I was afraid of what the director was going to say to Apple Fritter and I during our next briefing. We arrived at HQ with the Centaur dust. Even though we know what it is, it couldn’t hurt to have it analyzed so we can learn a little more about it. After we dropped off the Centaur dust at the analyzation lab at the 33rd floor, we arrived at the briefing room up above for updates. Merry May met us there.
“Ah, there you two are! I hear your job was a success!” Merry said excitedly.
“Yeah, kinda.” I said.
“What do you mean?” Merry asked.
“Umm…” Apple Fritter froze.
“We’ll tell you later.” I said.
“Incomin’ transmission from the director.” Fritter pointed out
“Well… here it goes.” I said. The transmission came on, and there was the director.
“Agents, good to have you back!” the director said. “The mission was a success, I assume?”
”Y-yeah, very much successes.” I stuttered.
“You… you hesitated there. Something wrong?” the director asked. As it turns out, she didn’t hear the news yet.
“Well… umm… we did get the merchandise, no problem!” I said. “It would appear that the stuff was Centaur dust. The Sphinx Cartel has stolen the merchandise from their homeland and is planning to sell it for a profit. It’s very dangerous stuff, so I heard.”
”Very.” Fritter agreed.
“I see.” The director said.
“Any luck with my parents?” I asked.
“Not yet.” The director said. “But that is a conversation we’ll come back to another time. I’m proud of you that you are keeping your patients, Agent Jam. I must congratulate you!”
”I’m patent.” I said. “I’ve taught myself a lot of patients when I was in prison.”
”Indeed you have!” the director said. “Even though, that doesn’t mean prison is the right answer for everything.”
”That is true.” I said.
“Agent Jam… is there something you’re not telling me?” the director asked.
“Well… actually, there is.” I admitted. “Even though the mission was a success, I actually…”
”What? What was that?” the director asked as her voice started breaking up.
“I’m trying to explain to you the success of our mission.” I said. “Merry, what’s going on?”
”The signal’s dropping. Something is interfering.” Merry said.
“Impossible! Nopony could hack the FDA mainframe!” Fritter said. “Unless…” Just then, the lights went off, including the transmission to the director. There was nothing but darkness.
“If I hear a music box and eyes flashing, I’m going to have a heart attack!” Merry said.
Just then, the monitor comes back on with a message saying ‘Message from Agent S’, as news theme music played. “And now, a message from Agent S – director of the DIF.” An announcer said. “The Disharmony Investigation Force: bringing peace to Equestrian soil since 1912.” The monitor then changes to another shadowy figure with a disguised robotic voice.
“Greetings Friendship Detection Agency.” The shadow figure said. “I am Agent S, and I am the founder and director of the Disharmony Investigation Force. I am sending you this message indicating the disappointment I witnessed in today’s unfortunate mission. While we arrested the Androsphinx known as Hufflegulf and his merchandise of illegal substances, two agents from the agency as broke into our transport train, stole the illegal merchandise, and has freed Hufflegulf from our clutches. Now I realize that our two agencies do have different opinions on how to protect Equestria from hate, and even though we don’t agree to your opinions, our policies do say we cannot interfere on rival agencies affairs. The DIF had their eye on the Sphinx Cartel for a long time.”
”Even though you do think that we have stolen jobs from you during our unfortunate affairs of the past,” the director continued, “the only exclamation to that is: you’re too slow! Disguises… deals… negotiations… persuasion… you think that actually works? All these evil beings will just lie and stab you in the back, that’s why the DIF knows that we must make them change. It’s the only way they will change… for good. We will not stop you from doing your jobs. If you want to waste your lives trying to make change the more difficult way, then so be it. I give you this final warning. Do not interfere on DIF operations again. We will not blame you if you beat us to it, but do not offend the DIF operations again! If you do… you’ll give us no other choice but to commence Operation Takeover. I hope you have a good day! Agent S out.”
The transmission ends as the lights and the power comes back on. Afterwards, we were left in an awkward situation. The other agents in the room were looking at us funny. “Agent Jam… care to explain, newbie?” one of the agents asked.
“Umm…” I stuttered. “Umm… I… well… OI!”
”Let’s not blame him for all that went on.” Apple Fritter said.
“You were with him too, weren’t you, Agent Fritter?” another agent asked angrily. “I knew you rednecks couldn’t be trusted!”
”YOU VARMINT!” Fritter yelled. “COME AND SAY THAT TO MAH FACE!”
”STOP IT!” Merry yelled as she broke up the fight. “Look, I understand. I know the DIF has been taken missions from us, and I think Agent Jam here, he wanted to stand up for us. He wanted to prove to the DIF that we couldn’t be pushed around! I know he broke some regulations in order to prove that, but the DIF fear us. You might’ve not noticed, but you can see that the DIF are threatening us. They think we’re a threat to them now, and maybe they’ll back off.”
”Or maybe they’ll get us to break another regulation so they can perform that operation they spoke of.” Another agent said. “We’re breaking Equestrian law, ponies! If Operation Takeover is what I think it is, I have the feeling it means the FDA will be under new management.”
”Are you sure it doesn’t mean they’ll take over Equestria?” another agent asked.
“They can’t! They can’t do either!” Merry said. “Princess Celestia is our director, as well as the ruler of Equestria! They can’t do that!”
“If our monarchy is violating her own law, she could be impeached still.” An agent said. “It’s crazy, I know, but that’s how things work. Monarchy can’t break their own laws. Times have changed. This isn’t 1000 years ago, folks! This is a new age! The time of dictatorship has plummeted! Princess Celestia has created these emergency laws just in case corruption ever got into her system.”
”Which means the DIF could use it to their advantage.” Merry added.
“So they might use it to take over Equestria!” the agent said. “Agent Jam, we’re going to get back in contact with the director, and I’m sure she’ll see you fired!”
”I’m not so sure about that.” Another agent said. “The hacking software Agent S used has messed up the signal. We’ll need to reroute it in order to get in contact with her again.”
Just then, I turned around and started walking to the elevator. “Jer, where you goin’?” Apple Fritter asked. I didn’t say a thing. I felt so bad. I put the FDA on probation. Little did I know these laws existed. I don’t even see corruption in Princess Celestia, so why would she make it? I guess as a necessary precaution after the Nightmare Moon event. Either way, I felt bad and I wanted some time to myself. Apple Fritter tried to stop me, but Merry May stopped her first.
“Leave him be, Agent Fritter.” Merry said. “He’ll need some time to cool off.”
”Ah should be upset as well. It’s mah fault as well as his.” Fritter said.
”Well don’t worry about it. We’ll think through this. Those other agents don’t even know what they’re saying.” Merry said. “They’ll see Jerry fired they said. Well, I can tell whose getting fired next by that kind of talk.”
Back at Jelly’s house I was just watching some TV in the living room. Jelly then trots by while wearing a workout outfit. She then says to me while trotting in place, “Alright, bro, I’m going to go work out. Now I’m expecting a package pretty soon. I bought myself a Shake Weight online; I’m expecting it in 15 minutes. I’m not sure if I’ll be back by then, but I really don’t want another ‘sorry we missed you’ message.”
”Why don’t you get yourself a stallionfriend if you want something like that?” I teased.
“What?” Jelly asked. “I don’t get it.”
”Nevermind. Go ahead and trot around the hills. I’ll be here when it comes.” I said as I chuckled.
“You’re weird. You’re a weird pony.” Jelly said as she trots over to the door, but then she stops and turns to me one more time. “Hey, don’t worry about it. They won’t fire you from the FDA. It’s not what the agency is about, or at least, I hope not. They’ll forgive you for your mistake. Accidents happen!”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” I said, not giving a care in the world.
“Alright, see ya in a little while, Jer! Love ya!” she said as she trots outside and shuts the door behind her. So I just sat there and waited for the delivery. I probably should get some sleep. I’ve been up all night. I have another long shift tonight, so I better. After Jelly’s package comes I’ll head to bed.
As I was watching TV though, the news interrupted what I was watching. “We interrupt this program because we don’t care, also we have breaking news!” the announcer said. “We are on the alert of a new product on the rise! Golden Dusk is on the scene.”
”Hello, I’m Golden Dusk on Ox News, and I’m here in Downtown Las Pegasus where a bunch of crazed ponies are robbing the Sparking Standard Bank within 4 minutes!” the news anchor explained. “We have footage here of the convicts using their magic spells, pegasi power, and their radical strength to ransack the place and steal from approximately 10 million bits from the vaults. The CEO of Sparkle Standard called the mayor who is patched onto the Trustworthy Depository and they say, and I quote, ‘They will tear the living plot out of the chief of police.’ Although no progress as been made in capturing the convicts, police are still wondering, not who these criminals are, but how did increase their magical abilities to be able to pull this off?”
”The Centaur Dust!” I said.
“We are here with DIF Agent Snake Eyes with what he knows.” Golden Dusk said as she walks over to Snake Eyes. “Tell me Agent Eyes, what do you know about what’s going on?”
”Well you sssee, we’re under a casssse right now.” Snake said. “Some international criminal gang, ssssome sphinxessss by the name of the Sphinx Cartel are a running a busssssssssssssssss….”
”Is he ok?” Golden Dusk asked.
“He’s fine; I’ll take it from here.” Agent Eclipse Norton said.
“Ssssssell out!” Snake complained.
“So how about you then, agent? What do you know about this case with the Sphinx Cartel?” Golden asked.
“Well, we can’t tell you everything, but we can say that the substance the cartel is selling to these criminals is a very powerful and dangerous stuff. It’s also not good for a pony’s blood pressure. Stress levels rise when this stuff is taken. It’s like a steroid, only more dangerous to those who taken it, and those who the pony is going against.” Norton explained. “So if there’s any sphinx around the area please call the DIF on the number on your screen.”
“Yeah, you didn’t even give us your number. We don’t know it.” Golden informed him.
Just then, my phone started ringing, so I picked it up. “Oi?”
”Jer, are you watching TV right now?” Apple Fritter asked from the other line.
“Yeah I am.” I said.
“Can you believe it?!” Fritter yelled in my ear, and yes it hurt. “Ah’m watchin’ Pretty Little Liars right now, and-“
“Fritter….” I interrupted her. “Shush!”
“What?” Fritter asked.
“Wait hang on, I got another call.” I said as I hung up.
“Hello, Jer? Is that you?” Merry May asked from the other line.
”Oh there was really someone calling me? I just said that to avoid Apple Fritter’s blabberin’.” I admitted.
“Are you watching TV?” Merry asked.
“No I am not watching Pretty Little Liars.” I said in an irritated tone.
“No! Are you watching the news?” Merry asked.
“Yes I am!” I said.
“This dust situation is going out of control. We need to do something!” Merry said.
“Why? The DIF have it under control. We don’t need to interfere.” I said.
“JER! I know you think you did wrong, but you think the DIF will be able to solve this issue? Somepony else has to do it, peacefully!” Merry said.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“We have to go to their freighter at the docks, and persuade the cartel leader to not sell this stuff anymore. We need to do that, before the DIF interferes.” Merry said.
“But what about that DIF warning?” I asked. “If we interfere again, they’ll have that operation set in motion! The FDA will become DIF property! Emergency laws, Mer! Think about that!”
“Then so be it, we can’t let the DIF interfere with this mission!” Merry cried out.
“Why? What’s so important about us doing this mission?” I asked.
“While I was spying on the Sphinx Cartel, I saw some cargo on the ship. It wasn’t any dust, it was something much more. Plus I was researching a bit on their organization.” Merry explained. “This cartel isn’t just a crime organization, it has connections to the sphinx leader in their homeland. After their war with the Centaur in ’81, their economy has plummeted, leading to a major stock market crash and trillion bit loans. This cartel does crime to save their homeland.”
”Gosh… so what are we going to do?” I asked.
“Well these sphinxes also have pretty intense weaponery, so if the DIF attack, it might cause war on Equestrian soil, and we can’t have that. This is an ultimate mission we’re about to go on, Agent Jam!” Merry said. “We have to persuade the leader that selling this dust is wrong.”
”And how are we going to do that?” I asked. “If selling this dust means saving their economy, they won’t be that cooperative.”
“I might have a plan to get through this! The Centaur dust can be used in other fashions, but it would include a huge amount of chemistry experience.” Merry said. “Luckily I know a lot about chemistry, since it’s needed to work at the Cloudsdale Weather Factory in the position I’m currently in. I can show these sphinxes a better way to use this dust for good use, instead of bad, that way they can still sell the stuff, but without committing crimes in doing so.”
”So what’s the plan?” I asked.
“Meet me at the docks.” Merry said.
“Got it!” I said. “Oh wait, hang on I got another call.” I then switched the line. “No Fritter, I’m not interested in your show!”
”Why are you yelling at me?” Elusive whined at the other line. “I just thought there was something wrong with you, you been moody lately so I wanted to help! But no, forget it! Good-bye!” he hangs up.
“No, Elusive, wait! I didn’t mean… ugh!” I groaned. Oh well, it all goes to show… I need a caller ID. It may save a friendship. That’s my moral of the day!
So I left the house and headed over to the docks where Merry May was waiting for me. When I got there, I was about to head to port security but just like that, they stopped me. “Hold it, buddy.” A security guard stopped me.
Ok, this time we’re going to do things different. I’m going to be giving you choices again, but the choices won’t be what I do or what paths to take. The choices this time will be about what I should say, and it will effect on what happens. Some of the things I’d say will be successful, some will fail, but I must let you know, some things I’d say might be successful unexpecting, and some may be unsuccessful too, so choose wisely!
What should I say?
A. “My name is Jerry Jam, and I have business here.”
B. “Jerry Jam, FDA. I have reports on some illegal substances here.”
C. “I was just passing through.”
D. “Hold what?”
Now how does the guard respond?
A. “What business do you have here?”
B. “FDA? Well thank goodness you’re here! Yes, we do have a problem with some cartel and we need them to be arrested.”
C. “Port’s closed to visitors. Need help, go to customer service.”
D. “Huh?”
The correct answer is the first one. Why? Because these guards are corrupted, as they were bribed by the cartel as stated earlier in the story. The second one isn’t correct because they’ll let me in, but they will set up some kind of trap for me. These guys are no fools. And you should know why 3 and 4 aren’t correct.
Now how do I respond to him?
A. “I’m here to buy some Centaur dust.”
B. ”I’m here to speak with the Sphinx Cartel leader.”
C. “I’m here to… buy some merchandise.”
D. “I’m here to meet my friend Merry May.”
His responses:
A. “What are you talking about? There’s nothing here of the sort.”
B. “A Sphinx… Cartel? I’m not sure if I understand.”
C. “What kind of merchandise?”
D. “Really? Where is this ‘friend’ you speak of?”
The correct answer is the third one. I can’t tell the corrupted guards that I’m looking for the dust, they may think I have a wire or something, same goes with the Sphinx Cartel, and I DEFINITALY can’t tell them about Merry May, otherwise she’ll be caught! The third answer will make out me as a legitimate business pony.
My next response to his question:
A. “You know… merchandise!”
B. “The dust, you know… the… dust.”
C. “The merchandise the Sphinxes are carrying.”
D. ”You know what I’m talking about!”
His response:
A. “Whatever you say, buddy. This dock has ton of merchandise going to and from over seas. Equestria trades with other lands if you haven’t noticed.”
B. “What dust? There’s nothing here of the sort! We’d know!”
C. ”What Sphinxes?”
D. ”Oh do I now?
The correct answer is once again the first one. Like I said before, I can’t mention the dust or the Sphinxes, and not the fourth one because I shouldn’t have to sound intimidating. They’d know I’m suspicious.
What should I say next?
A. Singing: “Somewhere… beyond the sea! Somewhere waiting for me!”
B. “I know there’s something really special here! Please can you tell me?”
C. ”How DO you know?”
D. “Do you know about any special merchandise that came in?”
His response:
A. “I like that song! A true classic! Everypony thinks Frank Sinatra made that song even though he didn’t.”
B. “Well sucks to be you.”
C. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
D. “We know of ALL merchandise that came in. What’s your point, kid?” the guard asked.
The correct answer is the forth one. It sounds better because it sounds like you want to know what they’re selling and you want to buy it, and also unlike the second answer, I don’t sound desperate.
And now what do I say?
A. “I’m looking for some dust.”
B. ”I want something to rub on my face.”
C. “What’s for sale?”
D. “I’m just looking for something to help me win a battle. I’m not that strong when it comes to a fight, but I heard some ponies here might have something I’m looking for to help win a fight.” I said. “I’m willing to pay a lot of money for it.”
His response:
The security guard looks over at another security guard,
A. and the other security guard shakes his head. “What are you trying to pull?” the first guard asked me.
B. and the other security guard gave the first guard a funny look. “You might have better luck at the pharmacy.” The first guard said to me.
C. and the other security guard shakes his head. “None of your business!” the first guard said to me.
D. and the other guards shrugs. “Ok.” The first guard says to me.
“We might have something that you’re looking for. You have no weapons or anything on you, right? We’re a very secure port.” he said.
I said…
A. ”Search me.” I insisted.
B. “But I’m a member of the FDA.” I said.
C. “What I’m carrying is none of your concern.” I said.
D. “I hope you don’t find my wallet attached to my thigh.” I said mischievously.
The guards…
A. …were pretty suspicious. “I sense a trick.” The guard said.
B. <the second answer to the first choice>
C. said, “Then get lost! We don’t need possible terrorism here!”
D. …then looked at eachother with disgusted looks on their faces. “Umm… on second thought, you’re clean.” The first guard said.
I hope you picked the right choices! I mean why wouldn’t you? You’re smart! I never doubted you for a second! Anyways let’s continue on, and we’ll do more choices later.
“Follow me.” The guard said as I followed him. They opened the gate and we walked inside the port. The guard started walking me over to the freighter where the merchandise is. Over at the cargo containers up above, I saw Merry May. I nodded at her as I kept on walking, and she nodded back. When the guard and I went over to the freighter, a Sphinx was guarding the ship, and she looked pretty serious. The guard walked me over to the Sphinx and the guard said, “This pony is looking to buy some merchandise.”
The Sphinx observed me a bit. I was still wearing my suit and sunglasses so it might’ve compromised the mission. I should’ve removed them. “Nice suit and glasses!” the Sphinx nodded. “It must mean you’re a legitimate business pony.”
”Wha… oh exactly! Yes you are absolutely right! Either that or a secret agent!” I teased and chuckled.
The Sphinx laughed along. “No secret agent would joke about that so you must be the real deal! So you’re here to buy something to help you win a fight?”
”That’s what I said before to this pone!” I said.
“Well that’s good! Our merchant isn’t here right now, but why don’t you come on board, and we’ll fix you up something to drink?” the Sphinx suggested.
“How lovely!” I said. So I accepted the offer and climbed on board. Merry May was watching to oversee things and make sure the probability of me messing this up doesn’t happen. It never hurts having backup, especially in situations like this one.
When the Sphinx led me to the lounge, oh and the security guard wasn’t with us anymore, in fact it was a VIP lounge or their sense of the initials ‘VIP’ since the room was full of stone chairs with pillows, along with some art on the walls, vases, and fruit. Once we settled in, the Sphinx said, “Take a seat on a stone chair, our mistress will be with you in a moment.”
“Oi can I have normal chair, love? I have a terrible back.” I said.
“Our mistress insists you take a seat on a stone chair, otherwise… well… she’ll think you’re square.” The sphinx insisted.
“Oh I wouldn’t want her to think that!” I said. “Alright, but I’m not leaning back.”
”Good. It would be an insult to our mistress if you did.” The sphinx said.
“Harsh.” I said as the sphinx walked out. So as I was alone in the VIP lounge, I decided to look around. It’s not as impressive as the VIP lounge over at the club, but… actually, this VIP lounge stinks! No offense to their culture though, I won’t hold it against them. I took a look at the art, and I have to say, it was nice. One of the paintings were a little cooked so I decided to fix it a bit, but it kept getting crooked again. It was really bothering me, so I took some duct tape and after making it straight, I taped the end that kept getting crooked, and so it was fixed, or so I thought after the other side gets crooked. “UGH!” I groaned as I taped the other side after straitening it. There, that should do the trick!
Now that that’s taken care of, let’s check out this radical looking vase over here on a stone table. It had pictures of yaks in it along with their people carrying spears. Do the Sphinxes have an alliance with the yaks up north or a conflict, or something like that? I do know they have something going on, but it’s not that important. Not as important as helping the head-sphinx use her merchandise for good instead of evil. I hope I know what to say to help her. Just then, as I was stretching, I accidentally knocked into the vase, but I was able to catch it quickly. Phew, that was a close call! Just then… the painting behind me fell off the wall and broke. “OI COME ON!” I yelled. “I’m really not making a good judgment here!” Just then, my ear piece started ringing. I tapped on it and answered the call. “Oi.”
”Hey, Jer. It’s Merry.” Merry May said on the other line. “How are things going in there?”
”Well you can understand I’m not with anypony right now because I answered your call. What if I was in a meet?” I asked.
“Good thing you weren’t!” Merry said. “Anyways, I wanna be able to talk to you throughout the deal. I’ve scouted out the ship and this cartel has security tight! Probably about approximately 25-40 soldiers per floor. The merchandise is down at the storage area, the brig is full of trespassing ponies, and sphinxes who failed at their duty, and the doors on this ship have 4-digit turndial locks.”
”We’re not going to trespass around the ship, Mer. We’re going to be honest about this. We’re going to help this lady out in using her merchandise for good.” I said.
“Ok, but just in case you need to make a hasty escape. I found some turndial codes while scouting out the place and I copied them down, so I can help you out with some doors. The guards on the ship have ion plasma cannons as weapons. I urge you to use caution, and not engage.” Merry explained.
“Not engage? But I’ve wanted to get married for a while!” I teased.
”Yeah, ha ha ha.” Merry laughed sarcastically. “Now I’ll be on if you need me. Just call out, and I’ll come in to assist you.”
“Got it!” I said. “So… while I’m waiting for them to show up. Have you seen Pretty Little Liars lately?” Just then, one of the doors opens up and the head-sphinx, Moustákia Gatáki, gets carried in by some of her servants. She gets placed down at the shrine at the north end of the room (or west or east or south, depending on what direction the ship is facing, but right now it’s facing north), and the head sphinx opens her eyes and looks at me. She was a beautiful sphinx, had white robes and jewelry all over, as well as a sparkly cloak.
“Welcome to our lair, mortal.” Moustákia Gatáki said. “I am Lady Moustákia Gatáki, goddess of our vessel – the Guardian.”
“Oh brother!” Merry chuckled on my ear piece.
“What is your business with us, mortal?” Moustákia Gatáki asked.
“I’m here to buy some of your best product.” I said.
“Is that so?” Moustákia asked. She then turned to one of her servants and said, “Is that so? He’s here to buy some of our best product.”
”It would seem so, my lady.” The servant said.
“What? You won’t take my word for it?” I asked.
“One cannot be so certain, our noble guest. Would you care for a drink?” Moustákia asked.
“No thanks.” I said.
“You’d be really missing out. It eases the mind.” Moustákia said.
“My mind is at ease right now currently, but thank you for your offer, dear lady.” I said.
“Very well then.” Moustákia said. “You know about our product, hmm?”
“The dust.” I said. “I’m interested in it. I have a problem with some Manehatten mob.”
”It wouldn’t be the Marmellata mob family would it? We have an alliance going on with them, and it would be shameful to assist in their downfall by a certain individual such as yourself.” Moustákia said.
“The Marmellata mob family?” I asked.
“They lead the Equestria Mob Commission. There is not a single mob that is more powerful than they. We wouldn’t under estimate them, but they are not better than us, I assure you that.” Moustákia said.
“Noted.” I said.
“Unfortunately, our best dealer hasn’t come back from his shift yet to sell you the stuff.” Moustákia said.
“Well that’s why I came here, I came here to the source. I couldn’t find any of your dealers around town.” I said.
“That is indeed odd.” Moustákia nodded. “It’s not like them to simply disappear. Well then, you’re in for a treat. I will personally sell the dust to you, but since we can’t take any chances, we’ll only accept unmarked bits; plus, we’ll need some of your personal information just in case you decide to rat us out, so we’ll know how to get to you. Oh, and don’t bother going into witness protection, we have an alliance going on within one of the agencies.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Do you want to take that chance, mortal? Now quit asking questions or we’ll be forced to imprison you!” Moustákia threatened me.
“I apologize, I am your noble guest after all, dear lady. Please, carry on.” I insisted.
“Very well. My servants here will get the stuff for you as we keep this room on lockdown, so you don’t try anything.” Moustákia said. Just then she turned to her servants who were just standing there and she said, “That means you!”
“Oh, yes lady!” the servants said startling as they ran out of the room and locked down the room behind them with a super strong security system.
“Please excuse the necessary precautions. We can’t take any chances. I hope you can understand that.” Moustákia said.
“Of course I can.” I said. “You wouldn’t believe how paranoid I’ve been in the past.”
“Oh? Do tell!” Moustákia insisted.
“Well… if you must know… it was back in my robbing days.” I started. Since you know that story already, let’s check up on Merry May for a moment. She was just hanging up there on the cargo when suddenly she saw a huge Zeppelin flying towards the dock.
“WHOA!” Merry cried. “A Zeppelin? What?” The Zeppelin flew over and started to descend, but it was so huge that it couldn’t land on the dock. It was hovering over the freighter itself. A bunch of pegasi flew out of the Zeppelin and flew over to speak to some Sphinxes. Merry was watching the whole thing, but she didn’t have the proper tools to eavesdrop on the conversation, but she was able to see the whole thing. The pegasi gave four briefcases to the Sphinxes, and the Sphinxes opened the cases to check out the money inside, and while that was going on, some Sphinxes and Androsphinxes push out some carts full of crates out of the ship and they give them to the pegasi. The pegasi then carry the carts up to the Zeppelin.
“What’s this?” Merry asked herself. “This must be another criminal organization. It must be VERY organized. It looks like we might have a new threat, but then again, they could be using that Centaur dust for good instead of evil, so we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Then the Zeppelin then takes off, making a huge roaring sound as it flies away. Merry holds her ears as the Zeppelin’s motors roar. “OW! Now I’m glad I didn’t bring that eavesdropper device! I would’ve been deaf!” Merry yelled. After the Zeppelin flies off, some strange looking ponies started arriving at the docks. The ponies beat up the guards that were guarding the docks and while a couple stay behind to arrest the guards, the rest of the ponies move in. “That can’t be good.” Merry said nervously.
Back inside the freighter Moustákia was laughing as I was telling her my story. “No way!”
”Yeah way!” I said.
“That is so ironic!” Moustákia said. “It’s a very interesting story, Jerry Jam. It’s also pretty sad at parts, but your life must have so much meaning to you.”
“If it weren’t for Elusive or my sister, I wouldn’ve been as successful as I am now. I’m a manager at one of the best night clubs in town, I fulfilled by debts to society, and my gangster friends will no longer look for my missing in action friend that left us.” I said.
“Well I suggest we have a toast. Would you like something to drink?” Moustákia asked.
“No thanks.” I said.
”I insist! C’mon, it’s not like I’m going to poison you.” Moustákia said. “Trust me, your life is so interesting to me.”
”I really shouldn’t.” I said.
“Why not?” Moustákia asked. Just then, the ship started to shake. “What was that?”
”I don’t know, but that happened in just the right time!” I said surprisingly.
“Madam Moustákia?” a sphinx asked from an intercom.
“What is it?” Moustákia asked.
“We have intruders on the ship! It’s the DIF!” the sphinx yelled.
Moustákia then gasped in shock. “The DI...” just then Moustákia turned around and hissed at me. “YOU! YOU SET ME UP!”
”No I didn’t!” I said.
“LIAR!” Moustákia yelled as she smacked me in the face. “You set us all up, you agent scum! You didn’t tell me everything in your story, did you?”
I sighed and then told her the truth. “Yes, I am an agent, but I don’t work for the DIF. I work for their rivals, the FDA.”
”I don’t believe this!” Moustákia yelled. “All this time you were an agent!”
”Uhh, Jer? Is there a problem in there?” Merry asked from the ear piece.
“Moustákia, please! I can explain! I was here to set you up, but not in that way! I want to help you!” I yelled.
”GUARDS! SEIZE HIM!” Moustákia yelled as she unlocked the doors, and some of her Sphinx guards came and aimed their weapons right at me. I guess no matter which agency I work for, she thinks I set her up. Now that the DIF are attacking the ship, it’s going to take a lot for me to earn her trust again… A LOT!
“Jerry? Press the button on your ear-piece.” Merry instructed me on me ear piece.
“Why?” I asked.
“Why? Because you’re a fed, and a goddess has no time with feds!” Moustákia said.
“Just do it!” Merry demanded. So I did, and it makes a fart noise.
“Wow, how was that helpful?” Merry asked.
“Nothing!” Merry giggles. “I just thought it would be funny!”
“AAAAH!” Moustákia and the guards screamed. “That noise! That horrible noise!” they all started fall onto the floor holding their ears.
“Sphinxes always hated that noise!” Moustákia yelled. “If you can hear me, Jerry Jam, you and your agent friends are going to pay for this! This entire kingdom is going to pay for this!”
“Ok this isn’t what I wanted.” I said.
“You have to prove to the mistress that you aren’t there to rat out on her organization.” Merry instructed me. “Meet me in the hold. We’re going to get rid of the DIF on the ship!”
“How? If the DIF spots us, they’ll think we’re working with them.” I said.
“Aren’t we working with them?” Merry asked.
“Yes, but THEY don’t need to know!” I said. “We’re on probation as it is!”
“I have a plan. Just meet me in the hold, before your mistress friend returns to her senses.” Merry suggested. I looked down and saw Moustákia and the guards still cringing on the floor. I ran out of the lounge and into the corridors trying to get to the hold. There were guards running through the corridors, and I had to hide, because I was unsupervised, and they’ll think I’m with those agents. I really shouldn’t be going against the DIF again. I really don’t know how going down into the hold is going to help get rid of the DIF.
Meanwhile, as a battle was emerging on the port, the sphinxes were trying their best to keep them away. The DIF had zapper guns while the sphinxes had laser stunning guns. This is more extreme than paintball guns! This is a big deal! “Why must you fight if you were not guilty?” an agent cried out.
“YOU SHOT FIRST!” a sphinx yelled.
“Yeah! Self-defense!” another one yelled. Over at the entrance to the port, another carriage moves in, and Snake Eyes climbs out of it, hissing as he looked around.
Eclipse Norton climbed out of the carriage as well and said, “I dunno why you keep making me come along with you in this intense battles, Snake. I told you, I’m a witness protection agent, not a field agent.”
“Shut it!” Snake demanded. “You’re good at being a ssspy. I need you to go onto the ship and find the hold without getting sssspoted!”
“I can report you to the director for this. We can’t move-in to enemy territory without some sort of warrant.” Norton said.
“Enemy territory? These are our dockssss!” Snake reminded him. “They are tresssspassing on Equestrian property, and without a green card no less! Go in and find the source of it all! I’ll order the agents’ tacticsssss.”
“Snake, please, don’t do this! I’ll go in and find the source, but attacking this ship is completely unnecessary without the proof!” Norton said.
“I just made going in easier for you, Eclipsssssse.” Snake said. “Now there won’t be much sphinxesss inside when you go in. They’re busy with ussss.”
“What if they have the ship on lockdown?” Norton asked.
“You’re an expert hacker too! You can handle anything in there! Now go in! That’s an order!” Snake demanded.
“Ugh!” Norton groaned as he took out his disguising device from his pocket. He then said to himself, “I don’t have to put up with this! Just because he’s Agent S’s best agent, AND because he hosts a TV series, it doesn’t make him superior to me!” Just then, fog covered Norton’s body and once the fog clears, he disguises himself as Hufflegulf. EXACTLY like him, in every shape and form. “Let’s just get this over with.” He said in Hufflegulf’s exact voice; which you don’t even know since you’re reading this. You probably don’t know what any of us sounds like. I might have a squeaky Irish voice for all you know.
Aye there, maties. I be going down to da hold now, I am. Wow, it doesn’t sound that different from my Australian accent! I might as well be Irish! So I charged down to the hold and when I got to the entrance, there was a sealed door in the way. “Of course.” I said in an annoyed tone. I then said in my ear piece, “Merry? The door’s locked.”
“What are the requirements to open it?” Merry asked.
“Uhhh…” I looked at the security lock next to me. “Well a keycard is obviously needed, but there’s a sign here that says, ‘Seals under lockdown’.”
“So the best thing to do is to disable the lockdown.” Merry said. “I’ll head over to the bridge and disable it. Stay there and guard the entrance.”
“Why? Don’t you want me to help you?” I asked.
“Negatory, buddy.” Merry said. “Just in case I have one shot at it, you’ll need to run inside and change the recipes yourself.”
“Change the recipes?” I asked.
“I’ll explain when I get there. I don’t want to be seen.” Merry said. “But…” she sighs. “… then again. I’m just a part of the background.”
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“N-nothing. Just… shut up!” Merry demanded.
“Whoa, antsy!” I commented.
As I waited down there, Merry started sneaking onto the ship as the fight between the Sphinxes and the DIF raged on with both sides gaining causalities. “Presssss on, agents!” Snake Eyes cried out in a megaphone.
“We’re losing agents fast! I dunno why we’re doing this! We’re not soldiers!” an agent cried.
“You are what I ssssay you are!” Snake Eyes said, facing the megaphone towards the agent’s face. “I have a plan so keep your ties on!”
“Ow!” the agent yelled.
“That’ll be all!” Snake Eyes yelled before putting the megaphone down.
Merry sneaks onto the ship without anypony, or any sphinx noticing, and she starts climbing the cargo on the ship to get to the bridge. On the way to the bridge, she spots Hufflegulf walking down to the hold’s entrance. “Uh oh.” Merry said as she turns on her ear piece. “Jer? You have company coming down there. Some Androsphinx.”
“There’s nowhere to hide down here!” I yelled. “I’m checking everywhere, but I can’t find a- hello, what’s this?” he looks up and sees a vent on top of the sealed entrance to the hold. “Was that always there?”
“What did you find?” Merry asked.
“I found a vent on top of the sealed door. It must lead into the hold.” I said.
“Which means… I don’t even have to go the bridge.” Merry said.
“I guess not.” I shrugged.
“Well I’m on my way down there to join you, just wait for… uh oh.” Merry said.
“What happened?” I asked.
“HA HA HA!” Snake Eyes laughed as he takes out a giant cannon of some sort. “Prepare to be dealt with sphinxessssss!”
“What is that?!” Merry yelled in terror.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Nevermind me.” Merry said. “What I need you to do, Jer, is to change the recipes in all of the cargo crates. If added with a certain ingredient, you can change the Centaur dust from a steroid into a vitamin drink. If added with this ingredient, some of the chemicals inside the dust changes. It doesn’t make a pony stronger, but it does give them energy. Think of it as… coffee, except without it tasting bitter, and instead of hot it’s cool, well depending on if ponies keep the drink in their fridges or their pantries, but my point is, this ingredient will weaken the cells of what makes Centaur dust how it is. If this were the case, the sphinxes wouldn’t be selling anything illegal, and they’ll be made innocent, and it’ll save many ponies. You’ll be a hero, Jer!”
“Ok, ok, you keep saying ‘this ingredient’, what is the ingredient?” I asked.
“Salt water.” Merry said.
“You couldn’t tell me that before when you kept saying ‘this ingredient’?” I complained.
“No time! I have to stop Snake Eyes from using… whatever that thing is.” Merry said.
“FIRE!” Snake Eyes yelled out as the cannon fires, but it doesn’t fire anything solid. It fires gas. It fires… no really it fires… gas. Like bodily gas.
Merry started to laugh. “Well that was indeed funny, but I’m not sure how that-“ just then, all the sphinxes started weakening. “Well that’s kinda ironic.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“Wish I had a bit every time you said that.” Merry commented. “The cannon is some sort of… fart machine. Now the Sphinxes are weakening.”
“Wait a second! When you told me to press a button on my ear piece, it made a farting sound, and Moustákia and her guards weakened, which helped me escape! That sound weakens these people!” I said.
“I have to stop them without being spotted!” Merry said.
“What about me, Mer?” I asked. “I’m right now crawling in a dusty vent full of spiders, and…” a spider web got in my mouth when I said that and I spit it out. “Yuck! And I see this vent that leads into the hold, but how am I supposed to put salt water in all of these boxes? There’s like billions of ounces of Centaur dust in this cargo hold! How am I supposed to put it in all of them?”
“Use your imagination.” Merry said as she shuts off the ear piece.
“Prepare to fire oncssssse more!” Snake Eyes ordered.
“I’m starting to question our choice of weapons.” One of the agents commented. “I mean a ‘fart’ gun? Really? Is that what it comes to?”
“I don’t make the rules, agent. I just enforce them. It’s what makes them weak so that’s what we’re going to do.” Snake Eyes said.
Meanwhile back in the hold, I was able to get out of the vent and enter the hold where all the Centaur dust was being stored. Now all I needed to do is find a way to put salt water in them, but how? Where can I find salt water on a big boat like this? Merry May said I need to use my imagination. What would she do? Hmm… what would Apple Fritter do? What would my sister do? What would Elusive do- umm, on second thought, I don’t want to know what goes on in Elusive’s mind.
“Looking for something, Agent Jam?” a voice asked. I quickly turned around, and there was Hufflegulf.
“Hufflegulf? What are you doing here? We reformed you.” I said.
“That you did, my friend.” Hufflegulf said. “That you…” just then, Hufflegulf presses a button on his cloak and changes his look. “…did!”
“Ruby Radiance? What are you doing here?” I asked.
“Oh woops, wrong button.” She said as whoever it was changed their look again. Fog covered up the body, and once the fog cleared, it was him, Eclipse Norton.
“Agent Norton! Nice cloaking device, mate.” I said.
“Thanks. It’s pretty useful for my main job protecting my witness.” Norton said. “Now then, Agent Jam, I know you mean well, and I have no beef with you personally, but the DIF have a score to settle with the Sphinx Cartel. It would help your agency if you could just get off the ship, and let the DIF take it from here.”
“No! I will not allow your agency to force friendship among this foreign species! I know the truth!” I said. “They need this dust to survive. Their homeland is going bankrupt after an intense war with the centaurs. This stuff is the only thing that keeps their homeland alive, and we need to help them.”
“We will help them, Agent Jam, don’t you worry about it.” Norton said. “We’re going to turn them in, and we’re going to dump all this dust.”
“They need it!” I said.
“We’ll help them provide an alternative merchandise, don’t worry about a thing.” Norton said.
“I don’t think you can find a merchandise for an expensive cartel like the Sphinx to sell. They’re not just a cartel you know, they’re a company trying to make a quick buck.” I said. “And no, I don’t mean a pony kick.”
“You know much about the Sphinx Cartel, don’t you Agent Jam?” Norton asked. “Hey, it’s completely understandable. Once a criminal always a criminal.”
“How do you know that?” I asked.
“The DIF has been watching you, Jerry Jam. Ever since your crimes in Mareami, we’ve been watching you.” Norton said. “We know all about you, your sister, that nightclub owner, those two gangsters you work with, and of course… that third one. We could’ve stopped you at any time.”
“So why didn’t you?” I asked.
“Because if you weren’t so useful to us we would’ve.” Norton said. “Don’t you see what you and your friends have done? 1980s Mareami. Crime has gone up, but after your actions, they’ve gone down.”
“In what way did they go down?” I asked.
“Other criminal organizations were jealous of you and your friends’ actions. They wanted to prove they were better than you four.” Norton explained. “Jealousy can make one foolish. So foolish that they’d do anything to be superior. We caught them red-hooved. All those gangs… done for. Mareami used to be the headquarters of organized crime. There used to be seven… now there’s only two: the Sharks mob, and the Late Night Riders, but the riders are done for. They’re way passed their prime. Now that the Friendship Mob is in Mareami, they’re taking care of all crime there.”
“So… the DIF… used me when I was younger?” I asked.
“You catch on pretty quick, kid.” Norton said as he takes out a candy cane and knaws on it. “Crime has seriously gone down these days. Both the FDA and the DIF are gaining ground around Equestria, but mostly the DIF. It only leaves one city completely covered with organized crime: Manehatten.”
“Manehatten’s home of the Commission.” I said. “The major mobs around Equestria unite with this one organization. Neither of us stand a chance against them.”
“Perhaps… or perhaps not.” Norton said. “Disharmony has been a major thing around Equestria. I know the Friendship Detection Agency mean well with trying to help these poor criminals reform, but think about it, Agent Jam… is it really keeping? It does help once in a while, but not enough. Disharmony needs to be taught a lesson. Disharmony needs to be shown whose boss! Disharmony needs to be grabbed in the neck and threatened! Discipline is the way to go, Agent Jam. Trying to reason with Disharmony… you think that actually works? Disharmony is smart, Agent Jam. The FDA need to learn that words aren’t everything!”
“No… you’re wrong, mate.” I said as I shook my head. “It’s harder work to reason, yes, but if you know the right words to say, and let disharmony know about the rewards that can be claimed by turning good, then I’m sure they’ll reform.”
“Huh.” Norton said as he flicks his candy cane on the floor and steps on it. “I see… well… perhaps I should show you how effective discipline can be!” Just then, Norton’s body gets covered in fog once again. Jerry charges towards Norton’s position, but after he turns invisible, Jerry completely misses him.
“Where are you, Norton?!” I cried. “Oi! Where are you?”
“You think helping the Sphinx Cartel is going to turn them good? You’re only going to make them stronger!” Norton said as his voice echoes throughout the hold.
“I’m planning on turning the dust into a valued resource! Valued for good! What it needs is salt water!” I yelled.
“Really? Then perhaps I’ll help you once I’m done DUMPING IT!” Norton said.
Back out in the port, Snake Eyes was about to fire the cannon once more, and Merry needed to do all she could to stop it. Merry was able to get off the ship and to sneak passed the remaining cartel members who were still fighting the DIF, and was able to spot the cannon on the back of a pick-up carriage. Snake Eyes was laughing evilly until he choked on his own saliva from laughing so hard. Merry used this as a chance to head over to the cannon and sabotage it. Merry was indeed able to get to the cannon, however, sabotaging seemed harder than it looks. When Merry opened the cover that revealed a bunch of wires, Merry was in a lost for words.
“Holy Rolie Polie Olie!” Merry said. “Note to self: no matter how irritating Apple Fritter can be, never leave her out of the mission.”
Back in the hold, I reversing around the hold looking for Norton. I’ve been waiting for him to pounce on me, but it would seem he’s not trying to attack me. He’s looking for something. Something to easily dump the cargo hold. Just then, as I was reversing, I trip and fall on some curve, and I landed on something made of metal. I looked down, and I saw it was a mechanical door on the floor.
“Of course!” I said. “That’s how Norton’s going to dump the cargo! He’s going to flood the hold! NORTON!” I yelled at him. “Don’t do it! You’re going to sink the whole ship!”
”Relax, Agent Jam, this is a port. The ship won’t sink all the way.” Norton’s voice echoes again. “The depth was measured by some field agents and the ship’s just going to sink until it reaches the corridor on the main deck. Plus, the ship is going to tilt so it’ll dump the cargo containers on the top. Once the cargo containers were dumped, the dust will be gone, and the ship will be able to recover.”
”That’s going to cost the sphinxes a lot of money!” I said. “They can’t afford it!”
”I hope they’re insured then.” Norton said. I couldn’t let Norton get to the controls. I have to find the controls before he does. I can’t let him half-sink this ship! The controls have to be around here somewhere. Just then, a klaxon alarm started going off. I was too late, he found the controls! I had to find him. I probably have just a few seconds. Just then, I found a red light across the hold on top of some catwalk. Norton was there. I went over to climb the ladder that leads up to the catwalk, and when I got up there, the mechanical doors started to slowly open. I started to run over towards the button to press it, but when I got there, I was tripped by something. It felt like a leg. Once I fell to the floor, Norton uncloaked himself.
“It’s for Equestria’s own good, Agent Jam. I suggest you evacuate this area as soon as possible. I don’t want to you drown down here.” Norton said. “Too much paperwork.”
“Ugh!” I groaned as I rubbed my muzzle. “Why don’t you leave first?”
”I don’t trust you. You’ll press the button as soon as I leave.” Norton said.
”You got THAT right!” I said as I kicked Norton in the legs and pushed him aside. The hold started to flood, and the ocean water started to leak into the cargo containers. I was about to push the button to seal the doors, but then it hit me! “Of course! I am such a bloody idiot! Ocean water IS salt water!” I had an idea. I knew exactly what to do. “Ok, Norton. I’ll allow you to dump the cargo into the ocean.”
”Really now? You had the upper hoof and now you’re taking my side?” Norton asked.
“Yes, but I won’t let you tilt the ship.” I said. “We’re going to flood the hold, but once the cargo is flooded, we’re going to use the cranes on the port to put the cargo containers into the ocean!”
”It’s far more difficult that way.” Norton said.
“Yes, but it’ll save us and the sphinxes a lot of money by saving the ship. We’ll be doing a good deed.” I said. I then took out my hoof and said, “What do ya say, Agent Norton? Wanna work together?”
Norton was thinking it over for a moment, and then he says, “Agent Snake doesn’t like it when plans change on him. I’ll stay down here and flood the hold, and you head up to the cranes to take care of the cargo containers.”
”How do I know if I trust you to pull through with this?” I asked.
“Because like you said… we’re trying to save money here.” Norton said. “I know we’re rivals, Agent Jam, and we don’t respect eachother’s beliefs, but we share one common interest: we do what’s best for Equestria, as well as others. As long as we’re working together to stop this cartel operation, then I have no interest to oppose you on this.” I then nodded and jumped off the catwalk and landed in the water down below.
“OOOOW!” I cried.
“Yeeeeah, water’s still shallow.” Norton said.
“OI! YOU THINK?!” I yelled. I then limped over to the security door that was now opened. I see Agent Norton hacked this door to get it opened. When my legs started to hurt less, I ran upstairs and back onto the main deck. When I got to the top, I was tripped by a paw and I fell back on the floor. “OW! What’s with tripping me today?!”
“Where do you think you’re going, mortal?” Moustákia asked.
”To save your operation!” I said.
“Really? Because it seems to me that you’re leaving.” Moustákia said as she grabbed my tux and lifted me off the ground. “We heard that alarm! We know you’re flooding our product!” Moustákia then threw me down the stairs and I banged against the wall down there. It was so painful. “You think we don’t know what you’re up to, you equis scum?” she then kicks me in the face and hisses.
“OW! My nose already hurts from getting tripped TWICE!” I yelled.
“The nerve you have to use me like this!” Moustákia said angrily at me. “I thought we had a connection going by sharing eachother’s backstories, but now I see you used my backstory against me, and now you’ve doomed my homeland! You ponies make me sick!”
Help me through this, readers! Help me talk some sense into Moustákia!
What do I say?
A. “I have no quarrel with the Sphinx Cartel!”
B. “I need to dump your cargo into the ocean! It’ll make your product better!”
C. “The DIF is outside and they have a cannon! We need to stop them!”
D. “There’s an agent downstairs trying to flood the hold! You should stop him!”
Her response:
A. “I have no idea what that word ‘quarrel’ means, but I know it’s a trick!”
B. “Good luck getting to it!” she kicks me in the face.
C. “I know, and I need to help them once I’m done with you!”
D. “Yeah, weren’t you just down there?”
The correct response is C. I’m trying to get her into helping her people so she wouldn’t worry about me… or Norton for that matter since he’s helping me.
What do I say next?
A. “We should help them! Let’s go help them together!”
B. “I have another agent outside, Agent May. She’s already on it.”
C. ”Don’t worry about them. I’m sure they can handle anything.”
D. “The cargo containers are what they’re after!”
Her response:
A. “And what am I supposed to do with you? Let you go?”
B. “Really now? Have they spotted her?”
C. “Yeah you’re right. That means more fun kicking your flank!”
D. “You think I don’t know that?”
B is the answer. I need to persuade her that this is a good idea.
And next I say…
A. “I don’t think so. If we can provide a distraction, we might have a chance.”
B. “I don’t think so. Should we go and check?”
C. “Probably. We should do a distraction just to be sure.”
D. “I’m not sure, but if we attacked the cannon ourselves, maybe it might provide a distraction.”
Her response:
A. “What makes you think I can trust you?”
B. “And risk my life?”
C. “Just to be sure? Don’t you know you’re talking to a goddess?”
D. “If you provide as my pony shield, I’m on it.”
A is the answer. I’m starting to get to her, and that’s what I need to do. No way am I going to be her shield!
Next I say:
A. “Because we have a common interest: doing what’s best for Equestria!”
B. “I know you must think me as a traitor, and I wouldn’t blame you, but I know exactly what to do to end this!”
C. “Just think about it, Moustákia. What does your homeland truly want?”
D. “Because we bonded, duh!”
Her response:
A. “You think I care about Equestria?”
B. “Oh really now? Define: end this.”
C. “You have NO idea what my homeland truly wants!”
D. “Hmm, fair enough.”
Yeah, ironicly it was D. Sometimes reminding others of the good times you’ve had together really helps reform a friendship.
“So what do you say, Moustákia? Can we do this? Can I help redeem your trust by getting rid of the DIF?” I asked with my hoof out.
“It’s going to take a lot more than that to regain my trust, Jerry Jam.” Moustákia said as she takes out her paw and helps me up. “But you’ve earned yourself a chance.” She smiles.
I smile back and said, “Let’s do this!” so we both run out on deck to join in with the battle. Merry May was eating toast and jam as she was attempting to mess with the wires, but she had no idea how to break the machine still. “Well, even brain food doesn’t help me in this situation. I’m still at a lost here.” She said. As Merry May was observing the wires, Snake Eyes order his agents to fire once more.
“Fire oncssssse more!” Snake Eyes ordered his agents. Merry then accidentally drops her toast and jam and quickly hides under the carriage as agents walk over to fire the cannon again, but then one of the agents spots that the wire hatch was open.
“Oh c’mon! The hatch fell off again?!” the agent complained. “These dang screws!”
”Next time, we’re going to Auto Zone. That’s the last time we go to Sears to get our tools!” another agent complained.
“FIRE!” Snake ordered his agents. Just as the agents were expecting a fire, all the agents got was a dud. “What happened? I SSSSSAID FIRE!”
”We can’t sir, this thing is jammed.” One of the agents said.
“What?! Let me see!” Snake jumps off the edge of the cannon to take a look at what’s inside. He then finds Merry’s toast and jelly inside the wire hatch. He then places his hoof inside the machine to get some jelly, and then he takes his hoof up to his lips and licks the jam. Yes the same exact hoof he used to walk on with… which is all of them. “Rhasberry…” he whispered. “There’s only one who would dare give me raspberry! The FDA!” Just then Snake quickly looks down and observes the bottom of the carriage, but there was nopony there. “Keep alert, agentsssss!” Snake yelled. “We have an FDA agent here!” So the DIF agents observed the area as they were just finishing up the battle with the sphinxes. Merry was hiding right in front of the pick-up carriage.
When Moustákia and I got on deck, we spotted Agent Snake as well as two of the agents observing the cannon while the rest of the agents were fighting off the remaining sphinxes. “FALL BACK! FALL BACK!” one of the sphinxes yelled.
“NO, subjects! Not a single step backwards!” Moustákia ordered her cartel. “Fight on!”
”Yes, mistress!” the sphinx obeyed.
“You don’t allow your cartel to fall back in a cramped situation?” I asked.
“My cartel is my business, Jerry Jam.” Moustákia said. “If you have a plan for us to gain the upper paw against these agents, now would be an excellent time to suggest one.”
I didn’t know what to do. The sphinxes were losing, and there were still a ton of agents. I needed to find a way to gain the upper paw for these- err, I mean upper hoof for these sphinxes, but how? Just then, my ear piece started to beep. I pressed the button and said, “Oi, Merry!”
”Jerry, I see you along with Moustákia up on the freight deck, what’s happening?” Merry asked.
“We need to find a way to stop that cannon. Moustákia and I were about to plan a distraction, but it looks like Snake has himself a problem with the cannon.” I said.
“I know, I jammed it. Literary!” Merry said as she chuckled.
“You jammed it? Agent May, you know very well that I’m the one that’s supposed to be doing the jamming here.” I reminded her.
“I know, Agent Jam, but now that the cannon stopped working, it shouldn’t be much of a problem anymore, but the sphinxes are still weak.” Merry said.
“We need to find a way to make them stronger again, but how?” I asked.
“Jer, are you stupid or something?” Merry asked.
”Probably. I got tripped twice, and I jumped in shallow water. Lately I’ve been pretty stupid. I guess I need Orange and Cesaer to make me feel smart.” I said.
“You’re on a ship full of energizing dust! Can’t you use them?” Merry asked.
Just then, I slapped myself on the forehead and started to laugh. “You’re right, Merry. I AM stupid! But aren’t we supposed to be… you know…”
“What are you two talking about? This goddess wishes to know!” Moustákia demanded.
“Go down to the hold, get some of the dust that was already absorbed in salt water. Time to show Mistress Moustákia Gatáki the right way to use the Centaur dust!” Merry suggested. Just then I smiled.
“Good idea, Mer! Keep Snake and the agents busy!” I instructed her. I then turned to Moustákia and said, “I’ve got a plan!”
”Moustákia Gatáki doesn’t take orders, she gives them.” Moustákia said. “But she’s listening.”
”Your sphinxes are weak from the cannon blast. We need to energize them again, and the merchandise you have on this ship will really help them!” I explained.
“What do you think we’ll accomplish by using up our inventory?” Moustákia asked.
“Moustákia, don’t you see? I’ve discovered the right way to use this stuff!” I said.
“No you didn’t! I did!” Merry corrected me on the ear piece.
“Oh woops, didn’t realize she was still on.” I admitted as I turned off my ear piece, and then I said to Moustákia, “If combined with salt water it transforms the cells in the dust! It’s not a steroid anymore, it’s an energy drink! Not as powerful, but effective! And that’s not all, it’s legal! You don’t have to secretly sell this stuff anymore! You can sell them to pharmacies and department stores and such without hassle! You’ll be making money faster, and you’ll be able to save your homeland!”
”Hmm…” she thought it over. “I never really thought of it that way. As long as I take credit for the creation, you have yourself a deal! But how are we going to fill a cargo container with dust in time?”
”Follow me to the cargo hold, and I’ll show you.” I suggested. So Moustákia and I ran down to the cargo hold to find the genetically modified dust. Before we got down there, however, Agent Norton presses the button to close the doors letting the water in, and the hold stops to flood.
“Agent Jam have better given his side of the bargin.” Norton hoped as he turns on his cloaking device again. Once Moustákia and I got down to the hold, Moustákia begins to screech. “The whole whole is flooded! Umm, I mean, hold whole, I mean… hold whole hold? Wow this is a tounge-twister.”
”Where’s Agent Norton?” I asked.
”Is there another agent down here?” Moustákia asked.
“There was.” I said. “The doors are closed. I guess I could trust him after all. Now let’s find some of the newly geneticized Centaur dust and give energy once again to the Sphinx! Time to prove to the DIF that you are innocent!”
As Norton escapes the hold, he goes up to the deck and sees the cargo containers were still on deck. “Guess that was the last time I could trust him! If you want something done, you gotta do it yourself!” Norton complained as he once again cloaked himself.
Back over at the cannon, the agents were just able to clean out the wire hatch and the cannon returns back online. “Ah ha! That did it! Now we can oncsssse again weaken these cartels!” Snake said. “Prepare to fire!”
”I gotta do something!” Merry said to herself. “But what?” As Merry attempts to figure out an idea, the agents load up the cannon and were about to fire on the already weakened sphinxes.
”One more blassssst should do it!” Snake said. The agents aim the cannon at the sphinxes and were prepared to fire once more. “READY?!” Snake shouts. “AIM! Aaaaaand…” just then the pickup carriage starts to roll. “Hey! HEY! I didn’t ssssay move the carriage what’s going on?!” As it turns out, Merry attached herself onto the carriage and was running as fast as she could to the exit to stall some time. “AFTER THAT CARRIAGE!” Snake yelled.
“They can’t get me now! This will buy Jerry some time!” Merry said as she was running towards the exit, but then the agents as well as Snake walk at a normal speed right in front of Merry without any problems.
“Hello!” Snake said to Merry.
“What?! But I was going really fast!” Merry said.
“Not strong enough to pull this thing very far, huh FDA?” Snake asked mischievously.
“I guess I didn’t think this all the way through. I feel as stupid as Jer right now.” Merry admitted.
Back on deck, Moustákia and I returned from the hold with bottles full of the modified Centaur dust. “We have to energize your employees and quickly!” I said.
“Umm, my SUBJECTS.” Moustákia corrected me.
“Whatever, let’s just do it!” I said.
“HA HA HA!” Snake laughed at Merry. “Such a wasssste of time. You FDA agents will never learn will you? Now that I caught you trying to meddle with DIF affairs, Operation: Takeover will commence very shortly!”
”You think its right to be doing something like this?” Merry asked. “These sphinxes are innocent! This is a shipment of energy drinks!”
”Energy drinks? HA! Have you looked out the window lately? Crime hasss gone up!” Snake said. “And it’s all becaussssse of the Centaur dusssst these sphinxes have been selling! It makes a pony overpowered.”
”Not overpowered. Give them energy. There’s a difference between the two.” Merry said.
“Really now? Can energy rob an entire bank?” Snake asked. “Can energy cause neighborhoods to fight eachother more effectively? Come on, agent! You know exactly what’s going on!”
”I do, and we’re trying to help these sphinxes by using this product more safely. That’s what the harmony is all about, Agent Snake.” Merry said. “It’s not about attacking their ships and dumping their product! It’s about giving them a second chance to redeem themselves! That’s why we’re here! This isn’t a warzone! You’ve turned this into a warzone, Agent Snake! That’s not what the DIF is supposed to do!”
”We’re trying to force harmony among these creatures, and that’s what we’re doing. That’s what the DIF is all about. Don’t you get it? Look at these sphinxes fighting for their product! Why would they fight if they were not guilty?” Snake asked.
“They’re defending a business to protect their homeland! They need this, Agent Snake! They need this for their homeland to survive!” Merry said.
“And we will assist them, don’t worry! Just as soon as Agent Norton tilts that ship and dumps the product, we’ll help finance the sphinxes and help them use a better resource for their business! A resource like… ummm… celery!” Snake said.
“We’ll believe it when we see it!” a voice said.
“Who said that?” Snake asked as he turned around and saw a sphinx standing right behind him, and out in the battlefield, all of the DIF agents have been captured by the sphinxes.
“We used our dust for good!” the sphinx said. “It gave us our energy back, and we didn’t even hurt a single pony in the process! We just captured the rest! And they’ll remain unharmed if you and your agents would just stand down!”
”Stand down? Sssssssstand down?!” Snake yelled. “If anyone needs to stand down it’s YOU creatures! Thissssss stuff is illegal in Equestrian soil! It can make a pony as strong as alicorn! We can’t have that! It’s bad enough we have these fake alicorns in the first placssssse!”
”But look at this.” The sphinx said as another sphinx punches a cargo container. “See? What she did was just dent the cargo container a little bit. With the usual dust, we would dent the cargo container by a long shot! But we didn’t! This isn’t a steroid any longer, it’s now an energy drink, and we will now use our product for good, for the sake for our homeland and our mistress, Moustákia Gaták!”
Snake then hisses at the sphinx, but then his mood changes once the crane nearby starts moving. The crane then picks up some cargo containers on the ship and drops them overboard into the sea. Snake Eyes then starts laughing. “Give it up, sphinxessssss! Your product is now sunk into the bottom of the sssssea! We win by default! Our attack on your ship was a success!”
”Not exactly.” Moustákia Gaták said as she walks over along with me by her side. “The FDA has proven themselves, mortal. With the help of the salt water, the Centaur dust will now turn into… well do we need to repeat ourselves? The stuff we will now be selling is legal, and once we get the containers out from the bottom of the sea, we will be using them properly.”
”Grrr! Well it doesn’t matter! It’s not you cartelssss we had a score to deal with! The FDA still meddled in our affairsssss! Your agency is doomed!” Snake said.
“Not exactly.” I said. “After all the stupid stuff I’ve done today, it all comes up to this one smart remark. You don’t have a warrant.”
”Huh?” Snake asked.
“A warrant. You attacked this ship without a warrant.” I said. “It’s illegal to attack a criminal vessel without some kind of warrant. If you ask me, mate, the DIF has messed up this time, and not to mention, we have proof that we were here first.”
“How?” Snake asked.
“Cameras cover the port, agent.” The port security guard that I talked to before I entered the port said. “Everything that happened today was monitored. The FDA was here first and therefore, you meddled with their affairs.”
”If you ask me, Agent Snake. We’re even now.” I said. “And if you wish to keep your job in the agency, or unless you want our agency to shut your agency down, I suggest you don’t meddle with the FDA’s missions ever again. You’re a corrupted agent, Snake Eyes.”
”SO ARE YOU!” Snake yelled.
”Yes we are!” I nodded. “But we’re corrupted for a good reason. Well… maybe not a good reason, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do for the sake of Equestria. I’m not sure what you’re trying to pull besides getting the FDA out of business, but we own you now. And we’re fair, so we’ll let you off the hook as long as you stay away from FDA affairs. Got it?”
”UGH!” Snake groaned. “Well, FDA, you win thisssss round, but that doesn’t mean you’re safe, Agent Jam.”
”Is anypony ever safe?” Merry teased.
“It’s nothing like you’d ever imagine.” Snake said to Merry, he then turned to me and said, “How do you know you know the whole story? You think blackmailing me is going to stop the DIF? It’ll only ssssstall us for a little while. Enjoy your agency while it lasts, Agent Jam, because you’ll soon realize, that you don’t own me… WE own you!”
”What?” I asked.
“Let’s move out, agentsssss!” Snake yelled as he and all of the other DIF agents hop onto their carriages and left.
“Subjects… the sphinxes…. ARE FREE!” Moustákia Gaták yelled as all of the other sphinxes cheered. “We are no longer the Sphinx Cartel! We are now the Moustákia Gaták Corporation! Thanks to our friends in the Friendship Detection Agency, we can now sell our product legally!”
”Well… not exactly.” Merry said. “You still need to buy a business license.”
”Oh picky picky picky!” Moustákia complained. “Regardless, thank you, agents. We thank you very much for assisting us. We have a mess to clean up still. We have to get the cargo out from the bottom of the sea, and after we get that business license, we will return to business and raise money for the sake of our homeland! Not just in Equestria, but in all other places too!”
”Glad we can help you!” I said.
“I’ve just dispatched an FDA cleanup crew. They’ll help you clean up the mess.” Merry said.
“Thank you once again, ponies, and especially you, Jerry Jam! You’ve opened our eyes.” Moustákia said.
“That’s what we do, mistress! It’s what we do!” I said.
“We will see you soon, agents.” Moustákia said as she and the other sphinxes walk back to their ship.
“Mission successful, Jer!” Merry said to me as she punched me in the shoulder. “I knew we could do it!”
”Yeah but don’t think we’re off the hook yet.” I said.
“Is it what Snake Eyes said? Don’t worry about it!” Merry said. “He’s just trying to scare you!” Just then, I spotted Agent Norton climbing down from the crane. The same crane that knocked the cargo containers overboard. He then salutes to me, and then I nod at him back. It appears I have gained a possible ally within the DIF, but I wasn’t too sure.
“Agent Norton, back in the hold. He said something about the DIF watching me since I was little, and then Agent Snake says that the DIF owns me.” I said. “Perhaps my crimes have taken an unexpected turn.”
”Jer, you turned yourself in.” Merry reminded me. “Your charges are now dropped because you took your time. There is nothing the DIF can do to change that.”
”Yeah you’re probably right, Agent May.” I nodded.
”C’mon, Jer. Let’s go back to HQ. The director will sure be pleased over our successful mission.” Merry suggested.
“You’re right.” I agreed as the both of us started leaving the port to return to HQ. “Hey, Merry? When you said before when nopony ever notices you, that you’re just part of the background. What do you mean by that?”
”Oh… it’s a long story.” Merry said. “I have a special friend, a mutual friend, that’s helped me through my tough times.”
”What mutual friend?” I asked. Aaaaaaaand this chapter was longer than I expected. We just have time for one more thing, so let me show you that so we can just finish this! I’m already tired!
Back at the DIF HQ, Snake Eyes walked into the communications room with a couple of other agents, and he walks over to the super computer and turns it on. Snake turns on Skype and gets into a call with Agent S, and Agent S answers. “Agent Snake Eyes, I’ve heard about your previously failure.”
”Yes… I guesssss you have.” Snake nodded. “If you wish to sssstrip me of my rank, I’ll accept it.”
”Oh but Agent Snake, you are one of my best agents! This small little failure won’t change a thing!” Agent S said.
”But what happened to using the sphinxssssss dussssst to our advantage?” Snake asked.
”Our clients have bought enough of them. Our plan for taking out the FDA will still come in affect, and Agent Jam is our best way for succeeding in this takeover!” Agent S said as he started laughing evilly.
TO BE CONTINUED…