"I'm sorry, Ron. But would you excuse me for a moment? I just need to have a quick word with my sister." Celestia is obviously pissed about something, and something tells me that it has nothing to do with the doors that were blasted open. Which, by the way, were blasted so strongly and so full of force, one of them is starting to fall apart. They should really replace those door with something much sturdier instead of wood. Like adamantium, perhaps?
Best I quickly get out of the way then. We don't want to be blocking her way now, right? "Sure." Be my guest, lady. I ain't gonna stop you. Not when you're mad. No sir. That would be like asking for a one-way ticket to DEATH.
Celestia gave me a quick nod with her head as she walked past me and Grim, who was trembling uncontrollably, mind you. No doubt the very sight of her Princess Luna is making Grim very weak in the knees. And heart too. But, that has nothing to do with them mushy stuff, however. This was more like sheer terror; Grim was afraid of her.
"Are you okay?" I just gotta say something to the trembling guard. What if she suddenly gets a heart attack? Do the ponies of Equestria even know CPR? I didn't spot any defibrillators on the way in. That can't be a good sign, right? I hope they at least have a first aid kit lying around here somewhere (possibly somewhere very close by, thanks).
"S-S-She's going to punish me!" What's with this talk of punishment, anyway? "I-I don't want to get punished!" Must be a very terrifying punishment if it's even able to get Grim here all shaken up like this. Now, in times like this, it's important to remember that a gentleman must always do his best to comfort and take care of the suffering lady.
"Why? What's she gonna do to you?" Aren't you curious too? I sure am. I never said I was going to comfort her. Don't judge me.
Grim covered her ears with her hooves, and shut her eyes, shaking her head wildly like a wild woman. "S-She's going to make m-me eat...that." she whispered dramatically to me. So much drama, these guards. I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
And what the fuck is that?
"Huh?"
"Nononononono..." Grim continued shaking her head, muttering non-stop to herself. "anything but that!" she suddenly looked up at me, her golden eyes and snake-like pupils staring straight and deep into my own two brown eyes. Her eyes are, surprisingly, pleasant to look at, and would actually be intimidating, if it weren't for the fact that they were already starting to water; is she... going to start crying? Really?
"You have to help me!" Is she seriously asking me for help? What am I suppose to do? I just got here, dude! Does she expect me to come up with some brilliant plan to save her from whatever her punishment will be?
Seriously though, what is the punishment? It has something to do with eating, that I'm sure of. But what?
"I'm not sure how I can help you, Grim." In situations like this, it's normally best to just back out, and step away. I can't really do that though. "I think the princess has already heard you, loud and clear." Pretty sure she did. Pretty sure we all did.
"T-Then...Then take me away with you!" Grim grabbed my hand and stood up on her hind legs, bringing her height to reach just below my neck. "Take me to Earth!"
Wow, that escalated quickly. My first day in Equestria and already I'm being asked to run away with someone? I thought scenes like this only happens in movies, or shitty vampire teen romance novels. Guess not. Interesting.
Still gotta break the news to her, though. "I can't do that." And even if I wanted to (which I don't), how on earth are we supposed to escape an entire castle filled with guards and, not one, but two powerful princesses? That would be madness! "I'll probably get the both of us into even more trouble."
"No you won't." Her faith in me is surprising. Especially towards someone whom they just met.
"Trust me, I most definitely will."
Grim brought her muzzle close to my face, and tighten her grip on my frail and weak hands (their grips are really, really strong, dude). "Trust me, whatever trouble you may bring upon the both of us, it will never be able to compete with what I'll be facing if I don't escape this castle soon." she whispered into my ear.
Drama much?
Grim is really freaking out over this punishment thing. I kinda felt sorry for her. But, that is what you get for disobeying your master's command. I should be wise to never disobey a direct order from Luna. Even if it kills me (I hope it doesn't).
"Sorry, Grim, but I---"
"I'll do anything." Her eyes are watering again. "Anything." Anything huh?
Letting go of my hands would be a good start. If she adds any more pressure from those hooves of hers I'd most probably be boneless in the hands and fingers department. Not a pleasant thought. Ew.
"Tempting offer, Grim. Bu---"
"GRIM!" I should have brought a pair of earplugs with me. I mean, can't Luna speak normally? You know, like how normal folks would speak? Why must she shout? Is she afraid we're all deaf or something? Not to mention every time she speaks with that loud voice of hers, I'd get smacked in the face by a strong gust of wind. Talk about the power of the voice, man.
Grim released my hands and gave a wobbly salute to her princess. "Y-yes, your highness?"
"Your punishment will commence shortly in the royal kitchens." Luna narrowed her eyes at Grim, who started shaking like a jackhammer. "Be ready."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Don't you just love the drama?
* * * * * *
"So, let me get this straight..." My head is itching up a storm, but it will be nothing compared to the headache I'm about to experience. "Are you telling me that your sister, Luna, took your letter and replaced it with her very own?"
Celestia nodded her head. "Yup."
Yup? That's her answer? Just yup?
"What was in the original letter? What was it about?"
Celestia sighed. "My letter clearly stated that, regardless of whomever Earth chooses to send, that the chosen would be tasked with the task to become friends with my sister."
"Friends?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Like I said, Luna isn't very fond of humans. I believe that the best way to deal with a situation like this was to have a human become good friends with her; I want her to understand and learn about the humans; to see that there are two sides to everything; that humans weren't as bad as she thought.
"Befriending, said human, would also help build a bond, a bond that not only will help my sister understand, but also help change Luna's attitude and perspective towards the humans entirely. And perhaps also shed some light on why she dislikes your kind." Celestia rubbed her head. "Though clearly, it would seems that my dear sister has other plans planned."
"Clearly." Crystal clear, sister. "So what happens now?"
"According to the letter that she sent to Earth...You are now Luna's personal servant."
"Yeah, the letter did said that." In big, black, emboldened words too.
"You seem pretty calm about this, Ron." Oh, trust me, I'm ANYTHING but calm. I'm just trying my best not to pass out. When I first read that letter, I thought there was some sort of typo or mistake in it. Hell, even Raven said that there might be a mistake in it. But now that the facts have already been proven and revealed in front of me (five seconds ago), I'm starting to regret crossing that portal.
"I've already spoken with my sister." I hope she didn't make it worse. "Yet she still remains adamant about having you as a servant; either you accept her terms, or leave this castle."
"Can I?"
Celestia nodded. "This matter has already been out of my hooves ever since the swap. But you have every right to leave if you want to. I'll personally ensure that you'd be able to leave this place with little to no trouble." Am I going to get assaulted by Luna or something if I tried to leave?
The silence that followed felt awkward. I can tell Celestia wanted to say more. There's no way she'd end her sentence there. I mean, she's opening and closing her mouth right now, probably finding the right words to say.
It's a but isn't it? But? Come on, there's gotta be a but in there somewhere. It's so obvious. You can't hide that but away from me, Celestia.
"But..." Aha! See? Told you! "I really hope that you will remain here with us; your help will be invaluable to me. To us." I knew she was going to ask that. But, I already have my own, choice words to say to her. Words that I have carefully selected with my brain, words that would greatly emphasize on how desperate I am to return home: to Earth.
"Nope. Fuck that."
* * * * * *
"You could've just said no, Ron."
"I was freaking out! What else was I supposed to say?"
"No?"
"Oh yeah..."
Raven let out a heavy sigh and shook her head, covering her face with a hoof. "Look, Ron. I know the sudden news is...well, a surprise. But won't you reconsider this?"
I brought myself to a halt and turned to stare at Raven. True, what I had said to Celestia a few minutes ago wasn't really the best choice of words (especially towards royalty), but I really was freaking out. I swear when freaking out, man. Who doesn't? And besides, there was nothing left to reconsider; my mind is already made up. I'm getting out of this place first thing tomorrow morning; the last train left an hour ago, anyway.
"I'm sorry, Raven. But I wasn't really planning on being someone's servant." The two of us were currently on our way to the royal kitchens; I just realized how hungry I was. Who knew that walking and standing around can build up such an appetite? At least I get to try some alien delicacies before I leave tomorrow.
"But Princess Celestia needs your help." Yeah, and I need food; now that the initial shock is gone, my stomach just wouldn't stop growling like a lion. Or is it a tiger? A whale maybe?
"As much as I would like to help her, Raven. This is just something I'd rather not get involved in."
"But---"
My stomach let loose another loud growl. Definitely a tiger.
"Look, can we just get some food? I'm really starving here."
Raven closed her mouth and nodded (very slowly, for some reason). The remainder of our journey to the kitchen continued in silence. Well, except for the occasional stomach call.
"The kitchens are just around this...corner." Raven suddenly stopped in her tracks; I nearly bumped into her rump. Why did we stop? What's going on?
"Raven?"
Raven lifted a hoof and pointed it in front of her. I looked over to where she was pointing; there was a small crowd of what I believe to be the kitchen staff of the castle; they were all huddled up together, with their butts against a door which clearly led to the kitchen (also because there was gold plaque which have the word 'KITCHENS' written on it), they were all covering their muzzles with their hooves. Did someone fart? Must be a huge one.
We approached the staff. I sincerely hope it was nothing serious; think about all the food in there, just waiting to be devoured by my jaws. Do they have pizza by any chance? I wish they do. I could really go for some pizza right now.
"What's going on here?" I'll just stand here next to Raven and let her do the talking. Don't want to be rude now, right? Take my advice, if you want free food, never ever insult the chefs making the food. Unless you want spit in your soup. Besides, I'm just a guest; I have no power over these ponies.
"Luna's guards, ma'am." said one of the chefs, muzzle still covered. "They're performing the Punishment in there."
Someone screamed from behind the door; it was high-pitched, girly, and downright terrifying. The chef and the rest of his crew shuddered; one of the staff covered her ears, shaking in fear. "Now is not the best time to be here, ma'am." Another scream.
Is someone being butchered in there? Just what kind of punishment these ponies do?
"Who's getting punished?" Raven asked. Man, even I'm feeling a bit unnerved by the screaming; her expression was just plain blank, like she didn't care or something. Maybe it's because she's already used to it?
"Grim Reaper, ma'am."
Grim? The Grim? Her full name is Grim fucking Reaper? What kind of parents name their child Grim Reaper? Is the father called Scythe and the mother called Death? Wow, talk about weird names, dude. And I thought Earth has it rough (I thought I had it rough). The more you know, folks. The more you know.
"I see," Raven gave her glasses a push, and she turned around to look at me. "Well, Ron. It would seem that the kitchens is currently...occupied." The screaming continued.
No shit, Sherlock.
"Is she going to be alright?" I'm beginning to worry about the poor guard in there.
"She'll live."
The screams did nothing to help convince me. Wait...didn't Grim say she was going to have to eat something for the punishment? That explains the kitchens as the venue...but the screaming? Is she being forced to eat something disgusting? Now that I come to think of it, this sort of punishment seems pretty...tame? It can't be all that bad. Even I have eaten disgusting foods before (not willingly, mind you), like spit soup, for example.
"Can't we help her?" I wonder why I asked that question. But something just didn't felt right within me; I was growing rather fond of the screaming guard; mainly due to how adorable she looked when begging...I really got to go and get my head examined.
"Are you saying you're willing to help Grim eat...that?" The chef that had spoken earlier gave me a look of admiration mixed with fear (mostly fear, though).
"It can't be that bad---"
The entire kitchen staff flinched and grimaced at my words, even Raven took a step back, who gave me a frown. "Er...right?" Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
"You're a brave one, sir." the chef said, bowing his head towards me. "Nopony, in the history of Equestria, has ever dared to eat that so willingly." he proceeded to grab my hand, shaking it. "You're willing to sacrifice yourself for the sake of another? Admirable."
I wished I had kept my mouth shut. Maybe I still can escape. "I-I didn't say anything about sacrificing myself, I mean, is there any other way to help her?"
The crew shook their heads. "Eat you must. Save her, you will." One of the staff said.
"Open the door! We must not delay this brave soul's determination to save the condemned!"
Before I knew what was going on, I was suddenly grabbed by several pairs of hooves and was thrown into the royal kitchens against my will.
* * * * * *
The sound of clicking behind me told me that the door was locked; I was trapped in the kitchen. Not really a bad place to be trapped in, considering.
I dusted myself off, staring around. The royal kitchens were huge, it was like three huge kitchens combined into one. A kitchen of this size was definitely needed, no doubt, judging from the sheer amount of occupants that were already living in the castle.
The royal kitchens were clean, neat, and tidy: pots and pans of different sizes could be found hanging from the walls, fresh ingredients, such as vegetables, were all nicely organized and stored properly, there were several large refrigerators too, placed side by side each other, keeping it's contents within it chilled.
I was immediately greeted by a familiar and pleasant aroma, one that I was accustomed to back home, from during my travels to Southeast Asia. It smelled sweet, strong, and orgasmic. I knew what it was straight away, and to be honest, surprised, that Equestria even has it here. After all, this was something that could only be found back on Earth. Unless, of course, I was mistaken.
"Who goes there?" I heard someone called out in front of me.
Before I could answer, Grim suddenly head-butted me straight in the chest, causing me to lose my balance, to which I stumbled and fell.
"You came for me!" Grim cried happily, giving me a bone-crushing hug. "Please tell me you are here to help me escape."
I couldn't answer; my breath was gone and I was already losing oxygen. Even my vision got all blurry. Luckily, Grim noticed this and let me go, blushing as she did so.
"Sorry." she said in a sheepish tone.
"D---" I sucked in a huge breath of life-giving oxygen "---Don't w-worry about it." I managed to say. "But no, I'm not here to help you escape."
Grim ears drooped and went flat. "No...nonono!" She grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me violently. "You are my only hope! You have to save me!" she suddenly let me go and covered her face, sobbing a little. "I don't want to die."
I couldn't help but chuckle at Grim's antics. If her punishment is what I think it is...let's just say we'll be fine.
"Don't worry, Grim. I may not be here to help you escape, but I am here to save you."
* * * * * *
"You are sure about this?"
I nodded my head. "Sure as I'll ever be."
The three guards (minus Grim) all stared at me with baffled expression painted all over their faces. Grim had explained to them of why I was here; I will be taking over Grim's place; I will go through with the punishment in her stead.
"You are really sure about this?" the guard in the middle asked. They were all clad in armour the same as Grim. "Nopony has ever dared to eat this so willingly." he gave his two pals a look. "Nopony." they all whispered together.
I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, I'm one hundred percent sure about this, dude."
"Dude?" the guard raised an eyebrow at me.
"Sorry. I mean, I'm ready." Grim stood beside me, giving me the occasional glance of worry. I looked at her and gave her a smile. I would've winked too, but that might cause some complications.
"Very well then, sir." The guard pulled out a silver serving platter with a lid on top of it. Pointless, really. Since I already know what was in it. This is going be a piece of cake; the easiest punishment in the history of punishments; not to mention it would help fill my belly too.
I stared at the guard, who had his hoof placed on top of the lid's handle, and nodded at him. The guard lifted the lid, backing away as he did so.
My time has come; it was time to eat, my dear friends, for I am very hungry, but do not worry, do not fret, for this is a food of which I love, it's a fruit, really. But a damn good one. I closed my eyes, and took one final sniff, before reopening them to gaze upon the delicious looking du---
Whoa, whoa, whoa! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?
"What the hell is this?"
The guard gave me a look. "That's the punishment, sir." he placed the lid on to one side. "You're punishment."
"Bu...But I thought the punishment was going to be a durian?"
Grim poked me on the side. "What are you talking about?" she asked, tilting her head to one side, confused.
"When I came in here I smelled durian; since not everyone can take the taste and smell of it, I thought for sure that the durian was going to be the punishment you were supposed to eat."
Grim and the other guards laughed loudly at this. "Are you kidding me?" Grim said, smiling. "The Night Guards love durians! It's one of the best fruits I have ever tasted from the Everfree Forest!"
"That means..." The realization hit me like a truck travelling at five thousand miles per second.
"We were eating a few durians, moments before starting the punishment." Grim pointed a hoof behind her, and, sure enough, there were a bunch of empty durian husks lying messily on the kitchen floor; it's delicious contents already eaten and digested.
Oh, God no. What have I done?
"So...no durians?" I asked, my lips trembling with fear.
Grim shook her head. "Nope."
I am so dead. I am so fucking dead.
"S-so...w-what is that?" I pointed a shaking finger at the two round, tiny abominations that lay in front of me.
Grim shuddered and stood behind me. Now I know why she was so scared. Now I know why the kitchen staff were all freaked out. Now I know WHY no one in the history of Equestria has ever dared to eat this so willingly. I am so dead. Dead, I tell you.
"T-Those..." Grim whispered, grabbing tightly onto my shirt. "Those are manticore testicles."