"Snails, my good fellow, we are stallions now!"
The statement came from Snipsy Snap Fields, the best friend of Snailsquirm Carrot, as the two teenaged colts leaned against a fence by a rural Ponyville lane. Snips delivered this pronouncement portentiously, as if it were a Royal Proclamation, handed down from the height of the three longer months which the blue-coated and wildly tufted, orange-maned Unicorn had spent incarnate upon the Earth.
Snails regarded his friend from his full two heads of superior height. He was close to Snips' physical opposite, being tall and lanky where his friend was short and stocky; Snails was developing a certain agility and grace of motion, while Snips had started to fill out with powerful muscles, beginning to look quite masculine despite his lack of stature. Snails could see why Snips was starting to feel like a stallion.
Snails did not feel like a stallion at all. This was not entirely due to his three months of lesser age, but rather to something else in which Snails was Snips' opposite. This was something Snails had started suspecting about two years ago, and which he did not at all feel comfortable discussing with his friend ... because he feared that, if he did, he would lose that friend.
It sometimes bothered him that he had to keep a secret from somepony he'd known since they were little colts together. But that was the way life was, sometimes. Snails knew that he did not yet have much understanding of life, but he knew a lot about keeping secrets. That was his nature, and it was one reason why he sometimes dreamed of a life on the stage, where disguises and illusions were completely normal.
"How so, my friend?" asked Snails, concealing his internal misgivings.
"Well, I became a stallion last week, with the more-than-capable assistance of a young mare, smitten by my charms," Snips said proudly.
The information shook Snails slightly, though he did not show it. It was a change that Snails had expected, but one which he knew would further widen the growing gap between himself and his best friend. Life was becoming more complicated than it had been when they were still small colts, and he suspected it was only going to become more complicated still.
"Wait," asked Snails, "you mean that you ...?" He could not quite bear to finish the question.
"I got to third base," Snips said proudly. "Behind the big top. With an acrobatic lady."
"Oh," said Snails, blinking. It was not quite what Snips' manner had promised, but it was more than Snails had expected, and the very limitation of the claim meant that it was more likely to be true. "For real?" he asked, hoping that the question didn't sound as lame to Snips as it felt to himself.
Fortunately, Snips was not very sensitive to the tone of his listeners when he was in this sort of mood. It was, in fact, the main flaw Snails knew Snips would have to conquer if he ever hoped to be a successful show-stallion. Even when working with puppets, one must pay attention to one's audience. Snails knew this from one he considered a very successful show-pony indeed.
"Yep," replied Snips, smugly. "I will not deign to sully the lady's name, but she was quite acrobatic. And quite willing to engage in some auricular action with yours truly!"
"What?" asked Snails.
"Auricular action," explained Snips. "She had a very talented tongue." He leered and winked at Snails.
This disturbed Snails in more ways than Snips might have expected, but Snails remained focused on the point which had really bothered him. "You mean she licked your ear a lot?" Snails had heard that this was not uncommon between courting couples, though his own knowledge of sparking was very much second-hand and theoretical.
"Huh?" said Snips. "No, I mean that she used her mouth a lot. She kissed me ... and not just on my mouth, either!" he added breathlessly.
"But 'auricular' means 'of the ear,'" Snails pointed out. He knew this because he had heard it from the same showpony who had explained the importance of paying attention to others while performing. She had said something about singing songs for the 'auricular enjoyment' of her audience, and while she was indeed Great and Powerful, he doubted that even Trixie could induce the sensation of taste in other Ponies by singing songs to them.
"Nonsense," insisted Snips. "I'm sure it means 'mouth.' Or maybe 'tongue.'" He grinned widely. "Because she could do things with her tongue that ..." He began to describe the acrobat's actions in greater details.
Snails blushed, and tried not to think too hard about what he was hearing. There were aspects of life about which he preferred to remain innocent, of which he strongly suspected that he was not going to remain innocent for very much longer. Besides, the consequences of even thinking about such things might be embarrassing ... he felt something embarrasing happen, and shifted his stance uncomfortably, trying to put his legs together in such a way as to block his friend's view of certain parts ...
No such luck. There were disadvantages to hanging out with someone signficantly shorter than oneself.
"Hah," laughed Snips. "You should get a look at yourself, buddy. You're having a certain physi ... fizzy ... heh, you're totally showing."
Snails was well aware of the fact. Certain aspects of Snips' story had aroused him, and he had suffered the usual adolescent-colt reaction to such arousal. He had unsheathed. He was terribly-embarrassed to have this happen in front of Snips, though the one good thing about the situation. Snips was the only Pony here on this lane, and this wasn't the first time that this had happened to Snails in the presence of his best friend.
The lanky Unicorn blushed even more hotly. He cast his gaze around and sat on a large rock, covering the rock with his hips behind it, and thus completely concealing the underside of his hindquarters from view.
Snips laughed uproariously. "Whoa, Snails, you really like that rock, huh? If you keep mounting it, you're going to have to marry it, you know that?"
Snails became horribly aware of what his position resembled. To his surprise, he realized that it was possible to be even more embarrassed. He closed his eyes and curled around the rock in utter mortification. Stupid body, he thought. Won't do anything I want, does everything I don't want. I miss being small. Why do I have to grow up like this?
He tried to look on the bright side. At least I can't get any more embarrassed than this.
"Hey, Snails, I was just teasing," said Snips, his voice suddenly sympathetic. "Don't take it so bad. You'll become a stallion that way too, someday."
There was a familiar-sounding buzz in the background. Oh, no, thought Snails. I don't want her to see me like this. Then a happier thought occurred to him. Though it might just be --
"Speaking of which," added Snips, "Your fillyfriend's coming, so I'd unwrap from that rock."
Snails' head jerked up, and he craned his long neck around.
It was Scootaloo, coming fast up the lane on her skateboard, towing a small two-wheeled cart behind her on the end of a rope, her stunted wings whirring so rapidly as to be all but invisible. In the cart were Apple Bloom ... and Sweetie Belle.
"We're just friends," Snails said. This was true; also, he didn't like the thought of Snips having dirty thoughts about Sweetie. They really were friends, and Sweetie was special -- in a class by herself. Sweetie knew things about Snails that Snails revealed to only a very select circle, in whose arc not even Snips was included.
Snips regarded him dubiously. "A likely story," he commented.
"No, for real," insisted Snails. "Also ..." he cast his mind about desperately for something to say ... "She's really young." Sweetie Belle was fourteen going on fifteen, thus over a year his junior. And she was in some ways the most fillyish of the Cutie Mark Crusaders; she tended to impress adults as even younger than she was in truth.
Any further interruption was interrupted by the arrival of the filly under discussion, along with her two best friends.
Scootaloo's wings slowed to a stop, and Apple Bloom used her hoofbrake. The cart hadn't originally had a hoofbrake, but Apple Bloom had equipped it with one, for just this purpose. Apple Bloom was good at making things.
Snails knew this because Apple Bloom had told him. She was also one of his better friends, though she didn't know as much about him as did Sweetie Belle.
"Hi, Snails!" said Sweetie Belle, smiling warmly at him. Then she looked at Snails with some puzzlement. "Snails, why are you ..." her voice trailed off, and she colored slightly.
"Humping a rock?" Scootaloo suggested helpfully. Tact was not the specialty of the young Pegasus.
Snips snickered.
Apple Bloom screwed up her face strangely, and made a sound suspiciously like a choked-off giggle. She was nice, but not very good at concealing her emotions.
Snails wondered if a fortunate lightning bolt would end his ordeal. When it didn't, he realized that some sort of a reply was required.
"Oh ..." he said with what he hoped was appropriate nonchalance. "Silly fillies!" He stood up, aided in this that the original cause of his embarrassment had now wilted in shame and returned to its normal dwelling place. "I was just tired out ... you know, from all the work I put in on Aunt Golden's farm? ... and this rock looked so comfy that I lay down on it to rest for a while." He stretched, flexing his wiry muscles in what he hoped was a masculine yet entirely innocent manner. "I'm rested now!" he declared. "Yep, full of vim and vigor, that's me!"
"Fulla something," agreed Scootaloo.
Apple Bloom chose that moment to wipe her face with her hoof, a gesture which had the effect of blocking her visage from Snails' view. She continued to make odd choking noises.
Sweetie stared at him for a moment longer, blushed brighter, and then suddenly began staring at one of the fence-posts, which was not in a direct line of sight to her male friend. "Snails," she said, "Rarity's taking me to the usual place this evening, kind of a sisters thing, but if any other ponies who were friends of both of us were interested we'd both be fine if they came along, we can talk about this later."
Scootaloo snorted.
Apple Bloom finally finished her choking fit, put her hoof down and looked at the small white Unicorn filly in some surprise. "Sweetie," she began, "Ah don't think Snails would be interested in --"
"You're right!" said Sweetie hastily, glancing around and . "Silly of me. Maybe some other pony might want to come some other evening," she added. "Maybe as a sort of celebration ..."
"I'm sure my best buddy Snails wouldn't be interested in any filly stuff," interjected Snips. "We are, after all, stallions now. Snails just turned sixteen, you know."
"Oh, really?" commented Sweetie Belle in amazement, her voice even more full than usual of her trademarked young innocence. "Wow, you're all ... grown up ... now." Her voice trailed off uncertainly, as if she had suddenly realized she'd said something she hadn't quite thought out before she'd opened her mouth.
Apple Bloom started coughing again, so violently that she lowered her face below the sides of the cart, making her expression invisible to Snails.
Scootaloo's expression was somewhere between amusement and revulsion.
Snails didn't dislike Scootaloo -- he liked all the Cutie Mark Crusaders -- but he liked her the least of the trio. She could be a bit rough and inconsiderate.
"Yep," said Snails, his confidence starting to return, though he didn't understand why the Crusaders kept looking at him so strangely. "I'm an adult now!" His fundamental honesty forced him to add, "Well, almost."
"Yeah," said Scootaloo. "We can all see that." There was an oddlly-mischievous expression on her cute, fine-boned little face.
"Ah think we should head back to the clubhouse now," said Apple Bloom, with a certain curious insistence. "We have that project to complete, remember?"
"Proj ..." began Sweetie Belle, and then a look of realization flashed from her eyes. "Oh, right, that project!"
"Yeah," affirmed Apple Bloom. "The project for fillies which has nothing to do with colts. Let's go."
There was a curious tone in her voice, which Snails recognized. Apple Bloom was a better liar than her older sister, but that wasn't saying much.
"Wait," said Scootaloo, snickering. "I want to talk to Snails some more about his stallionhood ..."
A really dirty look from both of the other Crusaders silenced her.
"Yes," said Snips. "You little fillies run along and play. Snails and I have some stallionly things to go do. Together. With no fillies around."
All three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders looked at one another in amazement, as if Snips had said something beyond belief. For no obvious reason, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo started laughing uncontrollably, and even Sweetie Belle let out a clear, almost musical giggle. Some seconds passed before they regained their self-control.
"Well," said Apple Bloom, "Then we'll let you, um, stallions ..."
"Get right to it?" suggested Scootaloo.
Again she got dirty looks from the other two Crusaders.
"What? You were all thinking it," pointed out Scootaloo. Her wings resumed whirring.
The sound of Sweetie Belle's protest, "I was not thinking it!" was the last the two colts heard of the Cutie Mark Crusaders that day, as they disappeared down the lane.
Snails felt relieved. The thoughts that Snips' revelation had triggered in him had been ones which he never could have confided to anypony save Sweetie Belle, and certainly not in front of Snips, or Sweetie's fellow Crusaders. He was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't get to go to the Spa this evening with Sweetie and Rarity, but he knew he'd get another chance later.
Sweetie and Rarity were two of the only Ponies he could talk to about his most private concerns. Certainly he couldn't talk to Snips about this, and he wasn't sure how Apple Bloom would take them. Scootaloo was right out of the question: she'd just laugh at him, though he knew that she'd keep it secret if he asked her in advance.
He was very glad that Sweetie hadn't seen the effects that his dirty thoughts had triggered in him. The physical reaction was one that Snails found embarrassing for reasons beyond those of a normal teenaged colt -- but then, Snails knew, in that way he was very far from normal. Sweetie was shy around colts, and rather innocent -- she would have been embarrassed to see that as well.
Snips had saved him from being teased about hugging the rock.
"Thanks, pal," Snails said to Snips. "That was some mighty quick thinking there, helping me out in a tight spot. Your idea that we had something special planned worked really well."
"No problem, Snailsy," replied Snips. "Though I actually do have something special planned, to celebrate your attainment of stallionhood."
"Oh, really?" Snails smiled. "What do you want to do?"
"That ... is a surprise," said Snips. "And yeah, I had to get those Crusaders outta here, fast."
"At least they didn't see the worst of it," said Snails, in some relief.
"Well ... that kind of relates to why I had to get them outta here, fast." Snips explained. "You see ..." his lips pursed, as if he were trying to find just the right way to word this.
"See what?" asked Snails.
"Well ... yeah, it is sort of about what they saw ..."
"What?" asked Snails in some alarm.
Snips said it bluntly.
"Your tip was still showing."
Stallions don't faint. So Snails didn't.
Glittershell, on the other hand, really wanted to.