(Recommend you set the background for "Dark" as the colored font can be hard to read, I used silver for Haskill because it's the closest I could get to gray, gray should be read in a monotone voice)
When all else fails, when they overtake the garrison
You must try anything, even that which pales in comparison
To the enemies' might you must not show fright
Least their assumptions of your worthiness be, WRONG
Hi everypony, I'm Pinkie Pie, I bet your wondering where that nice old cheese-offering god went, huh? Weeeell, you see he...had to take a walk, uh huh, he took a walk and we partied and now he's all good and nice but somewhere else.
Now now, Miss Pie, we both now that's a fib, ehhh. Allow me to introduce myself, I am Haskill, assistant to the madgod, Lord Sheogorath. Our lord has been away for quite awhile now. Well, my lord I suppose. Pinkie Pie here is more of an unusually faithful employee. You see, it all started when...
1001 C.E. (Celestial Era)...or 1?7,&Q4,3@6 S.T. (Sheogorath's Time)...or 3.0052401337x10^64 A.D. (If you wanted to go by the Gregorian Calender, that is)
Pinkie Pie was sad. That wasn't a normal state for her, what was even worse was that she had no idea why, she should have been perfectly happy. She and her friends had just beaten Discord. They were partying in Canterlot, not like that gala though, they were REALLY partying this time, there was pie and candy and music and ponies dancing to the music and even the princesses were having a good time! Twilight's brother was there and even took the occasion to propose to princess Cadence! Pinkie had made sure she hadn't forgotten anypony and the party was perfect in every way, but it just wasn't right. There was a break in the excitement and she slipped away.
Pinkie was walking through the palace gardens alone and looking around with an air of calm that would have made her unrecognizable to anypony who knew her. [I'm not THAT hyper. Yes, you are. Now can you please stop interrupting?Okie dokie lokie.] She found the statue (or stone-ified form) of Discord and sighed.
"Oh Discord, why did you have to be such a meanie?" she asked the statue, "You were hilarious, you were wacky, you had the power of chocolate rain. In a different reality, I could have called you friend." She would never tell her friends this, but she really wished they could've just made him less chaos-y instead of just making him into stone. She was lost in her thoughts about what could've been when a voice interrupted her. It sounded like it was in her head, but not quite.
"Pinkie Pie, is that you?"
She answered "Yep, this is Pinkie Pie Mr. Head-Voice"
"Oh, Pinkie Pie, well that's a wonderful name, isn't it? Pinkie Pie, reminds me of dear old Fimmian, you wouldn't happen to like sweet-rolls would you? Of course you would!"
Pinkie smiled, whoever this stranger was, he knew about sweet-rolls and you couldn't know sweet-rolls without loving them, all the bad thoughts in her mind disappeared, no one mean could taste a sweet-roll and stay mean, and this stranger definitely had had sweet-rolls. How else could he know about them?
"Sweet rolls?! I love sweet rolls! Do you have any Mr. almost-in-my-head-but-not-quite-voice?"
"No Pinkie, I don't, but I can get you some, just follow the thoughts, the wonderful, inspired thoughts."
"Okay!" she replied. And so Pinkie let her mind and body wander as she walked through the palace gardens. There were all kinds of statues in here, they were so interesting, she wondered if the ponies got parties when they did whatever inspired other ponies to make statues of them. Or if, she gasped, maybe her and her friends could get statues of themselves! Then she could throw a statues-of-us-being-made party, a statues-of-us-being-done party, and a statues-of-us-being-open-to-the-public party! Three parties, now they HAD to get statues, or at least one, she set about looking for a good empty spot in the castle gardens where the statue(s) should go.
As she was walking through the less used parts of the garden she noticed something, the grass wasn't quite right here, Pinkie examined it closely, it was split. One side of each blade was yellow and the other was blue, as if somepony went through and separated the blue from the yellow, but they let the blue get all dark and kept the yellow light. So Pinkie did what any rationally-minded being would do, she decided to eat some. Not a lot, just a small amount so she could know what it tasted like. She put her head towards the ground and bit. She instantly recoiled at the taste, "Ewwwww, it's like confetti", she spat and then looked down. She had pulled up a patch of normal looking grass, but underneath it was a wooden surface. She used her hoof to clear away the rest of the phony grass. It was a secret door! She put her mouth around the handle and pulled with all of her might. The door swung open.
The voice spoke yet again, not in her head this time, but from down the stairs under the door, "Good job Pinkie Pie, you did it! Now come here and let me have a look at you."