Resounding crack on the floor was the first indication that she awoke. I reclined further in my arm chair and lowered the newspaper that I was skimming through to peer at my unusual guest. By this time I sort of accepted the fact that I was in a middle of a forest, I had a unicorn intruder that I knocked out and put on my couch, yes, indeed my electrical stove was still working, but no, I had no internet, and there was apparently a lion just outside the door. Or I think it was. Not too sure since about a minute before when I could've sworn I heard a couple of wings flapping. Apparently, the horse was used to larger beds, as she wasted no time rolling right out of the couch and landing on the floor with a very loud bang that drew my attention moments before. I winced in sympathy. Headache, that she's no doubt having after taking a fall like that after being hit with a broom, has got to be almost as unpleasant as... Actually, that might be one of the most unpleasant things ever. Alongside weekend cleaning. I mean, see where it landed me?
She pulled her front appendages to her head and whimpered quietly while squeezing her eyes tightly shut.
"Celestia, I hate mornings... Please forgive me."
"You're forgiven. Want some aspirin?"
Her eyes shot wide open and with surprisingly quick jerk she was on her hooves, staring at me with wide eyes.
She blinked. I raised an eyebrow.
"Alright, no aspirin. Paracetamol?"
Her eyes narrowed, but she still said nothing. After several seconds of silence, she blinked. And again, rapidly. Then she crossed her eyes to look at her forehead: "What did you do to my horn?" She uses her front legs to carefully poke around her forehead.
I shrugged, fixed my newspaper upright to fake disinterest and responded in a voice as level as I could manage "Well, I wanted to talk to you, so I used a device that will keep your connection to the fade suppressed for the time being." Worldwide inflation leads to a drop in prices on cheese... Curious.
The creature glared at me for a little bit before letting out a sigh, slumping on her butt and saying "You mean, you suppressed my magic."
It worked. I soo had this in the bag. Whatever weird stuff was going on, who better to ask for information than a spawn of that weirdness?
"Well, first I'd like to know..."
"Now", the unicorn surprisingly interrupted me, completely ignoring the fact that I began talking first. "I will be asking questions, and you will answer me." I felt a twinge of worry and stole a glance behind my armchair, just to make sure my trusty broom was still there. It was the only sorta-ish weapon in the house aside from kitchen knives, and I was not using those. Even in an emergency like this. The girl's voice was absolutely calm and perfectly even, totally unlike what I expected a kidnapped person-horse to sound like. "I want nothing from you, but you've already refused me answers about my good friend and attacked me in front of her home. Or what used to be her home. Anyway, I merely want her back. Tell me where she is, and we can go our separate ways." With that she looked me squarely in the eyes. Gotta give credit where it's due-girl's got will. Neither of us turned away or wavered in our clash of stares... That's what I like to believe, anyway. I responded in a slightly lowered tone "And what about your 'magic', missy?"
She shrugged and tore of the tinfoil hat I made for her with her hooves.
I blinked. She blinked.
"What, you seriously thought that would work?" Her expression is almost amused now. I could only shrug in response.
"It was worth a shot. I have no idea how this magic", I made air quotes "thingy works. So I improvised." I sighed and leaned forward in my chair, resting my elbows on my knees and cupping my hands. At this point it was obvious that I was not fooling anyone with the whole conspiracy master gig. After all, I'm merely a dude with a broom, so I decided to just play clean. "Alright, you want to know about your friend. I just want to understand what is going on. An answer for an answer, sounds fair?"
Once again I found myself a recipient of cute unicorn's glare. I could tell that she was trying to see if I'm playing some sort of trick, so I gave her my best smile and opened my arms in what I hoped was a disarming gesture. You can never tell with aliens, for all I know it could have been an "I will murder your family" sign in her culture. However, she quickly relents, sighs once again and nods in agreement: "Sounds fair". With that she starts climbing onto my couch. After standing in front of my door, in the middle of the forest, and probably walking through a whole lot of dirt before it. I hadn't even realized what I was doing when I stopped her: "Hey, watch it! Your legs are muddy, bad enough that I will have to clean the floor again, don't you dare go staining the sofa, too!"
She blinks. I glare at her before comprehending what just happened. Then I blink.
She slowly turns around without taking her eyes off of me and awkwardly crawls up the bed, flank first, with her hooves dangling of the edge before squirming a bit to find a more comfortable position. I nod in appreciation and utter a quick 'thank you'.
After settling a bit, she starts with the first and most obvious question:
"Well, I think it's fair to start with the first and most obvious question-what are you?"
"A human. You?"
"A pony. What is your name?"
"Broom-man. Yours?"
"Tooth-fairy. Now..."
"You're pulling my leg. No way you're actually called 'Tooth-fairy'".
"Broom-man is not your true name, either."
"Fine, you got me. Name's Bond. James Bond." Just don't grin, just don't grin, just don't grin...
"Very well," she nods, "I am Twilight Sparkle. It's a pleasure to meet you, James Bond."
I can feel the corners of my mouth turn up in a little victorious smirk. I am already liking this conversation.
"Now, where is the zebra that lived here, mister Bond?"