Ah Sunday, the best day of the week in my opinion. A day of rest and relaxation, faith and communion, you know, the American dream.
For me, this Sunday began with another early (for me) wake up call and a round of cafe' au lait for everyone, followed by hours of sifting through clothes racks at a second hand shop. A few hundred dollars later everyone had three pairs of pants that fit and several shirts. I could feel my credit card screaming in agony.
We stopped around noon for lunch at Spendco where I ordered two large combo pizzas and drinks, which the girls and spike had never seen before. Apparently the idea of sauce, cheese, and toppings spread over flat bread had not occurred to anyone in Equestria. I was surprised to see that the girls liked the pizza and only picked off the sausage, leaving the pepperoni, even though I had warned them it was more pork. I think they're starting to get in touch with their human instincts. For better or worse, I don't know.
Once we'd eaten it was for the stop I had been dreading this whole time. As we proceeded through town I halted out company in front of our destination. Wallymart...
Applejack arched a golden eyebrow. “Uh, correct me if ah'm wrong mister Gonzales, but don't we have enough clothes to get by in this here world o' yer's?”
I turned to applejack pushing my glasses higher on my nose to catch the glare from the sun. “Applejack, please don't think for a second I would allow you girls to walk around after using mens shampoo, body wash, conditioner, face wash, acne treatment, razors, shaving cream, or other toiletries. Also, I have noticed signs that you, fluttershy, and pinkie are experiencing mild to severe back pain, such as repeated stretching and massaging of the lower back. I have no desire to wait until twilight and rarity are experiencing that same discomfort before taking action. Action that is only affordable at my least favorite store.”
Rainbow frowned at not hearing her name. “Hey, why don't I need whatever you're talking about?” she growled. Rainbow dash flinched as I rested my steely gaze on the former pegasus.
“because you're never going to experience this pain chichinashi. You'll be lucky to fill in a sports bra...”
“What the heck does that mean?!!” Rainbow Demanded, shifting into a fighting stance.
“It means you have no boobs.” I spit the words with as much venom as I could.
“What the heck are boobs?!!” the tiny girl demanded. In response I simply poked Fluttershy,s voluminous breast, eliciting a surprised squeak.
I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and removed my hand from my glasses to elaborate. “Look, we're here for toiletries, feminine care products, and underwear. I’ll answer questions when we get home okay?” the girls nodded and we proceeded inside. We were greeted by an elderly woman named Cherrie and headed to the soaps. “Alright, I want you girls to break into pairs and agree on a scent. Please try to pick a partner who has similar tastes.”
my first mistake was asking a group of six very different girls to agree on three scents for shampoo and body wash. The whole process took ten full minutes of the girls bickering quietly (more of a dull roar in pinkie's case) while spike and I stood to the side and got the plus size unscented conditioner and a fresh bottle of two in one shampoo and body wash for us.
After the girls managed to decide on their shampoo and body washes we selected razors and shave cream. That was a lot easier because I could just buy a pack of disposables and one sixty four ounce can. Next was the products I shouldn't mention as a man, which the girls actually recognized and groaned at.
“Y'all mean humans get the monthlies too?!!” applejack blurted.
I couldn't help breaking out in giggle fits at the question. Normally periods aren't funny in the slightest to me. In fact I keep a bottle of Midol in my outing bag (you wouldn't believe how many purse jokes I get because of it) in case one of my female friends needs it on the go. It was the particular phrasing of it that had me slapping the ground and gasping for air between bouts of laughter that shook my whole body. “I-I'm sorry A-Applejack.” I struggled to speak without stuttering I was laughing so hard. “I've just never heard it referred to like that bef- wait... don't horses go into heat annually?” I asked, getting to my feet.
Twilight was the one to explain as usual. “Actually in our world we go into heat monthly. This is followed by menstruation and cramping if we're not pregnant the week after.”
“well I guess that explains it...” I said shrugging. “well, if we're all done here, then it's off to the underwear...”
the girls once again recognized a commonality between our worlds when they saw the panties. “Ooh!!! you humans are kinky!” Pinkie exclaimed, grabbing a frilly pink thong.
“Goodness gracious!!!” Rarity cried, her face turning beet red. “Why are these out where children can see them?!!”
it was only then that it occurred to me that ponies are probably naked 24/7 so clothes are probably a foreign thing to them. Except they're not. Apparently what humans call underwear is sexy universally. “Chill guys, these go under your clothes and can't be seen.” I assured them.
“Iff'n it's all the same to you Mr. Gonzales, Ah'd rather not. Ah ain't no pervert.” Applejack piped up.
“I'm inclined to agree with Applejack.” said Rarity “The idea of wearing panties like some debauched maniac is just plain unsettling.” rainbow dash nodded her head in agreement and fluttershy hid behind her hair, signaling her opinion.
Only twilight and pinkie were still browsing the underwear rack. Both had flushed faces but pinkie had her usual grin and twilight claimed to be doing it for the cultural immersion. Either way I wasn't about to push the issue of underwear and moved on to something the girls were unfamiliar with, bras.
Spotting a sale's girl I called her over and gave her a weak story about my friends from Canada losing their underwear and needing measurements to get American sizes. Luckily the girl wasn't quite Einstein and desperate to make a sale and pulled applejack into a fitting room almost forcefully.
“Whuh-hey now!” applejack blurted as the sales girl got her measurements. After she was finished she pulled in a giggling pinkie who put up much less of a fight. After pinkie was fluttershy who only squeaked as she was pulled in. as she came out holding her breasts on the verge of tears, the girl called in twilight, finally calming down enough to not yank her in. last was rarity, who walked in and chewed the girl out for her sloppy technique. After all the measuring was dont the girl led us back to the bras and pointed out the ones she recommended.
“Ms. Sparkle you'll want the B cups here, and miss rarity, I suggest looking at the C cups. Applejack and pinkie, you'll need the Upper level D cups, and miss fluttershy, these are the double Ds right here.” the girls grabbed the sizes and colors they wanted and turned towards the dressing rooms again.
“I'll go first!” Rarity declared.
“Actually Rarity, Ah think fluttershy needs to go first.” Applejack said, pointing to Fluttershy, who was once again stretching her back in an attempt to alleviate some of the discomfort.
“Oh yes I see. Of course Fluttershy should go first.” Said Rarity, moving to let Fluttershy through.
The poor girl scooted in and closed the door faster than the average human could blink. Her face must've been a brighter red than a stop sign. “um... oh... ugh... nng!” fluttershy seemed to be having trouble in the stall.
“Everything okay in there fluttershy? Should I call the sales girl back? I asked.
“N-no, I'm Fine... B-but, do you think you could help me with the clasp please?”
Cue nosebleed. “Uh... sure... I-I’ll be there i-in a second.” I stammered, wiping the blood from my upper lip. The door unlocked and, checking to see if anybody but the girls and spike was watching, I slipped in quickly. Fluttershy had removed her oversized yellow sweater and tee shirt and was holding the bra over her breasts with her back to me. I could clearly see her flushed face in the mirror opposite the door. I tried to be as fast as my shaking hands would allow.
Well who wouldn't be nervous if a girl had called you into a small enclosed space to help her put on her bra?!! this crap has to be straight out of a manga!!! who could be lucky enough to be asked to help a beautiful girl put on her bra?!!
“um... is everything okay back there?”
It was then I realized I’d been just standing behind Fluttershy with the clasps in my hands. Wiping the blood from my face again I quickly explained the clasp in a hushed tone so only she could hear. “got it? Alright, now show the others. Oh, but make sure to check the coast is clear for me to come out.”
sticking her head out the door Fluttershy gave me the all clear and we stepped out of the dressing room. After everyone had tried on all their bras( and some modeling from impromptu Pinkie) I felt a tug on my sleeve and found Rainbow Dash holding a small training bra to her chest, with her face red as a tomato. There was a silent, momentary exchange between us before she uttered a phrase I will never forget. I can still hear the hitch in her voice like she was about to start sobbing. “I-I just don't want to be l-left out...”
My heart leapt into my throat. Had I slipped into old habits and ignored the feelings of someone I considered a friend yet again? No! I will not let that happen again! “Oh! A sports bra! Great idea Dash! Of course I’ll get it for you!” I assured her. “But... I wonder, where's that cocky grin I like so much huh?”
“Seriously?!! AAAAHAHAAAAAA” She cackles. All signs of being upset are now totally gone, replaced by her usual attitude. “What kind of cheesy line was that?”
I was speechless to say the least. I’d been played for a fool and felt a little betrayed. I turned away and just shuffled towards checkout with the girls in tow.
On our way to the check out we saw my friend Rodrigo, who had provided the social security numbers and backgrounds. “Hey buddy” I called, waving him down. “What's up?”
“Not much.” he replied. “Are these the girls you talked to me about?”
“Yeah, this is Fluttershy behind me, Twilight is the bookish looking one, the lovely lady is Rarity, Pinkie Pie in pink, the tall one is Applejack, and those two are Rainbow Dash and Spike.” I explained. Rainbow and Spike grumbled about not getting preludes to their introductions.
“Wait, you were serious about those names? Quebec must be weirder than I thought...”
I was the only one to laugh at the joke, seeing as I was the only other person in the group who knew what Quebec was... noticing everyone was confused I quickly said goodbye to Rodrigo and headed to the registers.
Thankfully the line was short and the young man at the checkout was nice. He didn't say anything much besides mentioning that he knew my pain. “No dude... You have no idea. I live with six girls now...” as I payed for the bras, panties, and toiletries I heard my wallet breathe its last and my credit card give a triumphant laugh. Dammit.
The bus ride back to my apartment was thankfully short and we were home by Three in the afternoon. When we arrived I found a large cardboard box with my name on it in front of the stairs. Inside was an old futon and comforter. Once again, crazy little Mrs. Yamashita has truck with all the generosity in her tiny body. “Sigh... Come on spike, help me get this up the stairs.”
Once inside I headed straight for the kitchen and start making curry and rice for dinner. Spike also volunteered to help, so I set him to work chopping carrots and onions. I got a little worried when he started sniffling while cutting the carrots. “You okay buddy?” I asked, drying my hands on a towel.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just feeling a little homesick. I’m really missing my marefriend...”
“Marefriend? Is that like a girlfriend? Wow... who is she? What's she like?”
Spike sighed and started chopping the onion while he told me about how he had had a crush on Rarity for two whole years before she had finally explained that she wasn't interested. After that twilight had put him into public school to give him something to do during the day. It was there he had got to know three fillies who called themselves the cutie mark crusaders.
“Sorry to interrupt but, what's a cutie mark?”
“oh, it's like a tattoo that appears when a pony discovers their talent that defines them. For example, Twilight's is magic, and Pinkie pie's is throwing parties.” Spike explains. “Anyway, about then Rarity's little sister Sweetie belle and I got close and started dating. We've been together for six months now.”
“wait wait wait, you're dating your old crush's little sister? You've got some balls man...”
Spike shrugged and we finished dinner in silence. The meal was also quiet. Nobody spoke until It was time for bed. I just lay there for a couple hours hoping spike was going to be okay...