“Applejack…” Discord said slowly, his pupils shrinking in the smallest of degrees. “I think you might want to be careful with what you do—”
“No more stalling, Discord!” Applejack yelled. “You wanted this from the beginning and now you’re getting it—perhaps only not as loving as you might have wanted.” With nimble hooves, she began twirling her lasso in the air. “Now bite down on that stick. I don’t want to startle these poor ponies more than you already have.”
Both of Discord’s ears fell flat against his head, an odd amount of unease in his eyes. “Then I’ve changed my mind. I want somebody else. Not you. I—”
“Too bad!” Applejack screamed, lunging her rope at the creature, instantly hooking around a single swinging leg and pulling back with every well toned muscle in her body.
“Ahh!”
With a loud smack, Discord toppled to the ground and before another word could be uttered in defense, Applejack was already on top of him. Both of Applejack’s forelegs turned into a blur as she easily pinned Discord’s legs and arms around his back before tying them tight in a knot. Next she violently bucked him onto his back, a great rush of forced air escaping the startled beast.
“Somebody help me! She’s gone mad with penis envy!” Discord pleaded, with less than stellar results.
“Shush up now!” Applejack spat, standing atop his quivering legs. “You deserve what’s coming. One minute from now it’ll be over and I can go back to hating you more than ever. But until then shut up and deal with it.” She spat onto her gloved pair of hooves again, then mumbled, “Sixty strokes a minute… isn’t that a laugh.”
Tightening every joint in her face, she placed both strong hooves on the draconequus’ twitching member, appearing nearly to crush whatever softness it held. In rough motions she began to bring her stiff hooves up and down, over and again until they merely became a swirl of colors in the air. A bead of sweat already dotted her hairline.
Discord struggled in his knotted hold. “You’re terrible at this! And you’re not playing nice! Too rough! Too rough! Bad touch! Bad touch! I need an adult!”
The cowgirl ignored the cowering creature and rolled her eyes. “I thought I told you to be quiet!” She shuffled herself along his shaft until she sat on his chest. “Now close your eyes and think of mother Equestria.” Then she flipped back her head, letting loose her hat that fell directly over the squirming draconequus’ heated face. Now his loud cries were muffled considerably.
“Come on now! Give up the ghost!” she hollered.
Applejack’s hammer-like strokes latched onto his dick with somehow increasing intensity. There was no love or tenderness in the action—she only wanted out of there and away from this sordid affair; well away from the frightful scene. Twilight could understand.
From underneath her dirty hat, Discord screamed, “Celestia help! They’re not playing nice anymore!”
The alicorn stood next to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. “I almost feel bad for him.”
Rarity huffed. “Well I don’t. It’s what he wanted all along and now it’s what he’s getting. I don’t have a modicum of pity in my entire body for that sick creature. Should Applejack accidentally rip that elongated thing from his body, I believe I’d only sleep better at night.”
Pinkie Pie leapt onto Rarity’s back, a pink foam penis stuck on one hoof. “Go Applejack, go! Tell that big meanie who’s boss!” Next, she bounced towards the working mare, dabbing a towel around her head before shoving a water bottle into her mouth. The slight annoyances did little to sway the concentrating cowgirl.
“Surrender, you pervert!” Applejack spat, increasing her speed as she continued to pin down the struggling draconequus. Already a steam like vapor was drifting out the edges of his shaft.
“No! Noooo!” Discord hollered under the hat, head beating against the dirt while his hips lunged up and down, trying desperately to pry loose the frighteningly vicious cowgirl. “Not like this! Not like this!”
“I think we must be getting close,” Applejack said through bated breathes. “I’m sure gonna sleep well after—”
One harsh buck from below sent the winded mare toppling through the air, crashing a few feet away from the scene. Only a second later did Discord spring to his feet, cowboy hat falling to the dirt while his eyes darted to the splayed mare. Snapping the ropes away, he pointed a sharp finger at her. “Stay away!” he blared, his chin still trembling. “I only have one of these you know, and by the rate you’re going I’ll be bound to have none at all!”
He snapped himself back to his bench and began to gently caress his sore appendage. His wide, fearful eyes slowly scanned the rest of the group, unsure what they were planning on doing. “I only wanted a little help. Not—”
Applejack got back to her hooves before cracking her neck. “I don’t think so, Discord. You’re not getting off that easy!” She lunged for the bench, both forelegs ready and primed for action. A few steps away, the draconequus snapped a protective bubble surrounding him, shutting her out.
“No more from you, dear,” Discord said thickly. “I’d rather shove my dick into a beehive than give you a second shot. You failed, Applejack! I sure hope you’re first colt-friend likes in rough—otherwise I foresee a spinster’s life for you!”
Applejack growled near the edge of the bubble as Twilight came forward. “We gave you what you wanted, Discord,” she said. “So either take it like you should or stop complaining. You were the one that asked for this.”
“Yes, I did,” he said. “Yet stupidly I thought you’d actually act like girls—not rapists.”
Applejack raged. “I am not a rapist!”
Discord waved a hand. “Okay, fine. Attempted rapist. There. Better.”
Applejack fumed while Pinkie Pie bounced towards him. “Did you all forget about little ol’ me! Why has no one asked me yet! I love helping!”
Twilight lowered her head. “This entire time, Pinkie! You would have done it this entire time and you didn’t say anything? What in Equestria were you waiting for?”
“For someone to ask…” Pinkie said sweetly. “Or for the crowd to get to its maximum occupancy level—which it has! And then some!”
Twilight thought about pressing the notion further, but a headache was already well on the horizon. “Fine, whatever. Let’s get this over with.”
With added energy, Pinkie bounced towards the unsure flapping creature.
“I don’t know about this one, either…” Discord said.
From a convenient bush Pinkie plucked out a sundae bar and, with avid interest, surveyed each topping. “So Mr. Discord! What kind of toppings would you like today? Peanuts? Gumdrops? Sprinkles? Caramel? Toffee? Super hot fudge? Cherries?”
Discord’s jaw dropped. “What? Ew! No! Why would I—”
Unperturbed, Pinkie collected an unnatural amount of condiments onto both hooves and trotted closer to him. “I always found hoofjobs boring at best. So I found a way to spice it up! Who’s ready to make a banana split?”
Pinkie collided with the curved bubble, her condiments et al. coating a good portion of herself and the force field. “Hey!” she chirped. “Let me in there this instant!”
Discord appeared on the verge of being sick. “How ‘bout no. You’re weird. Weirder than her somehow.” He motioned to the still-angry Applejack, before eyeing up Twilight and Rarity. “Why can’t any of you simply lend a helping hoof? That’s all I’ve been asking for. You all keep on trying to trick others into doing your dirty work or changing it into things that suit yourself but not me. You must believe me when I say I haven’t done this on purpose—I am as much a victim as the rest of you.” He sighed gravely, glaring at them all. “Is this really how you treat your friends in their time of need? ‘Friendship is Magic?’ At this moment it only seems as though friendship is painful…”
A single tear dripped from his eye, falling to the hand that was still working his shaft. If not for that very glaring detail, the sight might have even been touching.
“Just go away,” he continued. “I don’t want your help. I’ll finish on my own and then move someplace far away from selfish, stingy ponies. Please don’t look upon me with your judgmental eyes any further.”
As the sun finally dipped its way below the horizon, Twilight lowered her head and closed her eyes. It had been a long day—a long, hard day—and now her worst fears had come true. The friendship with the closest ponies around her had been frayed something terrible, and the cataclysmic event that could perchance doom them all was still in full swing. She could not ponder a more drawn out or harrowing battle.
“Discord’s right,” she said softly, lifting her head as the light from a street lamp twinkled in both eyes. “I haven’t been going about this the right way. I don’t think any of us have.” She regarded her friends, who one by one drew closer to her as she spoke. “This wasn’t a task that should have been shoehorned to another—or twisted or coerced or tricked to seem like something else. We all know it’s wrong.” She casually glimpsed the hurried eagle’s claw against the floppy member. “It’s very, very, very, very wrong. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important, especially if it means the survival of everyone we’ve ever known or will know. Sometimes doing what’s right can’t always seem or feel right—but being a hero is more than just what others think of you. At the end of the day all that matters is that those that truly care about us still do.” She scanned the eyes of each one of her friends; all curious and waiting. “Like every battle we’ve fought before, we should tend to this latest one the same: as one unstoppable team. What could work better than four sets of hooves against one opponent? So with that said, who will join with me?”
She smiled at them all, a gentle breeze blowing across her mane. In her head she could almost see the conclusion already—friends becoming friends again and saying goodbye to the whole grueling ordeal. The town would be freed and the next day the four of them would be thanked instead of shunned, for they had saved them all when no others could. As much as she tried to deny it, Twilight was nearly humming her own triumphant score that she always heard when they waged war against a monster.
Rarity was the first to break the silence. “You’re right, Twilight.”
The alicorn’s heart became a flutter.
Rarity grimaced. “It is very wrong and nothing you’ve said can change that. What will ponies in Canterlot think if I dare touch that?” She shook her head. “Sorry, but you’re on your own. And if you actually touch that, I wouldn’t bother calling. Ew!”
As Twilight’s shimmering eyes bulged from complete lack of understanding, Rarity skipped out of the scene and away in the dark. A lump had already begun forming in the middle of Twilight’s throat.
Applejack wrapped a leg around her. “Don’t worry, Twilight. I won’t think anything different of you.”
“Thanks Apple—”
“Because I still think you and Rarity are a bunch of highfalutin stuck-up ponies!” Applejack released the shocked Twilight to glare down at her. “First you try and convince me to do your dirty work and then when I say no, you then tell me it’s what I was made to do!”
“I didn’t say that! Rarity did!”
Applejack narrowed her eyes. “But I bet you were thinking it! And then when I actually try and help everyone out of this—does anyone bother to thank me?”
Now it was Twilight’s turn to get mad. “But you almost pulled his dick off!”
“And you were expecting me to go soft on that creep?”
Twilight stopped to breathe. “Applejack… please…”
“Ah go finish the chore yourself, Princess,” she spat at her. “Might do you some good to learn not to be all high and mighty all the time.”
With that out of her system, the cowgirl trotted from the marketplace, but not before adding another bag atop her little sister’s head near the edge of the square. Twilight, meanwhile, collapsed on the ground, shaken to the core. Only once she glimpsed the edges of her last friend’s hooves did she look up. Unsurprisingly, Pinkie Pie didn’t seem as characteristically happy as usual.
Twilight nearly pleaded, “But Pinkie, we never asked you to do anything!”
“I know!” she shouted back. “Not only was that rude, but not a single one of you complimented me on the best party I’ve ever thrown!” She snorted out confetti and bitterly bounced out from view behind her, the earth breaking under each step.
Only a few seconds later did the tears well up in both eyes, before they cascaded down her cheeks. Twilight hitched in a breath and moaned silently. Things couldn’t possibly get any worse, could they?
“Oh Princess? You-who?”
Wait a second. Of course they could.
“Now’s not a great time, Discord,” Twilight answered thickly. “If you hadn’t noticed, all of my friends just made it clear how much they hate each other and me.”
Discord giggled lightly. “Yes, yes, I did see that. But that doesn’t stop the ticking time bomb sitting directly in my lap from posing a threat. And since you appear to be the last pony standing…” She could almost hear the edges of his grin tickling his eyebrows.
Twilight sighed and tried to fathom a reason to turn around and walk away from it all. Yet since receiving her wings and new title, she now had to care about more than what she wanted—no matter how much it might hurt at the time. And honestly, how could she possibly feel any lower than now?
Begrudgingly she climbed to her hooves and steadily made her way to the bench. Keeping her eyes to the ground, she could only make out a faint blur of draconequus along with his unnatural bits. She said dourly, “Try to be quick, okay?”
He giggled again. “I’ll try my best, Twilight.”
Not wanting to leave the warm—and far less embarrassing—confines near her body, Twilight's right foreleg shook minutely as she slowly inched it towards Discord’s thick and long privates. Already something acidy was biting at the back of her throat, as her poor innocent hoof grew only inches from it.
“There you go,” he said. “Almost there.”
Her single hoof met his heated shaft and Twilight was almost taken back by its softness. She felt the gentle pulse from his heart as well as the rough work his single hand was doing to the other side of his penis. Eventually she even opened her eyes fully and finally stared at the instrument of destruction that had ruined her day wholly and thoroughly. Up close and now touching the damn thing, it suddenly wasn’t as scary as her mind had made it out to be. Sure, she was a Princess at heart—always would be—but she had touched a few stallions in the past, so what was so different about this one exactly? As long as she didn’t look up to view precisely who it was connected to.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Twilight added her second hoof to the equation, bringing them first up and then quickly back down. One stroke done, she thought. Now that only leaves several hundred more. “This isn’t so bad,” she mumbled, a split second before Discord ejaculated all over her.
***
Twilight Sparkle glimpsed herself in her childhood home, years and years ago. Both of her wonderful parents were there, and she was busy sitting atop her Daddy’s back as he galloped around the room—giggling endlessly. It was a moment she knew very well; the first few hours after becoming Celestia’s personal understudy. All three of them had been over the moon about the news, Twilight most of all. Although the news itself was exciting beyond compare, it was the smiles on her parents’ faces that created perhaps the most joyful memory in her life.
It was warm there. It was safe. It was happiness itself. So why was someone trying so hard to tug her away from it?
“Equestria to Twilight Sparkle? Hello?”
No. No, please, she thought. I don’t want to go back there.
“Want me to summon a towel or something?”
Why can’t I be in a coma? Please let me slip into one! Please let a rock fall from the sky and crush my skull and then I can come back to this wonderful memory and not have to leave it so—
The galloping of hundreds of hooves pulled her awake. What sealed the deal was the overwhelming cool and sticky substance that coated nearly her entire body. With rising horror she brought a trembling hoof to her face and found it covered with a multicolored goo she oddly thought resembled Zap Apple jam. Even the few drops that fell between her lips tasted as such (she would have many questions to ask Granny Smith when this was all over…).
Already standing a top the anguished pony was Discord, stretching out his back in long, exaggerated motions. Any hint of working genitalia on the tall creature had already been removed. “My oh my, Twilight!” he erupted happily. “I had no idea you were so gifted!”
Twilight watched the hundreds of recently freed terrified ponies gallop in all directions—some away from the market square and some merely in circles. Small fruit stands were overturned and more than a dozen tearstained muzzles collided with others.
She finally looked up at him. “You couldn’t have warned me?”
“Oh no, no, my dear girl,” he teased. “That was just the icing on the cake! You truly think getting my rocks off was the only goal of the day?”
“But…” Twilight started, her eyes growing wide even as his gooey seed trickled down the sides of her head. “No… no!”
He grinned devilishly. “Yes. I said it was a hundred and six years ago that this last occured. Where was I exactly a hundred and six years ago? I was in stone you moron!” He giggled playfully. “I might have been rock hard but I wasn’t that kind of rock hard!”
He waited for her to laugh but only found her nearly hyperventilating. He waved his hand.
“I’m sure you’ll find it funny eventually,” he continued. “And what about that draconequus curse? Nothing more than a sight-spell on those with lesser minds. You think I don’t pull on this magnificent beast more than once every hundred years? I have needs, Twilight Sparkle. Just like everyone else.” He began circling the cold and wet alicorn. “Now here comes the best part—the only part that matters. Tell me, Twilight, where exactly have your friends gone to? Shouldn’t they be here in your time of need? Oh that’s right! They hate you and everyone else in your little exclusive Elements club, don’t they now? Pity how that happened, am I right?”
He raised both hands into the air, changing the blank night sky into a ravenous thunderstorm in mere seconds. Next fell the rain along with the cats and dogs.
He said somberly, “I’ve done my waiting, Princess. I’ve been good and pleasant for long enough. And now that the Elements have disbanded, why not a nice reign of chaos for the rest of your days?” He then tilted his head back and laughed until it seemed as though the sky itself were emitting his haunting tone.
Twilight, meanwhile, could only shake and shutter and wonder how it had all come out so wrong. Then Discord leaned over her ear.
“Looks as though my dick was stronger than the Elements of Harmony.”
EPILOUGE
Dear Whoever Should Find This Letter,
It has been fourteen months since Discord’s latest attack on Equestria and the Elements are still shattered abound. I, Twilight Sparkle, am in the midst of leading an uprising against the draconequus usurper. The pegasus Rainbow Dash has also joined my cause, but I sometimes wonder if she’s only here because of the things that go on in our bed at night. (Although I am not altogether on the same page as her, I worry any un-continued fornication would result in her unwillingness to help.) Last I heard Rarity the snob had become Queen of the underground Diamond Dogs, while Applejack had turned her farm into a makeshift fortress. I can only assume each one of her ration containers has a bright picture of apples on the front. (I shudder while picturing the thousands of stored tins.) The last we heard of Fluttershy, she was currently passing over the mountains overlooking the Crystal Empire—still muttering “nope” while eating bits of grass and not much else. Sadly, it only took a single round of ice cream snowballs to convince Pinkie Pie the side of chaos was the way to go. Truthfully, I have very little hope of organizing the Elements again. But perhaps there is hope in you.
While that bleak day has come to be known to some as “Operation Whack-Attack” or even “Operation Jackhammer”, I have held the moral high-ground and have come to refer to it as “Operation Masterstroke”. (I am still confused as to why some still laugh at that one.) Either way, Discord’s successful destruction of the Elements due to the manipulation of his dirty bits has shown me that he has upped his game since last we spared. Next time, I will not give him time to trick or coerce. So if this letter reaches a new hope in ten or even a thousand years, remember that nothing Discord says can be believed. Especially in regards to his penis.
Truly, looking back on that fateful day, we honestly all should have seen it coming. I know I did, yet sadly only at the very last second.
Wishing you better days,
Princess Twilight Sparkle