"How in Sand Hill did you do that?!" Apple Jack asked wide eyed as Big Mac's jaw fell and Applebloom tapped the block, trying to process what happened.Box believes I'm hopeless. HA!! I'll show him, I will start small and end on a high note. I bought a newspaper and found Trixie's hospital in Canterlot on the second page "Canterlot Trauma Center". In my bed I have a copy body in my place, under my pillow I found a more permanent spider DNA serum with wall climbing powers so I drank the whole thing down. I used a command block I hid in a secret closet (that I made with a secret door) and teleported to Canterlot to start my twilight jog.
Using my parkour and spider climbing abilities, I found Trixie's room and reached for the window. Locked. I found a small opening in the window, giving me a terrible idea. A few minutes later I swallowed a fly while looking for worms, which I wasn't looking forward to finding and eating one. I transformed, my body turned black as I shrunk and became a less black fly with- OH MY MICKEY MOUSE, HOW DO THEY SEE WITH THESE EYES?!!
I ran into the window several times before entering the room, on the bed was Trixie with a body cast on her and a wheel chair next to her bed. The only thing keeping her alive at the moment was the night shift nurse's magic. The nurse is reading a magazine as Trixie lifts her head.
"Nurse?"
"Yes Ms. Lulamoon?"
"The Great an- owwowoo... Trixie feels a disturbance in the force- and some pain is returning."
"This is a hospital, not a stage. Force? I'm going to recheck my magic because the pain killers haven't worn off completely and its time to do so."
"Okay, fine. We're not alone." she said making me shiver where I stood... or lied. Being a fly really sucks.
"How do you know? I don't see anypony."
"I have magic that allows me to count my audience members to the exact amount until a hundred fifty, not to brag but its a 'great and powerful spell' with some pun intended. Besides, don't flies normally- well -fly?" she said, staring at me.
I flew then fell, as I returned to my normal form, and dashed towards her with a Instant Health potion in my hand. Tilting the bottle up, I forced her to drink the elixir as her body started to glow, I thought it would be a good idea to say "Be healed, sista!" as the last drops hit her tongue. I turned around and crashed through the window and attached myself to the wall as I fell to climb up to replace the window.
With speed III and Spidey, we stoat away on a train to Poniville. I ran to Sugarcube Corner to grab some muffins and ran back home to clear the evidence. Again, somehow Pinkie changed my surroundings for me to already be there as Discord was cleaning things up in my room. I placed my printed body back in a chamber and made my bed.
The day was spent replacing dead roses with new roses and providing daisies to restaurants as well as using my sword to trim trees and hedges. Fun fact: There is a pony that keeps trying to tan herself, but can't because of a tree's shadow and Pinkie has to bend the tree to help her. I also helped Apple Jack on her farm.
It was simple. I punched a tree and instead of apples falling off the tree, a chunk of it was placed in my inventory as the top half just floated in mid-air. I placed the wood back, but that tree will never look the same. "How in Sand Hill did you do that?!" Apple Jack asked wide eyed as Big Mac's jaw fell and Applebloom tapped the block, trying to process what happened.
"I dunno. I just punched it, broke it, then fixed it."
"Well this is more confusin' than ten gophers becoming two cats driving a monster truck under water!"
"Wait, there's TRUCKS in Equestria?"
"Eeyup. We 'ave a 2x4 pickup out back, if ya wanna see it." said Big Mac.
"That's fine. How much horsepower does it have?"
"Beg pardon?"
"Um... Okay, how fast or strong is it?"
"Its as strong as Big Mac and faster than Rainbow!" Applebloom said with her front hooves in the air to emphasize 'faster than Rainbow'.
Farming
This is a note to me: When farming, stay away from trees.
End 'Farming'
I decided to make a random list of things I would do, one of them being "get laptop". There is only one place in Equestria where I could find one... Box's house. My journal contain coordinates of places my memory has never been, a few places I do know, and some famous places with 'IOU Carrot Cake' next to Canterlot Castle. I flipped around in my notebook to find a section with layout of his house.
[Note: I couldn't place the image I wanted so I'm Googling stuff. This close enough...]
He probably has a closet full of 'em or something. Something should define his house, I planned to appear in his room and I ended up on his front lawn. His "art" has finally reached the outside of his house. He has six weird statues, one of them being multistyle Pinkie Pie and Scootaloo balancing on one hoof on top of three chickens and juggling tiny Rainbow Dashes with smaller Soarins in their hooves. The house looks like Dr. Seuss and a wrecking crew stopped by and little fillies had the blue prints, some of it looks either gone, multicultural, or inside-out. Just looking at the place made me question whether we're alone in the universe.
Shaking the thought, I fell through the wall paper walk way and was shot out of a cannon that sent me past a farm on the moon with Afro strawberry milk cows with machine guns with dragons snaking out of them. I gorilla passed me to a flamingo that slam dunked me from basket to ring, sending me to Oz, I was forced to follow a blood red brick road that led to a stage filled with Deadpools and a cowering Wolverine. Somewhere along the way, Disney Hercules was playing UNO with Spok with Kar Kat from Homestuck flipping the table. There were colors and Wonka references along Flash playing tag with the Avengers.
"Oh, you found my glasses! Silly me..." Discord said, removing the images from my eyes to reveal me in a swimming pool full of things to make a laptop. Discord drops a book onto my lap with 'Discord's Crafting for N00bs' on the front. I gathered some materials in my dive and ran out of the backyard, looking back to see a normal house with chaos on the inside and six statues on the yard with Pinkie still being one.
"HEY, WHO'S OUT THERE?!" shouted Box. I turned and ran into a blue porta potty, turning out to be bigger on the inside and had a back door that led to Manehattan.
In Manehattan, I painted myself gold and morphed into a golden Rarity. Messing with my mane and tail with a brush and comb, I placed a wood planks block on the ground and stood there. A nearby bell rang and three ponies in a beat up limo with wagon wheels came by and stole me. They were swimming in bags full of bits and had a griffon hostage with them, gun already at his head.
I kept still the whole time, but looked down at the gun. To my left was a big, purple hat with 'M.M.D.W.' embroidered on the brim, with some speed I took a bite out and swallowed the cloth. Apparently cloth and DNA connected in my head as well as a feeling of justice and courage. The gun was shakily pointed at me suddenly, sparking me to check myself. I was a weird super hero/classic detective/alicorn with a purple costume that covers the face and still had some gold paint.
"Oh s***, I thought Mysterious Mare Do Well was a Ponyville myth!" one of the robbers said.
"Do Well? Isn't that a bit much? I mean being an alicorn is OP as it is, but if you warn someone- Do you really have to have 'Do Well'?" I asked.
"The Tartarus?" Big robber said as first robber moved his pistol to the hostage and thin robber levitated all three of his guns to my direction.
"Plus, the only unicorn is the weak one with three guns and- By the way whose driving?" I asked. First robber grabbed the wheel and cursed as Big robber smacked thin robber. Thin robber dropped his guns as the hostage took arms with two guns at the robber's heads. I shrugged returning to my normal form, popping my spine and knuckles.
"Explanation: This is the real me. Mysterious Mare is a myth that might rise from the ashes. Happy Nightmare Night, you dug yourself a hole. Drop your gun so I can Deus Ex this already." I said. The gun was pointed at my head as I face palmed.
"Names Gilda. Anyway, shoot the dweeb or I blow your brains out AND YOU," she said turning her head to thin robber, "If I so much as see redish pink on a gun, you go down."
"Thanks Gilda, but death never stopped me. He can shoot me and I can taxi ride to this body, cops and everything." I replied, taking out my emerald swords and diamond helmet, "Come at me bro."
"W-what? How are you doing that?!" cried Gilda. I explained my inventory to her as I kept my swords near the robbers heads, I used my right sword to slide the grounded gun into my inventory with a grimace from thin robber. The car jerked to a stop as first robber placed his gun to Gilda's head and I aimed mine at him.
"I don't know what you call this, but looks like we have a Mexican standoff." I said.
"Its a Griffotan standoff." replied First followed by Big and Thin rolling their eyes.
"Is it me or are you just... calm. We're all on edge except you."
"Again, dear Gilda. Death never stopped me. I die, get a new body and take down the survivors because if we all don't pull the trigger in sync someone, besides me, lives. Life will suck if you have an immortal being chasing you... worse if its a princess. I can contact Luna within-"
bleep boop boop
"Let's settle this," Thin said, holding a weird looking flip phone, "we will take a vote. Say "I" if you want to call the po-po. And "nay" for me to speed dial HQ."
After the obvious Cops-2 Robber HQ-3 I spoke up.
"Unfair poll. How about this," I said picking up my iPhone, "I use my phone to speed dial an instant death. I read my manual front and back so we could die a small exploding death or a huge nuke death. If your bodies are identified I will be attending your funerals, especially Gilda's."
"WHAT THE F***, YOU'RE PACKING NUKES?!" Gilda screamed causing all gun to point at me.
"Wait is this another act? Does all of Equestria turn Broadway when I show up?!!"
"There you-! Oh my Luna, what's going on?" Box said hovering in his pegasus form causing every gun to move between griffon, robbers, me and Box. My flame headed brother lands in the limo near some gems and sits.
"I'm a hostage, these three robbed a bank, they stole a gold statue that became Mysterious Mare Do Well who was actually a nuke-packing super dweeb monkey with immortality, and one of the most famous stallions just happen to show up knowing said monkey with contact to Luna. huff huff... All I want to know is what is going on and can I go home?"
"I'm questioning on whether this is another act you made or not. My brother on Earth mentioned a Gilda being friends with Rainbow Dash. If this is the same Gilda then meeting Trixie is also an interesting find and not a coincidence."
"Dude, Trixie was a paid actress in a fake danger environment. You just happened to meet Gilda and fall into a real hostage situation... with you packing nukes again."
"To be honest, I broke the Mexican standoff. Now you can go get help while we sit here."
"Better make it quick, we have some nukes above our heads..... What do you mean 'no'? Get back here! ...... Hello?! Hello?!!" Thin cried on his phone. None of us moved as the gun order returned, but Big's was shifting between me and Box.
We sat there for a few hours followed by night guards, led by Luna, surrounding the vehicle. Everyone was escorted home and the criminals were taken to either a prison or dungeon, followed by some casual conversation with Luna and the status quot returning.
Did he actually take part in an actual Griffotan standoff after being accidentally kid napped? When you search idiot or fool in the dictionary, Jake should be there. There are some things I need to watch for... if I don't watch him, he might have another trick up his sleeve that I don't know about that might cause some trouble if not a serious problem.