are right. Mr. Marmellata must be stopped. After a moment of thinking, I nodded and said, “Let’s go get her!”
“Wooo! Chase scene!” Elusive cheered. So Jelly, Elusive, and I all ran over to where mom ran off so we can chase her down as Merry, Fritter, Orange, and Cesaer all fought back in this room.
“This is so rad, Agent Jam!” Merry yelled out at me before I ran off. I then turned back and smiled at her and she smiles back, but that smile kinda distracted her as Orange was pinning her to the floor. “I thought you said you don’t fight girls?” Merry asked as she fights with Orange.
“We said we don’t hit girls, girl.” Orange corrected her.
“We have no problems when it comes to wrestlin’ girls though!” Cesaer said as he was wrestling with Fritter.
“Oh yeah is that a fact?” Fritter asked mischievously. “You have any idea who you’re talkin’ to? Ah’m the rodeo champion of Appleloosa! Ah can wrestle a bull with nothin’ but mah bare hooves!”
“So what’s stopping you?” Cesaer asked.
“Ah’m… uhh… bein’ nice to you.” Fritter fibbed.
“Real smooth, Agent Fritter.” Merry said sarcastically. “Oof!” Orange squeezes Merry’s right cheek across her face.
“That was NOT hitting! That was NOT hitting! That was NOT hitting!” Orange panicky informed her.
“Iff hurrs lif hidding.” Merry said.
So Jelly, Elusive, and I ran up more stairs because I had the feeling Marmellata was escaping through the roof. How did I know? A bunch of Marmellata mobsters started running down the stairs to attack us. My technique: follow the guards. Elusive proved himself very useful by using his magic to take out the mobsters by adding pink to their tuxedos which was very embarrassing for them. “What’s wrong with you ponies?!” Elusive complained. “Real stallions wear pink!”
When we got up to the roof, Marmellata was on her way to the cargo chopper that was on the roof. “Start the chopper!” she yelled. “Start the chopper! We must return to the zeppelin at once!”
“Right away, boss!” one of the mobsters cried out as he ran into the pilot’s seat to start up the chopper, and Marmellata climbed on inside as well. Once we got to the roof, we saw the helicopter was already getting airborne.
“NO!” I yelled.
“Don’t worry, Jer! I’ll stop her!” Elusive offered as he shoots his magic towards the chopper and hits it. “Bullseye!” he cried out, but the only thing changed about the chopper that is that it turned pink. “Huh… I guess that’s all I can do.”
“NO!” I yelled. “We need… we need to catch her! We can’t let her escape!” Just then, Jelly started flying up to the chopper as fast as she could. “No, Jelly! It’s too dangerous!” I yelled out, but she didn’t listen. She just kept going. She is able to fly fast enough to make it to the chopper. The helicopter doors open and the mobsters start shooting hot glue at her. Jelly starts flying in evasive maneuvers, and she suddenly flies right on in, and throwing the mobsters overboard, and into a mattress billboard that actually had a giant mattress on the display.
“Next time! Don’t open the doors!” Jelly called out at them. Jelly starts running over to the cockpit. She opens the door, but after she opens it, mom punches her in the face and she falls down and starts sliding through the cargo area and close to the exit.
“Sorry, baby! But I do this out of love!” mom said.
“Some tough love you show, mom!” Jelly yelled.
As Elusive and I watched as the helicopter was about to get out of reach, I was really afraid they were going to get too far away, but just then, a giant force field magically appears in front of the helicopter. “WHOA!” I cried.
“Oooo, pretty!” Elusive commented. “It’s pink!”
“Uhh… Mr…. or err, Mrs. Marmellata?” the pilot asked back on the chopper frightened.
“What do you wan- WHOA!” mom freaked out as the helicopter was just about to hit the giant force field. “We’re gonna crash!” Just then, the chopper goes right through the forcefield without a dent. “Oh… nevermind. We’re going to be fine.” Just then, all the electronics on the helicopter shuts down immediately. “OH C’MON!” Just then, the helicopter began to fall from the sky. Elusive and I witnessed the whole thing.
“WOO! That’ll get her!” I said excitedly.
“But, Jer, Jelly’s still in there!” Elusive reminded me.
“Oh shoot!” I panicked. “Come on, Elou!” He and I began to chase after the crashing helicopter, but not after we got occupied by a couple of Marmellata goons.
“Hold it there, Agent Jam!” one of the goons said. “The don ordered us to bring you to Agent S. Come along quietly.”
“I really don’t have time for this.” I said in an annoyed tone as I took out my forgetting device and used it on them. “You will help me capture Mr. Marmellata.”
“Mrs. Marmellata.” Elusive corrected me.
“Whatever!” I yelled. “So you two got it?”
“Yes, of course.” One of the mobsters agreed.
“My brain feels like it’s being fried.” The other mobster said.
“Oh woops!” I said as I immediately shut off the device and put it away. “Now let’s go! Help us get through the rooftops!”
“Right away, boss.” One of the mobsters said. Luckily, both of the mobsters were pegasi, so they were able to fly us over the rooftops of Manehattan so we can catch up to the crashing helicopter. Hopefully it won’t crash on anything important. Come to think of it, I hope the important cargo inside doesn’t get harmed, and by important cargo I mean my sister.
Back downstairs at the museum, my gangsta friends and my- ok, that makes me sound stupid when I say that. My hoodlum friends and my agent friends continued to wrestle, for what reason, I’m not sure. It was pretty much a stalemate so far. “You give up?” Cesaer asked.
“We didn’t start this!” Fritter said. “We want to end it!”
“You two ain’t so tough! We know your tricks!” Orange said as he holds Merry down. “Agent S told us!”
“Agent S is a blabber mouth!” Merry said as she kicks Orange off her and then jumps on top of him to hold him down. “Whatever Agent S told you, he’s just using you to get to Jerry!”
“And Jerry didn’t use us?” Orange asked.
“NO! He would never use his friends! He really cares about you!” Merry said.
“No he doesn’t!” Cesaer said as she starts pulling on Fritter’s pigtails. “He ruined us! He broke up our gang and brought us in! He made our lives miserable!”
Fritter then punches Cesaer in the nose and she let’s go of her to hold his nose, and then she says, “Ah must admit, that is pretty low, but that was a long time ago. Jerry learned his lesson, and he only did it because he cares about y’all!”
“Cares about what?” Cesaer asked as he spits on his hoof. “He also left us for you feds!” Cesaer then places his hoof in Fritter’s ear.
“AAAAH!” Fritter yelled. “Really?! It comes to this?! If you dare do a purple nurple next, ah’ll knock yer teeth out!”
“Good idea!” Merry said as she purple nurples Orange.
“AAAH!” Orange cried out in pain. “Why do us stallions have those anyway?!”
“Jerry only joined the FDA because he felt he owed to society!” Fritter said. “He does care about y’all! He stayed in prison with y’all! He could’ve turned states if he wanted to!”
“Not to mention he dropped all charges against you guys for every crime you did after you left the big house!” Merry said as Orange pushes her to the ground.
“That is true.” Orange said. “But he never hangs out with us! He forgets his old running buddies! The FDA changed him!” Orange then jumps was about to belly flop on Merry, but Merry was able to roll out of the way and he lands on the floor.
“Jerry promised he was going to hang with you after this mission!” Merry said.
“He was going to turn on us!” Cesaer said.
“You don’t know that!” Merry corrected him. “The mission is not over yet!”
“But he’s been avoiding us ever since! We had to catch him in the act for him to talk to us again!” Orange said.
“And he kept sayin’ he was sorry!” Fritter said. “Yer fightin’ yer best friend!”
“No, we’re fighting you. His NEW best friends.” Orange corrected her.
“Is that what this is about?! You think Jerry replaced you with us!?” Fritter asked.
“Well… yeah.” Cesaer admitted. “Yeah, O, isn’t that why we’re fightin’ these two?”
“I thought we were fighting these two to get to Jerry, dawg?” Orange asked.
“Look around! Jerry’s not here anymore!” Fritter informed them. Orange and Cesaer both looked around curiously.
“Oh yeah… that’s true.” Cesaer understood. “So is Elusive and Jelly.”
“Yeah, and those two DIF agents as well.” Orange said.
“Wait. Where’s Snake and Norton?” Merry asked as she looked around.
“Where’s Jerry’s mammi? We need to get paid!” Cesaer demanded.
“We’ll pay you double what she’s offering you if you help us save Jerry!” Merry offered.
“Good luck, chica! Agent S already is payin’ us double!” Cesaer informed her.
“Agent S is the enemy here!” Merry said. “I know what this is about. We heard the entire conversation from the vents. All of you are pawns to Agent S. Jerry… Snake… Norton… you two… even Marmellata herself! This is all Agent S’s doing! If you actually think about it, Jerry would’ve been a totally different pony if he haven’t turned himself and you guys in! Agent S would’ve gotten to him, and changed him! He would’ve gotten to you two as well! If you actually think about all that Jerry’s done, he saved you from him!”
“Right!” Fritter agreed. “Agent S would’ve actually turned Jerry into the rat you think he is now! Maybe… just maybe… you two would’ve been feds with him.”
Orange and Cesaer than gasped. “No! I would rather rot in prison than turn into a fed!” Orange panicked.
“I hear you, amigo!” Cesaer agreed. “Wow! Jerry… he actually… wow. Is this true?”
“By being a part of the FDA, Jerry knows better.” Fritter said. “He will be the better friend you want him to be. All we need to do… is help him catch Marmellata!”
Orange and Cesaer both looked at eachother and then nodded. “Where do we begin, girls?” Orange asked.
“Ah just have one question for y’all.” Fritter said. “Where is Marmellata keeping Scales?”
So Elusive and I were continuing to fly across the rooftops with the help of the possessed Marmellata mobsters. I saw the wreckage of the helicopter up ahead; however, the building it crashed on remained undented. The mobsters dropped us off at the wreckage. Elusive ran to the wreckage to see if Jelly was ok, but first I had to do something. “Alright, you two. We’ll take it from here. Go and… get me a coffee. Cream, but no sugar.”
“Yes, boss. Will there be anything else?” one of the mobsters asked.
“Yes, would you like something, Elou? Their treat.” I offered.
“Well I can’t have anything to fattening. I’m already fat enough as it is.” Elusive said, even though he seemed pretty fit to me. It’s a stallion with a mare’s mind. What can you expect? “Oh to heck with it! Get me a bearclaw! Today is a good day for me! As I reunited with my number one business associate – Jerry Jam!”
“Awww.” I nodded.
“Right away, boss.” The mobster said as the duo fly off.
“Are they actually going to give us those treats?” Elusive asked.
“Are you kidding? I’m surprised the possession lasted that long! They’ll be back to their old selves any minute now!” I said.
“Awww! Well it was for the best. I got weak with my diet there.” Elusive said.
“Well forget it. Let’s just look inside for Jelly.” I suggested. So Elusive and I climbed inside the helicopter wreckage to look for Jelly and my mom. Neither of them were there. It was just the pilot, and he seemed hurt. He was coughing.
“Oh dear. What happened?” Elusive asked. “Are you ok?”
The pilot started coughing. “I’m glad you actually care about my feelings.” The pilot smiled.
“Of course I do!” Elusive said. “I care about a handsome pony like yourself. You were possessed by that evil witch! You deserve much better!”
“You really think so?” the mobster asked.
“I know so!” Elusive said.
“Wow… thank you!” the mobster said thankfully.
“Cut to the chase, buddy! Where’s my sister and your boss?” I asked.
“Shhhh!” Elusive shushed me. “This pony needs T.L.C. He got hurt, and I have no clue how is condition is. I want to help him.”
I froze for a minute there, and then I smiled. “Of course, Elou. Take your time. Here.” I gave the pony a bottle of water.
“Thank you.” The pony said as he coughed again. “I’m not sure what happened. This big… force field showed up out of nowhere. The systems shut down and we began to fall. It was some sort of… EMP field magic spell or something.”
“Magic spell?” I asked.
“I’m a unicorn myself. I know magic.” The pilot said.
“The magic doesn’t lie, Jer.” Elusive said.
“Heh.” I chuckled. “Alright, but what happened? You crashed, but the building is undamaged.”
“Another magic field caught us.” The pilot said. “The impact would’ve been a lot worse if it wasn’t there. I feel like… I feel like it saved our lives.”
“Do you know who did it?” Elusive asked.
“Not a clue.” The pilot said.
“One final question; and I promised we’ll get you outta here.” I promised. “And I promise, I will not break this promise.”
“Shoot.” The pilot said.
“And I promise not to break that promise.” I continued. “And I promised not to break that promise either. And I promise not to-“
“Time’s a-wasting, darling. Get to the point.” Elusive suggested.
“Right. Do you know where Marmellata, or the pegasus that came into this chopper went?” I asked.
“They ran off through the rooftops in that direction.” The pilot pointed.
“Thank you! Let’s get you outta here.” I said as I was about to help him, but then Elusive stopped me.
“No, Jer. Let me handle this.” Elusive offered.
“I promised to help him, so I’m helping him.” I said. “I will never break a promise again.”
“And you’re not.” Elusive said. “But you need to catch that evil mistress, and then we’ll find Jelly! I’ll take it from here. We’ll meet up later, alright?”
“Ok. Thank you, Elou!” I placed my hoof on his shoulder.
“Don’t mention, Jer. Now go! Go!” Elusive instructed me. I ran out of the chopper and ran towards the director the pilot instructed me to go. I climbed up the rooftop, and I saw up ahead my mom holding Jelly at hot glue gunpoint as she ran across the rooftops, and using Jelly to help her fly across. I knew I had to rescue her. I keep forgetting, but now I know – friendship is the number one priority in the Friendship Detection Agency, so my number one priority now is to make sure Jelly is safe. So I went after her.
I started jumping from rooftop to rooftop, and with the very far gaps, I used a grapple hook I can shoot out of my sleeve, because hey… Imma spy. Imma secret agent! I was getting really close now. I knew I was almost there, but then, yet another obstacle got in the way.
“Oh no you don’t, Agent Jam!” Snake Eyes stopped me.
“Out of the way, Agent Snake.” I ordered him “This is personal between me and her! The DIF shall not interfere.”
“Asssssss much I would love for you to reunite with your mommy, Agent Ssss has instructed me of her safety.” Snake said.
“Heh!” I chuckled. “The way you said ‘as’ in the beginning of that sentence; it sounded like you said-“
“Sssssilence!” Snake demanded. “I’m insssstructed to protect her! You want your mommy back? You’re gonna have to go through me firsssst!”
“Why don’t you get your lapdog, Agent Norton to help you?” I asked.
“We got sssseperated.” Snake said. “It’s just you and me, Agent Jam. Choose your method of attack.” Seems I have no choice. Time for a boss battle – Agent Snake Eyes.
How should I attack?
A: Fight
B: Blitz
C: Tools
D: Magic
The results:
A: I jump over to him, dirk him with a sword, and then step back as 213 HP was taken from him. Agent Snake Eyes then uses bombs on me and takes 531 HP from me, and I die. Game over.
B: I used the suplex attack on him. I start to sparkle, then I jump over to him, grab him, fly in the air, and then bash him down onto the ground and took 645 HP from him. He then uses chaingun on me, takes 1337 HP from me and I die. Game over.
C: I chose the chainsaw tool on my tools menu. I put on a psycho mask, took out a chainsaw, jumped over to Agent Snake Eyes and used the attack on him which takes 7532 HP from him. Everything started to flash white as Snake started to dramatically and slowly disappear with a rumbly sound. Got 6255 Exp. Point(s). Got Tent x1.
D: I went into my magic category and chose the fire magic. Right before I use the spell, however, Agent Snake Eyes uses his reflect spell to defend himself which takes 812 HP from me and then I die. Game over.
After the battle was over, I jumped from the next rooftop and continued the chase to catch Marmellata. Even after that long battle, she wasn’t that far away. Jeez louise! What was she waiting for? She runs over to the next building and saw a giant gap between her and the next building. She stops. She then tells Jelly still at glue gunpoint. “Alright, Jelly, fly me over to the next building.”
“Why are you doing this to your daughter?!” Jelly cried. Jelly was so scared she was weeping. “You’re the worst mom ever!”
“More like the most powerful mom ever!” Marmellata said and chuckled. “Now… spread those wings my little angel, or you will actually become one!” Jelly hesitated, but she spreads her wings and was just about to fly, but just then, another force field appears right in front of them. Marmellata sticks her hoof onto the force field and she couldn’t go threw it. “Hmm… this one’s different than the other one.”
“Hold it right there, Marmellata!” I called out as I stood on the other side of the building.
“That’s MOM to you, young colt!” Marmellata corrected me, showing me that she’s still holding Jelly at glue gunpoint.
“Jerry!” Jelly cried out.
“Quiet you!” Marmellata ordered her. I have to talk some reason into her. Jelly is my number priority right now. Can you help me out?
How should I get her to release Jelly?
A: Mom, I love you!
B: What are you to gain by shooting hot glue onto your own daughter’s head?
C: Mom… it’s me you want. You should let Jelly go.
D: You have nowhere to go, Mr. Marmellata!
The results:
A: Oh shush, boy! You had your chance to earn my love! Back away!
B: Sacrifices must be made, son.
C: Oh yeah? Why should I?
D: I told you to call me, mom!
Oh yeah? Why should I?
A: Because… it’s nice.
B: Because the DIF don’t want her! She’s worth nothing to you! I’m worth a lot to them!
C: Because I’m your son, and the sons always love the moms the best!
D: Because she’s got a whole life to live! Didn’t you say you wanted her to be successful?
The results:
A: Nice try, James.
B: She’s worth a lot to me! She’s my daughter!
C: Really? That’s not what you said before.
D: Well… it’s worth seeing my pure flesh and blood become a very successful writer. I always knew she had it in her.
Always knew she had it in her
A: Look at me, mom. I got nothing else. No more friends… no more future… she does though. Take me instead.
B: Look at her, mom. She’s scared. Give her a break. She’s scared for her life!
C: We both know you will do the right thing, mom.
D: And as the mother, you are responsible for her to have a great future.
The results:
A: How do I know this isn’t a trick?
B: You think I’m not?
C: The last time somepony said that to me, I hot glued their eyes shut.
D: She’s over 18, I ain’t responsible for her anymore! I wasn’t since she ran away!
How do I know this isn’t a trick?
A: Would I lie to you?
B: You don’t.
C: I’ll empty my pockets right now just to be sure.
D: Because I got nothing. The DIF is my only future now.
The results:
A: Uhh, it runs in the family, sooo… obviously!
B: Hmm… good point. Alright, James, you got a deal.
C: How do I know you’re not going to stop me as soon as you empty something out of your pocket?
D: What kind of son would give up his loyal job for a bunch of crooks?
So I started to slowly walk over to her. “No sudden movements, dear.” Marmellata instructed me. “Any sudden movements – she’s getting it!”
“As part of the FDA, her safety is my top priority.” I said. “But it wasn’t that policy that got me to do this. I owe all my friends a favor. I have mercy, remember?”
“That is true.” Marmellata said as I was very close to her. Just then, however, Marmellata takes out a tazer from her pocket and starts to taze me.
“NO!” Jelly cried.
“Lying runs in the family, Jelly! He is such a fool!” Marmellata said as I pass out on the floor, barely able to move, moaning in pain.
“You’re a monster!” Jelly said angrily.
“So is Agent S!” Marmellata said. “But it’s the only way to get the DIF off my back! I knew making a deal with the DIF was a bad idea. But it was the best way to get our charges cleared. Agent S… he would make deals with criminals to get the wealth and power he desires. He’s not in it for the clearing the Equestrian streets of crime. He’s greedy. He’s a thief… just like us, Jerry. Only he isn’t a Jam. I know that for a fact.”
“H…h… how?” I stuttered.
“Jams ruin the lives of other ponies… other than stealing their wealth.” Mom said. “We never try anything to interfere with their personal lives and opinions on eachother. That’s why he got your friends to go against you. I knew that crossed the line.”
“But you are ruining Jerry’s life!” Jelly yelled. “And worst of all… you’re ruining mine… and Elusive’s… and Orange’s, and Cesaer’s, and Merry May’s, and Apple Fritter’s… without Jerry… we’re nothing.”
“Only because he cares about you so much.” Marmellata said. “Jerry… I hope you understand that I was only ignoring you when you were a kid for your own safety. Daddy and I love you, James. But… if… we didn’t cooperate with Agent S… he would’ve… he would’ve… wow is there an eclipse going on today?”
Just then, a giant hooded creature shows up behind us. The shadow of it made everything darker. Marmellata slowly turned around and noticed it was one of the Dragonite dragons. “YOU!” Marmellata yelled.
“Scales! Merry and Fritter rescued you! Th… tank the director!” I said excitedly, but still unable to move.
“Wrong dragon, Agent Jam.” The dragon said as he removes his hood and reveals to be Dargon. Just then, Gordon shows up as well.
“Shall we barbeque this evil mare?” Gordon asked.
“Now this… I have to see!” Top Notch said.
“She deserves it!” Cheese Noodles agreed.
“You… you came back! You came back!” I said in relief.
“Of course we came back.” Dargon smiled. “Who cares if we revealed ourselves for all of Manehattan to see? You helped us!”
“So now we must help you!” Gordon said.
Down below on the Manehattan streets, a mom and her pegasus son spotted the dragons up on the rooftops. “Hey, mommy, look!” the son pointed. “Those are some cool looking dragon balloons up there!”
“Wow!” his mom said in a very strong Manehattan accent. “That almost look realistic.”
“Yeah, I think you’re safe guys.” Top Notch said to the dragons.
Marmellata was feeling very nervous now that she was surrounded by the Dragonites. Oh, hey, sorry to change the subject real quick, but read that first sentence again, but take out the letters ‘ragonites’ on ‘Dragonites’, and then read the sentence again! It was so hilarious! Ok, back to our regularly scheduled chapter.
“What is the meaning of this?!” Marmellata yelled. “If I tell the DIF this you’re all doomed!”
“It’ll be worth it!” Scales said as he joins the party.
“Ok… I’m officially freaked out.” Jelly said. “Jerry? Why are there so many dragons here?”
“Jerry?” Gordon asked in a teasingly voice. “Why are there so many ponies here? I find them to be really scary and such, and they freak me out! Boo-hoo-hoo!”
“Jeez, you didn’t have to be such a jerk about it, mate.” Jelly informed him.
Just then, Marmellata pushes me off the ledge of the building, but I acted fast and held on. “WHOA!” I yelled.
“JERRY!” Jelly yelled.
“Don’t move, or he falls!” Marmellata threatens the Dragonites.
“Your own son none less!” Top Notch reminded her.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk.” Cheese Noodles shakes his head.
“Stand down, Marmellata!” Agent S stopped her as Snake and Norton push a cart with a monitor with Agent S on it. “We need Jerry alive!”
“The Dragonites are trying to stop us!” Marmellata yelled.
“They won’t.” Agent S said. “You forget, I have evidence against them. They’re doomed.”
“They don’t care!” Marmellata yelled.
“She’s right you know.” Scales said.
“I can’t trust you, Agent S! You’re a crook!” Marmellata yelled. “If I’m going out, then I’m going out with a splat!” Just then, she steps on my hooves that were holding onto the building and I start to fall. “Or more like he will.”
“NO! JERRY!” Jelly cried.
“Arrest her!” Agent S instructed Snake and Norton.
“Alwaysssss the hard way.” Snake said as he takes out some hoof cuffs.
“I’ve been really looking forward to working along side Agent Jam.” Norton admitted.
As I started falling from 16 stories, I knew I was doomed. But you know what? She was right. I’m going out with a splat. I redeemed myself. I redeemed myself to Elusive, and I wasn’t there to see it but I redeemed myself to my hoodlum friends too. Mr. Marmellata, Strawberry Jam, Mom, or whoever her name is, she and her organization has been defeated, and the DIF? Well… I still need to stop them. I ain’t going yet, mates! Come on and slam, and welcome to the jam!
After a few minutes went by, I started to wake up, and I heard my friends talking. “You think he’s ok?” Cesaer asked. “That was some fall, holms.”
“He’s alive, ah know that much.” Fritter said. “Although ah can’t guarantee he won’t have a concussion.”
“You think his head is bad, girl? My arms hurt!” Orange complained.
“Yeah mine too.” Cesaer said.
“Oh Jerry, if you’re still there, you must know that you’ve won! You did it!” Jelly said.
“Why don’t you tell him yourself?” Merry asked as my eyes opened. Once I woke up I noticed that I was lying on Merry May’s lap.
“Maybe I should kiss him and he will wake up.” Elusive suggested.
“Shut it, Mr. Lady!” Orange instructed him.
“Morning, sleepy head!” Merry said to me.
“Or more like afternoon.” Fritter reminded her.
“No it’s neither. It’s noon. So noon, bro!” Jelly said.
“Ugh!” I groaned as I rubbed my head. “What happened?”
“You made quite a fall there, sugarcube.” Fritter said. “We called an ambulance to take you, Orange, and Cesaer to the hospital.”
“Oh… ok.” I said as I rubbed my head. “Wait… Orange and Cesaer? Why do they need to go to the hospital?”
“You ain’t that soft at landing, holms.” Cesaer said.
“Yeah, dawg. We broke our hooves just to save you.” Orange said as he and Cesaer showed me their bandaged front hooves. “You owe us two, homie!”
“Really? You two? You saved me? Why?” I asked. “I’ve been so bad to you! I’m so ashamed!”
“No, homie.” Orange said as he places his hoof on my shoulder. “As it turns out, you did the right thing.”
“Yeah, if we didn’t go to the big house, Agent S would’ve gotten hold of all of us, so you pretty much saved us.” Cesaer said.
“So… you forgive me?” I asked.
“Are you going to hang out with us more?” Orange asked.
“YES!” I promised. “I promise you that! As a matter of fact, I’m thinking of quitting the FDA.”
“What?!” everypony gasped.
“I know I’ve been doing so much work on it, but… I can’t do it anymore.” I said.
“Why though?” Merry asked.
“Don’t get me wrong. I love this job.” I said. “I love you, Merry, and you Fritter, but… after this mission… this is… this is just too much for me. I mean… at least I know what happened to my parents now, and as it would seem the director knew it all along. But after seeing that my own mother would do this to me… wait a minute. Where is she?”
“She was arrested by the DIF.” Fritter said. “They’re takin’ credit for this mission.”
“WHAT?!” I yelled. “NO! After all that’s happened… they are NOT going to get away with this!”
“Oh we know they won’t!” Merry said mischievously as she points over and sees the dragons started flying Snake, Norton, Marmellata, and the monitor containing Agent S down to street level.
“Marmellata.” I said angrily at her.
“I’m sorry, Jerry.” Marmellata whimpered. “I… I don’t know what got a hold of me. After seeing you get dropped, I… I… that was too much. That crossed the line.”
“You darn right it did! I can’t believe I learned this truth about you!” I said angrily.
“Heh! Now you know how we felt.” Cesaer chuckled.
“That’s what ah wanted to tell you, back at the boardin’ house.” Fritter said. “Ah didn’t want to tell you right away because ah thought it might jeopardize the mission. Marmellata is actually translated to Jam.”
“Ah, I see. Well, the FDA is going to take REAL good care of you, mother!” I said angrily at her.
“No you won’t!” Agent S corrected me. “If you want your organization to stay in one peace, Marmellata is coming with us! You interfered with DIF operations, again! Stand down, and the FDA will not be touched.”
“Oh, I don’t think you’re going to be blackmailing us THIS time, Agent- wait… Elusive?” I asked.
“Yes, Jer?” Elusive asked as he had his arm around another pony.
“Is that… is that the pilot from the crashsite?” I asked.
“Yep! It sure is!” Elusive said.
“Elusive was such a sweetie to me!” the pilot said as he and Elusive both nuzzle eachother.
“Ooooook then.” I said awkwardly. “Well… I’m glad you two are happy. But, buddy… don’t you dare use Elusive! He is very sensive, and if you break his heart… you’ll be slammed by the jam!” I threatened him.
“I have no reason to do this to my, Elouy-Wooey!” the pilot said.
“Yep! He’s a keeper!” Elusive said.
“Ok, anyways, back to you Agent S!” I turned around to him. “You won’t be blackmailing us this time, because this time, the shoe is on the other horse!”
“What do you mean?” Snake asked.
“Wait a minute, Snake?!” I cried. “What are you doing here?”
“What are you talking about?” Snake asked.
“How did… I just...” I stuttered. “Ugh! Nevermind. Anyways, we have a TON of evidence against you, Agent S.”
“What kind of evidence?” Agent S asked.
“Well first off, the room that you held Elusive and Jelly in had a security camera with live recording.” Fritter said. “It was admitted by Marmellata, Snake Eyes, and Eclipse Norton that the DIF and a crime organization were working together.”
“Not to mention when we arrest Marmellata, she will have a ton of information against you.” Merry added.
“Well, I… umm… well… you see…” Agent S stuttered.
“It’s over, ese.” Cesaer said. “The jig is up.”
Agent S sighs and then says, “It would seem it is. Ok, Agent Jam… what is it that you want?”
“Number one: You will never try to do anything against the FDA again.” I started. “You will still have your missions, but if you try anything against us again, the director will not hesitate to shut you down. That also means you will stop attempting to get me to join you.”
“Understandable.” Agent S said.
“What’sssss number two?” Snake asked.
“SNAKE?!” Agent S yelled. “Don’t remind him!”
“SSSSSORRY!” Snake yelled.
“Number two: You will give us all the evidence you have against the Marmellatas. They’re under our investigation now.” I said.
“Oh what? You steal from me again?” Agent S asked.
“Only to keep you quiet.” I said. “And number 3…”
“Awww! There’s a number three too? C’mooon!” Agent S whined.
“Number three: You will wipe all the evidence you have against the Dragonites. They’re under our protection now, and we are not going to blackmail them, believe me.”
“Wow… thank you, Agent Jam!” Scales said.
“Glad we came back for you, huh?” Dargon asked as he chuckled.
“Don’t push your luck, Dargon.” I smirked at him.
“I’m sending your director the evidence against the Marmellatas right now.” Agent S said. “How do I not know you’re not going to wipe your evidence against us?”
“We’re not.” I said mischievously.
“Wait, what?! After all I’m doing for you?!” Agent S complained. “What more do you want?!”
“Nothing, but we’re keeping the evidence if it keeps you off our backs.” I said. “As long as you behave yourselves, I promise we won’t send them to our director.
“Ugh!” Agent S groans. “You win this round, FDA! Maybe even the war! But the DIF will still live on! I misunderestimate you, Agent Jam. You are truly the best agent in all of Equestria.”
“A very worthy competitor.” Snake agreed. “It’ssssss too bad we can’t compete againsssst eachother anymore.”
“Oh we can still race for the missions. But first come first serve.” I said.
“Sounds like a plan.” Agent S agreed. “Farewell, FDA. Farewell, Agent Jam. We will meet again, and let me just add-“ Just then the transmission gets cut off.
“Woopsssss. I thought he was done.” Snake said. “My bad. Farewell, Agent Jam.” Norton then nods at me and they both leave the scene with the monitor.
“Thank you for your help, Agent Jam.” Scales said to me. “Thank you FDA.”
“It was our pleasure!” Fritter said. “Your secret is safe with us.”
“Yeah, well… the lunch rush traffic will be coming any minute now.” Dargon said as he puts on his disguise cloak. “We should head out before we’re seen.”
“You do that.” Fritter nodded.
“You really helped us find redemption.” Top Notch said.
“And more freedom than we can ever imagine.” Cheese Noodles added.
“Not to mention we have a new fancier place to go to! Some U.H. Paper ponies found us a new place to crash!” Gordon said.
“Well y’all enjoy yourselves!” Fritter said.
“We’ll plan to visit sometime!” Merry offered, even though I know it ain’t going to happen. A lot of ponies make promises to meet with old acquaintances again but it never happens.
“You are welcomed anytime!” Scales said. “If you need our help. Please let us know. Farewell!” So we said goodbye and the Dragonites left back into the city alleys.
Just then, we heard a loud rumblely sound in the distance. We all turned around towards the ocean and we saw the Commission zeppelin crashing into it. “MY AIRSHIP!” Marmellata yelled. “NO!”
“C’mon, lady, let’s go. Time to join your husband.” A couple of U.H. Paper ponies said as they arrest Marmellata.
“B-but… my organization! It’s ruined!” Marmellata cried. “The Commission! There is no Commission without the zeppelin! My life is over! OVER!”
“And my life is about to begin!” I said as I smiled.
I knew everything was going to be ok now. I’m at peace. So after a visit to the hospital, our wounds weren’t bad and were going to heal in no time, and so we headed back home to Los Pegasus.
When we got back, I was hanging out with not only Orange and Cesaer, but Merry and Fritter too at the club. The club wasn’t opened yet, so it was just us, but the music was still playing in a limited volume. “Now this is more like it!” Orange said. “Us homies hanging out – this is perfect!”
“Ah agree!” Fritter said. “Ah’m glad you learned a lot about friendship by workin’ with us, Flare! But are you sure you want to leave?”
“I feel it’s for the best.” I said.
“Nah, homie! The FDA is your life!” Orange said. “I know you ain’t robbers like us no more, but you’re happy, and you try to make us happy. We still homies. We always will be!”
“Always!” I said.
“But Equestria needs to stop lowlives from ruining pony’s lives.” Cesaer said. Just then, we all smirked at Cesaer. “What? What did I say?”
“You… you really think I should do that?” I asked.
“Of course we do, darling!” Elusive said as he places his hoof on my shoulder. “We know you’re there for us, but Equestria needs you too!”
“As we do, Agent Jam.” The director said as Merry put her on speaker phone.
“Director?” I asked.
“Yes, Agent Jam.” The director said. “You were very successful on that mission, and I must say, I am very proud of you!”
“Awww! Thank you!” I said with a smile.
“But I have another mission for you if you’re ready.” The director said. “We have some griffons that are causing trouble over at Fillydelphia. They’ve gotten a hold of some Centaur dust just as the zeppelin of Manehattan was crashing down. They’re causing havoc on the streets. We need your help.”
Just then, I turned over to my friends and I smiled. “Sorry, director, but you’ll have to find somepony to do this. I need a couple of weeks vacation. My friends need me!”
“Understandable.” The director said. “You are free to enjoy your vacation! But if you can’t do it, somepony will have to.”
“We’ll take it from here, director!” Fritter offered.
“Yeah, this should be fun!” Merry agreed.
“As you wish, Agent May and Agent Fritter. Come to the HQ whenever you’re ready.” The director instructed them. “Bye!” The call ends.
“Well you two enjoy yourselves!” Elusive said.
“Yeah, we need some lovely chicas like yourselves in our group!” Cesaer said.
“You two won’t be too long will ya?” Orange asked.
“Of course not!” Fritter said. “We will be back faster than a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August in-“
“Yeah, ok girl, thanks!” Orange said.
“See you around, Agent Fritter!” I said.
“Later, Agent Jam!” Fritter said as she walks out.
Merry then walks over and gives me and says, “We were a couple.”
“What?” I asked. “What do you mean ‘were’?”
“Flare and me.” Merry said. “Well… only for one night. I’m not known by a lot of ponies. Some say I’m even… part of the background, but even more in the background than most others. We others see Derpy, they smile and cheer. They see Bon Bon and Lyra together, they cheer. Doctor, Minuette, Golden Harvest, even Amethyst Star! Even Cloud Kicker! But me… nopony ever notices me. I want to be noticed, but nopony ever seems to. All but one. Crimson Flare Gun. He’s been really good to me. He always smiles when he sees me in the background. He offered to take me home that night, he made me hot cocoa, then… things escalated quickly, but it wasn’t meant to be. I was protecting Flare, I couldn’t have a relationship with him. So we stayed friends and stayed separated, but… he’s a good pony. He notices me.”
“Ummm… and why are you telling me this?” I asked.
“You kept asking.” Merry said.
“Oh… so… Flare’s your ex?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t say that.” Merry said. She then suddenly says in an excited tone. “Well, duty calls! See you, Jer!” She then kisses me on the cheek and storms off. Wow… that was very touching, but I’m proud of Merry. Could that be why she’s in a relationship with me? Am I just another Flare to her?
Naaaah! Anyways, we all left the club eventually. I was walking out with Orange and Cesaer, and Elusive said goodbye to us. “I’ll see you dark and late tomorrow night, Jer!” Elusive waved.
“See ya, Elou!” I waved back as he closed the doors.
“Yep! Now that we’re pals with Elusive, SOMEPONY will now let us in, huh?” Cesaer asked as he glared at Bumpster Sticker. We all eventually climbed inside the carriage so we can head home.
“Uhh, why are we all inside?” I asked. “I thought Cesaer was driving?”
“I am, but we need to talk to you, holms.” Cesaer said.
“What do you want to talk about, mates?” I asked.
“Even though you did save us in prison, we still rotted in there and suffered.” Orange said.
“I said I’m sorry.” I reminded them.
“I know, homie, and we forgive you.” Orange said. “But you still owe us.”
“Owe you what?” I asked.
“One final heist.” Orange said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Don’t you remember?” Cesaer asked. “Before we disband the crew, we need to pull one final heist. The Heist to End All Heists. Remember?”
“Yes. I told Agent May about it.” I admitted.
“WHAT?!” Cesaer and Orange both yelled.
“I’m being more honest to you, aren’t I?” I reminded them. “Besides, she said she was ok with it.”
“I hope so.” Cesaer said. “I mean this is the big one!”
“Yeah, dawg, but the real question is – where should we do it?” Orange asked.
“I’ll look around and see if I find anything.” I said.
“I hope so, homie, because we NEED this!” Orange said. “You owe us this one heist. If you help us do this, we’ll be 100% cool. No ifs, ands, or buts.”
“Heh! Butts!” Cesaer chuckled.
“Ok. I promise I will give you the heist you desire eventually.” I promised. “But you’re going to have to give me time to find the right one.”
“Take your time, as long as it’s before we grow old.” Cesaer said.
“I’ll make sure it’s perfect!” I said. “It’s the Heist to End All Heists!”
“THE HEIST TO END ALL HEISTS!” we all yelled. “WOO HOO!”
“Yo! Scream any louder the cops will hear ya!” Bumper Sticker called out. Ok that was embarrassing. So Cesaer and Orange dropped me off back at my sister’s place. I’m glad everything is cool between us now. So I went back in and sat down next to Jelly and watched TV.
“So good to have you back, Jer!” Jelly said.
“It’s good to be back, sis!” I said.
“So I talked to AK Yearling recently.” Jelly said.
“Oh yeah? What’s the news?” I asked.
“Well, she said if this film ends up being a complete success, she allowed me to make the sequel: The Griffon’s Goblet!” Jelly said excitedly.
“NICE, LOVE!” I said excitedly.
“I know!” Jelly cheered. “Isn’t it amazing?”
“I am so proud of you, Jelly!” I said as I hugged her. “You are career is a big success!”
“If only mom and dad were here to see me now!” Jelly said.
“Even if they are backstabbing criminals, they would be very proud of you, sis!” I said.
“You really think so, Jer?” Jelly asked.
“I know so!” I said as we cuddled. Just then, we heard a knock at the door.
“Can you get that?” she asked.
“Pfft! Way to spoil the moment!” I complained.
“No kidding, huh?” Jelly agreed. So I walked over to the door and opened it up, and you’ll never guess who it is!
“Oh… Agent Norton.” I said.
“Hello, Agent Jam.” Norton said.
“What brings you here?” I asked.
“I wanted to talk to you for a minute, in private.” Norton said.
“Oh sure.” I said as I stepped outside and shut the door. “What is it, mate? Did Agent S keep his end of the deal?”
“Yes, Agent Snake and I have erased all evidence against the Dragonites.” Norton said.
“Good.” I said. “That doesn’t mean we’re going to erase the evidence against the DIF, I’m afraid.”
“By all means, don’t!” Norton said. “This will keep Agent S out of trouble for a while.”
“Yeah, heh.” I chuckled. “Ain’t that the truth?”
“Yeah.” Norton said.
“Also… that force field.” I said. “The one that took down the chopper, rescued the chopper, and then stopped Marmellata. That was you wasn’t it?”
“Hey I have to show off my magic in some way.” Norton said as he uses his magic to create a candy cane, and he puts it in his mouth.
“Heh! Of course!” I chuckled.
“So… listen, I need to tell you something very important, and… this will make me break some DIF rules.”
“You don’t have to do this.” I offered.
“I must.” Norton said. “Only if you promise not to tell ANYPONY. Nopony whatsoever! Not even your sister!”
“Well, gosh, I mean… I tell my sister everything.” I said.
“It’s for her own good. It’s for the good of all of your friends.” Norton said. “But you have to know this, because I feel I need to tell somepony this. Just in case of an emergency, I need you to handle this for me.”
“Of course, Norton.” I promised. “What is it?”
“General Lee.” Norton said.
“What about him?” I asked. “He’s dead.”
“Half-right.” Norton said.
“Oi! What does that supposed to mean?” I asked.
“General Lee is dead.” Norton said. “But… not the pony himself.”
“I’m not sure if I’m following.” I said.
“Your friend General Lee is alive, but he goes under a different name now.” Norton said.
“What? You mean he joined the Witness Protection Program?” I asked.
“As a matter of fact, I am his witness protector.” Norton said. “I too go under a different name just so I can visit him to see how everything is coming along.”
“Is that so?” I asked.
“Indeed.” He said. “Now I need you to listen to me very carefully. Nopony, and I mean NOPONY must know that you know this information, because I feel if I’m not available for him, you must look after him.”
“I promise.” I swore. “Who is he, Agent Norton? Who is General Lee now?”
“Agent Jam,” Norton started, “your friend, General Lee, he goes by the name now of-“ And that’s all the time we have!
Thank you, mates and loves so much for reading my story! But don’t worry, this ain’t the end. I have a ton more stories! You will know who General Lee is in time, but for now, this is farwell. Me and all my friends will see you in the Friendship is Epic story!