Chapter 3: No escaping the past
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I threw the covers off me as I jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway, it was my first birthday with my new parents and I was ecstatic with anticipation. I didn’t know what to expect, but my imagination brought up images of a cake larger than me, a mountain of presents, and my sadistic brother smiling at me for once. I flew down the stairs and rounded the corner into the kitchen, where I skidded to a stop. I searched everywhere, in my mother’s workshop, my father’s office, the basement, dining room, family room, bedrooms, and kitchen. The house was empty, no pony around, the only hint of there ever being anypony here was a note left hanging off the counter.
I got on my hind legs and strained my neck to reach the note, after a long while I finally managed to knock it off the counter and sat down to read it. I sat there trying my best to decipher the note, I could make out my name and a few short words like Mom, Dad, and love. I didn’t have trouble reading because I was stupid. It’s just that words and letters sometimes got mixed, flipped, and switched around. Sometimes I can’t comprehend what was in front of me. Every time I tried to read the same thing always happened, and I got discouraged. I tried to make my family understand, but no one believed me, I was certain they thought I was stupid. After staring at the note for what seemed like hours I managed to put together that they wanted me to practice reading.
No mention of my birthday, or at least one I could make out from the note. Birthdays had always been a big deal to the fillies at the orphanage and we always planned makeshift parties with what little we had. I had been accustomed to at least somepony wishing me a happy birthday so it being forgotten left me rather disheartened, but seeing the word love gave me a sliver of hope. I gave up trying to understand the note and looked back at the counter, I could see the edge of a bowl on the counter. I had made out the words “breakfast” and “counter” from the note, so I assumed the bowl was for me.
Like the note the bowl was just out of my reach. I stretched as far as possible but I could barely touch the bowl with my tongue, let alone move it. The nearest chair was in the dining room, and I didn’t feel like dragging a chair halfway across the house, so I settled for a simpler solution. I bucked the cabinet below the counter, the hit shook the counter and moved the bowl slightly closer to the edge. My eyes widened in delight as I saw what was in the bowl, dandelions, my favorite food. A few loud bucks later the bowl was on the verge of tipping off the counter, my goal was in sight. As I wound up for the final buck the bowl was surrounded by a veil of dark green magic.
“Hey, that’s mine!” I yelled as the bowl floated over to the pitch black unicorn that was my brother.
“I was told to keep you out of trouble, and bucking the counter is causing trouble. If these are making you cause trouble then I don’t think you should have them,” Dusk reasoned.
“Why do you hate earth ponies? What did we ever do to you!” I was on the verge of tears, I had only tasted them once before, growing in between the cracks of the playground. It was the best thing I ever tasted, I needed to have them.
“I don’t hate earth ponies, I hate you.” He said, his smile full of venom, “once you learn magic, you can have these back.” He said nothing more, and turned away from the doorway and headed back to his room with MY dandelions. I started to say something back but I was cut off by having to dodge the book that came flying through the doorway, followed by Dusk mocking “Try not to slobber on it this time.”
I couldn’t figure out why Dusk hated earth ponies as much as he did, but I knew his reasoning was brought on by his own conceptions of power and superiority in magic. I picked up the book in my mouth and jumped up onto my favorite chair. The first thing I did was lick the cover, just to spite Dusk.
After staring at the title for a good minute I managed to make it out as, The Mare In The Moon. I dreaded reading, I knew what letters made what sound, but sometimes the words didn’t form coherent sentences. Or on bad days the letters didn’t even make words. I tried my best to open the book one page at a time, but being an earth pony I wasn’t as graceful as a unicorn. I tried to flip the cover gently with my nose but ended up giving myself a papercut and flipping to somewhere in the middle of the story. I didn’t bother trying to go back to the first page, I’d still be lost even if I did. After staring at the book for a few hours I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer, I face planted into my book and fell asleep.
I was awoken a long while later by the sound of a mare coughing and a door closing. A white mare, my adopted mom was standing in the doorway looking at me lying face first in my book. She let out a disappointed sigh, and I returned a sheepish grin. I knew I let her down, she gave me two things to do today, and I ignored them both. “Well... C’mon,” she finally said, “no point in making you do things you’re incapable of.” She turned, heading towards her workshop and I gleefully followed, completely ignoring the blatant insult she just threw at me. I didn’t care, I loved being in my mother’s workshop, surrounded by technology, in my element. I had gotten my cutie mark in there when she let me take apart an old computer.
She was working on a new type of tool, apparently a cutting tool that was small enough anypony could carry it, but powerful enough to cut through almost anything a construction pony faced in a workday. I gathered that information from the many diagrams and blueprints she had hanging on the walls. A picture is worth a thousand words, especially if you can’t read. I was eager to help her, I wanted nothing more than to make up for neglecting the little they asked of me, even if it was nearly impossible for me to do on my own. Most importantly I wanted to prove I wasn’t stupid.
“I left my notebook on the shelf in the dining room can you go grab it?” My mother said, looking up at me for the first time in an hour.
I wasted no time in a response, I only nodded and trotted off for the dining room. When I got there I couldn’t see it on any of the shelves at eye level, or the ones I could reach on my hind legs, this meant that the notebook was on the top shelf, way out of my reach (of course). I couldn’t go back to my mom empty handed, I couldn’t fail her, especially after today. C’mon Nova, it’s a simple problem that needs a simple solution. Just stack your way up to it. I agreed with the little pony in my head and dragged a chair over to the shelves and began slowly stacking whatever I could find on the chair. I began with any books I could find laying around, the first being The Mare In The Moon. The next being some big, red book my father read and talked highly of about these creatures called “humans” entitled The Man With Two Names. The next few books I grabbed I couldn’t make out the scrambled titles, so I just threw them onto my ever growing stack. Soon I ran out of books and I began searching for other viable objects, I finally chose the couch cushions and placed them at the very top of my now highly unstable tower.
I carefully, and skillfully ascended the tower. When I reached the top the notebook was easily in reach. I gleefully stuck out my neck, reaching for the book when I was enveloped in a familiar dark green veil. I was forcibly pulled off my stack and brought face to face with the bane of my existence, my brother.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” He chided.
“I was just about to grab the notebook! Why did you do that?” I complained.
“To stop you from hurting yourself, why would you do that in the first place?”
“Mom asked me to get her notebook! How else was I supposed to get up there? Since you’re here, can you at least get it for me?”
“No, mom didn’t ask me to get it, that’s your problem.” And with that, Dusk was off, heading back to his room to practice becoming the magical prodigy Mom and Dad were so proud of.
He knew I didn’t want to let Mom down, but he put me in a position where it was all I could do. He could have easily levitated the notebook down to me but he didn’t, he wanted me to go back to my mother, to tell her I failed, to admit I was inferior. I looked up at the notebook, on the verge of falling off the shelf. As rage welled up inside of me I wound up for a buck. As soon as I let loose the door to the house opened once more. My father was greeted by the sight of me bucking the wall. My rear right hoof broke through the wall, becoming stuck. The force of the buck not only knocked the notebook off the shelf, but the entire shelf fell, crashing into the one below it, and the one below that one as well. Shards of glass, family photos, college degrees, awards, and broken trophies all lay scattered across the floor. I was clipped by a picture of my “grandfather” a stallion I never knew, but I assumed he was important to my father, he seemed hurt that this picture was ruined out of everything.
He had been levitating two bags, but dropped them both in shock at what I had just done. Purple frosting and chocolate cake exploded out of one of the bags as it splattered on the floor. The other bag tumbled down the stairs into the basement, slowly thumping as it struck each step. Finally coming to a rest with a loud THUD. My father looked at me, and I wanted to die. He didn’t say anything, just stood there, I could see rage building up in his eyes. I lowered my gaze, I couldn’t look my father in the face, it was probably best I didn’t. I knew he was doing his best to hide his anger. He didn’t say anything as I dislodged my leg from the wall, cutting my leg in the process. I started to walk towards him only to be enveloped in magic once again. I soon found myself floating and was tossed into in my room, the door slamming shut behind me.
I could hear my father and mother yelling through the wall, apparently that cake had been for me, as well as the personal computer that had tumbled down the stairs and was nothing more than a paperweight now.
In the months I’ve been living with them this is the first time I’ve ever heard my mother and father yelling at each other. My father was louder than my mother, I could hear him clearly through the wall, he was insistent on bringing me back to the orphanage. I didn’t blame him, I didn’t belong here, why did they even pick me in the first place? I sat there doing the only thing I could do, cry. I strained to hear my mother try to defend me, she at least acknowledged that she sometimes forgot how much she used her magic. She at least kind of understood the difficulty I was having, she didn’t approve of me punching a hole in the wall, or destroying her prized possessions, but she sympathized with the difficulties I was facing adjusting to my new life. I blamed Dusk for all of this, ever since I was brought home I’ve had to put up with his hatred of earth ponies. This wasn’t the first, second, or even third time he’d done something like this. He took every chance he had to bully, belittle, and boss me around. I’ve had enough of it, something had to change, it was either him or me.
I skipped dinner because I couldn’t bear to face my “family”. After a long while my parents tried to talk to me, but I knew it would only end in more yelling and crying. “Nova, your father and I want to talk to you.” I ignored them and continued crying, all I could think about was being dragged back to the orphanage.
“I don’t want to go back!” I yelled out through choked sobs. I may be not be wanted here, but at least I wasn’t cold, hungry, and alone. I was still sobbing when my door was wrapped in my mother’s gentle pink magic. She was just as furious as my father, but she was better at hiding it. She wanted to coax me out of my room and calm me down before she sent me back to the orphanage. As the door began to open I bucked it shut, shattering the pink magic around it. Over choked sobs I heard a long sigh, followed by fleeting hoofsteps. I jumped up onto my bed and closed my eyes, my leg protesting the movement. It had been bleeding slowly since I bucked the wall, but I hadn’t paid it any attention until now. A small puddle of blood stained the carpet in the middle of my room. Daylight still shined through my window out but I didn’t care, I had nothing left to live for today, I was done with it, maybe tomorrow would be brighter.
I awoke late in the night, nopony but Luna herself was up at this hour. I tossed and turned trying to go back to sleep but I couldn’t. The pain in my leg had died down and there was only a small blood stain on my blanket. My gaze shifted to the stain on the floor, a dark red circle the size of my hoof. I stared at it for a while, mesmerized that it had once been inside me. It gave me ideas, I slowly opened my door and headed for Dusk’s room, but I took a detour through my father’s office. He was the town doctor, medical supplies and papers littered his office but with little effort I found what I was looking for. Dusk was a heavy sleeper, he didn’t even stir as I opened his door and clumsily climbed up onto his headrest. I sat next to him, looking over him. The handle of the bonesaw felt cool in my mouth. I liked being in this position of power, it felt... Right.
It will be easy Nova. Just take him by surprise. You can do it before he even has a chance to use his magic. You’re stronger than he is. Without his magic he’s nothing. He doesn’t deserve it. Take it away from him. Take away the source of his power, his pride. It’s the horn that torments you. Punish the horn, not him. A simple back and forth motion. It’ll be quick. Barely any blood. No. Cut lower. Into the scalp. Draw more blood. Thats what we need. More blood. More pain. More regret. Make him regret listening to his horn. Stain the room red. The floor. The walls. All red. Take his blood away from him. He is undeserving. He has so much. He doesn’t need it. It would look better on the walls for all to see. Careful though, don’t want to kill him. Forcing him to live as that which he hates earth is a far worse fate. He won’t be able to push you around anymore. You can make them see how difficult it is to live as an earth pony. Make an example of him. Just saw off his horn and be done with it. Just hold him down and saw with your mouth. You can hold him down. He’s powerless to stop you. Send a message to him and everypony else.
I was about to go to work when Dusk began shaking violently, blood began draining from his mouth and eyes. His face exploded into a red mist. Tendrils shot out from what used to be his face and wrapped around my head pulling me into a fanged mouth. The mouth closed shut, sawing into my neck.
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I awoke shuddering and in a cold sweat as I looked around, I was still safe within the confines of the safe. Applejack lay next to me fast asleep, completely unaware of my inner torment. I started to sob softly, I repressed these memories for a reason. I didn’t want to return to that dark corner of my psyche. I had been seeing a doctor weekly to cast a spell to keep these memories suppressed. All I wanted to do was run into the doctor’s office, and have them blast my brain with another memory spell, so i could forget the memories and just get on with my life. But he wasn't going to be at his office. If he was even alive.
My vision blurred and the world became tinted a dark orange, moving became nearly impossible and my head exploded with pain. The walls of the safe cracked. Blood seeped out of the cracks as a raspy yet vaguely familiar voice slithered into my head. It sounded close, faint, and dead. The voice echoed in my head, I knew it from somewhere but I couldn’t put a face to it. The voice was ominous, sinister. “The cracks are showing, the memories are seeping in. Do remember what happened to you? The ones you hurt, the lives you ruined? They’re coming back Nova, it’s going to happen again. One by one the memories will return, each one eating away at you, slowly breaking down your sanity. Soon you’ll be nothing but an empty husk of dead space. Soon you’ll break, and when you do I’ll be waiting for you.”