All I can say about my first encounter with Equestrian royalty was that I was not prepared. True, you can hardly ever be, but this was for a different reason. After all, this princess I met was not like any of the other ponies. Hell, I don’t even think she was a pony. Yeah, she had the same basic features, right down to that strange mark on her flank. Speaking of which, I need to ask about that.
Where was I? Oh, right. Anyway, there is no way that she is a normal pony. Well, whatever passes for normal here, anyway. She was certainly punctual, I’ll give her that.
Justin pushed himself out of the bed. It was comfortable, but far too short for someone of his stature. As a result, his bare feet and half his legs below his knees had spent the entire night sticking over the end. He walked into the low door-frame and began to curse. He ducked down and walked down the stairs to the main hall of the library.
The books that had littered the floor and tables were gone. Every surface had been polished until it gleamed, even the ones that shouldn’t. Spike sat at one of these tables, eating a fried egg on toast. “Morning,” he said without looking up from his meal.
“Hey,” Justin replied. “Do you guys have any coffee?”
“I think so,” Spike replied. “Better ask Twilight, though, it’s hers.”
“Great. Where is she?”
“In the kitchen, Justin,” a voice said. Justin walked over and peered in to see what she was doing. Twilight Sparkle had a frying pan on the stove and a small bowl next to her. Whatever was in the pan was sizzling away nicely. “Coffee’s over there,” she yawned, pointing at a small jug on the counter. She lifted a spatula telekinetically and flipped over something in the pan. “Want some Prench Toast?”
“Prench Toast?” Justin asked, eyebrow raised.
“Oh, right, you probably don’t have that where you’re from.” Twilight moved a slice of the toast onto a plate and got started on another. “It’s good.”
Justin took the plate and stared at it. It looked the same. He took a sniff. It smelt the same. He took a tentative bite. It tasted the same. Somehow, in what was likely a universe completely separate to the one he came from, he was eating a piece of what was undeniably French Toast. Impossible? Maybe, but at that moment he didn’t really care.
He poured himself a cup of coffee and took his breakfast back out so he could eat with Spike. The table was so low he was forced to sit cross-legged on the ground, across from the small dragon. “Thanks for helping me set up the bed last night.”
“Hey, don’t mention it.” Spike swallowed the last of his breakfast and started picking at his teeth with a claw. “Besides, you helped with the heavy lifting.”
“True that,” the human replied, taking a sip from his cup.
“It’s nice to see you two getting along.” The female voice, serene and motherly, came from nowhere, causing Justin to spit his mouthful of coffee all over Spike. “Oh my.”
“Oh man!” Spike exclaimed angrily. “Now I need to take a bath!”
“Forgive me, Spike,” the mysterious voice said. “I didn’t mean to startle your guest.”
“I should hope so!” Justin turned around, more irritated than anything. What he saw made him pause.
It was a winged unicorn. Or perhaps it was a horned pegasus. Either way, it was much taller than any of the other ponies he had encountered so far, probably taller than he was. Its coat was the purest white, and its mane was like an aurora, a light show that never ceased. On its head was a golden crown or tiara, and around its neck was a beautiful bejeweled yoke made of the same material.
Twilight Sparkle poked her head out, spatula still in her telekinetic grip, all sleepiness gone. “Princess Celestia!” She dropped the cooking utensil and bowed down.
“Twilight Sparkle, please, you don’t have to bow. After all, you are my student.”
“Wait.” Justin pointed a finger at Twilight. “You’re the student of royalty?”
Princess Celestia raised a regal eyebrow. “You didn’t tell him?”
“It slipped my mind,” Twilight replied awkwardly. “Sorry Justin.”
“That’s okay. I know I’d forget if I was being taught by a member of the royal family,” he replied, sarcasm dripping from his words like honey.
The princess started chuckling. “Twilight Sparkle, I think you forgot something.”
“Huh?” She turned around and saw a plume of black smoke from the stove. “My breakfast!” She galloped back into the kitchen in an attempt to rescue her meal. Spike sighed and followed.
“I’ll help her out,” he said, the exasperation clear in his voice.
When both the dragon and unicorn had disappeared, Princess Celestia turned back to Justin, who was still sitting on the ground. “I believe introductions are in order. I am Princess Celestia.”
“Nice to meet you,” Justin said before nearly giving in to a facepalm. He recovered enough composure to give his own name. “I’m Justin.”
The princess raised an eyebrow and smiled. “I’ve never seen a creature like yourself before, which is saying something seeing how long I have lived.”
Justin decided that the matter of how long she had lived didn’t matter at that moment. “Well, I could say the same about you, your highness. Unicorns and pegasi are confined to myths in my world, but there is nothing anywhere about a unicorn with wings.”
Celestia snorted lightly. “I am not a unicorn with wings, Justin, but an alicorn. So my ponies are little more than myths and legends where you’re from?”
“Yeah,” Justin said, scratching the back of head awkwardly. “Same with dragons.”
“Hmm.” Celestia went silent, deep in thought for a moment. “For being around a group of mythical creatures you are doing admirably, I must say.”
Justin merely shrugged as though it wasn’t that big a deal. “Humans are very adaptable. The way I see it, I’m stuck here so I may as well make the best of it.”
“I’m sure Twilight Sparkle can find a way to send you back to your world,” Celestia replied serenely.
“I appreciate the offer but...” Justin bit his lip, not sure how to say what he had to. “I want to stay.”
“You want to stay?” Both the princess and the human turned to see Twilight standing in the doorway to the kitchen, looking shocked. “But... why?”
“My world is a mess,” Justin said. “Humanity has some real issues. Probably has something to do with starting at the bottom of the food chain and having to work our way up.”
“Working your way up?” Celestia was intrigued, to say the least.
“Only the smartest and strongest survived at first. They discovered how sticks and stones can crack skulls and cut through skin. From there we worked our way up. Next came metal swords, then machines capable of flinging boulders, then...” Justin took a sip of his coffee to prepare himself for what he was about to say. “Then we developed weapons that can annihilate cities. Weapons that can tear apart the very planet we live on.”
“But...” Twilight was aghast. “Why? Why would your people do that?”
“We started as hunter-gatherers. We have no natural weapons except for ingenuity. Eventually, though, the justification was ‘the one with the biggest stick wins,’ which is horrible, I know.”
“Hunter-gatherers?” Celestia asked. “Your people eat meat?”
“Err... yeah. We don’t have to, but if we hadn’t we wouldn’t have evolved as far as we have.”
“I saw you eat an apple pie yesterday! And you’re having Prench Toast!” Twilight Sparkle was completely lost. How could a creature eat both meat and plants?
“I’m guessing you gave my body a once-over when I was unconscious, right?” The mare nodded dumbly. “Did you look in my mouth?”
“Yes, but when we saw the sharp teeth we weren’t sure we wanted to look further.”
“If you had, you would’ve noticed the molars at the back.”
“Twilight Sparkle, do you remember your studies on the griffons?”
“Mainly carnivorous, but capable of eating berries and fruit if they need to,” she rattled off calmly, before comprehension began to dawn.
“You have griffons in this world too?” Justin asked, losing his original train of thought. “Next you’re gonna tell me there’s a pony that raises the sun.”
“Uhh, Justin, you’ve been talking to her for the last ten minutes.”
“What?” He turned to Celestia and looked at her skeptically. “Riiiiiight.” He shook his head. “Where was I?”
“You were telling us about your people,” Celestia reminded him calmly.
“Right.” Justin yawned, covering his mouth with his good hand. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything,” Twilight said, breathless at the idea of learning about an alien culture.
Celestia smiled warmly. “Calm down, Twilight Sparkle. You mustn't overwhelm your guest.”
“As long as I can ask a few questions myself,” Justin said.
“Of course,” Celestia replied calmly.
“So,” Justin asked, taking another sip, “where should I begin?”
It was about an hour after lunchtime when the princess had to leave. Justin had explained to her and Twilight all he could remember of world history, which admittedly wasn’t much, as well as politics and the general state of the globe. In return, Celestia and Twilight had explained to him many things about how Equestria worked. Twilight had been fascinated how a world could function without magic, while Justin was fascinated with a world that needed magic to function in any way.
The stories of the various conflicts that humanity had fought had shaken the unicorn, but the progress they had made in other fields was enough to convince her that humanity wasn’t all bad. Celestia was more than happy to let Justin stay under the proviso that he do nothing to disturb the peace, which he agreed to quickly. After all, he had no reason to cause any trouble.
“So, what are we gonna do now?”
Twilight looked at her stack of notes. “I think I have enough to study for the next week here,” she chuckled. “Maybe I could introduce you to one of my other friends.”
“Sounds good.” Justin stood up slowly, groaning. “I need to stretch my legs.”
“Spike!” Twilight called out. “We’re going to see Fluttershy!”
“Okay!” Spike called from the bathroom. “Make sure to be home in time for dinner!”
“Is he your assistant or your father?” Justin asked as they walked out.
“Oh hush you,” the unicorn retorted.
They both failed to notice the bush that hadn’t been there the night before. They also failed to notice the fake glasses it was somehow wearing.
Well, it wasn’t bad, what happened. A little odd, but perfectly manageable. And now we were off to meet another of Twilight’s friends. Can’t believe I forgot to ask about the tattoo things on their flanks, though. I mean, I was speaking to the oldest living being on this world! She would know everything! Oh well, I’ll just have to ask later, I suppose.