"Honestly, between all the infidelity, neuroses, hygiene problems, illegal kinks, and food allergies, Lyra was a real pain," Bon-Bon said, poking around her daisy sandwich. "But if I wasn't there for her, she'd probably end up dead in some ditch somewhere, and I can't live with that kind of guilt." She took a bite from her sandwich. "Also, the sex was amazing." She looked at Ditzy with pity. "She ran off with your boyfriend this time, didn't she? Sorry about that."
Ditzy violently tore a hole in her sandwich. "Boyfriend? I wish," Ditzy said. "I think he has commitment problems. Apparently, he does this kind of thing often. Kidnaps random women and goes traveling with them." She held up her hoof. "I was the third version of me that he had traveled with."
"What?"
Ditzy went back to her sandwich. "It's complicated."
The two ate in silence for a bit longer.
"So, you're sure?" Ditzy said. "The man that ran off with your girlfriend was a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark?"
"Completely sure," Bon-Bon said. "As soon as it happened, I asked around. People around here are pretty used to me having to track Lyra down, so they try to remember who she's with." She blinked. "Why?"
"I just want to know what he's up to," Ditzy said, making one final lethal blow to her sandwich. She stood up. "Anyway, lunch was nice, but I really have to go. I'll pay for my meal. I don't want you thinking this was a date or anything."
Bon-Bon looked crestfallen. "It wasn't?"
Ditzy looked back. "For Luna's sake, I'm straight," she said, narrowing her eyes, and walked away in a huff.
Bon-Bon slammed her head against the table. "And that accent was so sexy, too," she said.
– – – –
Ditzy sat in an empty field filled with tall grass and rolling hills. On one side, there were mountains, with a dense forest in front of them. On the other side, a short distance away, one could see Ponyville, which Ditzy still called Ponyville University in an act of defiance.
The Doctor had wanted her to find out more about this world, but she was never able to spend much time in town. She needed to be ready to act at a moment's notice when he contacted her, after all. So, she lived in solitude on the town's borders, venturing in once in a while to get supplies and the occasional book. Most of the time, it was just her, some books, and her machines. She hated nearly everyone in Ponyville, and the grass was enough to keep her fed, so she had no problem with this arrangement.
She flipped through the pages of her book and stretched. It was still, admittedly, awful, but the thing was beginning to develop a sort of charm. Regardless of its contents, it was her last meaningful memento from the Doctor. The equipment was too impersonal to be interesting, but this? This was a memento from a world Ditzy would never see. The Doctor's world, with its stars and planets and countries. And many, many trains, if this book was to be believed.
At the very least, she had realized getting rid of it was futile. Doing so had practically given her whiplash. Multiple times, after reading a particularly stupid part, she had tried throwing it into a lake or over a cliff. Every time, though, she changed her mind at the last minute and rocketed out to save it.
She wasn't always successful, but the book was arguably more interesting with half the pages soaked or burned to a crisp.
Just as she was about to get back to reading, she heard it. The thing she had been waiting for so desperately.
The interdimensional pager.
She picked it up and looked at the number.
5.
She opened up the notebook the Doctor left behind and flipped to the right page. It was a full two pages of intricate instructions, but that didn't worry her. She had practiced each sequence multiple times, especially this one, as she judged it the most likely for the Doctor to use.
She quickly opened the metal boxes, revealing many complicated machines full of levers and buttons and displays. She started punching things in, double checking each step in the notebook. They started making noises, louder and louder the more she went. An antenna stuck out of one, and Ditzy waited for it to sense a certain amount of energy before she entered one last value. The noises reached an earsplitting crescendo, until finally, they just stopped.
Ditzy opened her eyes. She half expected the TARDIS to be right there in front of her. It wasn't. Maybe that wasn't the way it was supposed to work. Or maybe she did something wrong.
She looked at the instructions again, but couldn't find any problems. Then, she looked at the readout on one of the machines, and realized what happened.
The Doctor had arrived in this universe successfully, but 1000 years in the future.
Ditzy leaned back, laid on the ground, and laughed pathetically. She let her face rest upon the dirt.
"Come back for me, Doctor…"
– – – –
Currently, from the Doctor and Lyra's perspective, they were being tossed around the TARDIS like those little plastic balls in that lottery number choosing machine that blows around those little plastic balls everywhere. You know the one.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," Lyra said, astutely.
"Grab hold of something!" the Doctor screamed, although he wasn't really doing a good job of that himself. He heard something snap, and felt a sharp pain, but he had more important things to worry about now.
Fortunately, his latest bounce let him get a good view of one of the control screens.
Unfortunately, this let him get a good view of what the TARDIS was careening towards.
"Brace yourself!" the Doctor tried to yell, but instead he got a face full of control panel as the TARDIS slammed into the ground at terminal velocity.
The entire interior bent irreparably out of shape. Various girders and control panels fell and set fire with reckless abandon. The last thing the Doctor remembered seeing was Lyra, bleeding profusely and trapped under a flaming support beam. He tried to reach out to her, but he was trapped as well, and his consciousness faded before he could think of anything useful…
– – – –
He felt himself being carried, someone's fur bristling him…
– – – –
"No! No! Don't die on me! You can't… you can't! You're—"
– – – –
A steady beeping sound.
– – – –
Inky blackness filled the Doctor's eyes. He tried to open them.
"There, there," a voice said, touching him on the shoulder. "Go back to sleep. It's not time yet…"
The Doctor felt the magic envelope him, and his eyelids grew heavy.
– – – –
The Doctor caught a blurry glimpse of a pink pony from the corner of his eye. He tried to turn towards her, but he didn't have the strength, and, slowly, against his will, he lost consciousness…
– – – –
"Awaken, Doctor… any moment now…"
– – – –
The Doctor awoke with a start. He looked around frantically. He was on a bed, in some type of large empty room made of crystal, with a marble checkerboard floor, once shiny, now dull. There was a large window and balcony to the side, which let in bleak, overcast lighting, making everything look dreary and dead.
The Doctor got out of bed slowly. His head hurt, and he ached, but he was at least mobile. And he needed to know where he was.
He looked around more, on the other side of his bed, and noticed a table full of medicinal supplies. He limped over, noticing that one of his legs had been bandaged up with great skill.
Somebody was nursing him back to health. The TARDIS must've crashed, and somebody was helping him.
But who?
And why?
The Doctor pushed open a door on the other side of his bed and found himself in a large, tall hallway, with a vaulted ceiling made of crystals of various colors. It had many doors, leading to more rooms than the Doctor thought he could handle examining in his current condition. He needed to choose one.
Luckily, one of the doors was ajar. He limped towards it. Maybe there would be some answers in there.
With much difficulty, he reached the open door and brushed it aside. There, he saw a room almost completely identical to his, but with many more medical supplies, clearly used, some still with dried blood on them. The main difference was, instead of him on the bed, it was Lyra.
She looked much worse than he did. She was still bruised in many places, and while her bandages were less extensive than the Doctor's, they were much more numerous.
She breathed laboriously.
The Doctor approached her. How could he? How could he have dragged her into this mess? She had a life to return to. People that loved her, or at least tolerated her. The Doctor had no such things. He should have chosen someone else, someone more obscure, someone with less to lose…
"Don't beat yourself up about it," a voice said from behind him. "It was inevitable. Despite appearances, she's almost completely recovered."
The figure walked in front of the Doctor, making him freeze. She had a long, slender pink body, with wings that faded to purple towards the end. Her horn extended from her curly, immaculately kept purple hair. Her motions seemed somehow controlled, as they did on all the princesses.
"I'm Mi Amore Cadenza," she said. "Or, at least, that is one of the many names I have gone by."
The Doctor remembered his message to himself.
"Don't trust the princesses."
And now, here he was, in one of their clutches. If she were anything like…
"Were you the one that nursed me back to health?" the Doctor said. "Princess Cadenza?"
"Cadance, please," Cadance said, walking towards the Doctor. "Yes, I was. For the last couple months, I've watched over you two."
"Why?" the Doctor said. "Trying to win a favor? I know about you princesses, you know. I don't know everything, but I know enough that I'd die before I work with you."
Cadance looked at him, disappointed. "That's not it," she said.
"Then what is it?"
"I'll tell you," Cadance said, beginning to circle around the Doctor. "This world needs you. There's a great battle approaching, one that your existence is required for. If you, and most importantly, the TARDIS are not allowed to live, the timeline of this world will collapse."
"The TARDIS?" the Doctor said, getting angry. "How do you know about the TARDIS!?"
"It's quite simple, isn't it?" Cadance said. She continued to circle. "You've only told a few people on this world about the TARDIS, so it's only a process of elimination, isn't it? Think about who you told. Eliminate them, one by one. Because when you eliminate the possible, only the impossible remains."
The Doctor's face turned pale with horror. "No… don't tell me… you're…"
Cadance smiled a wide smile. Outside, there was a stroke of lightning. She jammed her face in front of the Doctor's. "That's right," she said, her eyes wild. "At one time, I was known as the the destroyer of worlds, the Time Lord menace, the Valeyard…" She stood up. "The Doctor."
The Doctor continued cowering, but then he blinked a few times when he realized what he just heard. "Wait, you're not the Master?"
Cadance look shocked, and quite frankly, offended. "What? No! That's ridiculous. He was outside the range of the time bubble when this all happened," Cadance said. "I'm your next regeneration. Obviously."
The Doctor's face fell. "Wait, I'm a woman?" His face fell a little more. "And a pink pony princess?"
Cadance winked at him. "Suits you better than you'd think," she said, twirling her hair a bit.
The Doctor laughed. "No, no, this is ridiculous. You're insane, and more importantly, wrong," he said. "I've read about you. I know you're immortal. You've been a princess for thousands of years, but you don't look a day over 20. I'm long-lived, but I still age, remember? Or did you forget Trenzalore?"
Cadance smirked. "So you believe in immortality now," she said. "Don't worry, though. I'm not completely immortal. Just… mostly. I regenerated into an alicorn, which means I get a lot of the perks, but part of me is still Time Lord. Specifically, the part that can die. "
"Brilliant," the Doctor said. "And incredibly stupid. Do you really think you can fool me with such a transparent ploy?"
"You're a stubborn one," Cadance said, leaning into the Doctor's face. "Tell me, if I was a princess, trying to seduce you into my service with lies, would I know… this?" She whispered something in the Doctor's ear.
His eyes widened. He backed away. "It can't be…"
Cadance smiled. "It is."
The Doctor shook his head. "No, no, I'm still not completely convinced. Hypothetically, someone could have told you that," he said.
Cadance looked skeptical. "Your true name?" she said. "Since when have you told anyone your true name?"
"Since River."
"Fair point. But, I doubt you would tell anyone that…" She leaned over and whispered something else in the Doctor's ear.
He blushed. "Well, that's not really…"
She whispered something else, causing his entire face to become red.
"Okay, okay, I get it, you're me!" he yelled. "No need to torment me about it!"
Cadance simply giggled.
The Doctor shuffled around awkwardly. "So… why can we even interact? We're the same person, after all. The timestream should have no end of problems dealing with that."
"I'm not completely sure either," Cadance said. "Maybe it's because our forms are so different. But I have noticed, since this universe is significantly smaller than yours, it does behave a bit differently. Timeline changes do not appear to impact it as much. Still, we should avoid bodily contact." She smiled. "Unless you want to… experiment a bit."
"No, no, I'm fine," the Doctor said. He cleared his throat. "Just out of curiosity's sake… how did it happen? I mean, if you can tell me, of course—"
"A brick."
"What?"
Cadance smiled, walking out of the room. "You trip over a brick. Then you tumble over a couple more bricks and give yourself a lethal concussion."
The Doctor followed, looking horrified. "That can't be." He laughed nervously. "You're kidding, right?"
Cadance looked back and winked. "Spoilers."
Even though it was from himself, it still made the Doctor blush.
"Glad that still works on you," she said, walking ahead. "You're not too far gone, at least. Can't say the same about myself, though. I've been in this form for about 3000 years, and it's changed me. I've had my share of husbands. And wives, of course."
"Of course," the Doctor said.
"Oh, come on, you," Cadance said, nudging him. "You were the one that discovered the 'straightness event horizon,' after all. No being, no matter how long or short lived, can stand being completely heterosexual or homosexual for more than the first 300 years of their lives." She looked wistful. "People can change so much. I had a late husband that was almost exactly like Jack Harkness, for example. Shining Armor, I believe it was…"
The Doctor just about vomited. "Should you really be telling me all this?" he said.
"Time is no longer my domain," Cadance said. "Do you know that for that entire 3000 years, I haven't used the TARDIS once? Until now, I had it locked away, far away, where no one could ever get to it. Only now have I gotten it out, for you to use, since yours got completely totaled on reentry." She noticed the confusion on the Doctor's face. "Don't think about it too hard," she added. "I try not to."
"Time is no longer your domain?" the Doctor said. "How can you say that?"
"Life can function just as well linearly," Cadance said. She pushed open a door and began to walk inside. "And as I said, this world is quite resilient. I think most worlds are more resilient than you give them credit for." She looked back. "Honestly, I like to think of these last three millennia as a reward. A reward for all we've done for the rest of the universe. And for getting through her torment." Her face scrunched up. "Don't ask about that, by the way," she added.
The room had, like the others, a large balcony, but this one seemed somehow larger, and more regal. It was completely empty, though, aside from the same dull floor and columns the other rooms had.
The Doctor heard a loud snap, followed by a crumbling sound, a loud, echoing sound that seemed to penetrate every inch of the world. He ran out onto the balcony, forgetting the pain in his leg. Cadance slowly followed behind.
He looked up, and saw a large crack in the sky.
"What on…?"
"You know the sky here is artificial," Cadance said. "Are you really so surprised it can develop cracks?"
The Doctor was appalled. "But outside is—!"
"The wasteland," Cadance said, her face hardened. "I know." She looked up at the sky. "But there's no avoiding it. The consequences of stopping this battle are far greater than letting it continue."
"It's happening right now!?" the Doctor said.
"The sky cracking is proof," Cadance said. "It's not something for you to get involved in, though. I only heard about it secondhand myself, and, well, you know. I mainly said you were needed for this battle to get your attention. But, I wasn't technically lying."
"What!?"
"I know you must have many questions, but it really is time," Cadance said, looking uncharacteristically serious. "Please go back into the room, off the balcony. I need to be out here alone. This needs to be exactly how I remember it."
The Doctor understood, and rushed back into the room. He turned around, and looked at Cadance on the balcony.
Another loud, horrible snap came from the sky, and more cracks started appearing with increasing speed.
"What are you doing!?" the Doctor yelled. "It's not safe out there!"
Cadance laughed. "Since when have you been concerned about safety!?" she yelled back, getting drowned out by the sound of the sky dying. She closed her eyes. "Besides, I've been waiting for this day for a long time now." She smiled. "Almost three millennia."
The Doctor blanched. "What?"
"Remember this, Doctor," she said. "Those millennia are a gift, not a punishment."
The Doctor bolted towards her. "No! You can't—!"
Then, the sky broke, and a stray lightning bolt hit Cadance dead on.
"NO!"
She crumpled to the ground, a charred husk. The cracks in the sky were now everywhere, and chunks of it started to fall down to the ground, crushing mountains, forests, entire civilizations in their wake.
"Regenerate! For god's sakes, regenerate!"
There was not even the slightest hint of life in the body. Not the slightest iota of regeneration energy. And then, the Doctor just barely being able to dodge it, a chunk of the sky fell on top of Cadance, taking the balcony with it. It hit the ground, 50 stories below, with a deafening thud.
There was no way she could have survived that.
There was no way he could have survived that.
The Doctor stood there, shaken, witness to his own death. But the creaks and groans of the dying world around him reminded him of his true purpose.
He had to rescue Lyra.
He sprinted out of the room as fast as he could. He was still injured, but that didn't matter. Nothing mattered, aside from this. He knew he would live, but Lyra had no such guarantee.
He burst into Lyra's room, who was groggily sitting up in her bed and rubbing her eyes.
"What… what's going on?" she groaned.
"No time to explain! Follow me! Now!" the Doctor yelled, and grabbed Lyra, pulling her out of bed and out of the room.
"Hey! Ow! What are you doing!?" Lyra said.
"That sound out there is the sky falling," the Doctor said. "If we don't get out of here soon, we're dead meat!"
"What!?"
The Doctor didn't even know where the TARDIS was, but he just kept running anyway. Running was the important part. He had to keep doing something, no matter what. Even if it turned out to be hopeless.
Luckily, Cadance, or he, thought ahead, and around the next bend was her TARDIS, unused for thousands of years, and, the Doctor noticed, immaculately clean.
After dodging a particularly large section of ceiling that fell down, he got out his key and ran inside, pushing Lyra in first.
For a second, he stood there, shocked. The inside looked completely different, with crystal spires and better railings and carefully placed lights and impressive ceilings. "Nice decorating," he said, but he had only so much time to be distracted. Everything shook.
"Not this again," Lyra said, beginning to curl up into a ball.
The Doctor noticed, to his utter shock, seats, with seatbelts, in front of the control panel. It seemed sacrilegious to put seatbelts in the TARDIS, but now, he needed them. "Here," he said, holding Lyra, "strap yourself in. We don't need to escape any universes this time, so it should be a lot smoother."
The TARDIS shook again as something quite heavy landed on it.
"Relatively speaking," he said, and began rapidly pulling every lever he could find. The engine started up, hardly making any noise at all, and the TARDIS began to take off.
Almost. It rocked again, this time much more violently.
"Dammit!" the Doctor said, trying to regain his balance. "We've been hit by lightning." He looked at the control screens. "I need to get a lock on something, anything… dammit, think, Doctor, think!"
Then, at that moment, after thousands of years of sitting there, the tape holding a small business card to the underside of the control panel finally became undone, and it fluttered around the control room. It flew in front of Lyra's face, who grabbed it and, in her confusion, read it out loud.
"'For a good time, call Rarity'?"
The Doctor never thought he could bring himself to use such a metaphor, but what happened next could be best described as the TARDIS doing a wheelie. It lacking wheels only made this analogy more effective, because whatever it was doing was certainly not natural.
Once normal gravity reasserted itself, the Doctor climbed up and looked at one of the control screens. "Well, whatever you did, we landed," he said. He looked at Lyra. "What did you do?"
"I don't know," she said, and the Rarity card burned into nothingness in her hooves. She then clutched her chest. "Ouch…"
"We need to get you to a hospital, and fast," the Doctor said. "I think you got injured worse than I did." He could only hope that wherever they had landed, there was a hospital. With some struggle, he carried the wincing Lyra to the front door and opened up.
Outside was a fashion boutique, and a very confused Rarity. "Why'd… how… blue box… inside… what?"
"She needs medical attention!" the Doctor said, motioning towards Lyra. "Quick!"
Rarity blinked. "What? Okay…" She looked up a stairway. "Sweetie Belle! An injured pony needs your attention!" She waited a couple seconds. "You don't need to be recharged again, do you?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M N—! You know what, nevermind," a high-pitched voice yelled from up the stairs. Then, a small unicorn filly descended. "Oh dear Celestia! What happened to you this time, Lyra?"
"I don't know," Lyra got out, sounding awful.
"Come on now," Sweetie Belle said, holding her up. The Doctor started to follow, but Rarity stopped him.
"Don't worry, she can handle her," Rarity said. "She's the best model available." The Doctor had no idea what she was talking about, but ignored it. "I've got some questions I want to ask you."
"I'm sure you do," the Doctor said, his patience growing thin. "Listen, I need to find a mare. Her name is—"
"Oh? A mare?" She raised an eyebrow. "Are you straight?"
"Yes, but that doesn't have anything to do w—"
Rarity smiled. "I'm going to use you a bit, if you don't mind."
The Doctor blinked. "What?"
Suddenly, he felt magic envelope his body and hold him in place. Rarity pinned herself on him and gave him a long, passionate kiss against his will. Then, she disengaged, leaving a small string of saliva between the two, and grinned, her eyes seductively half closed. She expertly kicked him in the face with her hooves, displaying strength the Doctor would not have suspected of such a pony, and once again, he found himself losing consciousness.
His world slowly darkened, and the last thing he heard were the sounds of chains…
It was the last time he would see the light of day for three years.