Chapter 7 – Failure
Bella could hardly stand still as she waited outside Sugarcube Corner. The big, frosting-covered sweetshop loomed behind her, emanating all kinds of enticing smells. She wished she had gone inside and bought something right when she arrived, but it was too late now. Silver would be walking by on her way home any minute, and Bella didn't dare miss her while inside buying treats.
Her stomach growled and she fidgeted. Ponies walked by constantly, sometimes glancing at her, but none of them were Silver.
Two mares walked past her into the shop, arguing loudly and laughing – an earth pony with a big hat and a blue pegasus. Bella knew she'd seen them around Ponyville before, but she couldn't quite remember their names. She knew they were important, though. They were friends with the Princess.
Bella scanned the street again, her mind returning once more to Silver. Mom was right. I'm sure if I could talk to her and apologize, we could work this out, and then everything will be back to normal. The tense, aching muscles of her legs begged for motion and action. Despite standing still, she was breathing heavy. And I really need everything to be normal again!
Finally, Silver Spoon walked around the corner. Silver Platter walked closely at her side, shopping bags strapped to his back.
Bella winced. She couldn't talk to Silver with him around.
As they came near, Silver looked up at Bella with a glimmer in her eyes, but Silver Platter scowled at Bella. He stomped his hoof next to Silver, making her fall back in line with him instantly.
She studiously looked down and away from Bella.
It felt like an ocean tide was washing Bella toward Silver, as if she had to struggle to hold onto the ground, or she'd be swept along with it. But she had to resist. She couldn't do anything right now. She could never risk Silver Platter finding out about their relationship – there was no telling what he might do to Silver if he found out.
Bella watched them as they walked by, and she kept watching as they slowly disappeared down the street. She kept watching, even after they were totally gone. If only I could just talk to her! Sighing and shaking her head, she started walking.
She didn't walk fast, merely stumbling along, and she didn't give any thought to where she was going. She didn't look up. Her legs needed to move, so she walked.
Why can't things go back to normal? Bella plodded on. Why did everything get so complicated? She knew why, of course. She stomped her next few steps viciously. Goddess, I'm stupid. That thought stuck with her, reverberating as she trudged on and on.
She must have turned a dozen corners by now, choosing at random, but when she looked up, Silver Spoon's palatial house loomed close ahead.
Shaking her head, Bella stopped in her tracks. How did I get here of all places? She knew, of course. It was the one place she wanted to go and the one place she couldn't be.
It was all unfair – she'd never meant for any of this to happen. She kicked a pebble in the road, sending it skittering away, then resolutely turned away from Silver's house.
She marched down the broad street, no longer aimless and wandering, but still without any destination in mind. Still, she strode away from Silver's house as if she was going somewhere important, as if she had a reason for what she was doing.
If only I did.
That would be such a comfort, having a reason and a purpose, having a plan to make things better. But could she? Will Silver take me back? I know she doesn't think—
Bella stopped in her tracks. She'd nearly bumped into Lickety Split on his way out of his mom's little ice cream shop. Now, all her frustration about the unfairness of the world had a target.
“Oh.” He backed up, rubbing the back of his neck. “Hi, Bella.”
Her teeth ground against each other. She couldn't bear the tension shooting up her neck. “I need to talk to you!”
His eyes went a little wider, and his mouth gaped. “I... I've got to go do some—”
“No! You stay right there!”
Lickety cringed away, but his hooves stayed planted.
“I'm pregnant!”
His pupils shrank down, and he stumbled back. His lips moved, but he didn't say anything.
The silence only enraged Bella more. “What? Don't you have anything to say? Aren't you going to do anything?” She stamped both front hooves. Her eyes were getting blurry. “Aren't you going to take responsibility?”
That seemed to click something inside him. He blinked and straightened up. “Oh, uh ... right. Well, if you need help getting rid of it, I could totally cover you for the bill.”
It made her sick. “Ugh, no! I've had more than enough of you covering me already!”
“Then what do you want?” His eyes shot open wide. “You're not going to keep it, are you?”
Bella looked away, biting her lip, but her eyes still stung on the side facing Lickety. “I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet.” I should have put more thought into it by now...
“Well then get rid of it!” He waved a hoof at her belly. “It's just a wad of goo right now. Get it out before it ruins your life. You're too young!”
She fell back a little. Just a wad of goo? It didn't feel right. Suddenly, she felt like she could feel the little thing inside her – her little baby colt growing. “You... You don't know what the hell you're talking about! You're just a dumb ice cream seller colt who lets his dick make all the decisions for him!”
“What?”
“And now you're trying to get me to kill your son before he's even born, because you're too lazy to do anything about it!”
“And what do you think I'm going to do about it, you stupid slut? Take care of your babies?” He snorted. “Hell no! You got what you deserved!”
“Ugh! How could you say—”
Lickety turned and walked away. His legs stepped a little too quickly and he glanced over his shoulder as he fled.
Bella stood and stared, determined to hold back her tears. She stood long after he'd disappeared around a corner. Screw him! I'm keeping my baby. But her anger could only carry her so far. Maybe he's right. Maybe I should get rid of it...
She stood there a long time, thinking in circles as ponies flowed around her in the street as if she was a rock in a stream. Eventually, though, she knew the one thought all the other ones were circling around: There's only one thing that can fix this.
⁂
Bella crept under the hedge as quietly as she could, struggling with the pokey holly leaves. She couldn't afford to make a sound – it was getting dark already, but if anypony looked in the back yard they would be able to see her.
She shuffled forward a bit more, freeing herself from the dark green bushes and onto the polished stone walkway that wound its way through the garden. Even though every bit of her was straining to get to Silver as soon as possible, she had to take it slowly and carefully to keep her hooves from clip-clopping on the hard stone. If Silver Platter heard her in his back yard, this would all backfire.
The topiaries and shadowy trees gave her plenty of cover on her way to the other corner of the mansion. Just like old times. As she neared Silver's window, she made sure to pick the leaves out of her tail and straighten her mane. This would be an important conversation, so she needed to look her very best.
Finally, she made it to the far corner of the house. Silver's light was shining, making her curtains glow. It was a good sign.
Bella picked a cold pebble from next to the koi pond. It seemed nostalgic now. Just like she had so many times before, she tossed the pebble at Silver's window on the second floor. She could hear the little pip when it hit.
She waited. Around her, crickets began to chirp and the post-sunset sky darkened. She shivered. It was chilly out tonight, and now that she stood still, she felt it.
Usually Silver didn't take this long. Bella threw another pebble, sending the koi scattering away. Again, no response came.
She had to use five more pebbles before the window finally opened.
Silver Spoon's face poked out through the curtains. She stared down at Bella, frowning. “What?”
She's not in a good mood. Bella bit her lip. But it's too late to back down now. “Look, I'm really sorry, Spoony.” She pawed at the ground. “I was really messed up on drugs, and, well ... I was really emotional after I found out about my mom. I was feeling really betrayed.”
Silver's frown remained firmly in place.
“And I want you to know – none of it meant anything. It wasn't emotional. It was just, you know, casual. I was only trying to mess with my traitor of a mom.” Bella looked down at the ground, then back up at the window. “It doesn't have to change anything between us.”
Still, Silver didn't say anything.
It's not working! She had to do something to get Silver back. There had to be a way! Time to bring out the secret weapon... Bella turned to the side, stretching to flex her long, supple legs. She arched her back down to show off her flank better. “I've missed you, Spoony. Missed you touching me. Won't you take me back?”
“Ugh, Bella!” Tears ran down Silver's cheeks. “Don't embarrass yourself!”
Feeling heat in her cheeks despite the chill, Bella stood up straight and tucked her tail low. “Sorry... But will you?”
“No.” Silver wiped some of the tears from her eyes. “No, I won't.”
“Spoony! But I'm sorry! I'll do anything!”
“You don't get it, Bella. You don't get it at all! I don't mean anything to you.” Silver turned, and the window shut a moment later. The curtains closed and the light turned off.
Silver was gone. For good.
Bella hung her head low and walked away. The walk home seemed to take ages longer than it normally did, one slow step at a time.
A cold night breeze began drifting in from the north, wafting through Bella's mane and sending chills down her back. The streets of Ponyville slept, dark and empty.
Only one thought ran through her head: Spoony is gone. Somehow, though, it always skimmed the surface of her mind, never sinking in. It was only words, three silly words; the meaning of the words refused to take root.
Her heart felt it, though. This wasn't the agony of the breakup, and it wasn't the shared pain of seeing Silver back with Diamond Tiara. This was the cold emptiness of a heart that knew what her mind couldn't accept: Spoony is gone.
And she needed Silver. She needed somepony to talk to about her baby. The clock was ticking, she knew, but she wasn't any closer to making a choice about it. Spoony would know what I should do.
She didn't feel like going home. Nothing there would bring Silver back. But where else would she go? What else would she do?
⁂
Her mom and dad were shouting at each other. Bella could hear it through the front door.
Lemon's voice drowned out Arpeggio's. “The kids need to have a—”
They both went silent the moment Bella opened the door.
She smiled at them awkwardly, but they could probably see right through it. “Oh, hi Dad. You're home already?”
Arpeggio nodded. “How are you doing, Bella?”
Her fake smile stretched wider. “Everything's fine.”
“There, you see?” He grinned at his wife. “Nothing to worry about.”
Lemon stared at Bella. She wasn't fooled by the smile, but she stayed quiet as Bella shuffled past them and darted up the stairs.
When she made it to the top, Ruby Sheen's door opened. He stepped out, blocking her path down the hall to her room.
“Oh, uh... Hi, Ruby.” Bella edged toward the far side of the hallway.
He matched her move, still blocking the way. He reeked with the smell of locoweed. “I knew you were home when Mom and Dad stopped yelling at each other.” He laughed, but it broke down to a cough at the end.
Bella looked away. “Yeah.”
“Hey, Bells.” He walked up to her, coming strangely close. The acrid smell burned in her nose. “It looks like you've had a pretty hard day.”
“Yeah. It was pretty awful. Silver broke up with me, and she won't take me back.” Again, she felt like she could feel the foal inside her, even though that was impossible this early. “And ... other stuff.” She tried to edge past him again. All she wanted was to lie in bed and cry.
He touched her with a hoof, running it down her neck and across her chest. “Want some company, then?”
“Ew! No!” She batted the hoof away and jumped backward. “No way!”
Ruby stepped closer. “It's fine. You can actually still do it when you're pregnant. It won't hurt the foal. And besides, you're going to abort it anyway, right?” He reached a hoof toward her again. “And you must be lonely without Silver Spoon.”
“No! You're my brother!” Bella shoved his hoof away.
“Adopted brother.” He rolled his eyes. “It's no big deal. We could still have a good time.”
Bella grimaced. It disgusted her to even think about it. “No!” She rushed past him, pushing him out of the way. As soon as she was inside her room, she slammed the door and locked it.
A moment later, Ruby's voice came through the door. “Sorry about that, I guess. You can't blame a colt for trying, can you?”
Bella turned and looked at the door. Her stomach churned.
“So, do you want to hit the club this weekend? They're having a big thing Saturday... you can have some more smack if you want.”
Bella's eyes went wide. He thinks I'll have sex with him if I'm on drugs! Her mouth dropped open. She couldn't speak. She knew Ruby had his faults, but she'd never seen him like this before.
She stumbled back and collapsed onto her bed. Everywhere she turned, her life was unraveling. Nothing was safe and nothing was certain. Even her family was collapsing! The room spun around her, a hurricane of dark, bare walls closing in on her and crushing her spirit at every turn.
After a moment, Ruby's hoofsteps retreated down the hallway. His screaming music followed soon after.
Bella flopped over in her bed. It had been a hard day, and Ruby hadn't made it any better. Everything was falling to pieces. Silver was gone, her family was tearing itself apart, her art was ripped from the walls, and even her own body was against her, growing a foal she wasn't ready for. Everything was spinning out of control.
She covered her head with a pillow, trying to block out Ruby's music blaring through the wall. Sleep wouldn't come easy tonight, she knew. The music thudded and screeched, pounding away at her, tearing at her soul. It seemed to revel in her misery.
Bella moaned. Some relentless, heavy weight pushed her down into the bed, intent on destroying her one little piece at a time ... and there was no way out.