"YOU'RE A CRIMINAL?!" Spike shouted, jumping off the couch.
"Aw, shit. Well, yeah, eleven years of searching for you might have gotten me to resort to some... extreme measures to find you."
"Like what 'extreme measures'?!"
"Well, most recently it was kidnapping, destruction of private property, breaking and entering, and theft."
"Most recently?!"
"Meaning today."
"TODAY!?"
"Yes." He paused for a moment, giving me an evil eye.
"If you're a criminal, and you kidnapped somepony, how do I know you're actually my brother, and not some creep trying to kidnap ME?!" I thought about it for a moment before I pulled an old, faded picture of a baby me holding a purple egg and smiling. I Smiled at the memory before handing it to Spike. He looked at it for a moment.
"That... that's really me... and... you." he furrowed his brow. "If I was with you, how did we get separated? Surely our mom would have-"
"Your mother's dead." GLaDOS cut him off mid sentence.
"W-what? She's dead? What about our da-"
"He was killed two-hundred-fifty years ago by The Burning Queen." I cut him off this time, frowning as the memories of my mother dying came back to me. "Let's go. We need to leave the country as soon as possible, so hurry up."
"B-but, what about my friends?!"
"Like who? We'll ask them if they want to come with."
"Well, Twilight would probably stop both of us, so we can't go to her. We should leave a note for her. Uh... who else is my friend... Pinkie?"
"NOPE."
"Okay, uh, maybe Derpy?"
A grey pegasus with a blonde mane walked out of sugarcube corner, a deep frown plastered onto her face.
"I don't even like muffins." She grumbled as she tossed a bag containing a banana nut muffin into a nearby waste bin. "Why did it have to be buckin' muffins?"
Ditzy was snapped out of her thoughts as she was approached by a baby dragon wearing a brown trench coat, hiking boots, a large backpack and a fedora.
"Uh, Ditzy, how are you doing today?"
"Oh, I'm just fine and dandy today, Spike. I just got done wasting my bits on another Celestia forsaken muffin, now I get to have a totally one sided conversation with you for the next few minutes. Today's just starting off buckin' super."
"... Can I ask you a question?" She gave him a deadpan look.
"Shoot."
"Uh, me and my big brother, Drake, wanted to know if you wanted to go on a journey to our homeland." If Ditzy had been drinking something at that moment, she would have most likely spit it into Spike's face.
"WHAT?!"
"We can get you muffins if you'd like!" I materialized in the shadows next to Spike, making Ditzy jump.
"Why would we get her muffins? She just said a few seconds ago that she didn't like muffins. The only thing she said about muffins was that she wasted some bits on some."
"What are you talking about? Muffins are the ONLY thing she's said!" I turned to Ditzy.
"What is your favorite thing in the world?"
"... My daughter." I turned back to Spike.
"See! She just said 'my daughter'."
"No! She said muffins!"
"Wait, you know what I'm saying?!" Ditzy interjected.
"Well yeah, should I not-" I didn't get to finish my sentence as the pegasus wrapped me in a bear hug.
"Finally, someone who can tell what I'm actually trying to say!" She cried, letting me go, "Of course I'll go with you! Just let me pack my things!" She started to turn around, but stopped. "Is it okay if I bring my daughter along?" She asked, tilting her head.
"It's probably a bit harsh out there... And there might be some disturbing stuff out there." They both looked at me curiously.
"Like what?" They both asked.
"Changelings, giant bugs, centaurs... I hate centaurs."
"Aren't centaurs half monkey, half pony?"
"No... Let's change the subject! You probably shouldn't bring your daughter, so try to find someone who can care for her. Once you've done that, we'll meet near the edge of the forest. We're skirting along the eastern edge of it, going north. Once we get to the end, we go northwest until we hit wasteland. Then we go north past Valoran ruin and into Gondor ruin. Once we get there we get over the mountains, past the boneyard and then we're home in the vault." Ditzy nodded, then galloped off towards her home.
"So all you could hear from her was muffins?"
"Mhm."
"Weird" I said, checking off another bit of the list displayed on my HUD.
1. Find brother
2. Bring him with me
3. find Ditzy
4. Ask Ditzy if she wants to come
5. Get home
6. Bond?
Ditzy Doo approached us at the edge of the Everfree, burdened by some saddlebags filled to the brim with foodstuffs and water bottles, while on her head was a brown Indiana Jones styled hat.
"Ready to go."
"Alright, let's get going." I said, taking the first step towards home.
As soon as the others started walking with me a strange song started in the background and they started singing,
"He's taking the hobbits to Isengard!"
5
hours
later
"He's taking the hobbits to Isengard. Isengard, gard-gard-gard-gard! They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!"
"AGH! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PLEASE STOP SINGING!" Silence. "Ah. Thank you."
"My feet hurt." My scales flipped to black.
"FUUUUU-"
"Hey look, a town! Maybe we can stop and rest!" Ditzy pointed out.
"Yeah, maybe we should stop." I growled. How did they even know that song?!
Spike, Ditzy and I sat in a booth in a restaurant, the only ones there. Behind Ditzy there was a window displaying a quickly flowing river and the edge of the Everfree forest. Each of us had large menus covering our faces. A light blue unicorn trotted up to the table, a pencil and notepad floated next to his head.
"Hello, welcome to Riverside Café, my name is Hydra Wolf, I'll be your server today. What would you fellows like to drink today?" He asked cheerily.
"I'll have some lemonade." I answered
"Milk please." Spike said.
"I'll just have water, thanks."
"I'm sorry ma'am, breakfast time is over right now. There's a bakery just around the corner if you want, but is there anything I can get you right now?"
"She'll just have water." I answered for her.
"Aaaalrighty then! Milk, lemonade and water, coming right up!" He said, trotting back behind the counter.
Just as the waiter disappeared into the kitchen, a group of griffins threw open the door, laughing and yelling as they filed in, all seven of them, all wearing red and black leather armor that had Blades insignias on the shoulders.
"And vhen ze patient voke up, his skeleton vas missing, and ze doctor vas never heard from again!" A slim griffin with glasses said in a German accent.
"BWAHAHAHA! YOU ARE A FUNNY DOCTOR!" Shouted a Russian sounding one that was all muscle from head to toe.
"So anyvay, zat is how I lost my medical license." The Heavy stopped laughing.
"Oh..."
"Hey, hey bub!" I raised my menu slightly. "Hey, I'm talkin' to you, pal!" someone tapped on the other side of my menu.
"What?" I snapped.
"Alright, I'm gonna need ya to find somewhere else ta sit, cause, you see, me 'n my posse like ta hang here, and this is where we sit. So, we can do this the easy way and you move on your own, or we can do this the hard way. Your choice, bub."
I glanced up.
"I move on my own terms." I growled.
"Hey pal, you wanna look me in the face, when I'm talkin' to ya??" He tore the menu out of my hands, revealing my stern draconic face.
"I'd appreciate it if you'd give that back."
"Hey, guys! Lookie what we got here!" He pulled Spike and Ditzy's menus away. "A couple of dragons and a retard sittin' in our spot!" The six other mercs in the room walked over.
"If you'll excuse us-" I started to stand up, but was pushed down by the griffin.
"Hey, where ya goin', bub?" He pulled out a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it. "Ya know, we're a part of a group of mercs called the Blades..." He started. "We specialize in a certain field of work... do you know what that is?"
"What is it that your mercenary group specializes in?" I deadpanned, knowing the answer already.
"Dragons!" Spike gulped.
"And by that you mean dracos, a draconian species that closely resembles dragons, or Dov, but is generally less intelligent, more feral and is commonly referred to as dragon. We'll be going now." GLaDOS said. I stood up to leave again and, out of the corner of my eye I saw the mercs bringing their weapons to bear as Spike and Ditzy got up to leave as well. I pushed past the scout, heading for the door.
"Hey asshole!" I stopped. "You want a fight? Well, you're gonna get one!"
I pushed Spike and Ditzy towards the door. "Get out of here, I'll handle them."
"But-"
"NO! I can handle them, you can't. Me yes, you no. Now get going!" I shoved them out, then turned back towards the mercs and activating my helmet. I unsheathed my swords in a flourish, taking a battle stance.
"I came here to kick ass and drink lemonade," I looked the griffin that had been talking to us before in the eye, cracking my knuckles.
"And the lemonade never came."
Hydra Wolf was having a great day!
He flipped the final pancake for the day.
"I love the smell of three hundred seventy two thousand, eight hundred forty five pancakes in the morning!"
He picked up a tray with three drinks with his magic.
"Smells like victory!"
He strode out into the front room to find an epic stand off between the eight griffin mercenaries that regularly visited the restaurant and what looked like a small dragon wearing a strange helmet and brandishing a pair of razor sharp swords.
"Have a taste o' this!" One of them said, lighting a stick of dynamite and throwing it towards the dragon, who simply kicked it back towards the group of mercenaries.
"Well, shite." One with a bow said before being obliterated. The explosion from the dynamite threw the three surviving mercs forward, killing all the rest and partially destroying the wall and bar.
Hydra Wolf ducked behind the bar, which protected him from most of the shrapnel.
"Ready, Naerud?" He asked to seemingly no one.
"I cannot engage that dragon in combat, you must do it on your own." A deep voice answered in his head.
"Why not?"
"He is the son of an ancestor-god, and a very powerful one at that. It would be unwise to attack him."
"Fine then, I'll just incapacitate the mercs"
"AGH! MY SPINE!" A wail floated over the counter.
