Mystery Night in Ponyville

by Insert Pen Name

Part V: Confession

The Town Hall seemed still as a tomb as Tall Order made his way wordlessly up the steps to the second floor. Atop his back, he bore a large cardboard box filled with file folders and documents, some of which were dated as far back as twenty years, all linked to one very specific pony. As the town archivist, it was his duty, he felt, to ensure the information he kept was properly and thoroughly sorted, filed, indexed, cross-indexed, and above all accessible to whomever needed it and when. Thus, it was with some professional pride that he reflected how, when royally ordered to gather every scrap of information pertaining to the pony Filthy Rich and his dealings with the municipal government, he was able to have everything put together and in the box all in less than four minutes. A new personal record.

Tall Order soon found the source of his "royal order" sitting patiently in the waiting area at the top of the stairs, alongside two colourful companions who, while sitting, were doing so in the most impatient manner imaginable. Their peculiar dress, what with their clerical habits, tacky cream suits, and even tackier red hats, only added to the absurdity of the scene. Tall Order was used to dealing with all absurdities of all sorts in his work, however, and so generally ignored their provocations as he bade them follow him to a nearby door.

"Here you are, Princess," he said as he unlocked the door to the second-floor file room. "I've gathered all the relevant documents you requested from the archives downstairs. Everything from the past two years, however, you'll find in here."

"Thank-you, Tall Order," said the Princess Twilight Sparkle. "My friends and I should be able to go from here. We'll let you know if we need anything."

"I would be honoured to assist you further, Princess," Tall Order said, somewhat insistently.

"We'll be fine, thank-you," said Twilight, and she meant it as an order.

Tall Order took the hint and departed with a bow, leaving the three mares alone with the box in the file room, which was arguably the least uplifting room in the building. Two sides of the room were almost completely covered by a near-continuous bank of towering file cabinets, the third was piled high with spare (or possibly discarded) furniture, and the fourth was dominated by the Hall's characteristic tall windows.

"So what now?" asked Rainbow Dash impatiently.

"We start looking for any evidence that links Filthy Rich's activities to the Mayor," said Twilight. "Did Flitter or Cloudchaser give you any idea what we're looking for?"

"Nope. Filthy Rich didn't tell them anything. He's not quite that dumb, I guess."

"Why would he send those two of all ponies, anyway?" asked Twilight incredulously.

"I think they work for his company," suggested Pinkie Pie. "I saw them at an office party once."

"You do office parties?" laughed Rainbow.

"I do all the parties..." answered Pinkie Pie, her tone brimming with power barely suppressed.

"I'm sure you do," muttered Twilight as she scanned a row of file cabinets. "Now let's see, 'Rich', 'Rich', R-i... Ah, here we go."

Twilight pulled open a drawer marked "Ra-Rm", and recoiled abruptly at what emerged unexpectedly from within.

"Found it!" cheered Pinkie Pie, who proudly protruded from inside the drawer, clutching a thick, bulging file folder.

"P-Pinkie?! How did-"

"It was under 'F'!" sang Pinkie, gleefully gesturing at an open drawer further down the wall, appropriately marked "Fa-Fm". "For 'Filthy'!".

After waiting a moment for her heart-rate to subside, Twilight meekly took the folder from Pinkie's grasp and set it on the table behind her. The heavy brown folder was bound with a length of twine, tied so tight that even Twilight's magic couldn't untie it, and she was forced to cut it instead. Free from its bonds, the folder burst wide open, scattering all manner of papers, photographs, dossiers, newspaper clippings, and even a few leaf-rubbings across the table.

"Well, we've got our work cut out for us," sighed Twilight. "Let's get started, girls."

"Bet you wish you brought Spike with us, eh Twilight," grumbled Rainbow.

"I wish I had done a lot of things," Twilight replied. "Let's hope he and the others are finding something useful at least..."

The Brass Bit was one of those places that tourist brochures like to call "hidden gems", which is to say that it was a fairly large and popular place, easily located just off the Town Square with a colourful sign out front, but did have that certain "rustic charm" that big city ponies found so alluring despite having long since driven their own local examples to the brink of extinction. In other words, it was a pub. It looked like a pub, smelled like a pub, and, depending on what you put in your mouth, tasted just like a pub.

Given the hour of day, the pub was nearly empty save for the owner, who greeted them with an ambiguous grunt as he struggled to remove an ambiguous stain from the pub's pool table.

"Er, pardon me, sir," ventured Rarity, as Spike, Applejack, Fluttershy, and herself strode into the darkened room. "Might we trouble you with a few questions?"

"You wanna' know about the Mayor," the bartender said tersely.

"Lucky guess," Applejack smiled.

"She's in here pretty regular," said the bartender without looking up from his task. "And every time, it's with a different guy. And sometimes a girl, heh."

"Did they ever make any trouble?" asked Fluttershy.

The bartender shrugged.

"I don't pay much attention to the patrons," he said. "But no, she never got too loud or anything, though I did have to call her a cab a couple times when her date ran out on her."

"Sounds about right," muttered Applejack.

Spike, meanwhile, had taken to exploring the pub. His aimless search soon brought him upon a tall bulletin board covered almost entirely with handbills advertising upcoming pub events, as well as a number of colourful photographs commemorating said events in the past. One in particular caught his eye.

"Hey," he called over. "When was this picture taken?"

With a sigh, the bartender shuffled over and squinted hard at the indicated photograph. A certain mulberry-coloured earth-mare was dancing clumsily atop one of the bar stools while a small crowd cheered her on. The background was dimly lit, but a yellow banner emblazoned with an elongated green fruit was discernible on the far wall. And right below it sat two ponies. One was a brownish stallion with blue eyes and a necktie; the other a beige mare with an elegant grey mane...

"Oh that," the bartender said finally. "That's 'Fried Zucchini Tuesday'. See the banner in the background? Real popular with the working crowd. I think that was this week, actually."

"Did you see the Mayor there that night?" Spike pressed further.

"Can't say, that was my night off. We had a temp bartender in that night."

Rarity leaned in close for a better look.

"Do you mind terribly if we borrow this?" she asked, batting her eyelashes flirtatiously.

Applejack rolled her eyes in disgust, but the bartender only shrugged. Content that there were no more questions forthcoming, he left them to their investigation and returned to his tasks.

"Now then," mused Rarity, "today is Thursday, the Mayor was attacked last night on Wednesday, and this photograph was taken on Tuesday..."

"Sounds like a lovers' spat to me," nodded Applejack.

"Can you tell who the other pony is?" asked Fluttershy.

"It's hard to make out," said Rarity, squinting. "I don't suppose anypony brought a magnifying glass?"

An awkward silence followed.

"Seriously?" Applejack couldn't help but to laugh. "We're all dressed like super-sleuths and none of us brought a dang magnifyin' glass?"

"I couldn't find one fabulous enough," said Rarity defensively.

"At least I have a pad and pencil," murmured Spike.

"It doesn't matter, let's just find some better light," said Rarity, carrying the photograph over to a nearby window.

The pub windows were large, but typically shaded by heavy black slats, which squealed in protest at being moved. The sudden intrusion of light did little to improve the atmosphere inside, but it did give Rarity a very clear view of the Mayor's mystery date. The sleuthing seamstress frowned a moment at what she saw, then let out a gasp.

"My word..."

"What? Who is it?" asked Fluttershy.

"It's... Filthy Rich."

"Huh. This is interesting," murmured Twilight as she perused yet another limp newspaper clipping. "It says here that the Canterlot Golf and Country Club put out a petition two years ago in protest against Mayor Mare's administration. Something about 'broken election promises'."

"Wait a minute, that makes no sense," said Rainbow. "What would a Canterlot country club have to do with the Mayor in Ponyville?"

"Actually, the country club is right outside Ponyville," explained Pinkie. "It's not like there's any room for a big golf course up on that cliff, y'know? So they built it down here."

"And you know this how?" asked Rainbow.

"I did a party out there once. And now I'm not allowed within 100 metres of the place anymore."

"Fun times," smirked Twilight. "The reason I brought it up is that Filthy Rich was one of the ponies who signed the petition."

"So what?" muttered Rainbow. "That was years ago. And politicians break promises all the time."

"I know that," said Twilight. "I just thought it might have something to do with-"

For the first time since they had sat down, Twilight actually looked up from her reading just in time to see a tiny piece of folded paper fly across the table, landing dead centre between Rainbow's outstretched forelegs.

"Whoo-hoo! I win again!" cheered Pinkie.

"Friggin' paper hoofballs," grumbled Rainbow as she groped at the makeshift toy with her hoof. "Why do they have to be so small?"

Before a rematch could be called, Twilight magically reached out and seized the paper hoofball, unfolding it to reveal yet another document from the folder.

"Is this what you girls have been doing?!" Twilight scolded her friends. "This could have been evidence!"

"That's okay, I've got a whole pile of them!" said Pinkie, gesturing at a tall stack of similar papers beside her. "Besides, they're just tax stuff. Booorrriiinnnggg..."

Twilight hazarded a look of her own at the paper she was holding. Her brow furrowed first in concentration, then in confusion, before her eyes widened in realisation.

"Pinkie, are all those papers just like this one?!" she asked frantically.

"Yep. Each and every one. Like I said, boring."

"Why, what's got you so excited?" asked Rainbow with an amused grin.

"Because, this is a receipt for a donation made by Filthy Rich to fix the Town Hall roof!"

"You mean after Derpy trashed it? So what?"

"So, why would Filthy Rich be giving money to a government that he's supposed to be boycotting?"

"Maybe he's just a dutiful citizen?" suggested Pinkie as Twilight magically scooped up the rest of the receipts.

"I knew it!" she said breathlessly. "The hydro-dam, the train station, the suburban redevelopment fund... I've heard about having your hoof in every pie, but this is like the opposite: Filthy Rich has been adding filling to just about every pie in town!"

"Okay, that's big," conceded Rainbow. "And a bit scary, now that I think of it."

"Also, notice how I am avoiding the obvious pitfall of getting sidetracked by the pie analogy," said Pinkie in a serious tone, before letting out a tiny giggle. "Although I could go for a slice of summer harvest with whipped cream right about now..."

"Do you think the Mayor's blackmailing him or something?" suggested Twilight.

"I dunno, Twi," said Rainbow. "To be honest, this whole thing seems way too sloppy to be some big political conspiracy. The Mayor was hit with a picture frame. Filthy Rich sent two twin featherheads after us. Really, none of this adds up to me."

At that moment, the door to the file room burst wide open.

"Well the evidence is about to change!" declared Spike as he strode purposefully into the room, followed by the rest of their gang. "Did that work? You guys were talking about evidence right?"

"Yeah, sort of," shrugged Pinkie Pie. "Hit-and-miss, y'know."

"Twilight, we've just discovered irrefutable evidence that the Mayor is involved with Filthy Rich!" announced Rarity.

"Perfect! Us too! Let's not waste any time!"

Twilight quickly gathered all their relevant papers into a fresh folder and headed for the door.

"Come on, girls! If we play our cards right, we can have this wrapped up by suppertime! Checkmate."

"Again, hit-and-miss," sighed Pinkie Pie.

Locating Filthy Rich's office took the better part of the next hour. In Twilight's experience, office buildings were large, imposing things with plenty of windows and, as a rule, a bare minimum of thatched roofing. It was therefore much to her bemusement to find that Filthy Rich ran his vague and nebulous business out of much the same sort of building as just about every other business in Ponyville: small, reassuring, with just the normal amount of windows, and a roof of nothing but thatch.

The interior, on the other hand, belied its outside appearance. Twilight's initial impression was that the offices of Mayor Mare and Pony Express must have gotten drunk one night and had a baby in the aftermath. Furniture, artwork, and potted plants all conspired to create an atmosphere of tasteful yet trendy tedium that seemed to impose itself upon all who entered. So it was that the sleuthing seven found themselves sitting uneasily in an unwelcoming waiting room that had been painted in the dullest possible shade of blue known to science.

"So, um, what's the plan?" asked Fluttershy, the first of them to break the uncomfortable silence.

"The plan is this: we go in and make him spill the beans, end-of-story," said Rainbow.

"I don't reckon he'll give in that easy," warned Applejack. "Ya don't get that rich by lettin' ponies push ya around."

"We'll just have to confront him with our evidence," said Rarity. "He can't deny everything."

"Just leave that to me," said Spike smugly. "I've got all our notes and everything. Plus, I've always wanted to do an interrogation."

Presently, a very pretty young receptionist poked her head into the room to announce that Filthy Rich was ready to meet with them. The stallion himself was sitting patiently in his office, the decor of which very much rivaled Mayor Mare's in ostentation, though without the lofty overtones.

Filthy Rich greeted each of them in turn as they came in and took their seats before his massive polished mahogany desk. His smile was warm and welcoming enough, but his eyes filled with nervous apprehension at the sight of the bizarrely-attired party that had come seeking his audience. As they sat down, his eyes darted anxiously among them, from Rarity's deerstalker hat to Rainbow Dash's bandaged nose to Spike's peculiar little mustache. Eventually, their pleasantries concluded, Twilight cleared her throat.

"Thank-you for agreeing to meet with us on such short notice, Mr. Rich," said Twilight politely. "I'm sure you're very busy this time of year."

"I'm never too busy to meet with such esteemed ponies," Rich smiled. "Especially you, Applejack. How is your charming Granny doing?"

"Same as ever," said Applejack tersely.

"Mr. Rich, we'd like to ask you a few questions, if you please," Twilight continued.

For but an instant, Twilight was sure she spotted something akin to panic on the stallion's face, but it was soon covered up by that joyless smile.

"Fire away," he said.

Twilight turned and nodded at her number-one assistant. Grinning with anticipation, Spike pulled out his notepad and flipped to a page where, Twilight noted with some interest, he had expertly sketched a very detailed portrait of Filthy Rich.

"Okay, Mr. Rich," Spike began as he twirled his mustache. "Let's start by telling us what you're trying to hide from us about the Mayor!"

The bluntness of the question caught everypony off-guard, Filthy Rich included. He spluttered for a moment before quickly regaining his composure.

"You'll have to forgive me," he said with the greatest confidence he could muster. "But I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh I think you do," said Spike with a smug grin. "Must've been something pretty big to send your goons in to try and scare us off?"

"Now that's preposterous," said Filthy Rich, somewhat less confident than before. "I'll have you know that I employ no 'goons' of any sort."

"That's not what Flitter and Cloudchaser told us," Spike pressed on. "They said you'd paid them to throw us off the Mayor's case! If you like, we can bring them back here so they can tell you all about it!"

"T-that's ridiculous! I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Apparently I was wrong," sighed Rarity. "Seems he can deny everything."

"And there's nothing you can do to prove otherwise," added Filthy Rich recklessly.

In that moment, Twilight got an idea. It was silly, ludicrous even, and for that reason she discarded it entirely and came up with something better instead.

"Mr. Rich," said Twilight courteously. "You do realise who I am, right?"

This seemed to take the wind straight out of the cornered stallion's sails.

"Why of course," he said meekly. "You're the Princess Twilight-"

"The Princess Twilight Sparkle!" declared Twilight suddenly. "The first of her name; crowned by the blessing of Sun and Moon; Princess of the Unicorns, and the Pegasi, and the Ponies of the Earth; Paragon of Magic, Champion of Harmony, Keeper of the Faith, and Defender of the Sovereign Nation of Equestria! And I command you to speak the truth!"

Filthy Rich recoiled in abject terror at the transformation that came over the typically demure lavender pony. To his eyes, it seemed as though the princess had grown mightily in size so that she towered over him; her face veiled beneath a shadow of righteous fury so that he despaired to meet her gaze; and her voice brimming with the power of the very breath of the world itself.

To her friends, it appeared that Twilight had stood up in her chair, pulled her cowl over her head, and started yelling at him.

Nonetheless, the desired effect was attained.

"Alright, I confess!" wailed the crestfallen magnate. "I sent Flitter and Cloudchaser!"

"Aha! So it was you who attacked Mayor Mare last night!" said Spike triumphantly.

"Wait, what?!" cried Filthy Rich. "No, I would never... Why would I try to attack the Mayor?!"

"Because she was extorting you!" declared Twilight, tossing the folder from Town Hall upon the desk.

"And she was your ex-lover!" added Rarity, throwing in the photograph from the pub. "You can't hide the- Now hold on, what?"

"Ex-lover?" asked Twilight, turning on Rarity with a look of utter bewilderment. "Where did that come from?"

"We found that photo at the pub the Mayor kept takin' her dates to," explained Applejack. "The guy said it was from the night before the attack, so we kinda' figured..."

"How did you come up with extortion, Twilight?" asked a visibly perplexed Fluttershy.

"Well, we found all these documents in the Town Hall that shows Filthy Rich has been funding half the town's public works," Twilight began.

"Maybe he's just being generous," suggested Fluttershy.

"That's what I said!" yelled Pinkie.

"Yeah, but we also found his signature on a petition to boycott the Mayor, so I figured that she was... um... you know, when I say it all out loud, it really sounds like I'm jumping to conclusions here."

"I'll say," scoffed Filthy Rich, having managed to regain some of his composure from his confused respite. "This is the worst interrogation I've ever been in. You weren't far off, though. Yes, it's true I signed that ridiculous petition at the country club, but only because those Canterlot snobs threatened to hike my club dues."

"You callin' other ponies 'snobs'," snorted Applejack. "Now that's an irony if ever there was one."

"Hey, I worked hard to get where I am," said Filthy Rich. "I'm not like those stuck-up, overentitled, old money twits. That petition? The whole thing was over some zoning law that they couldn't expand the golf course. So no, as much as I enjoy the club, I'm not going to place it over the needs of my home town, thank-you very much."

"But you've been paying for nearly everything," interjected Rainbow. "Why would you shell out so much dough like that?"

"Tax breaks, of course!" replied Filthy Rich as though it were the most obvious thing. "Between you and me, I'm looking at the next forty years of my life tax-free! Those mere millions I've sunk into this town are peanuts next to the money I'm going to save!"

"So why did you send Flitter and Cloudchaser after us?" asked Pinkie. "And why did you try to lie to us just now? Why the big secret?"

"Because I didn't want word about this getting out," answered Filthy Rich. "If the club knew I was funding the Mayor's public works, they'd kick me straight out! Besides, I only asked those two to try and guide you away from the Town Hall, not to play cops-and-robbers or whatever they thought they were doing."

"So wait, you're telling us that you knowingly interfered in a criminal investigation just so you wouldn't get kicked out of your country club?!" asked Twilight in disbelief.

"It's a rich pony thing," Filthy Rich shrugged.

"But what about the photo in the pub?" asked Rarity, holding up her piece of the evidence.

"Er, which pub is this, now?" asked Filthy Rich as he squinted at the dimly lit ponies in the background.

"The Brass Bit."

"The Brass Bit? I haven't been there in weeks," scoffed Filthy Rich. "Besides which, this isn't me in this picture. I mean, it's hard to tell for sure, but I can assure you that pony is not me. I don't even own a green tie."

"Really? I think it would compliment your eyes very nicely," said Rarity.

"You think so? In that case, I might have to stop by your boutique some time. Anyway, if you're finished with your baseless accusations, I'd like you all to leave! With all due respect, Your Highness," he added with a quick bow in Twilight's direction.

Nopony said anything after that until they were back out on the street. Spike, however, was no pony.

"Extortion, seriously?" laughed Spike. "I mean, I'd expect that kind of crazy imagination from Pinkie Pie, but you, Twilight?"

"Enough, Spike," said Twilight icily. "Besides, we wouldn't be in this mess if he hadn't gotten involved like that."

"Total. Waste. Of time," groaned Rainbow. "Though it was pretty cool how you went all Royal Canterlot Voice on him."

"Thanks. Luna's been giving me lessons. Just don't tell Princess Celestia," Twilight giggled. "But yeah, I don't really like having to play the Princess card like that."

"And what about all those marvelous titles you added?" asked Rarity. "'Defender of the Faith' and 'Keeper of the Realm' and whatnot?"

"Yeah, I made that all up," said Twilight. "It was pretty convincing, wasn't it? Better than my first idea."

"And what was that?"

"Oh, it was stupid."

"Okay, well now you have to tell us," smirked Rainbow.

"Okay, fine," Twilight sighed. "My first idea was to try and get him to confess to me like I was a real cleric."

A pensive, and somewhat puzzled, pause ensued.

"Oh, you mean... that sort of a confession," Rarity realised.

"Yeah, that does sound mighty stupid," added Applejack.

"I don't get it," said Rainbow, visibly confused.

"Y'know, a confession," Applejack tried to explain. "Like in a chapel?"

"Huh?"

"Didn't you ever go to Sunday school, Dashie?" joked Pinkie Pie.

"Uh, I went to summer school once when I failed Grade 10 math, does that count?" asked Rainbow.

"Not exactly," giggled Fluttershy.

Suddenly, the typically timid pegasus stopped dead in her tracks.

"Like a real cleric..." she murmured to herself, gears shifting silently into place within her veiled mind.

"Is something the matter, darling?" asked Rarity.

Fluttershy presently shook herself out of her thoughtful trance.

"Rarity, let me see that photo," she said quietly.

Rarity obliged, and for a long moment, nopony said anything as Fluttershy stared long and hard at the picture in the failing evening light. Then, as if by magic, a streetlight came to life above her head, illuminating both the photograph and her mind.

"Girls," she said shakily. "I think I know who our prime suspect is..."