Chapter XII: Swim
“Well?”
Flash looked up from the mismatched rug they were all sharing in the gazebo-like, and appropriately named, Sun Room. It had obviously been brought in to cover up the giant solar crest that still poked out from under its tasseled edges. Luna was as inscrutable as ever, Twilight was faking a smile, and both were waiting for him to reply. He cleared his throat. “That’s nice.”
Twilight frowned. “‘That’s nice?’”
Luna stretched out a wing to Twilight’s shoulder and gave Flash a small but genuine smile. “What she means is that we thought this would be good news for you.”
“They. I know how th-this game works. You give me hope, and th-when, when I believe everything is okay, then, then you break my heart again.” He looked up and counted a dozen wispy clouds slowly making their way across the blue sky, then lowered his eyes back to the crisscrossing maze patterns woven into the fine wool.
“Flash, sweetie, you’re awake now! Everything actually is okay.” Twilight’s ears laid back along her head, and her voice dropped into that lower pitch she always used to correct herself. “Which, of course, you don’t believe, because you’ve spent years hallucinating increasingly elaborate escape fantasies.”
Without looking up, Flash whispered, “Top of the class.”
“Okay. You’re going to laugh, but I made a list.” She smiled and watched his face for a breath’s time, but he didn’t laugh. “Sorry. Here’s a list of reasons that what you saw could never have happened. Are you ready?”
“Actually,” said Flash as he looked up and made eye contact. “How about I tell you why?”
Twilight let the notepad in her magic sink to the ground. “I, um.... okay?”
Flash settled his flank firmly on the carpet and sat up straight, curling his deep blue tail around his legs. “One: You are Twilight Sparkle. You don’t break the rules, and when you do, ponies literally write it down in history books. You are an ascended princess, a former student of Princess Celestia. As such, you must have mastered self control. But most importantly, you are Twilight Sparkle. You are sweet, and kind, and loyal, and honest, and generous, and scatterbrained, and entirely wonderful.”
The look on her face made him smile. Her soft eyes nearly melted, and her lower lip trembled as he finished speaking. But the smile on Twilight’s face evaporated as he started again.
“Two: Princess Celestia would never imprison and torture an innocent pony, even if it was to protect you.”
“Actually, that’s not—”
Luna placed a wing on Twilight’s shoulder and gave a subtle shake of her head. Twilight narrowed her eyes and turned back to Flash. “If you knew it was a dream all along, then why…”
“‘It was a dream all along’ is definitely not up there with the better plot devices. It’s s-such a nice explanation. Wraps everything up. Bow on top. Forget it all, move on. The hero gets everything. Wins. B-but I’m not the hero, I’m…”
Twilight leaned forward and stretched out a hoof across the rug. “But you are the hero. You’re my hero. You gave up everything for me.”
Flash shook his head, making his uncombed mane bounce. “She put me in a place, a place, a place where I could think about my crime. My… My weakness.” He licked his lips and looked up at Twilight with half a smile. “When we met, I knew that a guy like me c-could never deserve to be with somepony like you. I built, I lived in a fantasy where it happened. Happened. And when I, I lost sight of what was real, I hurt you. T-the real you. Hurt. Hurt.”
“Wh…” Twilight’s lips remained frozen in their pursed state while her eyebrows worked through her questions. She turned to look at Luna, who was too busy brooding to make eye contact, before turning back to Flash. “S-she convinced you that…”
Luna squinted and looked Flash in the eyes. “And you feel guilty for hurting the real Twilight?”
A sob caught in Flash’s throat as he squeezed his eyes shut and nodded.
Twilight looked at Flash, then turned her head to Luna. After a moment of thought, she quietly said, “I thought you were supposed to go into his dreams last night and figure out exactly what he’s been through?”
Luna shifted her eyes toward Twilight without moving her head. “And provide therapy, yes. But he has not slept since his friends left his apartment.”
Twilight’s sparkling eyes searched his face for several seconds before she said, “How can you not be tired? Celestia still hasn’t woken up!”
Flash shuffled his hooves on the rug before replying. “No matter how bad things get, I a-all-always know one thing.” He looked up. “Whenever I close my eyes, things get worse. I know you’re not real, but I don’t want to hurt you any more than, than I already… Already have.”
“Flash, sweetie. I don’t mean to impugn your masculinity, but you couldn’t physically hurt me if you wanted to. Not only could I teleport away at a moment’s notice, but I’ve been literally punched through a mountain by a gigantic evil… goat-monkey thing. You punched me yesterday, but that hurt my feelings more than anything else. Besides, I’ve got a number one reason, too. You’re my Flash Sentry, and I know you couldn’t hurt me because you’re you. I know that you’d never do anything to hurt me.”
“Uhhhh…” Flash pinched his eyebrows together. There was something he was forgetting. This was like the calculus exam he had taken in the middle of a raging head cold. By the time he had one piece figured out, the rest of the problem had retreated into a soupy fog, swirling just out of reach of memory.
The two princesses conversed, but Flash ignored their voices as he pinched his eyes shut and tried to concentrate on anything but the itching. His wings fluttered briefly before he locked them back to his sides. They itched so badly, and he felt a tickle every time Twilight tried to hide another nervous glance at his sparse and macerated feathers. He gritted his teeth and stared back at her, trying to draw her eyes away from his wings.
“Flashy!”
He jumped, then haltingly turned to look behind him. Flash recognized the awkward half-leading, half-blocking shuffle of an amateur bodyguard as Twilight led her mother into the sun room. Luna and Night Light were trailing behind, trading hushed words and concerned looks.
At Twilight’s urging, Velvet sat down at the farthest reaches of what could be called conversational distance, and gave her daughter an icy glance. She fidgeted for a few seconds, glancing between Flash and Twilight, then sighed. A mischievous look passed over her face for an instant before she sat up straight and cleared her throat. Velvet pointed at a spot over her daughter’s shoulder and said, “That’s an awful lot of books, Twily. Are they all yours?”
Twilight turned around and asked, “What books? I don’t see—”
Velvet leapt forward and wrapped Flash in a hug that nearly knocked him over.
“Mom, no! He could—”
Velvet batted Twilight’s hoof away, then returned to her hug. “Oh, hush, you. He needed a hug.”
Flash tried to push her away, but the mare was surprisingly strong. He tried to squirm out of her grasp, but she held firm as she cooed, “Shhhhh, it’ll be okay. We all love you, Flashy…” Eventually, he stopped trying to escape and instead went limp, trying to ignore the soft hug and warm words. At some point, he found he was crying, and found himself unable to stop.
When his sobs finally quieted down, Velvet pulled back and held him by the shoulders. “I don’t know exactly what you’ve been through, but this is the real world. Twilight loves you, and we love you. We’re here for you.”
“No, no,” Flash muttered as he shook his head and pushed her hooves away. “You’re lying. You’re all lying. Lying…” Suddenly, Twilight rushed forward as Velvet pulled Flash’s wing out of his mouth. Night Light held one wing while Velvet gently grasped the other as they tried to keep his wings away from his teeth. Everypony was talking at once. Flash squeezed his eyes shut and halfheartedly tried to pull his wings free, or at least rub the itchy areas against the hooves holding them in place.
Everyone finally quieted down enough for Twilight to be heard. “Flash, your wings are real. I know how much you love to fly, and it hurts me to see you injure yourself like that.”
Flash glared at Twilight and gritted his teeth, breathing heavily and trying his best to slice her into ribbons with his eyes. Over the blood rushing in his ears, he could hear Night Light say, “I don’t like the way you’re looking at my daughter.”
Velvet said, “Yes, I liked it better when he was making ‘grandkids eyes’ at her.”
Flash shrugged off their comments and addressed Twilight with as much venom as he could muster. “Nothing I do could ever hurt you.” He looked at Velvet. “You have to love somepony for them to r-really hurt you.”
Twilight looked at her mom. “What’s he talking about?”
Velvet let go of Flash’s wing and sat back on her haunches. As Night Light and Twilight relaxed, Velvet said, "That’s not what I said, Flashy. Love means opening yourself up to being hurt, that’s true. But it also means, um…" She looked at her husband and daughter. Night Light kissed Twilight on the forehead as she buried her face in his neck. Velvet smiled and said, "It also means keeping on, even when you've been hurt."
She kept talking after he had stopped caring. His eyes wandered around the perfect little garden behind the perfect little family. There were lots of flowers that looked delicious, and plenty of sticks in those bushes. It would be so glorious if he could throw himself into one of those bushes and just thrash his wings around to address that itch. Flash squirmed, trying to covertly rub his wing joints against his ribcage.
Soon, the world shrank smaller and smaller, until nothing remained but his wings and the crawling sensation that inhabited them. He stood abruptly, and began marching toward the nearest shrubbery. Twilight stepped in front of him, but before she could speak, Velvet pulled her aside and said, “Why don’t we let him walk around a bit? I’m sure he’ll be okay.”
A rattling from the doorway brought everypony’s attention to the bus cart being pushed by a matronly pony in a white apron. Princess Luna stood up and said, “Yes, Twilight Velvet, that is an excellent idea. Flash, why don’t you stretch your legs while we all enjoy our breakfast of—” she lifted the silver dome from the serving tray in a halo of indigo magic “—grilled cheese sandwiches and nachos.”
Velvet covered her muzzle with a hoof as she snickered, then buried her face in Night Light’s shoulder. Twilight laid a hoof on Flash’s shoulder as she said, “Your fav—”
Flash collapsed to the ground and scurried away from her touch with a whimper, before climbing to his hooves and glaring at her. The ringing in his ears precluded him from hearing the next part of the conversation, but when he next looked up, Twilight was standing on the other side of her parents and everypony was looking at him. Luna stepped forward. “Flash, you’re safe now. You’re not a prisoner. You are welcome to go where you like, and I think that some fresh air will be good for you. Take some time to stretch your legs, and your wings.”
“So I can just… Just walk out the door? And nopony will stop me? Stop. Stop…”
Twilight looked uncomfortable. Luna spoke in a measured tone. “Nopony will stop you. But Shining Armor and Princess Cadance will arrive on the train this afternoon, and they would love to have dinner with you, so we would appreciate if you returned by evening, though we will understand if you still need your space.”
Flash licked his lips and looked from one pony to another. After a few blinks, he grunted and turned toward the door, but skidded to a halt when he almost bumped into the food cart. While his wide eyes bounced from one cheese-covered morsel to another, Luna daintily stepped next to him and said, “Not exactly a traditional breakfast, but it certainly beats a bran muffin, doesn’t it? Why don’t you grab a sandwich or two on your way out?”
Perfectly-toasted sourdough triangles leered at him from the rustic wooden cutting board. Half-congealed nacho cheese jiggled as it silently laughed. They knew. They all knew that he never got to eat. They were mocking him. The sun, the hug, the food, the promise of freedom. All just waiting for him to finally believe that it was real.
“Let me save you the trouble,” Flash said, as he placed his forehooves onto the edge of the cart. He leaned back and tugged on the cart, tilting it nearly to its balance point, then used all his might to throw it against the mosaic floor. Luna danced backwards with a flare of her wings, gracefully avoiding the spray of crumbs and cheese.
Flash screamed something that he didn’t bother to remember, and punted the pile of food like a hoofball, sending several sandwiches flying toward Twilight’s family and spraying Luna with liquid cheese and olives. He turned and ambled out the door.
The hallways of the castle had long since devolved into a nightmarish maze punctuated with the few rooms he least wanted to visit. He didn’t bother to choose a direction to walk, he just shuffled along with his head down.
Every door he passed threatened to draw his attention. Twilight’s laughter bubbled out from under closed doors, and snippets of intimate conversations wafted her voice out of dark doorways like the smell of sweat and lavender. The piercing whine of a bone grinder could be heard echoing down the hallway from some unseen infirmary. Another voice, rough like white whiskers, called out from behind him.
He walked for a long time, keeping his eyes on the monochromatic floor tiles in an attempt to avoid any of the doors. Like always, though, he knew his fate. He would wander these halls aimlessly until three stallions came running up behind him. “Heya Flash!”
“Wh… What?” Flash turned toward the trio who had been in his apartment the day before. “Why are you here?”
The blue unicorn said, “We heard you were gonna hit the town. Mind if we join you?”
Flash looked over his shoulder with a quizzical expression. The room he had been about to enter was a cheery space, with dust motes swirling through sharp sunbeams as potted trees stood guard over comfortable-looking cushions. “But… But why are you here?”
“Didn’t you hear Sparks?” asked the orange stallion as he threw a foreleg around his friend’s neck.
Flash squinted. “Sparks?”
“Sparks. Sparkle Brook. Me!” The blue unicorn pointed toward himself emphatically, then gave a debonair smile and tossed his mane back with a flick of his head. It only took a moment for his locks to fall back down over one eye. He stood motionless like he was posing for a photograph, while the other two stallions rolled their eyes.
“You look, uh, familiar.”
“Wow, you really did get messed up. You should at least remember us from last night.” Sparks pointed a hoof toward the lanky earth pony and said, “That’s Autumn Crush.” He motioned to the burly one. “And this is Tee Square.”
“We’re all in the guard together.” Autumn swept one long foreleg in a little circle, indicating all four ponies. “We hang out. Do you remember watching the Vanhoover game with us at Jock, Stock, ‘n Barrel? The sports bar?”
Flash stared blankly at the three stallions.
“It was about three weeks ago.” Autumn returned Flash’s blank stare.
Tee Square leaned over and stuck his face between the two and shifted his eyes from one to the other a few times, settling on Flash. “You smell like nachos.”
Sparks and Autumn both sighed. “Well,” Autumn said as he ran a hoof through his shaggy yellow and red mane. “The Barrel has food. Why don’t we head there and feed this guy? Get you somethin’ to eat too, since you decided to wear your breakfast instead of eat it.”
“Hmmmph.” Flash turned and continued to mope his way down the hall.
Sparks trotted a few steps to catch up. “Hey, come on. Come with us. It’ll be like the old days.” He grabbed Flash across the shoulders and pressed his head next to Flash’s, using his other foreleg to point dramatically down the hall. “You and us. We’ll eat greasy food, and drink cider at nine in the morning.” He tapped the stallion’s fuzzy orange chest. “I won’t take no for an answer.”
Flash shoved him hard enough that he stumbled into the wall. “I’m free to wander around, huh? F-free. So long as I’m surrounded by guards? Lying. Of c-course she was lying. Lying. That’s what, lying, they… all…” He backed down the hall, keeping his eyes on the trio of guards, muttering under his breath.
Autumn slowly and smoothly advanced, stopping only long enough to smack Sparks on the back of the head before turning back to Flash with a concerned smile. “Flash, buddy, you’re welcome to walk around alone, if you really want to. But you’ll be walking around the laundry facilities.”
Upon looking over his shoulder, Flash saw a pair of double doors propped open. Inside, large wooden tubs spit out suds as bored-looking unicorns agitated sopping masses of cloth within. He could hear Autumn talking behind him. “Sparks will totally take no for an answer. But at least take one of us with you so you don’t get lost.”
With a sigh, Flash turned back around and looked at his three options. Tee Square, standing a full head higher than the others, licked his lips. Sparkle Brook gave a smile that could sell boats, and Autumn Crush rolled his eyes. “You,” Flash said, as he pointed at the skinniest of the group.
Autumn calmly turned around, sat on his flank, then energetically pumped his forelegs in the air, shouting, “Yessssss! He likes me the best! Suck it, losers!” He looked over his shoulder and beamed a big grin at Flash.
Flash almost grinned back.
“C’mon, Flash. I think we can cut through the laundry facilities.” Autumn poked his head through the doors, looking left and right.
Flash could hear Sparks and Tee talking as they disappeared back the way they had come. “I super want some nachos now. We can still go to The Barrel, right?”
“Sure, big boy. Why not?”
“Oooh! Do you think Skyshine will be there…”
Autumn chuckled, turning to look at Flash as they trotted side-by-side through a utilitarian hallway. “Heh. Were you there when Tee found a feather in his nachos? Thought he was gonna have a heart attack. His eyes got real wide when he pulled it out of his mouth, and then just kinda held it up in front of his face. He looked over at Skyshine, and she just winked at him. Thought he was gonna blow a gasket right there. I’m tellin’ you, we all cracked up. Do you remember that?”
He didn’t. None of the stories seemed familiar, not as they entered the courtyard, not as they passed under an arched gateway into the city, and not when they had wandered into a part of the city that looked like every other part of the city he hadn’t been bothering to look at. “Hey, Flash.”
Flash looked up.
“The fine citizens of Canterlot are starting to think there’s a timberwolf running around, so why don’t we get some donuts in your belly? There’s a place right up the block that’s pretty good.”
Canterlot suddenly seemed a lot smaller. Flash put his head on a swivel, checking each alley as they passed. Before they had gone far, he ducked into a narrow alley and stopped in front of a mound of trash piled up against a dingy brick wall. Autumn followed him into the alley. “Whatcha lookin’ for, buddy?”
Flash pointed at a spot between a precariously balanced metal can and a pile of moldy newspapers. “R-right there. Do, do you see it? It. There.”
Squinting, the stallion leaned forward. “Ummm…”
Flash lifted one hoof, then brought it down hard on the back of Autumn’s skull. His head snapped forward, and a second later his body toppled forward, landing in the pile of refuse. After a quick check to his left and right, Flash pulled down a stack of garbage cans and winced as the horrific clatter echoed up and down the alley. The avalanche of trash completely covered Autumn’s motionless body.
Flash trotted out of the alley as calmly as he had gone in. With no idea where he was, or where he wanted to go, he thought an aerial vantage point might at least give him a place to go. Flash unfurled a wing and brought it forward to examine it. Some feathers were missing, but he should still be able to get into the air just fine, even if some high-speed maneuvers or aerobatics would be impossible.
The sky above him was as empty as one would expect in a unicorn city. Flash spread his wings, crouched low to the ground, and leapt with a great sweep of his wings.
The ground remained firmly attached to his hooves.
Flash opened his eyes and looked at his wings again. No amount of flapping could produce more than a swirl of dust on the sidewalk. There was no atmosphere. No humidity. No clouds, no weather, no air. Another glance to the sky confirmed that there were, in fact, clouds drifting through the bright blue sky overhead.
Lies. It was all lies. All of it. Every mare, all of his “friends.” He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. He could feel the illusory wings on his back, worse than useless. His eyes snapped open, and he brought his right wing up to his face. A searing pain shot through his muscles as he bit down hard and tasted the coppery tang of blood. Some joint popped as he yanked on the phantom appendage, but it refused to disappear. His other wing likewise remained attached despite his best efforts.
He ran. Down one street and then another, blindly progressing deeper into the shadow of the mountain.
A solid wall stopped him. The sign was painted with white bricks, hanging motionless from a rusty frame. It simply said, “Bar.” He remembered something Sanguine said about the way drinking makes a pony forget. Flash went inside and sat in the darkest corner, halfheartedly wiping the blood and feathers off of his face before a wrinkled mare shambled up to his booth and gave him a half-lidded stare.
______________________________________________
He was eleven ciders into a Thursday. He fell down the stairs. Not strong enough. He needed to switch to whisky. They were having a foal. She was. He had nothing to do with it. She had lied. It was all his fault. He was forgetting something. He had hurt the ones he loved. That was his punishment. Or his crime. Both? He broke her jaw. Someone’s jaw. There were feathers between his teeth. Blood on his tongue. He could feel the bones grinding as he pushed his hoof down. Something was grinding. His teeth? There was pain. He was sympathetic. Whose pain? It didn’t matter; pain was his destiny. His purpose. He caused it, he manufactured it. His delusions of being a protector - an inversion of reality - revealed his true being, his inner self. Blue eyes pleaded with him. Or crimson eyes. Both? Purple eyes. Isn’t that how it worked? Hooves and magic and a chair. The floor filled his eyes and his nose and his screams and his nightmares. Shining Armor looked disappointed. Someone was crying. There was water, and salt. He was drinking tears. Gray hair. A nice, comfortable cell. Someone screamed. The night wrapped around his head, stars and sky and cold and sleep. Someone held him.
______________________________________________
Everything ached. But not as much as his head. He tried to roll over, but something stabbed into his fetlock and pulled him back. Bright lights completely ignored his eyelids, stabbing into his brain.
He wanted to vomit. The taste in his mouth and the crust on his lips told him that he already had. It happened again, but there was nothing in his stomach. Instead, he just heaved, wracking his sore abdominal muscles. Somepony said something.
“Nah, he’s okay. It’s about time for another bag of fluid, though.”
He wished it hadn’t been that voice. Any voice but that one. He pretended to be asleep, but as soon as the nurse had left the room, he heard it again. “I know you ain’t asleep, boy.” Flash didn’t need to open his eyes to be sure that Sanguine had seen his heart drop.
“Princess Luna told me not to say this, but I’ve always been honest with you. So I’m gonna be honest. I’m disappointed in you.” The old stallion’s voice was trembling.
Sanguine let that sentence soak in for a long time before he continued. “I know you’ve been through a lot. Dunno what, exactly. But I’ve had my own—”
Even with his eyes closed, Flash could see the grizzled surgeon scrunch his muzzle and tilt his head sideways as he paused. “You know what I been through. Hay, you’re the only stallion seen me cry in twenty years. But I can’t get you outta this. You’ve been suspended. If it wasn’t for Princess Luna’s personal intervention, you wouldn’t even be in the guard right now.
“You’ve hurt a lot of ponies. You’re lucky that Autumn Crush was an earth pony, or he might not’a woke up. He’s down the hall with a concussion. Two mares are in the hospital right now, with broken bones at your hoof.”
Flash licked his lips, but his dry tongue merely caught the sharp bits of peeling skin. The darkness around him swirled one direction and suddenly reversed, the bed threatening to throw him out one side and then the other. He took several hesitant breaths before he could manage to produce even a hoarse whisper. “W-was it Twilight?”
“Yes, sweetie, I’m—”
“—two bar patrons, I don’t think you—”
“—know where you are?”
“—confused, talking like one of them was her.”
Flash pried his eyes open and tried to discern his surroundings through the blinding wash of sun beams pouring through the wide-open curtains. The room itself was unfamiliar, but it had to be one of the private recovery rooms in the castle infirmary. There was one bed, two chairs, three potted plants, one blade-happy butcher, and a filthy lying cheat. Flash’s eyes went back and forth between the two ponies seated in identical chairs at the end of his bed.
The stubble on Sanguine’s face betrayed his sleepless night. Flash looked him in the eyes and said, “I didn’t do it. I said it t-to protect her. Her. Her. But I don’t care any more. I want you to know. Know I’m innocent.”
Sanguine scratched his head and squinted. Twilight asked, “Who are you talking to?”
Flash shifted his gaze to Twilight. “Sanguine.”
“Who’s that?”
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m right here.”
Flash glanced briefly at Sanguine. “The Canterlot Guard’s Surgeon General.”
Twilight furrowed her brow. “Over the last two days, I’ve—”
“—know that, but I didn’t realize you were—”
“—medical staff here, but I’ve never heard of—”
“—know how much you remember about last night, but when me and Shining found you in that bar… Well, I hope I never see anypony ever look at me the way Shining Armor looked at you. He’s waiting outside, and I plan on being elsewhere when he comes in. Come and find me when you get yourself sorted out. You know where I’ll be.”
Sanguine grunted as he heaved himself out of the chair, then gave Flash one last glance as he shuffled wearily out of the room. After a few minutes of watching the room spin around him, Flash saw Shining Armor step into the room with an unreadable expression on his face. Flash fidgeted with the line taped to his leg, then searched the room for anything to occupy his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Shining.
Shining cleared his throat. With a sigh, Flash looked up at him and tried not to think about what was about to happen. Shining took a deep breath.
The shouting wasn’t as bad as Flash had expected. Mostly because he didn’t care that much any more.
“I’m sorry. Am I boring you?”
Flash realized he had been allowing his eyes to wander the room again. He looked back at Shining and cleared his throat. “Nothing you could say could, could possibly make me f-feel worse than I already do. Feel.”
Silence dominated the space between the stallions for several seconds. Shining sighed, and his hard face cracked, then fell away completely. “Look. I know what it’s like to be under a brain-bending magic spell. Under the circumstances, I’m sure she understands. She’ll be okay.”
“You have n-no idea,” Flash said, his hooves and ears twitching with each word, “what I-I’ve done to… To hurt Twilight.”
Shining stepped up to the side of the bed and spoke softly. “Flash. Look at me.”
As soon as Flash made eye contact, Shining leaned over the bed and gave him a hug. “I know what you did to protect Twily. I mean, I know it wasn’t real, but still. Thanks for looking out for her. I know you love her a lot.”
He smelled like Twilight. Flash whimpered and pushed the stallion away. “S-stop trying to confuse me! No, she, she… No. It was a mistake! But, but I’m smarter now. S-she can’t hurt me now. Hurt me now!”
Shining stood just out of hoof’s reach and chewed his lip. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I do know what it’s like to get zapped in the head. I wasn’t just a puppet, you know. I thought things, I knew things. Things that weren’t true. I wanted things. I wanted… Well, I know that you never wanted to clobber a bunch of innocent ponies, and I know that you never wanted to hurt Twilight. Just like I never wanted to marry an evil shape-shifter and let an enemy army into Canterlot.”
Shining looked at the floor and lowered his voice. “For a couple months afterward, I’d notice that everypony was looking at me funny, and then I’d realize that something I said was, well, was just wrong. I wouldn’t have made it through without Cadance.” He leaned forward and gently placed a hoof on Flash’s shoulder. “I have no doubt that you’re strong enough to make it back.”
“Did I go somewhere?” Flash pinched his eyebrows together, then winced as it brought his headache back to the forefront of his mind. He looked around the room, seeing the solid stone walls through the thin facade of wallpaper and potted plants. Thick layers of gauze stopped him from wiggling his wings. He looked over his shoulder at the bandages, and realized that his wings hadn’t itched since he woke up. Perhaps the hangover was good for something after all. Of course, now that he was thinking about it, the itch was back. As he twisted his head around to try and nibble through the gauze, Shining Armor cleared his throat.
“I brought you a visitor.”
A pair of gold-armored unicorn guards strode into the room and flanked the little bed. Flash shrank deeper into the mattress and pulled the sheets up to his chin. Princess Twilight Sparkle stuck her head through the door and waited for her brother to nod before she slid into the room.
Twilight sat down and looked at the floor. “Flash, I can’t believe that you’d do something like this.” She looked up. “We’ve known each other for over two years—”
“Stop lying, JUST STOP!” Flash shouted, then cringed as both guards braced themselves and illuminated their horns. He gripped the sides of his bed and snarled, “Do you know why I, why I hit those mares? I was so drunk that I thought they were YOU!”
Twilight let out a wail as she buried her face in her brother’s neck. He whispered in her ear and then wrapped his forelegs around her neck while he glared at Flash.
Flash watched Twilight’s shoulders heave with silent sobs. She’d never cried before. Not like this. He didn’t love her any more. It couldn’t hurt if he didn’t love her. He squeezed his eyes shut and repeated the mantra over and over, “I don’t love her any more. I don’t love her any more…”
A dozen repetitions later, Flash cracked an eye open. Everypony was looking at him. Twilight had dried her face, and was standing at the end of his bed resting one hoof on his mattress. “Flash, Celestia lied to you. I never cheated, and you never lost your wings. I have to study for tomorrow’s big summit, but I want you to know that—”
She stepped back and nodded to the guards, who lowered their shoulders and adopted a wide combat stance. Twilight took a hesitant breath, then said, “I love you.”
Flash blinked, then lowered his eyes to the sweat-stained bedsheets crumpled up in his lap. He poked at the needle taped into his foreleg. Twilight said goodbye, but he didn’t look up until he heard her hoofsteps pass out of the room. Conversation drifted in from the hallway, and all four stallions pricked their ears to listen in on Twilight.
“…to her own guard. She knew it was risky, and she did it anyway. … No, I’m just saying to be careful. She probably doesn’t trust you and Shining, either—”
Shining cleared his throat. The two guards gave each other a significant look.
“Well,” Shining said, “I’d better go make sure Twily isn’t getting into trouble. Flash, we’re all pulling for you. You can make it through this.” He turned and took one step toward the door, then paused and looked Flash in the eyes. “And don’t ever, ever hit my little sister again. This is the last time I tell you.”
With that, he trotted into the hall with the guards in tow. One of them looked at Flash and gave a subtle nod before he disappeared through the door.
Once the door had been closed, everything became painfully quiet. A splash of sunlight inched its way across the floor as echoes of a thousand conversations bounced around the room. A nurse came in to give him dinner, but as soon as she set the tray on his lap, he lethargically flipped it onto the floor. She didn’t seem to care, and the guards didn’t get too excited about it either. They left without saying a word.
Flash pinched the needle between his teeth and gingerly pulled it out of his leg before hopping to the floor. The sun hung low in the window, sliding toward the horizon. Flash shuffled over to the window and tried to open it. Of course it was magically locked. Probably reinforced, too.
Muffled whispers made their way under the door. Flash snuck up to the doorway, lowering himself to the floor and squeezing an ear as close to the crack as he could. He couldn’t make out what either stallion was saying, but they quickly became silent when the noise of hoofsteps approached. When the steps had again disappeared down the hall, they resumed their discussion.
As he had done so many times, Flash lay on the cold floor with his ear pressed to the crack under the door. Finally, he heard what he had been waiting for. “I’m gonna grab some coffee. You?”
Flash immediately shuffled away from the door, then lifted one edge of the mattress and tied the bedsheets onto the frame by two corners. He scooted one chair over next to the bed, tossed his discarded dinner’s dishes onto the food tray and balanced it on top of the chair, then climbed back into bed. Taking the IV hose, he wrapped it around one foreleg several times, then positioned the tall steel bag hanger nearby with one of its feet hooked around one of the bed’s legs. Ten seconds later, he had calmed his breathing to a reasonable level.
No hoofsteps had returned to the door, so Flash reached out a rear leg and gave the chair a bump, sending the dishes back to the floor. He leaned over the side of his bed and tossed the sheet over part of his body, supporting his weight on the IV tube. After the dishes had rattled to a stop, he called out in his most pathetic voice, “Um, is anypony there?”
The door opened slowly as the lone guard cautiously worked his way into the room. He leaned his head over to peek into progressively larger bits of the room as he shuffled sideways, “slicing the pie” just as he’d been taught. Flash plastered on a smile he hoped qualified as sheepish, and wiggled his legs, wincing as the IV tube tugged on his leg. The guard narrowed his eyes, glanced at the rest of the room, then turned his attention back to Flash.
The entangled pegasus lowered his eyes. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
The guard chuckled, then trotted over to Flash. “Let’s see if we can get you out of this mess.”
As soon as the guard was next to the bed, Flash rolled off of the mattress, putting all his weight on the IV hose. The hanger levered downward, sending a spray of green sparks off the unicorn’s horn as it impacted.
“Ow! Dangit, sir, I’m trying to help!”
Flash rolled behind the stallion and jumped up on the other side, pulling the IV hose tight. He spun his foreleg around the guard’s flailing limbs, unwrapping himself as he went. Pushing against the wall, Flash knocked the tangled guard over, then leaned forward and bit down on the far edge of the mattress. As the guard fought to stand up, Flash pulled the bed down on top of him before leaping clear of the whole mess.
Flash bounded out the door and looked both directions down the hallway. Seeing noone in either direction, he turned around and closed the door as quietly and quickly as he could. He made a left and ran, trying to avoid sounding like he was in a hurry. Around the first corner, he slowed to a quiet shuffle, sliding his hooves rather than lifting them.
It only took a few turns to find an exit. He slipped out the door quietly, and made his way through a little park with a fountain before he realized that he wasn’t so much outside as he was in a courtyard, surrounded by mountain and castle on three sides. The fourth side overlooked Equestria. Without apartment buildings and other cityscape in the way, the view was much better than the one from his own window. Flash trotted up to the railing and looked out over the countryside.
There was a stairway leading down the face of the mountain, decorated with a series of tiny waterfalls that drained from the fountain above. As Flash descended, the roar of rushing water drowned out the sound of his hoofsteps and a wet mist permeated the air. The stairs led to a simple ledge with a few benches and trees next to one of Canterlot’s famous waterfalls. It was not an escape route, but it was undoubtedly a romantic spot to watch the sunset.
Twilight trotted up on Flash’s right side, tilted her head toward him and smiled. Flash gritted his teeth and looked to his left. The river sparkled with brilliant reds and oranges to match the blossoming horizon. He stepped up to the short stone wall and peered at the water as it tumbled over the edge. The river broke into a million droplets as it hit the air, each taking its own path to the ground hidden in the mist far below. Despite the noise, it was easy to hear Twilight’s words. “No matter how far you go, we’ll always be together.”
He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or if he could hear shouting from the park up above, but they couldn’t be far behind him in any case. The wall around the ledge was just tall enough to keep adventurous colts and fillies safely away from from the precipice, and barely wide enough to stand on. Flash climbed up onto the wall and looked down, wondering what it would be like to not know the sky; to be afraid of heights. With a shrug, he turned his head and pinched his bandages between his teeth, pulling off the strips of gauze and letting the wind carry them into the waterfall where they quickly disappeared.
Twilight hopped over the wall and hovered in the mist, letting the water add an otherworldly sheen to her coat. Her laughter was musical. “Come fly with me, sweetie!” She flew a tight vertical loop, her wet mane sending a spray of red and orange gemstones in an expanding spiral.
Flash extended his wings and winced. The shoulder joints had been re-set, but were still sore from the last time he had tried to fly and had instead ended up doing his best to pull his wings completely off. The large patches of bare skin were ugly purple, and mottled with scabs.
He looked at Twilight, then at the fog swirling below. Flash extended his wings and leaned forward, tilting over the edge. As he closed his eyes, he could feel the wind rushing past his face. He smiled.