The pegasus grabbed the white feather between her teeth, her poor depth perception ensuring she got it on the second attempt. "Who'ff it for?" she mumbled around the feather before slipping it into her large brown saddlebag.
"First Class. The head of the Equestrian mail service. I hear that she's allowing packages from several noble houses to slip through security checks and bypass customs entirely. If she's not directly involved in smuggling illegal materials, she's certainly allowing it to happen. Put a stop to it. You'll find her on the top floor of the Canterlot post office."
"Okay!" The grey pegasus bobbed her head happily, giving her wings a little flutter and taking off as if to leave, before dropping back to the floor with a slightly perplexed expression. "Um, what does she look like?"
"You never met her?"
"Naw, I only work the local mail routes. She doesn't know me!"
"She's a brown pegasus with a stamp cutie mark."
"Okay!" The golden eyes closed as the pegasus gave Luna a bow and a happy smile- the princess wasn't actually sure if anything could ever make this particular mare sad- before scampering out of the throne room to the armoury. She wriggled into her white tabard, making sure the flaps covered her bubbly cutie-mark, fastened on the shoulder guards and last of all strapped on the hidden hoofblade. She turned to go, but a familiar scent assailed her nostrils. The unmistakable smell of fresh-baked-
"Muffins!" There was one left! She knew the slightly blurry white shape was a box sized for four cakes, but the others had already been removed. "The others must've had theirs already and left one for me! Aww, they're so nice... I'll save it for the trip back. I'll need some energy for the flight." She balanced the delicious-smelling cake on the end of her nose before carefully depositing it into her bag, and flapping out of the window towards Canterlot.
"Penny!"
"Yes'm?"
"I need the capacity estimates for Hearth's Warming. We'll need to hire some more temporary mailponies this year to make sure everyone gets their gifts on time."
"Yes'm." Penny Black bobbed her head and retreated back out of her boss' office. The black-coated unicorn's horn began to glow a deep blue, several binders floating off the shelves as she grabbed the requisite reports.
"Oh no!"
"What now, Pinkie?" Twilight groaned at her friend's anguished gasp as Pinkie zoomed around Ponyville's town square, flicking from tree to bush to windowbox to fountain and back to Twilight.
"My cupcake! My special cupcake! I only had one left and now it's gone and I don't know where it is and I have to bake a whole new batch for my trip tomorrow and-"
"Um, but can't you just go buy another box from the Cakes?"
"No! No no no! This one's my special recipe and I have to make it myself because otherwise it won't be as good and-"
"What's so special about your recipe?"
"Come closer! Come closer and I'll tell you! It's.... a seeeeecreeeet!" Pinkie giggled, booping Twilight's nose with a hoof before bouncing in a circle around her and away to Sugar Cube Corner.
First Class waited until her assistant was out of the office before tugging a half-finished letter from beneath a pile of papers, and grabbed a pen with her hoof to finish it.
--can guarantee that the package will not be impeded on it's way to Manehattan if you send it to the following address. The sorting staff believe that the warehouse in question belongs to the Postal Service and any packages sent there are done so as a test of their speed and efficiency. They will waive any checks or other impediments to simply get the job done quickly and earn a bonus. Pray do not tell me the contents, as I do not wish to be involved in affairs that aren't mine. Yours.
She left the letter unsigned and rolled it up in a red ribbon, picking it up in her mouth to move it to her 'out' tray just as the large picture window behind her desk- with an unmatched view of Canterlot- crashed inwards in a hail of broken glass. She half-turned, foreleg raised to shield herself from the glass, and could just make out the striking sillouette of a leaping assailant, wings unfurled and some sort of blade in her hoof. First Class screamed as the blade struck-
-the thick wood of her desk, two inches from her head.
"Oh, darn..." the hooded killer mumbled, wiggling her hoof desperately to try and free her stuck weapon, which First Class could now see was attached to a vambrace on her left foreleg. The struggling office pony unfroze after a second and bawled for her assistant. "PENNY! GET THE GUARDS! SOMEPONY'S TRYING TO KILL ME!"
The black unicorn had already bucked the office door open at the sound of the crash, and bolted away to fetch the guards, as First Class twisted her head around, grabbing the Postmaster's official (and, unbeknownst to Penny Black, genuinely razor-sharp) letter opener that had rested on her desk for the last twenty years. "Lord Brighthoof trying to silence me before I tell on him, eh?" she growled around the hilt. "Not going to happen. En garde!" She lunged, but the hooded pony had freed her hoof from the desk and brought her blade up to parry the blow.
The two ponies fought around and across the desk, blade striking blade, before a lucky parry by the assassin sliced into First Class' muzzle and she cried out in pain, dropping the letter opener.
"Oh no! I'm sorry!" The assassin gasped, her blade suddenly retracting into it's vambrace. "I didn't- Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, it's just a scratch, I- what!?" First Class' eyes boggled. "A minute ago you were trying to kill me, and now you're sorry for a scratch!?"
"Well yeah, I didn't mean to hurt you or anythin'! And, uh, who's Lord Brighthoof?"
"You mean he didn't send you?"
"Well no. I never heard of him!"
"So you jumped through my office window- a very expensive window, mind you- with a knife, and you weren't trying to hurt me? And you've never heard of the one pony who would actually be inclined to employ a hired killer?"
"Pretty much! Uh... Can I just..." The grey pony nosed into her saddlebag, drawing out a slender white feather, which she carefully nuzzled up against the cut on First Class' cheek. That done, she slipped the bloodied feather back into her bag, and withdrew a delicious-smelling package, which she eyed sadly before placing gently on the desk. "I'm real sorry. Here, um, just have this, okay? I was gonna save it for the trip back but... They always make me feel better so maybe you would like it. I'll, um, go now," she sighed, and wings flapping disconsolately she fluttered back out through the destroyed window.
First Class stared after the grey, hooded pony in utter shock and bemusement. What the buck just happened? she thought to herself, as Penny Black stormed back in through the office door with a trio of armoured pegasi. "Are you okay, boss!?"
"I'm fine, Penny, it's just a scratch..." First Class tilted her head bemusedly. "I haven't the faintest idea what just happened. But get an estimate to get this window repaired, and double security on the perimeter." She slumped back down at her messy, glass-covered desk, and massaged her temples. The cake did smell awfully delicious, and once the misunderstanding had been cleared up the mare had seemed nice enough.
A few bites later the wrapper lay empty on the desk, and the mail pony licked her lips. That was wonderful! I wonder where she got it from. ...Oh, no, I shouldn't have eaten it so fast. Damn ulcers. Stomach feels funny alread-
The hooded pony's already-erratic flight pattern was knocked for six as the shockwave from the blast caught up to her, and she tumbled through the air to land upside-down in a tree, turning her head to look back at Canterlot in amazement as the fireball lifted the top floor of the Equestrian Mail Central Office hundreds of feet into the air.
"Three royal guards, her secretary, two assistants, the union chief...! What happened!? You were supposed to infiltrate, do the job, and leave!"
"I did, I tried, I... I just don't know what went wrong!"
Dear Princess Luna,
Today I learned that you have to follow through on your plans, and pay attention to what you're doing, otherwise innocent ponies could get hurt. I also learned never to take Pinkie's cupcakes without asking :(
Your faithful harbinger,
Derpy
Derpy
Contract: First Class
Method: Hidden Blade, Explosive Confectionary
Outcome: Overkill, collateral and property damage, assassin reprimanded