Changelings and Demons
(The untold story of the Ponyville Prank War)
[An undisclosed amount of time earlier...]
Xenolance, world conqueror and evil genius extraordinaire!
...Was unbelievably drunk.
It is impossible to describe how drunk Xeno was without using numbers that he couldn't be bothered with remembering the existence of at the moment. He normally tried to avoid this level of drunk-attude, but after he had a taste of the apple cider from FrappleBack's basement, he just couldn't stop himself. It was no wonder Brainblow Lash was always after the stuff, with how good it was!
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, or in his case, the bottom of the barrel. He sat, staring forlornly at it for several moments, before deciding that additional cider must be acquired. How to do this, however...
Suddenly, the world was brown!
“Ah! The mole-men are attacking!” Xeno yelled as something clung to his face.
…
“Oh, wait, it's just a scroll.”
After looking around to ensure that his stupidity wasn't seen, Xeno carefully unrolled the scroll. Written upon it's interior in formal black lettering was an invitation to a wedding. It had royals, no less!
“Wait... Wedding? Don't those have cider?”
…
“Meh, probably not. It IS a ROYAL wedding, after all. Fancy stuck up pricks.”
…
“How DO Nobles deal with each other? Alcohol?”
…
“Wait, if Nobles use alcohol to deal with each other, and Royal Weddings have a TON of Nobles in the same spot...”
A smile slowly formed on Xeno's face.
“Perfect.”
“Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, it is my great pleasure to pronounce y-”
Princess Celestia's speech was prematurely terminated as the doors to the great hall violently opened, slamming against the wall and resounding with a booming noise. Through the doorway walked an irate evil genius, covered in dirt, cobwebs, and what might be identified as wet cotton candy. As he advanced, spoiled chocolate milk fell off his soaked clothing, creating puddles behind him and adding to his already offensive presence.
“I Object!”
The crowd, who had up until this point been enjoying the wedding, looked on with flabbergasted expressions as the 'most affronting sight they had seen since Discord' walked up the aisle to the pulpit. Celestia herself sat open-mouthed as the villain her student had written to her about approached her. Her state of befuddlement only got worse as Xeno started monologuing.
“Do you have ANY idea what I had to go through just to get here? Any idea at all?”
As Xeno reached the dais that the soon-to-be-married couple were standing on, he started waving his index finger at Celestia, as though she were a filly in need of discipline.
“I have just spent the last six hours--SIX WHOLE HOURS, mind you--lost in your little garden maze.”
Celestia, finally recovering a bit from her shock, hesitantly spoke up.
“I-... I don't quite see the-”
“Of course,” Xeno continued on, ignoring Celestia, “SOMEONE had to go and put a precariously balanced statue near the end of it! But was it a normal statue? NooOOOOoo! It just HAD to be some petrified chimera-thing!”
Suddenly, the chocolate milk made more sense, much to the crowds growing dismay.
“And to make matters worse, when I finally DO get here—your guards need work, by the way; hardly noticed me at all—When I finally get to the reception room to relax to a bottle of Sweet Apple Acres' finest, I find that not only do you not have any, but that you don't have any alcohol here at all!”
At this point, Xeno stomped his foot on the ground and gestured wildly before turning around to address the crowd.
“I mean, come on! How do you people deal with each other without being drunk! You're Nobles! You shouldn't even want to be in the same room as each other without at least SOME social lubricant to grease the wheels!”
Xeno fumed for a few moments, before returning his attention to the bride to be and her husband; both still standing on either side of him as he had ranted to Celestia.
“Well, at least one thing meets my expectations. The bride is a horse, and the groom is boned.”
Cadence gasped and frowned as Shining growled at Xeno and charged his horn. Time seemed to stand still as the magic contained in Shining's appendage released itself. It shot towards Xeno at speeds that most would consider impossible to dodge.
Someone should have told that to Xeno.
Reflexes already overstimulated from his earlier encounter with Discord, Xenolance was already dodging the moment Shining's horn had lit up. With the lag time that the charging took, there was plenty of time for Xeno to dive out of the way before it passed through where he had been standing only moments ago...
… Continuing on to hit Cadence.
There was a gasp from the crowd as Cadence flew off the dais to impact the wall. There was another as a bout of green flames engulfed her figure, revealing her to be none other than the Changeling Queen. There was a third when Shining collapsed, and a fourth when Twilight came rushing through the open doorway of the chapel a moment later.
“STOP! That's not Princess Cadence, that’s a change... ling...”
Soon, everyone gathered in the room were looking between Cadence, Chrysalis, Xeno, and Celestia, with Twilight quickly becoming a dark horse in the running. The staring contest was soon interrupted, though, as Shining regained his senses.
“Wha-... What happened?”
The room, still mostly in a state of confusion, was thrown into chaos as soon as Xeno answered him.
“Well, I knew you liked them ugly, but dayum...”
[More recent past, but still undisclosed...]
Worker 122 carefully scanned his surroundings one last time, before making his way towards Sugarcube corner. His mission had been given to him by the Queen herself, and his punishment for failure would be severe. Severe meaning unimaginably painful, of course.
He had taken up the disguise of some weird ape creature, and was proceeding to the location of the element of laughter's residence. He wasn't totally up to date on all the details, having just skimmed through the briefing, but the objective of his 'don't-fail-or-else' mission was to destroy the supposed friendship between the ape and the pink mare. It was a rather routine mission for him, and should go without a hitch. Some harsh words, a few subtle insults about one's mother, and he could just fade into the background as the individuals involved did the rest. Perhaps this time, he wouldn't even get yelled at for taking so long!
Arriving at the front door to the bakery, 122 had a strange feeling of foreboding. If he listened carefully, he could almost have sworn that he heard yelling. It sounded distant, though, so with a shrug, 122 entered the bakery...
And was immediately confronted by a sight that would haunt him for the rest of his days.
At the counter of the bakery, the element of magic was confronting one of his targets. Moments before, she had been facing the element of laughter with a look of anger, her mane and tail disheveled. Magic had been flowing from her horn, giving her entire form an almost other-worldly appearance as the thaumic tides disrupted space-time in her presence, causing odd shadows and stray gusts of wind to surround her, and in her anger, had improperly controlled the thaumic friction of such an action, creating a distinctly uncomfortable level of heat in the room.
When she turned and saw who he was disguised as, however, all thoughts of his mission evaporated. Her anger skyrocketed into unfathomable rage, and every single iota of it was now directed upon him. Every surface upon her visage combusted, presenting a demonic visage. What once had been uncontrolled eddies, the thaumic currents around her turned into a raging torrent of doom, ripping apart anything that came into contact with it. Her eyes were immediately obscured as her magic hit levels rivaled only by alicorns, and when she spoke, her voice had acquired elements only heard of in changeling mythos relating to the elder gods.
“Ẏ͈̥̯̇̅͘Ọ͖̙͌̒̎̌U̗̭̘̝̲̞͈͋͌̍̀!̣̮̟̳̺͋”
"Uhh..." Worker 122 stated, not expecting such a welcome.
”Y̼̠͙͙̙̯̝ͥ̒͐̑̈̒Ő̰̇̅Ȗ̓ ̪͉̦̬̗W̖̝̫̳͖͖̉́ͨͣ̒͑I̜̞ͤ͊̈́̌̊L̅ͤ̓͂͋L͓̰͕̳̈̃̆̒ ̼͍̱ͯ͑͊ͭͮP͕̗͓̫̃Á̢̐̍̆̚Y̯̝̜̰̞̬ͯͦ̈́̇ͮ̚ ̪̹̪͔̙̾ͮ̓̂̀̾͑ͅA̹͆ͥ͗ͩ̓ͦ͌ ͎͓̟͇͓͉ͪ̾̉̀ͪ̾̏Ṫ͕̗͙̘͚̦͢ͅḨ͔̤̹͉̳͇͔̀͒O͔̯̠͈͙̩͎͗̎̄ͤ̃̌U̯͚͉ͬS̖̯̬̓ͨ̓ͥ͛ͩ̀ͅA̳̲͇̓̍̍̀̎͝ͅN̈ͨͯͬͫͫ̄D̖͉̜̙̺̠̩ͣͣ̈́́̈ ̫̤͉̠̮ͯF̸̫̱͓̂͒ͦ̅O͐͛ͤ͑ͬ͡Ḷ̪̪̘͕ͯ͌̂ͫ̈́D͓͋ ̐ͩͮ́͒̿̕F̯̪͓̖̖̦̤̈̃̓͌̓̀O̡͚̺̗̲͉R̵̩̖̲̝̜͙̹̓ͪ̓ ̳̮̫̪̘̝͖W̆ͤ͌́̀͊͝Ḥ̈͘Ą̯̜̬ͯ́ͬ̅ͮT̝͕͈̯͓͋ ̬͇̖̔̎Yͫ͌Ȯ̧̞̗̩̭͔̟͕͗̏U̱̐̎̎́͊̋͡ ̸͖̔͑͐͊H̴̺̼̝͉͑̍̚A̴̗͇̲̥̬̪͕ͦ͆͛̋ͮ̍͗V̢̱Ẽ͙̮̞̣͎̙ͪͪ ̦̼̻̮̗̚D͚̭̲̰̗O̹̲̩͜Ņͬͣ͋́́E͛̊̓ͭͤ̎͏̺ ̞̟̌͜ͅT̰͈̜͇̼͖̠̾ͣ̿O͕̠͍͇̭̺̅̑ͣ̓͋ ̙̖͚̼̑͗̃̈́M̮̯̮̘ͩͯ̂ͧ̏̊Y̢̝̗̬ͭ̽̄ ̬͙̻̱̞͕̣̏ͯͮ͌L̞̘̟̜̀ͭ͆̎͑I̬̪̜ͯ̍͗̀̈́ͣB̧̩͊R̩͒A̴͔͓͑̽̔R̷̳͚̲̦̭͉ͦ̿ͨỸ͛͆̿̏̓҉͍!͢ “
'Oh, buck! This wasn't part of the plan!'
Visibly sweating, Worker 122 racked his brain for something he could do to escape the elder god given equine form. When nothing immediately presented itself, however, his life was soon flashing before his eyes...
... It was rather boring, truth be told...
'...Wait! That's it!'
“Look over there! An original copy of Starswirl's works on advanced thaumalogics!”
'Wait, what was I thinking?! that will NEVER wo--'
"WHERE?!"
Worker 122 stood dumbfounded for a moment, before his survival instincts caught up with him and he practically flew out the door. A few moments later, the door exploded with the energy of a thousand suns.
“Aͯ̇̑̊ͨ͊͠N͋̒̊͏̲̘̩D̮̣͆̒ͯͨͩͧ ̳͕̫̞̮̏̃͜J̷̬́ͤͬ̑Ũ̥̼̿ͅS͡T̡͓̺͖̱̄ ̙̥̯͊̊̉͘W̅ͣ̀͊̌͏H̶͍̫͇ͣͣ̄̅́E̫̹͋ͬ̃̉͋R͔͖̫̥͙̟̫̾͒ͩ̆ͦĒͣͩ͏ ̮̝̪̻͉̎̾ͬ̇ͥ͝D̞̪͆̃ͥ̌̇ͬ͜O͈̍́̓͑̍ͤ͡ ̫̗͚̺̿͒ͨ̔̃͊̀Y̬̬͎͉ͧ͛Ơ̑̑ͪͧ͌̓ͧỤ͓̥̝̭̿ͪ̈ͦ͊̆ͩ ̞̝̰͍̿ͩ̆̾͌̓ͅT̛ͪͥ̃́Ȟ͓̺̃I̧̫̦̳̯̝͒̓͛N̗̘̙̠ͬ́K̷͙̘̟͔̐ͣ̓ͥ̔̚ ̥͎ͮ͂̔̒ͪ̚Y͙̱̮͖̑͢O̍́ͤ̋̓͂҉͍͇̼̯̖͖U ̗̂̈́ͬ̾ͨA͎R͔̼͋ͥ̔̊͑̌̋E̛̖͌̚ ̝̖̦̗̣ͥ̀G̛̜̳̺͉ͬ̓̌̃ͥͩO̝̹͚ͥ͐̂̐ͦ̓ͩI̪̫͉̘̰̫̰̔̓̍̒ͩͪ͢N̔ͯ̾̌͛ͩG͖̻͈?̡̣̳̬̲̻͙ͫͧ̿̇́!͙̗̥̮̦͞ “
'OH BUCK! I AM SO DEAD!'
"Hey, 'Shy!"
"Oh! Hi Applejack!"
Applejack smiled as Fluttershy walked up to her stall in the marketplace. Set up a few hours ago, Applejack had been making a tidy profit until Twilight had walked by earlier this morning looking as twitchy as a squirrel on expresso. Now a vague sense of unease had settled over everything, causing everypony to occasionally glance behind them out of sheer paranoia.
"So, what can ah get for ya?"
"Oh! Umm... I'd like two bags of apples, and an apple pie, please..."
After picking out the selected items, Applejack placed them upon the top of the kiosk.
"That'll be 18 bits."
"Umm... Here you go."
Just as Fluttershy put the bits onto the cart, the entire assembly was knocked over as a certain bipedal villain tripped over it in his haste. Fluttershy squeaked and found herself under Applejack, who looked on dumbfounded at the destruction of her cart. Looking after the villain, Applejack ground her teeth together and was just getting ready to yell after him when another voice beat her to it.
"̡̼̊͋ͭỴͥ̅͊ͥ̈̓̉͞ô̞̞̫̝̼̖͗͆͢ŭ̥ͫr̪͖̣ͮͪ̏̿ͧ ͓̖͙͈̬̉͐̌s̵̮͔̜̠̗̀̑̄̉ͤô̺̑ͣ̊́u̖̫̼͙̲̪̟̿̐ͯ̚͠ḷ̦̮̒̋ ̞̂͐ͧ͒̓̀w͚̫̰̠̟̞̪̓̉̊̒̏i̬̰̘͔͌̿͂l̯̪̞̣̟͓̗ͩ̒ͭͬ̔̑́l͕̻̯͓̯̣̐̉́͐̎ ̮̭̯̰̘̝̈̂͜b̡͋̓͂u̬̣̣͓ͮͪ̈ͨ̒̒̃̀ṛ̥̩̲̬̪ͦͅn̗͉̋̌̈́͂ ͓̘͈̘̞͚̎͐ͨͮ̌̈́́i̎̈́n͂̀̾̈̚͜ ̯̋̄̈́ͭͬ́t͊͂̀̇͏̞͉̦hͣͯ͢ë́͐ͬͯ͌̏̂͏̪̺͙ ͖̫̦̤̙ͧ̉͛̏ͭͫ̽͘p͊i̝͓͓̱͊̋t̢ͦͮ͗s͔̭͚̺̓̾̈̊ͅ ̼ͥ̆͋o̩̲̹̟͕̓ͤͩ̆̔ͮ͗͜f̠̝̙͙͖͌̓̎ͤͭ͗̍͜ ̦͇̯͓͚̝̺̍̆̋͛ͥ̊̚T͕͓̜͊ͯ͂̕a̭͙̜̋̄̈́͐̈r͂̅ͯ̽̉̃̈t̞͍̤͚͈͕ͫ͑͐̌̐̃ͅa̝̩̼̞ͫ͛̄̒r͚̣̫͔ͤ̈́͒ͤ̽̕u͚͚͙̱͖̣ͭ́ͫ͊͘s̢͎̮̖̦ͤͥͨ ̬̜̤͙͒ͩͥ̂ͦͧ͢f̓ͭ̄̓̽o̴͇̻͎̬ͣͦ̎͑̊͌̐r͙̻͈̭̻̫ͩͨ̽͛̿ͅ ̥͖̑̌͒̎a̅̓n̴̘͕̺̻̟̔ͤ ̐́̏̔e̬͚̖̓ͪͮͣ͋ͯ̾t̛̲̠͚̫̎ͣ̄ͭ̂ê͎̝͙͓̠̫̮̂͌̐̚r͈̼̤̬̥̻̿͌͋͌ͣ͗͐n̗̣̝̞̭̟̩̄̆͒̈́̂ī̙̝̌̈́̃ͭt̠͓̱̺̥̻ͧ̄y͌̎̿̇ͪ̊҉̙͚̙̥̰ ̤̪̱̮̼̊̇͂̊̒f̞̪̻͚͈͗̓ͥͮ̏̈ő̡̱͉̫̳̦̪̹ͮr͙͊ ͈̩͔̞̩̤̮y̬̱͉̥̑̓̑ͧ́̈́ͧo̵̼u̩̒ͮ̾̉̎ŗ͍̱̮̙͛͗ͩ̃ ̮͌̈͋͑͗͑ͮc̷̟̯̹̣͉̅̿̉r̟̮̺̦͓ͬ͋̚͡ͅȉ̮͆͒m͎̭̮̖̯̼̗̆̒̄ͬe̷̮̳͍̱͙sͦ͗̾ ̤̥ͮ̂̎̈͢a̠̝͎̦͚g͆̅̂̽̋̆ͭȁ̱̣̥ͯ̽̅̌ͅi̳̻͚n̫͓͊ŝ̨̰̳̟̗͈̭̪͋̒͋̋͑t̓̒ͯ̏͆́ ̪̠̯̖͖ͧ̃̓k̻̤̤̫̒̒̈́̆̄̑̎͟n̲̫̒̃ͦ̏ͦ̓ͩo̬̻͇̲ͦ͂̚w̫̺̆͂ͪl̡̗̽͑ͬͯë̯́ͣ͛̈́ͥdͤ̊ͭ̏g̱̭̟ͫͥ̋ͫͨḙ͉͖͌̂̄͒ͬͬ̚!̬̈͗͑̉̒̆̆͞"̩̤͂̈̉ͭ̃̀
Twilight, in hot pursuit-- in more ways than one, judging from her currently ignited state-- flew like a bat out of Tartarus after the human. Where Xenolance had only knocked carts over, however, Twilight practically annihilated them. The only thing that seemed to survive her fury was the ponies themselves.
Upon reaching the end of the street, Xeno slipped for a few seconds on the cobblestone road before regaining his footing and running around a corner. Upon reaching that same corner, Twilight instead decided to teleport, causing a small thaumic explosion that scarred the ground and left nearby ponies coughing at the sulphuric smell.
For a few moments, all was silent.
"A-are they gone?"
Applejack just sighed, and started to clean up her stall with her new shadow underhoof.
Rainbow Dash was enjoying the new Daring Do novel she had managed to get her hooves on. Curled up on her bed in her cloud house, she silently mumbled to herself as she read.
"And as Daring glared at the leader of the cult, the cultists began chanting...
Rainbow stopped and blinked at the words on the page, stumbling through the pronunciation of the chant.
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn?"
A sudden explosion from the town down below caused her to leap into the air on reflex. Only a second passed before another explosion occurred, soon followed by more. In a panic, Rainbow slammed the book shut, stood on top of it, and wished she had never bothered with it.
"Why would J.K. Yearling write down the chants to start the end of times where somepony could read them?!"
Somewhere in the jungle, Daring Do had to suddenly resist the urge to giggle at a prank enacted long ago upon her readers.
"̮̫̠̞̰͎ͫ͗̂ͫͯ̔̅͢G̲̏͑̈́̽̋ͮͫ́I͛҉̝V̩͈̍͡E̴͎̺ ͍̲̼̪̖̥̪̍̄͋ͤUͥͭͬ҉̬̟̹͙̫̝P͖̘̀ͪ͠!ͭ̽͒ ̩̤̺̓ͧ̓͒ͫͅY̲̳ͫͥO̓ͣ̄̑ͣͦÙ̗ ̻͚̞͕͖̝̋͋͡H͊̃ͦͪ̇́A̵̼̬̪͙͇V̔E͖̪͍̰̭̫̎͋̔́̊̐̀ͅ ͓̥ͫ̇̊̽͗ͥ̚N̯̺̻ͬͣ̌ͯͭͬOͧ̽ͥ҉̟̳ ̮͖͕̔͆ͅH̹͎̟̪̣͍́ͫͅO̺̰̲͔͍̱ͤP̰̖̺̦̂̾̈́ͅE̮͖̯̳͕̖ͤ̾͟ ̸̖̝͔ͥͥ̍̋ͣͮ̒O̡͈̠̤̒ͪF̡͖̜̀ͥ͒̄̇ ̮E̝̬͔̞̤ͧ̾͂̀̎͝S̗̣̪̖̙͙̦C̛̯̙̦̺ͨͯͧA͙̦ͬͩ̆͋͒̎P҉̯͖͔Ḛ͔̖͈̉̉͟ͅ!͗ͬͯ͊"̱̝̗͗ͩͤ̇̋
Worker 122 shivered as he found himself backed into a corner. He should have known that he had no hope against the destroyer that was Twilight Sparkle. He was doomed from the moment that she saw him.
"̈́̅̑ͫ̈́̋Ả̗͓͕̘͎̠͒̈́͛̋Ň̩̦͙͎̻̞͈̑͗̏ͦ͐̓͠Y̥̳͉͓ ̣̪̪ͩ͆L͈͚̖͈̦̒̈ͮͥ̆̊͞A̢̗ͨ̏̀ͨ͗S̶̠̳͈̦͇̐̏ͧT͌̆̆ ͕̞͔̗Ẉ̺̲̺̯̗͂ͬ̀̏͜O̻̞͈̯͖ͮ͐̿ͧR̦̜̖̜̪̊͌̓̈D͍̬̰̟̬͈ͭ̿ͧͦ̽̾S̤̫̩̝̠̝̞̓?͖̠͇̺̱ͩ̅̐̂̄͋ͅ"̤̥̪̗̑͐̇̔ͫͫ
With a sigh, 122 admitted defeat, and dropped his disguise.
"Please make it quick..."
Twilight, for her part, froze in shock. Even the ethereal flames that composed her mane and tail found themselves still with her surprise. After a few moments, she regained enough sense to ask a question.
"... Were you always a changeling, or do you have no idea what's going on?"
"Uhh... The latter one?"
After a few moments more, Twilight returned to normal, albeit a few added soot stains to her coat. She gave a long suffering sigh, and started to walk back down the alley she had cornered 'Xeno' in.
When she reached the end, 122 voiced his hesitant opinion on the matter.
"Does this mean I'm free to go?"
"You know what, I don't even care anymore."
And with that, she was gone.
122 stood still for a few moments longer, before thanking everything from his Queen, to even the Pony Princesses, that he would live to see another day. Quickly donning a new disguise, he abandoned his mission and started the long trip back to the hive. With any luck, perhaps his Queen would take mercy on him...
"... And then I came back here, informed you of my failure, you tied me up, and here we are."
Queen Chrysalis stared at the worker that she had sent out to get her revenge for the wedding incident so long ago. The worker had been suspended upside down over a vat of acid, and when questioned on why it had failed, had started spinning the most ridiculous tale she had ever heard.
Calling upon her years of experience, she tried to think of an appropriate response to what she had just heard. It was so remarkable, that it required a truly unique response; one that fully summed up all of her thoughts on the subject, and yet still remained dignified enough to pass her lips. It was a truly arduous task, and almost was almost beyond her extensive ability.
"...Wat?"