~* I was moving slowly...smoke hung like a pall as I moved on...looking to my sides men in Navy-blue and Sky-blue, we advanced slowly, as if we did not want to go out and take on the task before us..."Steady boys!! Steady!! A voice cries out but is barely hear through the roar and booms....and screams....screams of agony and suffering...we see stragglers falling back one caring another as they try to get away...one cries, "Don't go out there!! You'll catch Hell!!"
We ignore him as we move on...I look again and see a cloth on a shaft, our colors! Those beautiful yet helpless colors, as we move on it waves for us, like a woman urging us onward, we do so...though it seems suicide to do so...I pity those in front for they will fall first...I being in the second rank will live...but for a short while...then I will be as weak as that flag, a target, exposed and unprotected...what am I doing here?... I move on, the sounds getting louder as my regiment advanced, "Dress on the Colors!! Keep your lines!!" the voice yells out again.
Then another voice cries, "There they are!!" Soon fire is being exchanged, we also heard, "Dress on that regiment!!" We did as we were told as we received fire and gave fire in return; men were struck by the score as we dressed on the left and then my File partner was struck, placing me in the front to fill the hole which I did and soon began firing; I fired shot after shot and amazingly I was not struck....even as slaughter happened around me I remained...I kept firing things still well we may turn their-~ I awake.
I find myself placing my hoof on my head as I hyperventilate...I was both surprised, amazed, and startled by what I experienced..."That was intense...." I said aloud, soon after a bit I fell asleep once more. ~I am back in the fray, the heat was awful, all the while the world seemed to be exploding. I am still alive, yet I recall being struck....it made no sense...but I kept fighting...~ It is the next day and I headed for breakfast, after a morning shower I soon was with Twilight and Spike eating a small breakfast.
"Morning Heart, sleep we-...." Twilight halted mid-sentence once more.
"What? Do I look like I did not sleep well?" I asked with an unintentional bite to it.
"No...well just a little.....what was the dream this time?" Twilight asked not beating around the bush.
"*sigh*....one I would not call bad yet it was not as fun as I would have wanted" I replied honestly.
"And what might that be?" Twilight asked incredulously.
"I dreamed I was doing my hobby back home but for real..." I answered.
"Really? That would explain it"
"Yes" I said then explained the action-y parts in detail.
"I then woke up once then back to sleep only to return to the battle as if I never left..." I elaborated.
"What woke you up during it?"
"......I was shot in the head..." I said gravely after hesitating...Twilight's face grew a little pale and Spike was startled.
"Whoa dude...that is nasty! And scary...." Spike said rubbing his forehead wincing at the idea of being shot in the head.
"I am surprised...that was quite a dream Heart..." Twilight said seeming to look less pale.
"Yes, I wonder if that would be the dream Luna questions entering?" I said with a dark chuckle, Twilight chuckled a little dryly in response.
"Sorry for disturbing you Twi" I said genuinely.
"Well I asked so I got an answer...a scary one..." Twilight said gaining her composure.
"Yes but in some way one of my most exciting dreams I ever had, I loved my hobby, I have been waiting to have a dream like that...minus the dying" I said half enthusiastically.
"I did not say there was something wrong about it...minus yes you dying...it sounded very action packed" Twilight said encouragingly.
"It does! Wow are they really like that? Your hobby?" Spike asked energetically.
"Usually, I often think so...some could use some help...others....would not change a bit...in fact I would love to do it again or better...have it recorded and watch it again."
"Wow...sounds fun" Spike said with a smile before eating again.
"Rainbow was right...it sounds like a treat to see someday..." Twilight said.
"At least you had a better dream and sleep than before" Twilight added comfortingly.
"I did....and it is good to talk about dreams now"
"I promised I'd listen did I?" Twilight said with a smile.
"You did" I said smiling also, soon I finished breakfast and was off to work. I arrive on time and began work after Aj check me to see how I was today because of yesterday, I told her I slept better and feel ready to work, this satisfied her and work began; lunch came and we sat to eat a little, we took a bit so to digest and during that we talked a little such as how are things, life with Twilight, small talk; it was then Applejack said.
"Rarity told us what was up with you....the issue you had.." Aj said seeming to be embarrassed by mentioning it.
"I still have an issue but....I am dealing with it....I am dealing with it..." I said looking conflicted.
"Are you?...." Aj asked looking unconvinced.
"To be honest....I do not know....it will take a bit to be sure...." I said seeming to look lost and unsure....like a child in a market place unsure if it will find it's parent, Applejack then placed a hoof on my shoulder giving me a look that mushed hearts and said.
"We're yer friends, we'll look out for you...always" Aj said smiling pulling me into a half-hug.
"Appreciate it..." I said smiling gratefully, soon we were at work again and things picked up...soon we did a fine day's work and I was given word that my pay will be at the end of the week, good thing I have been working; now I have a pile of Bits sent aside and with my first day as a Guard next week, things will put my life in order...at least my financial life that is.
I headed home again...funny how things have been repetitive....not that I did not mind but a difference in routine was in order, so I headed to the spa and was greeted by Lotus right off.
"Bold Heart!" Lotus chirped with a smile.
"Heloo Lotus, how are you?"
"I am vell thank you; you?" she said as she gave me a light hug.
"Got off work at Applejack's farm" I replied.
"I see, and smell too" Lotus said covering her nose playfully.
"Is it that bad?" I asked half concerned.
"A little...but I don't mind; but if you need to..." Lotus said pointing at the bath.
"I planned on it" I said moving into the spa.
"By the way you are not alone in knowing my 'secret' Lotus" I said casually.
"Really?" Lotus asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes; after a talk over, I decided to let Twilight and the rest of her friends know...which now feels a little better actually..." I said believing what I said.
"That is gud to hear Heart; I have something to share too" Lotus said with a glowing smile.
"What is it?" I asked looking curious.
"I met somepony...*giggles*"
"Really?? Wow Lotus that is great!" I replied joyfully.
"Thank you. His name is 'Bronze Star'" Lotus said with a chortle.
"Ah, what is he? Earth? Pegasi? Unicorn?"
"He is Pegasi, a handsome, kind, loving, strong one..." Lotus said almost drooling.
"Okay Lotus...*chuckle* I get it...." I said slightly embarrassed.
"Sorry..." Lotus apologized blushing rubbing her leg in embarrassment.
"That is okay...I may act in a similar way if I find a mare someday...~If you do...~" I said while in thought, we arrived at the bath and soon the tub's relaxing scents, soaps, and warmth were doing their job removing the "stress" of the day; it was heavenly... After a while at the spa I left and was about to pay the bill when Lotus said it was on the house, I gave her a little something nonetheless for her help; I soon headed to Sugarcube Corner for a little snack, upon entering I was greeted by Pinkie.
"Hiya Heart!" the pink mare chirped with an adorable squeak.
"Heloo Pinkie, how are you?" I asked gaining Pinkie's infectious smile.
"Oh just a little busy~" Pinkie seemed to sing.
"Ah, I came here for a little bite" I explained entering.
"What are ya cravin?"
"Give me a moment Pinkie" I said chuckling.
"Alrighty!~" Pinkie said sitting like she will be waiting for a while, after a bit I chose my treat and Pinkie had it out and I gave her the Bits, found a stool, then enjoyed it. As I sat there eating Pinkie spoke up.
"Rarity came by today earlier" Pinkie said with a soft expression.
"Aj told me she talked with all of you" I said relaxing.
"Yeah...she said you were really really sad about Luna..." Pinkie said looking sympathetic.
"I was...and it may be a while before it changes" I said finishing my treat.
"Well...things take time and even I know that things take time, I mean I make cakes, cookies, cupcakes and stuff so I know that if you do not wait you get just doughy mush instead of what you are baking" Pinkie reasoned.
"That makes perfect sense Pinkie, I agree with that...but imagine something going wrong during the baking? That is what I am facing" I said countering,
"I know relationships are not like baking and you don't just start over...but that is part of it at times too..." Pinkie stated.
"That....is what I am trying to make peace with...and understand..." I said causing suddenly a tear to drop in which I wipe away on reflex.
"I see....sorry about that, don't cry..." Pinkie asked softly, hoofing me a tissue.
"Thank you Pinkie..I know you and everypony else are trying to help...I am not trying to reject it..." I said in a heartfelt way.
"You're welcome Heart, and we know..." Pinkie said hugging me.
"I'll get you another treat, it's on me" Pinkie said leaving to the case to fetch another sweet and returned just as fast.
"Many thanks" I said as I nibbled the treat.
"Thought it would help" Pinkie said with her soft smile.
"It does" I said smiling in return, I ate the treat slowly, enjoying the flavor and work put into it; as I ate Pinkie then asked.
"Sooo....what'cha doing today?" asking in a returning smile.
"Breaking routine and doing some small stuff before heading, 'home' to relax the rest of the day before dinner" I stated with a smile.
"Hey that sounds fun" Pinkie said genuinely.
"Thank you, it perhaps was what I needed to help lift my spirits" I said mulling over if it was doing just that.
"That sounds good, would you mind if somepony joined you?" Pinkie asked with a hopeful glint in her eye.
"Depends...are you working though?" I asked.
"I am, but my shift ends in 5 minutes" Pinkie replied.
"I can wait five minutes" I said with a friendly smile.
"*squee* I can't wait!" Pinkie said bouncing back into the kitchen, ha....that mare. Soon five minutes came and went and soon Pinkie and I left to do whatever my "schedule" planned out.
"Where to?" Pinkie asked bouncing like Pepe-Le Pew in step with me.
"I suppose I was going to meet with the rest of you...and talk about what Rarity told you; I met with Aj, you, now I have to find Rainbow, then if not instead see Fluttershy then Rainbow; since Twilight, and Rarity already know" I rattled off.
"Sounds like a plan!" Pinkie said.
"Indeed it does". Soon we reached Fluttershy's instead, thinking that we could find Rainbow another time; we arrived at Fluttershy's cottage I was greeted in an unexpected but yet predictable fashion in which Fluttershy had me in a hug the moment she saw me, after she calmed down she spoke.
"Rarity t-told m-me about you a-and Luna..." she said half sobbing.
"I knew she would...she told me she would tell you all...I can imagine what you have to say" I said patting her shoulders.
"*sniffle* Other than I wish I could do something?" Fluttershy said wiping tears away.
"Do not take this the wrong way but, there is nothing you can do but be a good friend for me...help me when help is needed" I said softly, Fluttershy thought for a moment, then spoke.
"Oh...-o-okay..." she said in her signature soft tone.
"May we come in for a moment?" I asked kindly.
"Sure, please come in...Discord and I were about to have tea" she said more cheerfully; wait...did she say?....
"Oh-ha-ha-hello!~" Discord chortled as I entered, oh boy the Spirit of Chaos himself here...I may be in for something, "Well-well-well, if it isn't Mr. Lonely Heart" Discord teased with a mock-sad expression while flicking my bottom lip so that it quivered like his.
"Heloo Discord, pleasant to meet you..." I said maintaining my demeanor, this was almost a challenge to do...since even Celestia had a hard time keeping cool...how would I fair better?
"Oh poo! Put on a smile will you? You remind me of Celestia" he said with a scowl.
"Do I?" I retorted.
"Yes...why can't anypony just be nice to me?" Discord asked as if he were insulted.
"I am being nice Discord, but you were being a little rude..." I stated bluntly.
"He's right...calling him 'Lonely Heart'" Fluttershy remarked.
"What?...I was making an observation" Discord protested.
"A rude observation" Fluttershy snapped, huh...I know someone back home who would be officially loving Fluttershy for her honesty....
"*groans* I suppose that was a little insensitive..." Discord remarked in a relenting tone, "Sorry Bold Heart"
"Apology accepted" I said kindly; we then had a pleasant visit and then we left.
It was funny really.....I was not even trying...and yet, there I was on my back, with Rainbow on me after she tackled me....
"Uh...hi Rainbow....why did you tackle me?..." I asked looking extremely confused and feeling awkward only to have Pinkie giggling.
"You looked like you needed it...it made you feel better right?" Rainbow said with a smirk,
"It made me startled...." I said honestly.
"Can you get off me please?" I said addition feeling awkward even more as she stood on me.
"Sure dude..." she said stepping off and to my right as I sat up to stand rubbing my chest.
"Thank you.....so Rarity's news about me got to you right?" I said now on my hooves.
"Yep! Look dude...you are a nice guy, but life has its nutty moments, it throws stuff at you; you gotta roll with the punches ya know?" Rainbow said matter of factually.
"I guess I heard that before....and suppose that is the way to see things" I said while in thought.
"Well believe it! It's true" RD said bluntly yet with a kindness to her tone.
"Rainbow...I know what you are trying to say and do...but I will bet you have had things that you do not just resolve quickly am I right?" I asked in reply.
"Well.....yeah but...."
"But nothing RD..." I interrupted.
"The point is there are some things you cannot resolve instantly....some things, (my issue), take a longer time to deal with...especially when it comes to something you love.....say 'The Wonderbolts', what if you finally joined (which I know is your dream), but you were told they were disbanding soon, forever?" I stated rationally.
Rainbow stood there in thought...she was stuck....I think I drove my point home and it hit hard, "Wow....didn't think of it that way....." she said looking a little guilty.
"Now you know how I feel about my desire to have courted Luna when I met her now that she and this world is real....how you know the disappointment and heartbreak this caused me...." I said with a somber expression and tone, Pinkie stood there and then said.
"Dude....that's deep..." in an intentional hippy tone...ha, that is still funny her randomness...
"Thank you Pinkie" I said a little more cheerful tone.
"You're welcome!~" Pinkie chirped cheerfully.
"Well dude...I was trying to help..." RD said rubbing the back of her head.
"I know Rainbow...I understand your attempt" I said giving her a hug.
"Thanks dude..." she said blushing.
"Welcome Rainbow" I said warmly; eventually we moved on again and after a while and a small snack at Ponyville's Cafe, Pinkie walked with me to Twilight's and we parted ways.
I was home again, and after a small walk found Twilight reading again; as I walked up she greeted me.
"Hello Heart"
"Heloo Twilight, have a good day? Mine was good, I spoke to your friends and had a small outing with Pinkie" I stated as I drew in for a hug.
"Oh, that sounds good, what did you and Pinkie do on your outing?"
"I went to the spa, ate at a cafe with Pinkie after talking with your friends a bit then her" I said sitting across from her.
"Oh that sounds fun, I am glad you did that...you look refreshed" she said complimentary.
"I feel refreshed, after working at Apple Acres a soothing moment at the spa does the trick" I said grabbing a book, it was a different book this time...just some novel that caught my attention, soon we were reading again and little was said during that. After a while more dinner was beginning and we heard what Spike did as well the small bits of what Twi and I did while eating, things are lovely in my new life....maybe I may be lucky to have the life I planned if I wait it out...but we shall see how it plays out.... Soon it is bedtime and once in bed I thought about the past days....and soon this Thursday....my first shift as a Guard.....OH and also I forgot...apparently there is 'The Gala' again in August....that should be an interesting thing for me to experience...."Sounds like things are moving forward at last....hopefully" I said aloud before drifting off.
~I am in the thick of it....the same engagement, we are though, gaining ground.....our enemy being driven back; it seems we shall carry the day! Things are going well, I think this day is ours.....but then screaming comes another regiment of our enemy...Reinforcements?!?! We are being driven back and it broke our spirit to see that long grey line hold and drive us back killing more of us along the way, I was angered by the sight, it boiled as well as chilled my blood as we fell back....now I did not want to be here....I wanted to be anywhere but here....but we soon went into a route as my regiment ran away...our officer tried to organize us but it seemed in vain, nothing may get these boys to halt and return fire...suddenly I was hit....I rolled on the ground after being hit in the side....my world went dark.....~ I awake again....placing my hoof on my side I laid there thinking about the dream..."What is going on?" I thought aloud....before I eventually drifted off again....
*****Canterlot Castle: Yesterday morning: Celestia*****
I was eating breakfast and feeling...as you knew...uncertain.....I felt like I could use a day of good news, but as I ate I felt a little better for it was my favorite this morning, Strawberry Pancakes.....not sure why the chefs thought I like banana though....but I didn't complain, never do I ever....I was enjoying my meal when Luna entered,
"Hello Luna!~" I chirped happily, "How are you this-...." I was cut off by what I saw...Luna looked terrible...she looked like she had a sad dream..."Luna?" I asked gently tapping her only for her to just look at me with a worn, depressed expression.
"What happened Luna?" I asked feeling more uneasy.
"I looked into Bold Heart's dream...I suddenly wish I hadn't....." Luna said somberly.
"Why?...." I asked.
"I feel I have done more damage to Heart's feelings than I originally thought......" Luna said looking hurt,
"Why is that? What happened?" I asked rubbing Luna's back tenderly.
"Bold Heart was on his first day as a Guard, I meaning a dream me approached him in tears of joy because Cielo proposed to me...he was supportive but the moment I the dream me left to tell the dream you, he stated his first day as a Guard was ruined...and that he lost me forever....." Luna said looking away with a wince, I sat for a moment to process what I heard....this was graver news than I was prepared for...part of me was happy that Heart is slowly making peace with his crush, but the other part was hurt by the image of Heart in such anguish over the idea that Luna will never be his....
"*sigh* I am sorry Luna, truly I am....I only hope things do not get worse for Heart; I would recommend speaking to him before things do get worse...it may do him some good" I suggested kindly.
"I will sister, tomorrow night I shall talk with him" Luna said confidently.
"Excellent! Now, let us have a good breakfast and start our day" I said cheerfully.
"Good idea Tia...perhaps a good meal is what I shall need right now" Luna agreed before choosing her items then eating.
*****Canterlot Castle: Earlier that morning: Celestia*****
I was eating breakfast and feeling...as you knew...uncertain.....I felt like I could use a day of good news, but as I ate I felt a little better for it was my favorite this morning, Strawberry Pancakes.....still not sure why the chefs thought I like banana though....but I didn't complain, never do I ever....I was enjoying my meal when Luna entered.
"Hello Luna!~" I chirped happily, "How are you this-...." I was cut off by what I saw...Luna looked terrible...she looked like she herself had a nightmare...
"What's wrong Lulu?..." I asked caringly, Luna said nothing as she slugged along until she sat next to me and just stared off in a horrified daze...
"Luna?" I asked gently tapping her only for her to startle me by jumping me at my touch.
"Sorry....sister....I looked into Bold Heart's dream again so to talk with him...I suddenly think I shouldn't visit him anymore....." Luna said looking traumatized.
"Why is that? What happened this time?" I asked rubbing Luna's back tenderly.
"You recall the hobby he said he had? The one involving his country's civil war?" Luna said slowly.
"Yes?" I said confused.
"I saw it for myself only....it was real...as in real death, real carnage, and real suffering....but I knew it was a dream...but it was so....real....like I was watching it happen in real life...." Luna said gravely.
I mulled over on this, I have a bad feeling that Heart may have found a way to compensate for getting over Luna....a dark, violent, and near self-destructive way to do it...disguised by a passion he loves to hide his grief over losing the chance to find his other desire....love.
"I worry Luna...what you told me is unsettling, I know you were frightened by what you saw....but you must try to speak with him....for I fear what may happen if this gets out of hoof...." I said with grave seriousness.
"I know I should....but I for the first time...do not want to....I am afraid of what I may see next....." Luna said now rocking a little holding her traumatized expression.
"I know Luna...I know..." I said holding her in a hug.
~I am lying there....I am unable to move...I look my side, blood streaming out....I am in pain and yet I feel numb, Darkness, seemed to be creeping in and out....I see the musket smoked out sky, then Darkness again, I am unsure how much time passed...but now I am in and out of conscientiousness...then suddenly the distant sounds of 19th century war fade, and a new sound emerges....not the cries of wounded, but a voice.....a woman's voice....I at the moment could not place it, but it grew clearer as the second dragged, I heard steps approaching me and the woman's voice speaks again...it was my name....but...wait...'Bold Heart'?.....who is 'Bold Heart'?......~
"Bold Heart?....Jesse?" the voice calls softly, it was Luna! Finally, after all this time, the lunar princess herself, stands before me....
"L-Luna?..." I said weakly.
"What is happening here? You aren't really wounded are you?" Luna asked me looking sage like as she would.
"Well I guess I am not anymore..." I said getting up with the wound I had now gone and my uniform undamaged.
"Quite the dreams you are having..." Luna said in a generalizing tone.
"I had I feeling you have been spying all this time..." I said not in a condescending tone, but a confirmatory one.
"I might have been" Luna said calmly, "I have also been a little hesitant on speaking with you until now....I for that apologize....I usually know the perfect time to intervene but with you I have made an error; I was also slow to speak because I was....frightened by your most recent dream....not only the one where you were shot in the head, but......*sigh*...the one where I told you of Cielo's proposal...I wasn't sure if I should have spoken to you....but now I realized....I should have...." Luna stated, finishing with a guilty expression.
"I am most sorry Bold Heart, Jesse..." Luna said pulling me into a tight hug, one that would be felt as one of comfort before backing off.
"Even though I have been....'spying' on you since your first dream I must say...this is the real you?..." Luna asked in a tone that would have a man blush or woman if a male spoke in the same way while scanning me up and down.
"I am not much to look at...." I said dismissively.
"Oh? I say on the contrary, you look....handsome..." Luna cooed caringly.
"I guess I liked to think that...and hear that from somebody or..somepony else....but I guess I am hard to convince on that...." I said looking at the ground while gripping my rifle almost like a crutch leaning on it a little.
"So....this is the weapon you spoke of?..." Luna said eyeing the rifle in my grip.
"Ah yes....this is the equipage of my fellow soldiers of the era, 'The 1861 Springfield', made in the 'Springfield Armory' in 1861, fires a 580ths of an inch around lead slug as mentioned before, range capable: 650 yds" I rattled off.
"I see..." Luna said dreading to change the subject.
"...At any rate....I know it will be an uneasy task to get over your affections for me...and I understand as I said....but I say this and I say this out of love as a dearest friend would....I ask you drop these feelings...in order to be a Guard over us you must end your infatuation with me as soon as possible....otherwise you can not be trusted with our safety..."
"I can not have you caring only for me if you are say charged with protecting Cielo should he actually propose to me one day or be accompanied on a task that is dangerous....granted you would protect my sister, Blueblood, Twilight, or anypony you care for...but it must be out of duty first and emotion second and nothing else in between, understood?" Luna said firmly and yet....with softness...as if she were talking to a child, hoping not to anger or hurt emotionally it...this case, me....
"Yes...your Majesty..." I said saluting the way a soldier would with the rifle's butt on the ground coupled with a stern yet hurt face, though I did not acknowledge it right away...Luna I could tell saw very clearly it hurt me to follow that order and respond with professional protocol...of which Luna responded to my professionalism with a hurt look of her own and she...hugged me...in such a way as one would to apologize for wronging someone.....
"I am sorry Heart...so, so, sorry...." she wept softly as if fighting her sadness...barely holding the composure she was trying to hold; I in reply to this did something that I could feel hurt Luna more when I broke the hug by almost pushing her off me but was more pulling myself from her before turning my back to her and replied.
"Don't....just...don't...it will only make it harder and worse for me....I get the message...from now on, consider yourself the furthest thing from my heart....." I said with an unintentional coldness and bite to it.
"That is not what I meant for you to do!" Luna voice-cracked.
"Well...that is I am saying and mean it fully...you are of no romantic value to me anymore...I therefore cut affectionate ties with you..." I said as if making a decree.
There was silence after that....followed then by gasps of air...what I saw looking over my shoulder would break hearts...Luna with a wide stance and wings unfurled looked at me eyes wide...jaw open and lip quivering...tears began to stream from her eyes as she stared in shock, eventually her eyes slid half open with tears pooling in her sockets...her stance narrowed, and wings dropped with the tips on the ground and her tail was between her legs, her jaw slammed shut, teeth showing in her frown all forming an expression of what could call pure, raw, uncensored hurt.
She even had her front leg lifted in emotional pain as if trying to hold her heart while her hoof dangled, her pupils large as she looked like she had her heart shattered....
"P-p-please....don't...." she squeaked at last, I turned my head to face forward with my back to her fully.
"Leave" I ordered softly yet coldly, Luna looked terrible...as she struggled to speak her thoughts...
"Jesse....H-Heart...." she squeaked again.
"I said....leave.." I ordered a little firmer.
"I will not!" Luna said slightly stronger.
"Fine!" I said in a low growl,
"I will just end this dream..." I said sitting down to remove my right shoe, then only to stand and upon standing, lift my foot to cock my rifle, I then placed a cap upon the gun and stood back up, then..... I find myself staring at the ceiling of my room...heart pounding as my face was warm with anger...
"Well Luna...it is official, I shall love you...no more!" I said quietly aloud....
TO BE CONTINUED.