As Pinkie walked out of the disgustingly crystalline castle, the door slamming behind her, she couldn't help but feel slightly dejected and more than a little betrayed. Why hadn't her new lemon friend talked for Twilight. Was she crazy? Or maybe she was just really tired. Who could say?
"Phew.", Pinkie heard the lemon say as they walked away from Twilight's home. "Sure am glad to be out of there."
"So you can talk!", Pinkie said angrily. "And here I was thinking I was crazy."
"Well, you are crazy.", The lemon said. "But that has nothing to do with why I wouldn't talk to your friend."
"Hey, yeah, what the heck was that all about? You made me look like a real dummy in there."
"Well, the answer to that question is way too complicated for you to understand. Honestly, I have trouble understanding it myself. But to put it simply, I, uhh. . . I got stage fright."
"Lemons don't get stage fright."
"Lemons don't talk either. Yet here I am, lemony as anylemon could ever be."
". . . Did you just say any lemon like it was one word?"
"Don't worry about it. Instead, worry about finding some more of your friends, so you can tell them what I told you."
"Hmmm. . . Oh, I know!", Pinkie shouted in excitement. "Rarity told me that she and Fluttershy were going to have tea, at Fluttershy's cottage today. If we head over there, we can kill two birds with one stone."
"Why would you want to kill two innocent little birdies?", the lemon questioned in horror. "What did they ever do to you?"
". . .They know what they did.", Pinkie stated grimly as she made her way to Fluttershy's cottage.
"So this is the place, huh?", the lemon questioned as they arrived at their destination. "It's kinda dumpy, isn't it?"
"Yeah, well, that's Fluttershy's place. With all the animals she keeps around here, I'm surprised it's not dirtier."
"Animals, you say?" the lemon said, beginning to quiver. "As in, vegetarian animals? The kind that like to eat cute, little lemons like me?"
"Don't worry," Pinkie said, trying to comfort her new lemon friend. "I'll be sure not to let any of 'em take a bite out of you."
"You better."
Pinkie made her way to Fluttershy's front door. Now that she got a good look at the place, it was kinda dumpy. But seeing as she lived in an apartment over a candy store, she wasn't one to judge. So she knocked.
"Heeeeeeeyyyyyy, Fluuuuuuuutterrrshyyyyyyyyy! I have a thing to tell you!" As with Twilight's house, Pinkie was knocking on Fluttershy's door as hard as she could. Unlike at Twilight's house though, the door was opened almost immediately. By one Angel Bunny. The sound of collapsing bones was sickening.
"Oh my god, I think you killed it."
"Don't worry about it.", Pinkie said, sliding the bunny's corpse nonchalantly into a bush. "This is like, the fifth bunny I've killed. She's got tons of 'em. Look, here's a replacement now."
And as Angel Bunny the sixth made his way into the cottage, so did Pinkie and the lemon. They couldn't see Fluttershy anywhere, but Discord and Rarity were enjoying their tea in a table set up in the center of the room.
"Hey, Rarity."
"Oh, hello, Pinkie Pie. What brings you over here? You said wouldn't be able to join us for tea today."
"Yeah, I didn't think I'd be able to.", Pinkie said. "And actually, I still can't. I came to tell you and Fluttershy something really major crazy important."
"And what, pray tell, would that be?" Rarity questioned.
"The secret to eternal happiness, of course."
"And where," Discord began. "would you get information like that?"
"From a talking lemon that fell from the sky."
"Pinkie, darling? Is this another one of your jokes?"
"No, I'm totally serious. Do you wanna hear it or not?"
"I'm afraid I'd rather pass." Rarity said. "I'm not terribly sure how reliable information obtained from a, er, talking lemon is."
"I'd listen to her, little miss Pie.", Discord said. "Back in my college days, I dated my fair share of lemons, and they were all pretty dishonest, some dangerously so. . . I miss my other kidneys."
"Well, this one seems honest enough.", Pinkie said with confidence.
"If you say so. I still don't want to hear whatever it has to say though. If you wanna tell Flutter-butter though, I could take you to her."
"Where is she."
"Funny enough, she went to Sugar Cube Corner, to see if you hadn't changed your mind about our little tea party."
"Really? Then I can probably find her by myself. Thanks for the offer, though."
"Oh, of course. Oh, umm, Rarara?", Discord questioned.
"Please don't call me that.", Rarity responded impatiently
"Would you be a lamb, and fetch my top hat from upstairs. I just can't have tea without my top hat."
"Well it just wouldn't be a tea party without fancy dress wear, now would it? Which reminds me, I have a dress that would be perfect for this little soiree we're having. I'll be right back!"
Rarity ran out the door, fashion and form the only things on her mind. Discord let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank goodness. Now, I'm going to ask again: do you want me to take you to Butternut?"
"Fluttershy."
"Look, I'm taking you to her, alright? I can't take another moment in this place, alone with that pompous, insufferable unicorn. It's always fashion this, dresses that, city life and high society. Why does she even live in Ponyville?"
"Yeah, she's kinda a bitch, isn't she?", Pinkie asked matter-of-factly.
"Whoa, hey!", Discord said, surprised at Pinkie's language. "I wouldn't say that."
"I would. And I did. So there."
"Wow. Soooo. . . you wanna go see her or what?"
Discord had opted to walk most of the way to Sugar Cube Corner, fearful that they might run into Rarity if they just instantly teleported into town. But they had finally arrived, just in time to see Fluttershy stepping out of the store.
"Hey! Flutter-nut! I mean, Fluttershy!", Pinkie shouted at her shy, sensitive friend.
"Oh, um, hi, Pinkie. You know the Cakes are looking for you, right? You were supposed to go to work today."
"I'm supposed to go to work a lot of days. I've got more important things to do today. Like tell you a little secret."
"Oh, really?", Fluttershy said with mild excitement. "I like secrets."
"Well then, you'll definitely like this one, because it's the secret to eternal happiness!"
"Oh, that sounds lovely."
"So you wanna hear it?"
"Oh, definitely."
"All right, then. Bring your head close, so I can whisper in your ear."
Fluttershy did just that, and Pinkie spent the next several minutes telling her what she had been told by the lemon. Fluttershy's face kept alternating between mildly and desperately confused, with the occasional flash of understanding, until finally Pinkie was done.
"So?", Pinkie said expectantly.
". . .Huh? Oh! Umm, yeah, that was great. Really changed my life. I'll never be unhappy again."
"Great! There's one satisfied customer. Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where Rainbow dash is, would you?"
"Umm, she said she was going to hang out at Sweet Apple Acres. She's probably still over there, doing. . .something."
"Awesome! Thanks, Fluttershy!" Pinkie shouted, bouncing off towards Sweet Apple Acres. Fluttershy and Discord watched until she disappeared.
"So," Discord began. "what did she tell you?"
"She just blew hot air into my ear for five minutes. It was actually kind of. . .arousing."