The pen, held in a magical grip, scratched its way across the paper. Twilight Sparkle sat with nose close to the page and eyes fixed on the looping, crossing, dotting progress of the nib.
She finished the paragraph she was writing, uttered a sigh of satisfaction and laid the pen down. She had reached a state of satisfied fatigue – equivalent to what a distance runner might feel at the sight of the finish line. In half an hour, or so she estimated, her concentration would falter and it would be time to call it a night. Better review progress so far.
Twilight sat forward. The pen swooped in, poised to correct any abuses of style, grammar or spelling (not that she ever made any of those).
Thus, examination of metamagical themas confirms 3 (three) distinct philosophical approaches or schools to practical thaumaturgy.
Twilight hummed softly to herself. She lived for moments like these; for the thrill of intellectual fulfilment.
Time will reveal which one of these schemes becomes dominant...
Time.
The pen shattered in Twilight's grasp. Her pupils shrank to panicked pin-pricks. Quickly she looked around the library which lay beyond the lighted pool of her writing desk.
The sky, as seen through the round high windows, was velvety indigo. Twilight's heart shrank to a ball of ice in her chest. 'SPIKE!'
The little green and purple dragon stuck his head round the door. 'Something happened?'
'Spike! Time!'
'Oh, right. Just a minute.' He disappeared while Twilight fretted. Several minutes later he returned. 'Ahem.' he cleared his throat. 'It's... half past seven!'
'Yes, I know.'
'Then why did you...' he shrugged. 'Whatever. What's so important about the time anyway?'
'Pinkie Pie's party, Spike. It started an hour and a half ago. You were supposed to remind me.'
His forehead creased with childish confusion. 'You said not to disturb you. On no account, you said.'
'Ugh! Spike, you should know by now when I mean that and when I'm just saying it.' Twilight started pacing.
Spike eyed her back-and-forth progress. 'This may seem like an obvious question, but is there some reason why you can't just go there now?'
'Spike! You know how seriously Pinkie takes her parties. She probably hates my guts right now.'
'She's kind of getting better about stuff like that. But you could always, you know, apologise.'
Twilight didn't appear to hear. Her eyes had acquired a febrile gleam. 'There's a way out of this. Come on, Twilight. Think.'
Spike raised an eyebrow. 'Apologise?'
'Nuh-uh. Not disappointing my friend like that. No way.'
Spike shook his head in despair.
'Magic,' said Twilight suddenly with the calm of deep inspiration. 'Magic will save the day. All I need is a spell to...' her face lit up. 'Send me back in time!'
'Messing with causality, Twi? Isn't that kind of dangerous?'
'You're right, Spike.' She hung her head. 'Hey! I could just, you know, tell her I got stuck in time or something.'
'You're talking about lying.' He crossed his arms and gave her a look of profound disapproval. 'Twi, Rarity can get away with shenanigans like that. You can't.'
Twilight sighed and nodded. 'The first plan was the best.'
'You mean you're going to apologise?'
'No, I'm going to use magic.' Spike slapped his forehead. Twilight trotted over the the bookshelf and extracted an old and disreputable looking volume. 'Aha! Perfect. Listen to this: to reverse the flow of time. Warning: this incantation may cause total existence failure.'
He snatched the book out of the air and closed it with a snap. 'Twilight, it's no big deal, honest. Just go and tell them all you're sorry.'
There were some moments of silence. Then: 'Spike, I'm scared.'
He frowned. 'Scared? Of your friends?'
'No.' Her head drooped. 'I'm scared because I screwed up. And when I screw up it feels like everything falling apart.'
He watched her for a moment, then sat down beside her. 'Twi, I don't know what to say.'
'There's nothing to say, Spike.'
He gave her a gentle pat on the neck. 'Get over there and apologise. It's all you can do.'
#
Luna's night was bright with stars. Overhead, the constellations sparkled in familiar profusion. Twilight could name them all and recount their histories and even list the spectral types of their constituent stars. And yet, tonight of all nights, the knowledge gave her no joy.
She trotted along Ponyville's main street, maintaining a perfectly straight course, ignoring the other pony folk who were abroad. She was wearing a heavy travelling cloak, one of Rarity's gifts, with the hood raised. It seemed appropriate somehow. Her mind was occupied with a singular question:
Why do I do this to myself?
I could have told Spike it was important.
I could have set an alarm.
I could have doodled a note in the margins. I never ignore those.
But she hadn't done any of those things. It was almost like... and here Twilight Sparkle shivered with a sense of deep foreboding. It was almost like she'd done it deliberately. Self-sabotaged. Created a crisis where none existed before.
It would certainly explain a lot of what was wrong in her life.
Now she had reached Sugarcube Corner. Twilight stood staring at it with the hood pulled up to hide her face. The rococo building was softly grey in the dusk. Upstairs, the nursery windows were dark – the Cake twins had evidently been persuaded to go to sleep. But downstairs, the yellow rectangles of light beamed cheerfully out into the night. And inside them...
inside, her friends were at play. Bounce, bounce, bounce went Pinkie Pie. Rainbow Dash buzzed after her. The crown of Applejack's hat briefly appeared.
Twilight absolutely did not want to face them. She'd have given anything to slink away into the dark. But no – that would have made things even worse.
Watch me ruin the mood. She gathered the threads of her courage, walked forwards and knocked. Filled her lungs and opened her mouth ready to apologise.
The door flew open. She's here, they yelled, all five of them together. The heat and light and music hit her in the face. The buttery scent of fresh baking flowed all around her. Eager hooves grabbed hold and dragged her inside.
'All right!' Rainbow Dash gave the air an emphatic hoof-punch. 'Now we can really get started.'
Applejack peered at her with fuzzy-round-the-edges bonhomie. Evidently the XXX cider had already been cracked open. 'Twilight, y'all are gonna hafta party extra hard to make up for bein' late.'
She tried to apologise but Rarity reached up and shut her mouth with the deft nudge of a hoof. 'Twilight darling, we've known you for how long? Whatever it was kept you away must have been desperately important.'
'Rarity, I just feel so...'
'Never mind about that now. Here have some cider cocktail. I urge caution.' Rarity turned to fill a glass. Twilight was at last able to edge close to Pinkie Pie. 'Pinkie, I am so, so sorry. I just plain forgot...' Twilight managed a weak smile. 'Well actually it's a little more complicated than that.'
'Huh?' The party pony gave her a stare of round-eyed incomprehension. 'You're apologising to me for being scatterbrained? Disorganised? Forgetful? Huh? Huh?'
'Pinkie, you never forget anything.'
At that moment Rainbow Dash dropped from the heavens and draped an arm around both their necks. 'Girls, I am soooo lucky to have you guys as friends...'
#
Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy lay on Pinkie Pie's sofa with their foreheads resting together. Both were staring up at the ceiling.
'It just tears me up inside.' Twilight sighed and wriggled into a more comfortable position. 'When I do stuff like this.'
'Twilight.' She could feel, as well as hear, Fluttershy's voice vibrating through her skull bones. 'You want to know what I think?'
'Always.'
'I think that if you try too hard to change you might end up not liking yourself. I should know.'
'I guess.' Twilight gave a heavy sigh. 'Maybe I should try and go a little easier on myself.'
By now Pinkie's party was winding down. All six had things they needed to do tomorrow. Responsibilities, those handmaidens of maturity, had been creeping up more and more of late.
Twilight trekked thoughtfully home under a sky now completely dark. The cider cocktail, which she had indulged in without really meaning to, was sloshing around inside her. It was all right, wasn't it? She'd worked herself up over nothing, hadn't she?
And yet, she was consumed by thoughts of what her friends might have said if it wasn't. The disdain. The disappointment. Stinging words, harsh rebukes. Heavy and dull-eyed, she made her solitary preparations for bed (Spike had long since retired to his basket). She lay under the blankets in her loft and waited for sleep to come. Thoughts bobbed around in her mind like rubber ducks in bubblebath. The need to be perfect. The ever present fear that she would get it all wrong. She rolled onto her front and lay with rump in the air and chin resting in her forehooves. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be happy?
Then she heard the voice; faint, as if from a great distance. It was the low and desolate weeping of a filly in distress. Help, please help me...
Twilight sat up in bed.
Here it came again. I'm lost and alone and scared. Please, someone help me.
Twilight's ears twitched. 'Is somepony there?'
please
Twilight lit her horn. A cone of lilac radiance sprang out, painting the room in sharp-edged shadows. 'Where are you? Are you somewhere nearby?'
lost and alone
Twilight's beam swept across the walls. 'I can't help if I don't know where you are.'
The door opened. Spike came in, rubbing his eyes. 'Twi, what's up? I heard your voice, and... what's going on?'
'Shhh, Spike.' She waved a hoof. 'I heard something. A filly, crying in the night.'
'Well do you hear it now?'
She glared at him. 'Obviously not with you talking.'
'C'mon, Twi. It was a dream.'
'I think,' she countered with dignity, 'I know the difference between dreams and reality.'
'Whatever.' He yawned, concealing his modest fanged gape behind a hand. 'I bet in the morning you won't even remember.'
#
Twilight Sparkle sat brooding at the breakfast table. A cup of tea stood untasted by her elbow. Today's checklist lay before her, unconsulted. She barely noticed as Spike came in, bustled about and set a fried dandelion sandwich before her.
'Sorry, Spike.' She gave a start. 'You were saying?'
He place his hands on his hips and peered at her. 'I said, you look pensive. What's up?'
'The voice,' she said without preamble. 'I recognised it.'
It took him a moment to remember. 'What, from last night?'
'From last night. It was me, Spike. My voice.'
The two stared at each other. Morning's sunbeams, those bright ambassadors of Celestia's grace, advanced across the floor. Yet somehow they lacked warmth.
'So,' said Spike at last. 'What are you going to do about it?'
'I don't know.' She remembered the tea and took a sip. It was lukewarm. 'Wait and see if I hear it again I guess. Or...' she got a faraway look in her eye. 'Maybe this is something which can benefit from further research.'
Spike's eyebrows drew together. He tapped the checklist. 'You're giving a talk to Cherilee's students today, remember?'
She leaped up from the table. 'Sweet Celestia, I had completely forgotten! And I have...'
'15 minutes.'
'Just enough time, then. Twilight Sparkle super study mode, activate!' She bounded to the centre of the library. Books whizzed off the shelves and were scan-read, whilst the quill raced across a waiting scroll. In short order Twilight had summorised the theory and practice of spellcasting, together with a brief précis of magical history. She dotted the final I, crossed a stray T and rolled up the scroll with a flourish. 'Ta-da! Spike, time check?'
'5 Minutes.'
'Five minutes.' A gleam of triumph shone in her eyes. 'Which gives me time to get to the schoolhouse with 30 seconds to spare. By Celestia, I'm good.'
As it turned out she hardly used any of it. Ponyville's colts and fillies had no interest in the theory of anything. They only wanted to hear about the legends of the ancient days, of which there were plenty. Twilight Sparkle found herself recounting the tales of the Founding of Equestria, of the deeds of Celestia and Luna, of their battle against the Crawling Chaos.
Wonder lit in the infants' eyes. Twilight found her own heart answer it as she assured them yes, the ancient battles and glories were not myths, that these events had all really happened.
Then of course they wanted a practical demonstration. She responded with some flashy conjurations, basic stuff but it elicited plenty of oohs and aahs from her audience. A brief Q&A session followed, and Twilight was surprised to find that an hour and a half had passed.
She trotted home, an exceptionally red and shiny apple, courtesy of Applebloom, nestling in her saddlebag. She breezed into the library in the highest of spirits. 'Spike, it went fine. I told them all about the... what are you doing?'
He was sweeping the floor with curious diligence. A frown of concentration sat on his brow.
'Spike?'
He pointed upstairs. 'It's her.'
'Her? Who is her supposed to be? Honestly Spike, half the time I have no idea what you're on about.' Twilight opened the door to the library proper and saw the rich bluish glow reflected on the polished wooden floor. Her jaw dropped. She looked back at him. 'It's her.'
'That's what I was trying to tell you.' He made shooing motions. 'Go in.'
Yet still she paused at the door. She wasn't nervous – not exactly anyway. This was Luna after all. But it wasn't an everyday occurrence either. The Princess of the Moon didn't just drop in. Twilight made a deliberate effort to quell the rampaging speculations of her brain and went inside.
The immortal co-ruler of all Equestria was standing in the corner of the library. She was examining, in idle fashion, the titles on the shelves. Luna's element was night, when her powers waxed strongest. Seen like this, in the light of noon, she seemed not diminished, but maybe a little closer to common ponykind. A little easier to deal with. If you could get over the wings plus the horn, and the dark floating plume of the mane.
Luna's ear twitched. She turned hastily round. 'Twilight Sparkle.'
Twilight bobbed her head. 'Princess Luna.'
The two studied each other. Luna was waiting for something, or so it seemed. What could it be? In a flash of insight Twilight realised that, whatever else she was here for, Luna desired to be treated as a friend.
Twilight smiled with unfeigned warmth. 'Princess, it's good to see you.'
Luna's manner softened. 'Twilight Sparkle, I am making efforts, that is to say I am taking steps to appear less formal.'
'Maybe you could take a few more? Steps, that is?'
There were some moments of silence.
'Would you like some tea, Princess?'
'Luna, please.' The Princess of the Moon inclined her head with Canterlotian courtesy. 'A brew would be most welcome.'
#
'There you go, Princess.' Spike set forth the very best tea set, complete with sugar bowl, tongs, saucer of sliced lemon and milk jug. He made a thorough production of pouring tea for them both.
He never does that for me, thought Twilight Sparkle as she dropped sugarcubes into her own tea. 'So, Luna. How can I help you today?'
'It concerns Night Mare Moon.'
Twilight's mouthful sprayed all over the table. Luna regarded the resulting russet sprinkling impassively. 'Night Mare... uh...' Twilight dabbed ineffectually with a napkin.
'I am troubled in my mind.' Luna looked down. Her hooves rubbed nervously together. 'I have felt a presence, again.'
'Spike,' said Twilight. 'You have something to be getting on with, I believe?'
'Nope.' He shook his head.
Her eyes narrowed. 'Are you sure?'
'Yes of course I'm sure...' he caught her look. 'Tell you what. Why don't I go and tidy the sock drawer?'
'You do that.'
He sidled out, pausing at the door, eyeing them both before leaving.
Twilight took a deep breath. 'Luna – you were saying?'
The Princess nudged a teaspoon with a fore-hoof.
Twilight tried again. 'What exactly did you mean by felt a presence?'
Luna frowned. 'I am not sure.'
'Try to be more precise. This is important.'
'I remember, Twilight Sparkle. What it was like when I was...' Luna paused. 'When I was possessed. When my soul was infused by that spirit of hate and darkness. There is a very distinctive... flavour associated with it.' Luna's forehead wrinkled. 'A mental and moral coldness, if you will. It is unmistakeable. And it is back. I know it.'
'Have you told Celestia about this?'
'No!' Luna reared back, shocked and angry. 'No.' She made a visible effort to calm herself. 'My apologies. But I don't want to disappoint my sister.'
Twilight frowned. 'Disappoint?'
'The wrong word.' Luna shook her head. 'Forgive me. But some things are hard to talk about – even after a year has gone by. Even to the person you are closest to in the whole world. This is... something that is specific to me. I want to solve it myself. Deal with it. Exorcise it.'
I can understand that, thought Twilight. She drank a steadying sip of tea. 'So how can I help?'
'I would like you to go to the Royal Archive at Canterlot Castle,' resumed Luna calmly. 'In the archive there is a hidden section. It contains various tomes and grimoires. Volumes that have to do with all manner of wicked and perverse practices. There is information about Dark Magic. About binding it – countering it.' Luna's face radiated calm but implacable purpose and Twilight was reminded yet again that this was a goddess who spoke. 'You, Twilight Sparkle, can research the nature of Night Mare Moon, and devise a defence against it.'
'This may seem like an obvious question, but why don't you do it?'
'Tia can't know!' Luna slammed a hoof down on the floor. The tea things rattled. 'If she catches me poking around in the black archives there's no telling what she will think. I don't want to... I will not give her any reason to doubt my intentions. You, Twilight Sparkle, have the magical and academic skills to accomplish this task. And I believe I can trust you.' Luna gave her an awkward, hopeful look. 'We are friends, or so I would hope.'
Twilight leaped up from the table, ablaze with purpose. 'Have no fear, Luna. I've got this. I'll solve your problem, all right.'
Luna voiced a great sigh of relief. 'Thank you. I cannot express how much this means to me. Now, we must get you into the Royal Archive. It will be necessary to devise a plausible... pretext.'
'Excuse,' Twilight suggested.
'Fib,' Luna qualified.
'Lie.'
'A lie in a good cause, Twilight.'
'But a lie nonetheless.' They both studied the table in silence. At last Twilight stirred. 'She won't be mad at us, will she? When she finds out.'
'My sister does not get mad, Twilight. She gets angry. You have seen her when she's angry.'
Twilight remembered; not the fear she had felt, so much as the corrosive and consuming sense of guilt. She realised she was doing that thing when she stroked her tail, back and forth, back and forth...
'Twilight.' She dropped the tail with a start. 'Why did you send Spike away?'
She hung her head. 'He'd tell Celestia all about this. Maybe he'd be right to.'
Luna gazed at her forlornly.
'I guess... this time, the right thing to do is the wrong thing.' Twilight forced a smile. 'Let's write a letter, shall we?'
#
A letter was duly composed and sent. The reply came back in moments: my most favoured student, you are always welcome here in Canterlot. C. Twilight lay in bed that night, tossing and turning. Guilt had grabbed her and was squeezing her in its talons.
The lilac unicorn sat up, anguished and fuzzy-headed. She couldn't do it. She couldn't lie to Celestia. She would write a letter, explain everything and take the consequences.
Please, I'm lost and alone.
Twilight cocked her head, listening.
I'm afraid.
'Afraid? Afraid of what?'
Of her. Of the Sun.
'Who, Celestia?'
She mustn't know about me. She'd destroy me. Help me, Twilight. I'm lost in the darkness and I can't find my way back to the light. A knife of pity twisted in Twilight's guts.