The moment I returned to the land of the living after finishing my discussion with Doppel, Kylie pounced on me, a diabetes inducing happy smile on her face. "YOU'RE NOT BORG'D!" She squealed in delight, wrapping her hooves around my neck.
"Bor-," I stopped as I heard something that was most definitely not my normal voice, "What the... is that my voice?" I sounded like a godddamn Argonian!
"Whoa, you sound freaky," Kylie said bluntly. Gee, thanks for the morale boost.
"What are you talking about?"
"Your voice?"
"No, before that," I rolled my eyes, "I was Borg'd?" In all honesty, I was impressed she knew of Star Trek in the first place.
"Dalton went to get you from the restroom when you didn't come back after awhile, and when he dragged you back, you were all zombified and stuff."
I wouldn't call it zombification; I'd call it more of a thousand yard stare.
Looking about, I noticed I was back in the camper. Jeeze, she wasn't kidding about me being zombified. I don't remember leaving the restroom, let alone getting back in the camper.
"Oh and Unkee," Kylie looked up at me, "are you right handed?"
Okay that was an odd question, "Yeah, why?"
"Just raise your hand," she said simply.
I did as she asked and there was just a stump in place of my hand.
THAT WAS OUR FAPPING HAND!!!
"Buck me sideways with a cactus," I sighed in defeat, "guess I gotta be a lefty now..." There was no point in flipping out, considering what else has happened already. As I looked at my arms, I noticed that bony plates had started forming on my arms.
Well, we're now at pony legs, ears, fins, eyes, the formation of a carapace, holes, and now a hoof. I'd say we are gonna be full bug by tomorrow morning.
As much as I hate to say it, I think you're right.
Of course, I'm always right. Though this time I don't wanna cheer.
Kyle gave me a concerned look, "You okay Unkee?"
"Yeah, just have a lot on my mind." I couldn't help but d'aww at her. This little filly was cute at EVERYTHING. Seriously, she could tell me I was gonna die of cancer and I would still squee at her cuteness.
I have a feeling we'll get all the love we need from her.
Agreed, till this is reversed, keep her close 24/7.
Till this is reversed? Face it man, we're in a one way train to bug city as there's no refunds.
Yes there is! Why else would those boobs who caused this be holding this convention?
To tell the world they dun goofed big time. Do you think they magically managed to produce a shot that will reverse this?!
They got to have something!
Face the facts mate: Kylie is fully changed; Sage is a walking shag carpet that I know you wanna cuddle; Dalton is turning into horse Dracula, and you'r-
Going insane.
Dude, you've been talking to me long before this started happening. Your sanity has always been questionable.
That is a good point.
And let's not forget about the stiffie you had after basically groping Dalton.
Ignoring my brain; I looked at my neice, "Kylie where's Dalton?"
"He's in the back sleeping." Well, add another point to the 'thestrals are nocturnal' count.
"And his cutie mark is a pillow."
"What?"
"While you were out, he got pony legs like yours and they have a pillow on them," she state matter of factly, "makes sense considering his pony is called Goodnight."
I groaned; great, now there is another reason for me to stare at his ass.
"Oh," she gave me a shit eating grin, "he's not wearing any pants."
If I had been drinking something, it would have been spit all over the room. Rather naughty thoughts filled my head as I glared down at my niece. "I hate you so much right now," I hissed.
"Love you too Unkee."
"It's great to see you didn't develop a hive mind," Sage said happily as I sat down in the shotgun seat.
"Nope," I shook my head, "Always hated that headcanon anyways. I was just having a lovely talk with Doppel." 'After I tried to beat the hell out of him,' I mentally added.
Chicago was now a lot closer, its cityscape were taking up most of the horizon in front of us. A quick glance down at the GPS said that we were a mere 20 miles from the city limits.
"What did he tell you?"
"A few things like don't try to change or fly till I'm fully changed. That I'd be a splatter if I fly or not fully change." I cringed slightly as the image of the malformed mass of flesh Doppel had conjured up to prove the point.
"Goodnight basically told Dalton the same thing. He said human bones are too heavy to fly while pegasi bones are hollow."
Huh, that makes sense I guess. Then what about changelings, how the hell does that work?
In the words of a great philosopher, I dunno?
"So, while on the subject, has yours told you anything?"
"All Sage told me is to keep out of mud bec-"
"Wait," I couldn't help but snicker, which sounds more like a more like a headcrab than a actual laugh, "your OC's name is Sage too?"
Sage sighed, rolling her eyes, "Yes, it is. She's my 'sona, and it worked as a pony name."
"And is the cutie mark a certain type of herb," I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I was uncreative with some of my OCs but that is ridiculous.
She laughed dryly, "No, her mark depended on what I felt like. And before you ask, she isn't a gardener either."
"Well, whatever it could be I bet it wasn't as silly as a pillow."
She nodded in agreement, "So is Doppel actually your ponysona too?"
I shook my head, "Nope, Dop was actually a gift from Kylie for my birthday last month. Just your typical poorly done kid's drawing but I kept it because changelings are my favorite villains from the show aside from Discord of course. I actually use him for RPs with a friend of mine; even got himself a coltfriend to-"
I slapped my hand over my mouth. Damn it, I said too much!
Sage sighed, a air of annoyance coming off her, "For Pete's sake, he knows Johnny! We all know!"
"I.... What... WHAT!!!!!!" My jaw hit the floor as pressed flat against my head.
"Yeah, we all know. You weren't exactly subtle with your sudden bathroom break."
The blood rushed to my cheeks as my mind started running on all pistons, "What does Dalton think?" Does he hate me? Banish me to the moon and lock me in LunarMax!?
Whoa whoa whoa, calm down boy! You're turning into Lesson Zero Twilight on me!
I'm not overreacting brain; this is a totally logical reaction considering the circumstances!
"He hasn't said a word," she sighed, "You need to tell him Johnny. This is just making it awkward for everypony involved."
"I know, I know," I sighed, "I'll tell him tonight or when he wakes up." I know it might invoke the wrath of Murphy but what else could possibly go wrong.