PIE: Patapon In Equestria

by Runa


Discord strikes forward

Kami stepped out of the portal, followed closely by his army. They were all carrying some things, mostly meat, and Luna was still looking a little shaken from her encounter with the science machine, but she was beginning to look a little better with her new blanket. Meden walked up to Kami.

“How did it go, Great One?” Kami smiled slightly.

“We got some useful things. Hatapon, please give her the blueprints.” Hatapon came up to Meden, and handed her the science machine blueprint.

“What is this?” Meden asked, confused.

“It is a blueprint. It tells how to construct an object. If you would get it started, along with a building to house it in, that would be appreciated.”

“But why does it need a building all to itself?” Kami sighed slightly.

“It seems that most Patapons can’t really stand the knowledge it gives. We had a bit of a close encounter. How have things gone in my absence?”

“It has only been about a minute, great one.” Kami looked startled.

“On the other side, it was a couple of hours. Well, it’s a good side effect, anyway.”

“I’ll just start the construction, great one,” Meden said. She then walked off and began ordering Patapons around. Kami turned to face his troops.

“Get the loot to where it belongs, and then rest for a bit.” The army dispersed, most going tiredly to the barracks.


Discord looked over his new army, muttering. His appearance had changed slightly. He had become more reptilian in appearance, and there were sores developing on his face. He looked at Durak with cold eyes.

“Get them ready to fight. I want to make something scream.”

“W-where will we go, sir?” Durak asked, trembling. Discord thought for a moment.

“I want to test you against something before I risk myself. Go attack that upstart Celestia. See if you can do something useful.”

“As y-you wish, sir,” Durak replied. As Durak walked away, Discord murmured.

“Perhaps I should abandon the Discons. They haven’t been any good so far, after all.” He watched his army march off, his features beginning to shift slightly.


Celestia looked out at the village that was literally growing out of the ground, the crystal budding and growing into what was needed. The newly Harmonized ponies were guiding the growth, channeling their minds into the ground and shaping it. Soon enough, there would be a village there.

More refugees were streaming in all the time. Some with military training ‘figured out’ how to make armor and weapons out of crystals in a similar fashion to how the village was being made. Really, Harmony was guiding them to the discovery. Celestia wondered how they had ever operated without Harmony guiding their destiny.

She tensed as she felt something wrong step on Harmonized ground. She quickly flew to the village, shouting.

“TO ARMS, MY PONIES! TO ARMS!” Instead of dissolving into chaos, the Harmonized ponies calmly took up whatever weapons they had and formed ranks. She then spotted the enemy on the horizon. She knew that the chaotic nature of the enemy meant that they would be weakened on Harmonic ground, but Harmony whispered that overkill was the best kind of kill. Harmony also whispered about how she could form crystal soldiers out of the ground temporarily, although it would draw upon the Harmonic energy of the land to sustain the soldiers.

Her troops grew hastily made and somewhat flimsy crystal blockades as the enemy came into fighting distance. They stood in ranks behind the barricades as the wooden things charged them. Celestia drew heavily on her magic as she shot a ray of heat at the wooden constructs. They began to burn and explode even as they crashed down upon the blockades. Spears punctured their thick skin, and began to corrode as the acidic mixture of blood and sap covered them. Many screamed as the acidic mixture dripped onto them.

The Discons soon began to lose momentum, but had almost broken the line. As they made one more push, Celestia decided that reinforcements were necessary. She called on the energy in the land, and parts of the crystal grew into the shape of ponies. The crystal constructs drew swords out of the ground and charged. The new troops crashed into the Discons, pushing them back a little. The Discons began to retreat. The ponies cheered as they gave chase. This was a mistake, as the acidic blood on the ground made them scream as it ate through their hooves.

“Stop!” Celestia ordered slightly redundantly. She dismissed the crystalline troops, and they sank back into the land.

“Get everypony treated,” she ordered. “I won’t let any more ponies die than necessary.” The few unwounded began to bring their comrades into the newly finished buildings to be treated. Most of the injuries were due to the acid blood. Celestia asked Harmony one thing.

“Is there anyone who can help us in battle?”


Discord tapped a talon against his throne impatiently. It stopped when Durak reported back.

“WHAT!?!?” he screamed aloud. Durak knelt there, shivering. “YOU ARE ALL USELESS!” Discord raved. A pustule on his forehead popped to reveal a slitted eye, and his tail began to grow small barbs on it. As he got up, he used this new trait to great effect by smacking Durak with enough force to crack his wooden shell. Durak whirled through the air and crashed to the ground, skidding a little. He laid there motionless, and Discord felt his connection with the Discon vanish. Discord’s rage was not sated, however. He snapped his fingers, blowing up the rest of his servants.

“I need to start all over again. I shouldn’t have based them off of Patapons.” As he raved, his horns grew slightly. He sat on his throne and began thinking of ideas for new servants. He didn’t notice the seemingly dead Durak dragging himself away across the ground. Durak grinned despite the pain he was in. It had taken a lot of pain and effort to do so, but he had severed his mind from Discord’s. Durak had to fight the urge to laugh. He was finally free.