The first thing Quinn felt when he came to was his inability to move his right arm. He still had his eyes shut, because he didn't want to see the horror that would surely await him when he opened them. My arm is broken, he thought. This was all a dream and the crash broke my arm. I'm going to have to chew it off and signal to the others. He tried moving his legs around, but he felt and heard them kicking in the water. The plane missed the island and landed in the ocean and I'm going to have to swim to the island with one broken arm.
When he opened his eyes, however, he realized that this was not the case at all. Instead, he found himself in an unfamiliar white room. There was bright florescent lighting all around. He was sitting in the middle of a large white bathtub. I see what's going on, he thought. I crashed but Colonel Farrel and the others rescued me and now I'm in the hospital, recovering. He discovered that his arm was in a bandage, which is why he couldn't move it. This makes more sense. It was sure nice of them to give me a bath. He looked at the water and discovered it was a bubble bath. I could've done without the bubbles, though.
Suddenly, an all-too-familiar pink figure jumped out of the water, wearing a snorkel.
"Hi Quinn!"
"AAAAAAA!"
"It took you long enough to recover!" said Pinkie Pie. "I thought you'd never wake up!"
"Okay," said Quinn, backing away, "now I'm not even going to question your existence anymore, because you know what? I think I died in the plane and you ponies are my eternal punishment."
"No, you're definitely alive!" laughed Pinkie. "Took you long enough to wake up, though. Of course, I can't blame you, because you walked into the Everfree Forest!"
"Ever... wha?"
"The ultimate death forest in Equestria! When we found you, you were crawling out on one broken arm, saying 'Help me!' So we not only bandaged up your arm, we also washed all your dirty clothes and gave you this bath!"
Suddenly, a thought came to Quinn's mind. He reached under the bubbles with his left arm and felt, immediately pulling it out as soon as he felt. "You removed my clothing???"
"Well, of course!" laughed Pinkie. "You can't take a bath with your clothes on, silly!"
"Give me back my clothes," said Quinn. "Now."
"Why? It's not like you have anything to cover up! Though I do wonder what that tiny thing between your legs is..."
Tiny thing? Quinn thought. Is it really that small? As he was thinking this, Rarity grabbed Pinkie with her magic and pulled her out of the tub.
"Pinkie!" she exclaimed. "You really shouldn't be asking this poor man about that!" Rarity then climbed into the tub herself. "Sorry about Pinkie, she never took sex ed when she was in school. Mind you, most of us have hair to cover up our... you know..."
The door opened behind Quinn and Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Applejack and Rainbow Dash came in.
"Oh, great, the gang's all here," said Quinn sarcastically. "So... go away."
"Nothin' doin', Quinn," said Applejack. "Last time you was alone, y' wander'd into th' Everfree Forest an' almos' got yerself killed."
"So from now on," said Fluttershy, "we're never going to leave you alone again!"
Great, what have I gotten myself into now? Quinn thought to himself as he tried to raise his right arm to flip the ponies off but instead got a major pain in that area as he realized that his right arm was broken.
"If this arm wasn't broken," said Quinn, "I'd be out of here and would already be trying to fix my plane."
"Stop being such a weiner, Quinn," said Rainbow Dash. Quinn turned his head really quickly.
"Who are you calling a weiner?"
"Everypony!" yelled Twilight. "Calm down!"
"First of all," said Quinn, "it's everybody, not everypony. Secondly, how am I supposed to be calm when the world I know and love is far away and I'm instead stuck with a bunch of ponies who can't keep their eyes off of my private parts! Thirdly, shut the fuck up or else I swear to god I will--"
Suddenly, there was an extremely bright light behind him. He turned around and standing there was a white pegasus-- or what is a unicorn?-- who was much taller, wore a crown, and had a long, flowing mane. Quinn looked around and noticed everybody else was bowing. Rainbow Dash signaled to him.
"What?" he said.
"Bow!" Rainbow Dash whispered.
"What? Am I supposed to bow or something?"
"Yes! Bow to the princess!"
"It's okay, Rainbow," interrupted the pegasus/unicorn. Everybody else stood back up. "Major Quinn Evans, I presume?"
"Yes," said Quinn. "Why is everyone bowing?"
"My name is Princess Celestia, and I would like to welcome you to Equestria."
"Oh! So you're a princess!" His head turned to Rainbow Dash. "Why didn't you say so?"
"Well, I thought you already knew!" said Dash, angrily. "She is wearing a crown, after all!"
"So?!" Quinn yelled. "She could've been dressing up for Halloween or something!"
"Stop fighting!" commanded the princess. Dead silence fell in the room.
"So how do you know my name?" asked Quinn, breaking the silence.
"Twilight wrote me about it," said Celestia.
"Wow," said Quinn. "Where I come from, royalty don't usually have the time to respond to all their fanmail, much less visit them in person."
"Actually, Twilight and I have been in mail contact for quite a long time," said the alicorn.
"Oh really?" said Quinn.
"But I'm not here to talk about me," said Celestia. "Quinn, while you're here we will get you anything you need."
"Great!" said Quinn, stepping out of the washtub. "Twilight, could you make a list?"
"Sure," said Twilight, grabbing a scroll and a pen with her magic.
"First of all, Princess," said Quinn, "if you expect me to treat you with the respect of calling you Princess, then you will please call me Major Evans." At this remark, Rainbow Dash facehoofed. "I'm no longer requesting if of the other ponies, but I am requesting it of you."
"I think that can be done," said Celestia, "Major Evans."
"That's more like it. Now! First of all, I'll need the area surrounding my plane to be sealed off so nobody can be let in. You getting this down, Twilight?" Twilight nodded and Quinn continued.
"I'll need a place to stay, including a bed big enough for me, a shower to clean me off, and plenty of food I can eat. I will also need some tools-- wrench, hammer, welder, pliers, the whole nine yards."
"Why will you need this?" asked the princess.
"So I can work on fixing up my plane. You know, my flying machine. Now, I will also need some extra changes of clothing--"
"I'll do it!" interrupted Rarity.
"O-kay," said Quinn. "Finally, I need every pony in this place to treat me with respect, no longer be afraid when I walk through the streets."
"I've already got the Mayor on it!" said Twilight. "She will make a speech about it later today."
"Good job, Twilight," said Quinn, who grabbed the list away from Twilight, rolled it up and gave it to Princess Celestia. "I trust you can accomodate me with all these things?"
"Yes," said the princess, smiling. "I just would like to make a request from you. There will be several-- how should I put it?-- questioning sessions where Twilight will ask you about how you got here and where you came from. Please comply with these by answering them."
"Sure," said Quinn. Mental note: Don't respond with my name, rank and age again, he thought.
"One more thing," said Princess Celestia.
"Anything," said Quinn, hopeful now that the ponies could send him back to Earth.
"Could you be clothed the next time I arrive?" asked Celestia. To this, Quinn glanced down, blushed, and quickly put his hands around his private parts to cover them up. "I don't think I can concentrate too well when I always have to look at that thing." The alicorn's horn lit up as another flash of light flooded the room and Princess Celestia was gone. A bit ticked, Quinn slammed the door shut.
"Everybody's a fucking critic," he said.