The last job didn't go too good, but no point beating themselves up about it. The two brothers travelled far and wide, all across Equestria, never settling down. There was too much money to make off of unsuspecting ponies for them to ever settle down.
...Money they keep losing on ridiculous schemes to make even more money. They don't mind that they keep losing their investments on ever more grandiose visions; those are the risks in their business, and when have either Flim or Flam dared not take a risk for a few extra bits? If they could cobble together some form of contraption, or mix together a tonic, they might even make a few bits for a place to stay for the night or a bite to eat. When was the last time they ate, anyway?
"I say, brother, these are some hard times. Hard times." Flam blew out his moustaches, "Haven't seen hair nor tail of a bit in - how many days now?"
"I'd say it's been a week or two, brother." Flim stated, just as quick and smoothly as his twin, "Our business prospects seemed to have, how should I put it?"
"Flown the coop?" Flam offered.
"Indubitably, brother." Flim nodded, "We'll have to think of something fast before winter rolls in."
"Lucky for us, thinking fast is what we do best!" Flam boasted, "Where are we now?"
"Seems we've gone from Canterlot to Manehatten-"
"Can't show our faces there for a few weeks."
"-From there to Fillydelphia-"
"Shouldn't even cross the state line, there."
"-And all the way back to..." Flim trailed off, furrowing his brow, "...Ponyville."
"Again?" Flam's eyes widened, "Well, there's always a few bits to be made in this one-horse town."
"If that pesky peach pony doesn't pester our plans again." Flim said.
"Precisely." Flam agreed, "I suggest a different approach, this time."
"And what would that be, Flam?"
"Well, Flim - what's the one thing everypony wants in life?"
"Bits?" Flim guessed.
"No." Flam said, "Everypony wants a special somepony."
"I'd beg to differ." Flim protested, "I've seen many a pony without a special somepony, and they're all well off."
"Just about everypony's lonely, brother." Flam said with a grin, "And almost everypony would be willing to spend their last bit getting the one they love to love them back!"
"Bold, Flam, very bold." Flim nodded in understanding, "But this seems to bring up another conundrum - how do we get the bits to make fake love potions?"
"We take a loan from the bank, of course." Flam laughed.
"We have no credit, Flam." Flim said, "The bank won't give us a single hay-penny, no way, no how."
"I see." Flam furrowed his brow, "I dare say, brother, we'll have to earn it the old fashioned way."
"You don't mean?" Flim gasped.
"I do, brother." Flam nodded solemnly, "We'll have to work for it."
"Say it ain't so!" Flim feigned a faint, "The Flim Flam brothers reduced to menial labor!"
"Now the only question is who will hire us?" Flam ventured.
"I must admit, Flam, our last few ventures out here have certainly given us a negative reputation." Flim confessed.
"No matter!" Flam said with steeled resolve, "We'll find jobs to make enough bits for some of our patented Flim Flam Brothers Aphrodisiac Love Potion!"
"Should we put "aphrodisiac" in there?" Flim asked, "Surely there is a much more convoluted turn of phrase we could use?"
"Something long with way too many syllables?" Flam asked.
"You read my mind, brother." Flim smiled.
"The name is pending, Flim. Right now, let's focus on where we're staying tonight." Flam said, "I believe we'll have better luck if we split up - ponies are suckers for lonely night wanderers."
"Couldn't agree more, Flam." Flim said, "I'll head downtown, and you head towards the farms."
"Absol-" Flam began, then glared at his brother, "Now wait just a minute here! Are you trying to pull one over on your older brother?"
"Older by a minute!" Flim glared at his twin.
"I'll head downtown, and you head to the boondocks." Flam said, "I'll fit in more with my much more mature visage."
"You mean your moustache?" Flim laughed, "You're the only pony I've ever seen with a moustache! You'll stick out like a cherry on a sundae!"
"I refuse to head out to the farms for work and a place to stay." Flam defied his twin, "I'm a city dweller, see? Labor is more your speed."
"Was that a crack at my intelligence, sir?" Flim gasped, "I'll have you know I come up with half of our schemes!"
"Which is probably why half of them fail!" Flam shouted.
"You want downtown so bad, Flam?" Flim stood tall and turned towards the farming district, "You can have it!"
"You think you can last even a day without me, Flim?!" Flam challenged, "You're foolish to try!"
And with that, both brothers went opposite ways, muttering curses.
*-*
The first few houses were far between, and each of the farm ponies was reluctant to take on an extra workhand - especially one of the infamous Flim Flam brothers. Needless to say, it wasn't long before Flim had worked his way to the last of the farms, an apple orchard that looked all too familiar. Eyebrow twitching in a combination of irritation and anxiety, Flim approached the door and knocked in a rhythmic melody.
The door opened to reveal a young mare with peach-colored fur, freckles on her face, and straw-colored hair done up in a ponytail beneath a simple, brown stetson hat.
"Oh." Applejack's eyelids lowered, "It's you."
"Yes indeed, it is I, the one, the only, Flim!" the showpony introduced himself with a bow. Applejack rolled her eyes.
"Why are ya here?" she asked in her thick southern accent, "Come to sell us more "miracle" cures and what-not?"
"Would you be so terribly surprised if I told you that I've come for honest work and honest pay?" Flim asked, "Why, I'd work for, let's say three hot meals and a place to sleep!"
"Thanks, but Ah'm havin' a hard time believin' you - a' all ponies - came ta mah farm - a' all farms - looking fer "honest" work." the farm pony said, "Yer workin' an angle for some quick bits."
"Oh contrare, my little apple tart-" Flim began.
"Don't call me that."
"-Apple fritter?"
"No."
"Apple Dumpling?"
"No."
"Apple pie, apple pie, little apple of my eye?"
"Hay no!" Applejack blushed, "What do ya want?!"
"I already told you, Applejack!" Flim played innocent, "I need a place to stay and food to eat, and I'm willing to work for them, too."
"You? Work?" Applejack snorted, "The only work ya two do is in comin' up with cheap products ta hawk ta unsuspectin' ponies."
"I can see you're very perceptive, and if memory serves me correctly, I recall you have a knack for honesty, and I can tell that you're good at heart." Flim said quickly, "I know that you know that I'm not lying when I say that I have nowhere to stay and no food to eat, and I know that - as a bona fide Element of Harmony - you wouldn't dare turn me away in my hour of need."
Applejack pursed her lips in frustration. As usual, Flim was making some pretty good points, and as usual, it sounded too good to be true. After all, Applejack wasn't the only one to pick up a recurring adversary in her adventures: Twilight Sparkle had Trixie, the two of which were becoming fast friends; Fluttershy had Discord, whom she never faltered in supporting, even after his betrayal; even Rarity had run into the diamond dogs more than once and had taken them on as students about how to act civil. For Applejack, Flim and Flam were her adversaries.
"Wait a minute..." Applejack's brow furrowed, "Where's yer fur-lipped brother?"
"Flam?" Flim's smile slipped for a second, then he was back to his smooth-talking self, "He and I have decided to seek different fortunes, you see?"
"No."
"Well, it doesn't really matter." Flim frowned, "He's out there looking for easy work, and I'm in here looking for a real pony's work."
"Yer serious about farmin'?" Applejack couldn't help but smirk, "You have no idea what yer gettin' into."
"How hard could it be?" Flim asked - stupidly, in Applejack's opinion.
"Well, Ah probably shouldn't, but..." the farm pony sighed, "Ya promise ya won't steal anythin' around here?"
"Absolutely!"
"Cross your heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in yer eye?"
"Excuse me..?" Flim asked, dumbfounded.
"Forget it." Applejack shook her head, "Just don't steal anythin', and Ah won't have ta hunt ya down."
"Got it." Flim gave a weak smile; he had seen Applejack's strength in bucking trees and did not want to be on the receiving end of one of her kicks. "So, where do I start?"
"Can't do anything tonight." Applejack said, turning back into the house, "Ya might as well get a bite ta eat before headin' ta bed."
"I like this job already." Flim gave a chortle and Applejack rolled her eyes again.
She led him to the dining room, where Apple Bloom, Big Macintosh and Granny Smith eyed him with equal parts curiosity and distrust. Their last few meetings hadn't been on the greatest of terms.
"Any particular reason Flim's here..?" Apple Bloom asked, voicing what her relatives were obviously thinking.
"Flim and Flam split up." Applejack explained, "An' Flim here wants ta do some work 'round the farm for food and bed."
"An' you believe that sasafras?" Granny Smith asked.
"Don't really care, so long as he doesn't steal or break anythin'." Applejack said, simply, "Big Mac, ya alright with him stayin' in yer room?"
"Nope." Big Mac denied.
"Ah figured." Applejack said, "Ah suppose yer stayin' on the couch."
"No way!" Apple Bloom protested, "Ah can't sleep with some stranger that rips ponies off stayin' in the house!"
"Apple Bloom!" Applejack warned, "Not in front of our guest."
"It's quite alright, my dear Applejack-" Flim began.
"Don't call me "dear"." the farm pony warned.
"-I'll sleep in the barn." Flim finished.
"No guest a' the Apples is gonna stay in the barn when winter's fast approachin'!" Applejack protested.
"Wouldn't be the first time either my brother or I have spent a winter's night in a barn." Flim said quickly, "We call ourselves lucky to find a fine barn to sleep under most nights."
"Ya... sleep in barns?" the farm pony quirked an eyebrow.
"We sleep where we can afford." Flim explained, "One minute, you're sipping tea with the elite of Manehattan, the next you're sleeping in the gutters. C'est la vie, as the fancy ponies say, is what I say."
Applejack spared a glance with her equally-concerned family. Homelessness was a virtually unheard of problem for Equestria. Even in the hustle and bustle cities, nearly everypony could find a place to stay. Even Trixie, who had been reduced to poverty for a time, still had her wagon. It wasn't as if there was a shortage of living space or resources to build housing, either.
"Yer sleepin' on the couch." Applejack said with finality, "Granny Smith has some extra blankets fer guests. Ya can start earnin' yer keep tomorrow."
"Sounds positively terrific, sugarlips." Flim grinned.
"Ya really need ta work on the whole not talkin' thin'." Applejack sighed.
*-*
Flam walked through the streets of Ponyville, shivering at the late autumn night's chill. There were few ponies in the streets, much fewer than there would be in Canterlot or further east. The first few businesses he had seen were closing their doors when he had come asking for a place to stay and work to hold him over. Apparently, he and his brother had a nasty reputation in Ponyville, and none of them would spare him more than a moment's notice before throwing him into the street and slamming their doors.
Rough luck, but nothing he hadn't encountered before. Even this was better than the brothers' last visit to Fillydelphia. Flam shuddered at the mere thought of the city. They certainly couldn't head back there anytime soon. So, with nowhere to stay and no bits to his name, he kept up his search.
Every last shop slammed their doors in his face. To make matters worse, his stomach rumbled.
"Alright, no need to panic." Flam chuckled to himself, "This won't be the first night I've gone without food or a roof over my head, nosiree." That, of course, didn't make the experience any more enjoyable.
Then he saw something. It was a little ways out of the town, a small house that seemed out of place. Approaching it, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness out of the street lamps, he was surprised to see it was more like a wagon than a house, but without any wheels on its bare axles. Curious, Flam circled it before bumping into a blue mare in a purple cape and matching hat.
"Pardon me, gorgeous," Flam said, smoothly. The glare he got in return was enough to make him swallow. "Is this fine piece of mobile abode yours?"
"Trixie would certainly say it is a piece of something..." the unicorn blew a strand of off-white hair out of her face, "She has been stuck outside of this town for nearly two weeks!"
"A shame for this Trixie-gal." Flam tsked, "Is she a friend of yours?"
"You are talking to her." Trixie looked at the showpony as if he were an idiot, "Behold! The great and powerful Trixie!"
Flam raised an eyebrow and looked at the mare as she stood upon her rear legs and flared her cape. Why was she speaking in the third person?
"Need some help with your wagon - Trixie, was it?" he asked, "My brother and I are-" he stopped and frowned, "I am quite the carpenter, my dear. I can put some wheels on this if you would like."
"Trixie can manage it on her own, thank you very much." the mare snapped. Her horn started glowing, and the same glow appeared around the wagon, but it only made it an inch off of the grown before falling again. As if it were Flam's fault, she rounded on him. "As if you could do better!"
Flam frowned again. In actuality, both he and his brother were just as inept when it came to using magic. In fact, they relied more on their abilities of construction and diplomacy to make due than their natural abilities as unicorns. Walking around the wagon once, inspecting it, Flam stopped in front of Trixie with a triumphant grin.
"What are you smiling about?" the mare demanded.
"This is a simple fix, my dear." Flam explained, "You have the wheels, I suspect?"
"...Yes?" Trixie said cautiously, "What do you plan to do?"
"All you need is a simple jack." Flam demonstrated the motion of pumping the device, "Then I can get the wheels on for you, lickety-split."
"Do you think Trixie has not thought of that?" Trixie sneered, "She does not have one, nor the money to purchase one."
"I'll just build you one." the stallion said as if it were no big thing. Trixie burst into laughter.
"You'll build Trixie a jack?" she said between giggles, "Out of what? Trixie's furniture?"
"Well, what do you got?" Flam asked, "Like I said, I'm quite the carpenter."
Trixie wasn't exactly sure why she bothered showing him the inside of her wagon, but she was interested in seeing where this was going. This fellow did have a way with words, to be certain. She might learn a thing or two from him in showponyship, and that was saying something. Giving everything a brief inspection, Flam grabbed items, seemingly at random, and Trixie watched with amazement as he pieced them together into some bizarre amalgamation of parts. She quirked an eyebrow at the seemingly useless piece of junk, but Flam was grinning beneath his moustaches.
"That's a jack?" Trixie asked with obvious disbelief and no small part of scorn.
"Do you truly doubt my abilities, sweet cheeks?" Flam asked, then spoke before she could retort, "This is a genuine Fli-" he furrowed his brow, "Flam-patented hydraulic, pneumatic, air-powered piston-jack!"
"Aren't all of those adjectives more or less repetitive?" Trixie asked. Sweat formed on Flam's brow; most of the ponies around Equestria weren't bright enough to figure out when Flim and Flam were being repetitive in their quick speaking. "Does it work?"
"Of course it works!" Flam said, "It wouldn't be patented otherwise!"
He led her outside and began pumping the wagon up with his jack and magic. To Trixie's amazement, the jack actually worked. She was so startled at this, she didn't even notice as Flam levitated the wagon wheels into place on the raised side, then using the jack to lift the other side and repeat the process. Before she knew it, her wagon was finished. Once more, it had wheels. She was about to express her begrudging impressment over the jack before it suddenly crumbled to pieces.
"Trixie doubts that you could get a patent for that piece of rubbish." the mare laughed, "But she thanks you, all the same."
Flam blinked at Trixie in surprise. He and his brother had traveled all across Equestria, scamming ponies out of their hard-earned bits with quick-fix solutions and ramshackle devices, and so they were never well-liked. This was, quite honestly, the first time he had done a repair that would last more than a few days, and certainly the first time anypony had given their thanks.
"It was my pleasure, m'am." he said, unusually slow for once, pulling off a sweeping bow.
"Trixie feels she should repay you for your act of kindness in some way." Trixie frowned, "For the life of her, she can't figure out how."
"No payment is required!" Flam said, hurriedly. That was the first time he had said those words and meant them. "Helping such a lovely flower as yourself is more than reward enough."
"My, you are quite the smooth talker, aren't you?" Trixie chuckled, "Where do you live? Trixie has been to Ponyville several times and has never seen you before."
"Live?" Flam blinked, but recovered quickly, "Why, I call all of Equestria my home! I travel the countryside, sleeping under the stars and spreading my mechanical wonders across the land!"
"You travel Equestria?" Trixie grinned, "It appears we have something in common."
Flam drew a circle in the dirt with his hoof, thinking of how to word his proposition. He was usually fast on his hooves when it came to negotiation or suggestion, but that was probably due to the fact that whatever he didn't say, his brother would manage. Without Flim around, Flam noticed the awkward silence between conversations even more. Finally, he managed the words.
"Excuse me if I'm being too forward, miss," he began with another bow, "but it can be mighty lonely traveling Equestria by one's self, even with such a cozy abode as yours. I imagine you could also use a handy pony around to see to repairs and whatnot." He tried to look not too eager for her response, but he did have to maintain a casual enthusiasm.
"Trixie supposes she could use an extra set of hooves around for performances..." the mare mused, "She is not willing to share her bed with you, however."
"I'll camp outside for the nights." Flam said quickly.
"She is also not in the habit of making much in the way of profits." Trixie said, obviously sour over her lack of income.
"I would gladly work for three hots and a cot." Flam said.
"Hots?" the mare asked.
"Three meals and a place to sleep, though as I said before, sleeping beneath the stars is all the comfort I require." the stallion replied almost immediately.
"Trixie will provide you with your meals." Trixie said, "But don't expect much else."
"That's all I ask." Flam said.
With that, Trixie retired to her wagon, but not before handing a groundsheet, blankets and a pillow to Flam. He thanked her and made his spot a short ways from the wagon, watching the stars overhead. He had a job secured, even though it didn't pay very much, and a place to sleep, even if it was outside of his employer's wagon. Still, he couldn't help but wonder where his brother was and if he was safe.
Eventually, he let sleep overtake him.