Go away, go away, come back to me some more! Go away, go away, don't stand there at the door!
Twilight continued to stare at the bed. For hours she contemplated whether to look under it or not. Part of her insisted that she seek out the truth, another pleaded that she did not. There was no telling what was real anymore. Why couldn't Spike be here? Or maybe it's better he isn't. I am supposed to be the reliable one, the mare with the answers. Yet what happens when I have questions? Oh, Celestia, why can't you be here, your student could really use your help.
A magic aura surrounded Twilight's horn. I hope I don't regret this The alicorn took a deep breath and levitated the bed to the side. A single small diary was underneath, its purple cover reminding Twilight of one she had long ago as a filly. 'Lost Dream' was written on the cover in elegant purple letters.
This is mine, Twilight thought, as she levitated it to her. It's mine and I can't remember it. Carefully she took it with her hooves. It appeared brand new - the cover was clean, the edges crisp. She must have bought it no more than a month ago. Why couldn't she remember though? And why was "dream" singular? Twilight knew herself well enough to be sure she would never make such a mistake, no matter how exhausted.
Well, there was only one way to find out. She opened the diary and started reading.
Dream 5
I feel stupid. This is the first time I listen to a dream. Still, a promise is a promise. Maybe if I humor it, things will become clear. In any event, I will start writing everything experienced down. That way, I can gather enough information to make sense of it all.
It has been five nights since I've been having the same dream. Actually, that's not right. I've been having different dreams with the same element - a white stallion. My memories are a bit hazy, but I think the first time I saw him was in the Canterlot library, or maybe the Golden Oak. He approached me casually, maybe even gave me a book, and whispered "this is not a dream". I remember looking at him with a slight smile and whispering back "then it should be". Thank Celestia it was a dream. I cringe to think if I had said something so stupid while awake. Still, I remember it having an effect on him.
Twilight closed the diary. All this was so disturbing. She knew the words were hers, she could feel them as she read. But why couldn't she remember a thing? The alicorn prided herself in remembering all her dreams, even nightmares she had as a filly. At least, until now.
"It's just a diary," she said out loud. "It can't..." Hesitation. "It can't harm me."
Dream 8
He finally told me his name last night - Ikelos. And despite every precaution I tried to take, I find myself more and more attr close to him. It is natural, of course. He is my dream, and dreams are an expression of our desires, my desires. To find somepony, to get married, to start a family - all things I might never get to experience. As I look at the princesses, the more I think it might be my fate to remain alone. Neither Celestia nor Luna have families, and they have been around for thousands of years. Maybe I'll turn out like Cadence? I can only hope.
I'm still not sure what I am to do about this. It has been over a week, and I am no longer sure how healthy it is. So far, I feel normal when I wake up. My worry is, that each day I yearn more and more to return to my dreams. It would be best to discuss the matter with Princess Luna. Maybe just one more night, though.
The sharp feeling of sadness pierced Twilight again. This was a good time to stop. She had learned all she needed to. Fancy's father was called Ikelos. Apparently they had shared some interesting experiences in her dreams. No need to read on... She flipped another set of pages.
Dream 13
Ikelos took me to the seaside again. It was the place we got married, only this time it was night. After all this time he had gotten to know me quite well. A pity I couldn't say the same about him. As much as I tried, I haven't been able to find anything remotely useful. By all accounts he should be nothing more than a dream of mine, yet I see him as much more. We might have been together for two weeks by Equestrian standards, but in the dream world we had spent years with one another. And there is one thing I know for sure - Ikelos isn't part of my my subconscious. He has already mentioned that he could visit other's dreams, but could he really? Despite my scientific curiosity, I don't dare ask him. The thought of losing him is too much to bear.
Tonight, I also did something stupid. I asked what he thought about having foals. It was a stupid, selfish fancy of mine, but I couldn't help myself. He is so perfect, if we have foals, they would be perfect as well. The question seemed to upset him. He pretended everything was fine, of course, but I knew to know it wasn't. Whenever his mane changes colour it means something is troubling him. It would be best if I put the matter to rest for a while. After all, we have all the time in the world.
Teardrops fell on the page. She was getting to the core of her pain. Already she knew what the next pages would hold. However, that was not enough. She wanted to read it, to experience it once more.
Dream 21
We got into a fight last night. Ikelos continued to bring up the topic of children. I know how much I wanted them a while back, but once he told of the consequences, I can't bear it! The bad thing is that I have become an open book to him. He knows perfectly well how much I want a foal of my own, and so he persists.
I feel like I'm given an impossible choice - either give up on having a foal, or lose the love of my life. There is no other way. I promised I would think about it later, but he saw it was a lie. Before I could try to reason with him, he changed the weather into a storm, and kicked me out of my own dream. This is the first time he has ever done that. Apparently I have a choice to make.
I am scared.
Twilight was breathing heavily. One more page to go. Everything after was blank. Did she have to, though?
"Damn you, Ikelos!" She whispered bitterly. "Couldn't you leave things as they were?"
Dream 22
This will be my final entry. We discussed things with Ikelos and came to a decision. He would do the necessary for us me to have a foal, although it meant he would disappear forever. I am not pleased with this, but I let him convince me it's what I want. After all this time I still can't tell if he really sees my deep desires, or is only guessing. He believes it will make me happy, and is stubborn enough to get what he wants.
Tomorrow night will be our last together. I have no idea what will follow after that. Maybe I'll be happy, maybe not so much. In any event it will take time. Ikelos did promise me one thing, however. After tomorrow night, he will take all my memories of our time together and lock them in the dream world. That way, when I wake I will be spared the sorrow. Now I understand why dreams and ponies should never be together. I'd like to write I have no regrets, but I can't. There's no way of knowing.
I guess, this is goodbye. Goodbye to Ikelos, and to the Twilight that spent seven beautiful years married to the best stallion a mare could hope for.
The diary fell from Twilight's hooves onto the floor. He was gone. He had left her forever.
"Why did you have to love me so much, you stupid dream?" she asked, smiling through her tears. "Why did you have to be so cruel to give me such a choice? As if stealing a few memories could make me forget?"
Twilight was mad at him, absolutely furious. She was also just as thankful. Ikelos had sacrificed his life giving spark to grant her Fancy - their very own foal. And, unlike his father, he would be with her forever.