When we arrived, a few hours later, the pegasi drawing the chariot landed in front of a house that seemed pretty run down, but still in decent shape. It wasn’t falling apart, so it was good enough for me. I thanked them for the ride, grabbed my things, and walked in. one of the things that worried me was that my door didn’t have a lock. I’ve made a few enemies in my line of work, so I at least like to have something to keep me safe while I sleep. ‘oh well,’ I thought to myself, ‘it’s a nice neighborhood, I doubt I’m gonna need a lock.’. I decided to take a tour of the house, figure out where everything was. I soon found out that the Princess had also paid for furnishings for my new house. I’d have to thank her if I ever saw her again. Eventually I found my way to the kitchen. Sitting on the table was a note and a bag. The note read
“Dear mister Pick
As agreed, there are six thousand bits in the bag upon the table.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed, I also took the liberty of furnishing your home.
It’s the least I could do after acquiring you one in such disrepair.
I hope you enjoy your new home, and look forward to any dealings
We have in the future.
Sincerely
Princess Luna.”
The thought of future business with the princess worried me. I don’t like to deal with ponies who can have me arrested for even addressing them wrong. But if the pay is good enough, I make exceptions. I decided I best go unpack before heading into town to get some supplies. When I got to the bedroom I was shocked to find it was every thieves dream. The bed was large and comfortable, but underneath was a trap door, which I could use to either hide stolen loot or, if the need arises, hide myself. There was a wardrobe in one corner, but if you slid the back panel, it revealed a space to store weapons and other tools of the trade. Of course, every good thief always sleeps with a dagger under their pillow and one eye open. I made use of all these facilities, not knowing what was in the box yet, and deciding I’d best wait until I was settled in to open it, I put it in that space under my bed, along with everything I had yet to fence off. I hung my cloak in the wardrobe, not thinking it necessary to put It behind the back panel. I did however hang one of my two daggers back there. I figured that I’d only need one, if I needed any. Everything else I put where it would fit best. Clothes in the wardrobe, pictures on the mantle, my dad’s old acoustic guitar on a stand in one corner of the living room. Maybe I’d go and play it in town for some coin later, but right now I needed food, both for right now and the week. I walked back outside, taking in the crisp clean air. You have no idea how long it’s been since I’ve had an actual breath of fresh air. The view from my new house was great to. It sat on a hill near the outskirts of town, so I got a view of almost the entire place. The rumbling of my stomach reminded me that if I wanted food I’d have to do more then admire the scenery, so I grabbed my bits and set off down the road. When I got there I contemplated stopping at a restaurant and grabbing food or just buying some from a stall so I could eat and walk at the same time. Before I could come to a decision, I bumped into a bright pink earth mare, I started to apologize for not paying attention, but then she just gasped and ran off. “What the hell was that all about?” I said to nopony in particular. So I’m sure you can imagine me surprise when I received an answer.
“It’s just Pinkie being, well, Pinkie.” said a feminine voice from behind me. Now I don’t know how most people react when they hear a voice behind them, but a certain encounter that ended in a new scar on my throat has given me the tendency to assume a fighting position. I turned around hastily to the source of the voice, one hoof reaching for my dagger on my hip, ready to draw it if I had to. I know it probably wasn’t necessary, but it’s habit. What I found behind me wasn’t somepony out for blood, but a lavender unicorn, now with a look of fear on her face.
“Oh! Shit, I’m sorry, I’m a little paranoid.” I said, putting my hoof back down and feeling like a complete dumb ass. I haven’t even lived here for a day yet and I’m already assuming everypony’s out to get me.
“It’s alright, I probably shouldn’t have snuck up on you like that. So, are you new in town?” she asked, looking more at ease now that I wasn’t reaching for a weapon.
“yeah, actually just got here. Now, about that Pinkie character…”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. She’s Ponyvilles resident party pony. She throws a party for just about everything, especially when there’s a newcomer. By the way, my name’s Twilight Sparkle. And you are?”
“My name’s Nick, Nick Pick, nice to meet you.” I said, extending my hoof for a hoofshake, which she took. “So when should I expect this party?” I asked.
“Oh, probably the second you walk back into your house. She did the same to me when I moved here about a year ago.”
“Oh great, so I should expect to end up dropping anything I’m carrying when I walk in?”
“pretty much, yeah.”
‘well that’s just awesome,’ I thought to myself, ‘a bunch of strangers, in my house, uninvited, and they just might find my stashes of loot, awesome.’ I thanked Twilight for the heads up, and continued on my way, eventually coming to the main marketplace, where there were stalls set up in a semi-circle. Suddenly, a small yellow filly with a red bow in her mane walked up to me.
“Hey there mister! You wanna buy some apples? Fresh picked, and only four bits each!” I thought about that for a moment. Fresh apples were hard to come by back in Manehattan or Canterlot.
“You know what? I think I will, I’ll take six red delicious apples please.” I said, much to the joy of the filly.
“Ya hear that Applejack!? He wants to buy SIX red delicious apples! That’ll be twelve bits mister.” she said, yelling to somepony over at the apple stand. I simply chuckled.
“Actually, I think that would be twenty four bits. Here you go.” I said as I pulled out the bag holding my current funds, which caused her eyes to go wide. I pulled out twenty four bits and handed them to her, just as another pony, presumably the “Applejack” that had been mentioned before, walked up with a basket of apples in her teeth.
“Here ya go mister, six apples. Ah appreciate you not takin’ advantage of the fact mah sister here ain’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer when it comes to math. By the way, ah’m Applejack, and this is mah sister Applebloom.” she said after she put the basket down. She seemed like an honest pony. Honesty, from what I’ve seen, gets ponies killed, so I made a mental note to not get to attached to her.
“It’s no trouble at all. I don’t exactly like to cheat kids out of money. Names Nick, nice to meet you two.”
“Ah knew I’d never seen ya here before! You must be new in town!”
“Heh, yeah. I already got the memo on Pinkie, so I know what to expect when I get home tonight.”
“Ha! You’ve got no clue! Anyway, pleasure doin’ business wit’ ya, ah’ll see ya around.” she said as she walked back to the stall. that’s when I noticed Applebloom was still staring at me.
“Where’d ya get all that money mister?” she asked. I decided to tell a portion of the story.
“Well you see, princess Luna needed help with something, so she hired me. I did a real good job, so gave me a lot of money and paid for me to be moved out here. She just nice like that.” I said with a bit of a laugh. I hadn’t lied to her, I just didn’t tell the whole truth.
“What did she need help with?”
‘shit,’ I thought, ‘I should’ve seen that coming ummmm….’ “well I had to sign a contract saying I wouldn’t tell anypony, if I do I could be arrested. You don’t want me to get arrested do you?” alright, I admit, I was pulling at straws here. I’m not very creative when it comes to lying to foals. They believe things no sane adult would, and vice versa. Having grown up only lying to adults, lying to kids was difficult. Fortunately, my bluff worked.
“Oh no! Ah wouldn’t wanna that, ah’m sorry!”
“Heh, it’s alright, now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got other stuff I have to do. I’ll see you around.” I said as I picked up my basket of apples and walked away. It was getting kinda late, and I had enough food to last me until tomorrow, and I figured I might as well go home and face the music. On the way home I bumped into a few more residents, who asked my name, you know, all the “new neighbor“ questions. I managed to avoid the “So what do you do for a living?” question. When I finally got back my house, I hesitated at the front door. I decided to put the apples down before I opened the door. The inside of the house was unnaturally dark. I walked in, wondering where the light switch was, when suddenly somepony flipped it. “SURPRISE!!” yelled what seemed to be all of Ponyville at the same time, which nearly gave me a heart attack. Then Pinkie bounded up from the middle of the crowed.
“So!? Do you like your party!? Were you surprised!? Huh, huh, huh?” she asked, speaking at a pace I almost couldn’t keep up with.
“Yeah, thanks, I really appreciate you going through all the trouble of setting this up on such short notice.” I said. But in all honesty, I’m not really one for large gatherings. If I couldn’t easily get to my pre-set escape route, I’m extremely uncomfortable. I grabbed the basket of apples again, setting it on the coffee table in the living room.
“Oh! I almost forgot, my name’s Pinkie! What’s yours?”
“ You have no idea how many times I’ve answered that question today.” I said with a slight laugh, not really wanting to have to introduce myself again. Luckily I was saved by somepony calling for me.
“Hey! Nick! What’s this note on the table?” asked a voice that sounded like Twilights. ‘oh shit…..’ I thought as I ran towards the kitchen. When I got there, Twilight was reading the not, while a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail was reading it over her shoulder.
“Oh my gosh dude! You work for princess Luna?!” said the pegasus, which earned her an evil look from the lavender unicorn.
“No, I don’t work for the princess, I work for whoever pays. No more, no less. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t just kinda read my mail.” I said as I swiped the note away from Twilights magic so I could throw it in the trash.
“So, what kind of work do you do?” asked the same pegasus. Not gonna lie, she annoyed the hell out of me.
“Depends on who’s paying.” I said simply, “And the business I do stays between me and my client.” this answer didn’t seem very satisfactory for her, as she frowned and flew off, leaving me and Twilight alone in the kitchen.
“So the princess bought this house for you?” she asked me, breaking the awkward silence that had grown in the room.
“Yes she did. As a bonus for me fulfilling an optional part of the deal.”
“and what was the deal?” she asked. I began to wonder if everypony in this town was so damn nosy. That question was answered when Applejack decided to join the conversation.
“Come on Twi’, don’t be so nosy, besides, ya heard him, business stays between him an’ whoever hires him. Can’t say ah like that policy much, but it’s your business, so I don’t have to.” she said. It was nice to know that somepony understood a good business practice. I opened my mouth to say something, next thing I know, I’m looking up at Pinkie, who has the widest smile on her face. “YOU HAVE A GUITAR?!! Play us a song, pleasepleasepleaseplease!!!” she said, and then for added effect gave me puppy dog eyes. For some reason, I couldn’t resist her request when she used the eyes.
“Alright, fine, I’ll play. I warn you though, I’m not very good.” I said. Pleased with this, she got off of me and helped me up, then ran off to get my guitar. I only knew a few songs, and could play even less any good. I walked into the living room, where everypony was suddenly quiet and standing around a stool in the middle of the room. Where it had come from and how everypony fit in my house, I’ll never know. I sat down on the stool as Pinkie hoofed me my guitar. I played a few practice notes to get the hang of it again, then began to play one of my favorite songs.
“Now, some bright morning, when this life is over,
I’ll, fly away. To that land on Celestia’s shore,
I’ll, fly away. I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.
When the troubles of this life are over, I’ll fly away.
To that land, on Celestia’s shore, I‘ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away,
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.
Like a bird, from prison bar has flown, I’ll fly away.
To a land, where no sorrows are known, I’ll fly away.
I’ll fly away, oh glory, I’ll fly away.
When I die, Hallelujah by and by, I’ll fly away.”
When I finished the song, everypony cheered, saying that I was the best guitarist they’d ever seen that wasn’t a unicorn. I simply laughed and thanked them for their kind words. I didn’t really care that much. Applejack walked up to me as I was putting the guitar away. “You alright there?” she asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” I asked. I wasn’t sure if I was acting strange or something, but then she just kinda pointed at my eye. I put my hoof, to my face, only to feel that the hair around my eyes was damp. That’s when I realized I must’ve been crying at some point while I was playing. “huh, didn’t notice that.”
“Riiiiiiight, look, ah ain’t judgin or nothing’, sometimes ya just gotta let it out, ah understand, but ah can’t help ya if ya don’t let me.” she said. I had been honest, I hadn’t noticed until she pointed it out. What she didn’t realize is that I didn’t want or need help, I wasn’t letting anything out I’d buried all my hatchets long ago, along with my fair share of bodies. But I didn’t want to come off as an asshole or anything, so I came up with some random, yet slightly true, excuse for it.
“I’m fine, it’s just I kinda always found that song to be a theme for me. Guess I put to much emotion into it.” I said, and I wasn’t lying about the first part. when you don’t know if you’re going to wake up in the morning, you tend to see death as a release. She simply nodded, then walked away to mingle with others. That’s when the cyan pegasus came back to annoy the hell out of me some more.
“So do you play guitar?”
“No, that’s more of a hobby. You know I never caught your name.”
“And you never told me what you do.”
“Touché.”
“What?” she asked, puzzled by what I had said. I sighed, losing some faith in pony kind.
“Let me rephrase that. Well played.”
“Oh, I get it now. So ya gonna tell me?”
“nope.” this obviously wasn’t the answer she was expecting, as she was taken aback by it. “Who you are isn’t as important to me as keeping what I do, and as many of my clients as physically possible, unknown.”
“Well if that’s so important to you, why’d you leave that note out, huh?” she asked. I have to admit, she could debate. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought she was a politician.
“Because I wasn’t aware my home was going to be invaded by all Ponyville, so I figured I’d get rid of it when I got home.”
“Eh, good enough.” she said. Obviously bored by the fact that I still wouldn’t disclose what my business was, she walked off. That’s when I noticed that everypony was leaving. ‘about damn time,’ I thought, ‘I was beginning to wonder if they were ever gonna leave.’ soon all that was left was Applejack, Twilight, that cyan pegasus, another pegasus, who was yellow with a pink mane, and a white unicorn with a purple mane. And that’s when the shit hit the fan.
“Hey Nick! What’s in this box I found under your bed? It’s got your last name on it!” came Pinkies voice from upstairs.
“Oh shit, PINKIE! DON’T YOU DARE OPEN THAT BOX!!” I yelled as I began running up the stairs. I was apparently to late, as when I got there she had some of it’s contents on the floor.
“I’m soooooooo sorry, I didn’t know you didn’t want me to open it.” she said with an innocent look on her face. But I didn’t care, I was furious.
“Wait wait wait…. Let me get this straight…. You went into my bedroom…. Found a box, that I had hidden under my bed….. And didn’t think that I might not want you to open it?” I asked, barley able to hold back my rage.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much it!” she said, a smile returning to her face. I lost it.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!? WHY THE HELL WERE YOU IN HERE TO BEGIN WITH?!?” I screamed at her, which in retrospect wasn’t the best idea I ever had, considering her five best friends were still there. But I didn’t know that they were there, let alone that they were all friends. Pinkie was backing into a corner, scared of me, and it looked like she was about to cry. I was about to start yelling some more when the others came up.
“what the hay is goin’ on here? What’re ya screamin’ about?” said Applejack.
“I’m screaming about the fact that this… this dumbass,” I said, pointing a hoof at Pinkie, causing her to flinch away some more, “decided it was a good idea to go through my shit! Specifically shit I had literally hidden. How she fucking found it, I don’t know, nor do I care, she had the bright fuckin’ idea to open up the fucking box, and her only excuse was that she didn’t know I didn’t want her to open it. My problem isn’t with the fact that she opened the box, it’s that she lacks the common sense to know she shouldn‘t have, or even alone be up here in the first place.” I said. I was trying as hard as I could not to scream anymore, but I was still pissed of to a degree I’d never been pissed of before.
“What’s in the box?” Twilight asked.
“I don’t know, all I know is that it’s what my dad had on him when he died. I wasn’t going to check it until tomorrow, but now that somepony opened it, I might as well do it now. Now I would appreciate it if you would all get the hell out of my house.” I said, and they all caught the hint, except for that damn pegasus. I swear, she’s more stubborn then my mom was.
“I still don’t think you should’ve treated her so bad.” she said.
“Look, I don’t have to explain jack shit to you, but because I have a feeling you wont leave me the hell alone until I do, I will. Think about it from my perspective for a moment, alright? I just moved to town, I literally hid this box in a trap door I found under my bed, so that nopony would find it while I was gone. When I found out there was gonna be a party for me at my place, I thought it was a good thing I put it there, that nopony would even go into my bedroom. So imagine how pissed off you would be if you were me, you walked into your bedroom, to find someone you just met not only in your room, but obviously going through your shit, specifically the shit you haven’t even seen yet. In fact you’re lucky I didn’t just fucking kick everyone out in the first place, cuz I don’t exactly like uninvited guests. You don’t have to agree with it, you just have to fuckin’ deal with it. Now get the hell out before I throw you out on your ass.” I said. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with dumb broads who couldn’t take a hint.
“I’d like to see you try!” she said, taking a fighting stance. I sighed, threw my dagger on my bed, and then jacked her right in the knee cap, which caused it to bend the wrong way with a sickening crack. “Aahhh, you broke my knee! What the hell?!” she screamed, with a mixture of pain and anger.
“I’m not in the mood to deal with this shit right now. And since I told you if you didn’t leave you were going to get hurt, along with the fact that you challenged me, you can’t press any charges that will stick. Now why don’t you limp your ass over to the hospital? I’m sure they need something to justify their wages.” I said, not really caring that she was hurt. Not my problem, so I’m not gonna do anything about it.
“you’re not even gonna help me get there?” she asked, shocked at what I said.
“Give me one good reason I should, and I’ll consider it.” I said, knowing there was nothing she could do that would phase me. I’ve gotten beatings before, it’s how I accumulated most of my scars, part of the reason I wore a turtle neck at all times.
“I’ll get Applejack to whoop your sorry flank!” she said, confident that would do it. I laughed.
“Well she can try, and even if she does, it’s nothing I haven’t been through before. Hell, I’d bet money I’ve had worse. Anything else?”
“I’ll make sure nopony ever sells you anything, ever again!”
“Who said I needed to acquire anything legally? Besides, your current situation is your own fault, so unless you plan on leaving that part out, that plans shit to begin with.” she began to panic, I could tell by the look in her eyes, it was a pleading look that just screamed “Help me!”, but I didn’t really care. Comes with the job.
“Please, just help me! I’ll do anything you want!” she said, obviously getting desperate. It was like one of the many steps of grief, I cant remember which one. I think It was three. Whatever number it was, it’s bargaining.
“And what can you do that I would possibly need? Cuz if your thinking I’ll help you in exchange for sex, I hate to burst your bubble, but it ain’t gonna happen.” this seemed to have been her plan, because she began to look more worried. Now don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice piece of flank, but what she’s asking for is a service, and unless you can provide me with money or an equal service, it’s not gonna happen. Besides, it probably would‘ve led to one of us wanting to start a relationship. In my line of business, that‘s something you want to avoid.
“Umm, shit…. Umm….” she was struggling. The adrenaline of the moment was beginning to wear off, as soon as it did, odds were she’d pass out from the pain, and that’s the last thing I needed.
“Alright, I can’t have you blacking out on my floor, so I’ll help you, but you owe me bug time for this, alright? I ask you for a favor, you better fucking help me or shit will get real bad, real fast, you got it?” I asked. I was being dead serious too. Had this one pony, I called in a favor and they wouldn’t do it, so next time I saw ‘em, well lets just say he’s seen better days and leave it at that, eh?
“Alright, whatever, just help me up damn it!” she said, holding out her good forehoof. I took it, then swung her up onto my back. When I walked out of the house she gave me directions to the hospital, usually in the form f pointing and saying “that way.”. It took a good two hours, but we made it there. Of course she was out an hour before, which is why it took another hour. When we got there, we were immediately greeted by a white unicorn with a pink mane.
“Hello, I’m nurse Redheart, what seems to be the…. Oh, I see. What did she do this time?” she asked, seeing the cyan pegasus’ leg bent the wrong way.
“Thought it was a good idea to start a fight after I told her to get the hell out of my house. Before you ask, yes, I broke her knee, she wouldn’t leave, I told her she’d get hurt if she didn’t. obviously she didn’t listen.” the nurse looked shocked at this, obviously never having seen an injury as a result of violence before.
“Oh, alright then. Right this way. I swear, sometimes I think we should give her her own room here.”
“Is she in here that often? I mean, I could tell she was dumb, but that dumb?” I asked, trying to make a joke out of it. The nurse didn’t find it very funny.
“now, I’m going to have to ask you a few question….. Wait a minute, you’re the stallion that just moved here!”
“why yes I am. Not even here for a day, and I’m already dragging somepony’s sorry flank to the E.R.”
“yeah, well everypony’s dragged her in here at least once.”
“Now, I have to ask this, but what’s her name? she wouldn’t tell me for some reason.”
“Oh, that’s strange, she usually want’s everyone to know who she is. Her name’s Rainbow Dash. She likes to brag about winning the best young fliers competition, but it gets old after a while. Anyway, I‘ll take it from here, thanks for bringing her in.” she said as we walked into a hospital room, using her magic to levitate Rainbow off of my back and onto a bed.
“No problem. I’ll just be heading home now.” I said, turning and walking away. I’d had enough of other ponies to last a few months, and was eager to get home. When I got outside, I decided to just say “fuck it” and fly home. When I walked inside, I found a letter had been put through the mail slot. It read
“Dear Nick,
I’m really really really sorry for opening up that box of your dads old stuff. And for going through it. And for being in your room without asking you. I can kinda understand why you were so mad at me. I don’t think I would’ve been so mad, but that’s because I’m just a really happy pony. Most of the time anyway. I hope you can forgive me, and to help you forgive me I wrote you this really nice letter!
Still kinda sad
Pinkie Pie”
I groaned. Maybe I had been too harsh on her. I decided I’d go talk to her about it tomorrow. That is unless some of Rainbows friends decided to confront me about why she’s in the hospital first. That oughta be interesting. I walked upstairs into my bedroom, gathered all the things that Pinkie had taken out of the box and put them back in, checking my hidey hole to see if anything else was missing. Everything was as it should be, so I slid the box back into the hole. I put my dagger under my pillow and went to sleep, expecting another dreamless night. Oh, how wrong I was.