Well, it's official, I broke the horse.
She stood there for a straight minute, looking at me with wide eyes and her jaw hanging open, not going to lie, it was starting to make me uncomfortable, so after another minute of having a Mexican standoff with the unicorn, I decided to speak up and hopefully snap her out of it.
"Uh... Hello?" Again, she just stared at me with that same exact expression. Yep, broke her, yeah, I broke her.
"Um... Ma'am? Are you alright?" I took one step closer to her, and that seemed to snap out of it instantly because she dropped down, and fucking bowed to me, to fucking me! The only bowing I ever received was from myself when trying to boost my self-esteem in my bathroom mirror!
"P-princess L-Luna! W-what are you doing here?!" She said.
Oh look, she finally deci-... Wait, did she just call me Princess Luna?! What!?
"I uh... Just wanted to know where I was.." I replied to her with uncertainty.
She looked up at me with evident confusion on her face. "Uh... We're in Ponyville, Princess.."
Ponyville? Who in their right mind would put a town a name with such cringe-worthy pun? It would be like if someone from Earth called a city Humansville! Which is totally not a thing, by the way, don't look it up.
Now onto the fact that she was called me an Princess two times already, and she put the name Luna at the end too, maybe she confused me with their Princess or something?
...
Oh great, I just realized that they no doubt have a monarchy unless this "Princess Luna" she confused me with is in a book or something, seems unlikely though.
"Erm... Right, I knew that... "I rubbed the back of my neck with a sheepish smile. " Uh... Is there a library nearby I could visit in the morning?" If there was any place that could tell me where I am and not give me weird looks while doing so, it was the Library.
She just got even more confused after I asked that "Uh.... This is the Library, Princess..."
"Oh... Well, I'll come back tomorrow..." I flashed her a smile as I turned around and started walking away."Why was she confused by that? How the hell was I supposed to know where the library was?"
I didn't make it far until a flash of light suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of me, causing me to stumble back and blinding me for a few seconds.
I shook my head a few times and opened my eyes to reveal that the purple unicorn was now in front of me, with a rather... Nervous expression on her face, she no doubt regretted doing that if her facial expression is anything to go by.
She opened her mouth and started saying something, but I wasn't paying attention, I was trying to process the fact that she fucking teleported in front of me! Unless she had a flashbang shoved up her ass and used it to blind me and make it seem like she teleported, but I doubt that.
"-ut we just opened! It is almost daytime anyway." I refocused my eyes on her and stared at her for a few seconds, all I did hear was those last eight words. But honestly, I don't care right now, all I care about is the fact that she said that they were open, that means I could find some books and read up on this damn place, and hopefully prevent myself from looking like an idiot next time.
"Princess?" I blinked as she waved her foreleg in front of my face, or at least tried too, since I was probably twice as tall as her, I probably spaced out again too, I should stop doing that in the middle of conversations...
"Huh? Oh, yeah, that sounds good." I hope that whatever she said was good, and I hope I didn't agree to be sacrificed to their god or some shit.
"Great! Follow me Princess" Okay, this 'Princess' thing is starting to piss me off, but I shouldn't say anything before I read up on this, don't want them thinking I'm some sort spy.
"Alright..." I followed her as she walked past me and entered the library, as I entered I noticed that it was cooler in here, an air conditioner maybe? No, I don't see one, and the room is too big for another one in a different place to be keeping it at this current temperature.
"So... What brings you here this early Princess?" She said as she turned around to face me, the same nervous expression adorning her face.
"I just.. Wanted to read some books that's all" God, I hope she falls for it and leaves me alone so I can do some research...
"Can't you just use the Canterlot Royal Library?" She looks at me with even more confusion, shit, what the hell is the Canterlot Royal Library? Fuck, I need to think of something fast.
"Well, I just wanted to..." Come on David, think of something! "...Be alone when reading?" Good one Dave, you might win the 'Shittiest Excuse of the year award.'
" Oh.. Well, in that case, I'll be in the room upstairs if you need me Princess" She still looked skeptical, but It looks like she bought it, success!
"Of course" I replied to her with a nod as she turned around and made her way up a flight of stairs, leaving me alone with all the books.
"Alright David, time to put those reading skills to the test ..." I walked up to a bookshelf and started looking for any history books, after a few minutes of searching, I stumbled on what looked like a kids history book, it had a bunch of colors on the front with the words 'Brief History of Equestria' printed on it. But what threw me off was that the letters were different from the ones in the English language, yet I could still read them as if I've been reading them for my entire life... Oh well, I'll look into that later.
I sat down, opened up the book, and started reading it.
Alright, I think I got the basics of this down after reading it the third time.
Apparently, I'm in a country called "Equestria" that was founded by three pony tribes after fleeing from somethings called the wendigos, which feed on their hatred of each other and caused it to snow or some shit. I didn't buy into that though, It was probably a mini ice age or something along those lines, but that wasn't important right now.
What really caught my interest was this 'event' that happened one thousand years ago. Apparently, this "Princess Luna' got jelly of her sister, 'Princess Celestia' because she was mad that the people here ignored the night, and she turned all evil and shit, so her sister had to banish her for a thousand years, and they're still alive somehow. But I guess that shouldn't be too weird, considering the shit I've seen during my time here.
" Well, at least I won't be completely clueless..." I set the book down and look other the rest of the bookshelves. "Ugh... At least I know how I'm going to spend my evening.."
I get up and start looking through some of the books after I put back the one that I just finished reading, I pick up some of the books that had caught my attention, one of which interested me more than the others.
"Magic for Beginners? Now there's magic here too...?"I sighed as I sat down on the floor and rubbed my forehead. "I honestly shouldn't be surprised anymore..."
I looked down at the book I had in my hooves.
"Alright, let's see if I even do magic..." I opened up the book and started reading, I read through most of the book after half an hour, from basic levitation to even small range teleportation, man, magic is some cool shit.
"Alright... If I'm reading this right, all I have to do is imagine myself levitating something..." I looked around for something to try and levitate, and surely enough I found a small empty cup on the other side of the room.
"This better fucking work.." I close my eyes and imagine the cup levitating; I started hearing some sort of... Glowing sound if you could call it that, coming from my horn, I didn't really feel it, but I sure as hell heard it.
I slowly opened my eyes and found the cup being surrounded by a glowing light blue wavy cloud thing, most likely my magic. Man, it feels weird to say that.
I tried Imagining it floating slightly above the counter, and It did just that.
Now, the only thing that kept me from freaking out over this was the fact that if I did, the purple Unicorn would hear me, and I wanted to spare myself another awkward moment.
I slowly set the cup down and kept myself from squealing, I had just done magic, fucking magic, I bet Carl would be so jelly of me right now if he saw me.
I calmed down after a few minutes and looked over the rest of the books that I picked up, one was an anatomy book, while the others were books dealing with creatures and geography.
"God, this it feels like high school all over again..."
Alright, so after one damn hour of reading, I've finally managed to read all three books, they weren't that big, but I read them over two times to make sure I wasn't missing anything important
Strangely enough, the purple Unicorn hasn't come down here during all this time; I wonder that the hell she's doing up there, oh well, none of my business I suppose.
I got up and put the three books back in the bookshelf since I didn't want to bother purple up there, I decided to explore the town a little bit, it was still around 5 AM, so there shouldn't be many hors-... I mean ponies walking around.
As I was making my way towards the door, purple decided it would be a super great idea to teleport right in front of me again, blinding me for a few seconds yet again.
When I opened my eyes, I was greeted with an very angry purple unicorn. Shit, what the hell did I do this time?
"You! Impostor!" Oh, shit, the jig is up, she knows I'm not 'Princess Luna,' took her long enough to figure it out.
"Uh, I'm not sure what you're talking about?" I said as I took one step back. God, I need to get better at lying.
"I know you're not the real Princess Luna! So tell me who you really are!" How did she even find out anyway? Does she have a phone line to one of the Princesses and she asked them or something?
I sighed and sat down, even though I was still taller than her, she didn't seem that intimidated, or maybe she was hiding it. If she is, she's good at it.
"Well, it's quite simple my dear," I said as I looked down at her with a poker face that would make even the best poker players blush.
"I'm here to sell propane and propane accessories."