*chirping sounds*
"Uuhhhrgh..."
*breezy winds*
"Uuhhrgh..." just like that I stirred from my unconsciousness.
"Wha-...Where the hell... am I?" I closed my eyes in an attempt to hold back the light of dawn. Damn those sun rays, go bother someone else!
Despite the continuous throbbing in my head, I leaned up from my grassy bed. Grass? Why grass? Did I pass out on my lawn?
After carefully observing my surroundings, while rubbing my forehead with my left, I began to muse out loud. "A forest? Why is there a god damn forest in my backyard? No wait that can't be... Wasn't I back at the convention? Everything is kind of a blur."
Fuzzy memory aside, I tried to stand up as quickly as manageable ... only to fall halfway on my bum again because my balance was off somehow.
"Ooff! What?!" I cried out. Why do I feel so unusually heavy?. Taking a look at my chest, I made certain of what I wore. Sure enough, I still have my costume on, but that shouldn't drag me back to the ground!... Really hope I don't have a concussion or something.
Said costume by the way, was a self-dedicated piece of work I took my pride in. I was cosplaying 'Magellan', a character from the anime series 'One Piece' who was the head warden of 'Impel Down', a high security prison that held some of the most notorious villains of the pirate world. Whenever the vile pirates would attempt to brake out, the warden put them right back in with lethal force of poisonous steam and glibber.
Magellan ate the 'Doku Doku no Mi', a fruit of the paramecia-type that turned him into a 'venom man'. Ever seen 'One Piece'? There are more fruits of different types called Devil Fruits, they can either give you abilities beyond the imaginable, or ludicrous superpowers.
Suffice it to say, he took pride in the name of his 'inescapable prison'.
That only changed when Luffy, main character and soon to be pirate king of the series, with his temporary gang of misfits and weirdos, who caused a massive break out, made it as the first ones to escape Magellan's clutches.
In other words he lost against the 'good guys'. Although he looked a bit intimidating, I never really thought of Magellan as a bad guy, quite the opposite actually, seeing that he had his own goofy quirks. He also had a strong sense of justice and there were quite a few terrible pirates in this world who needed to be locked away securely, in order to keep the citizens of various islands safe. With that positive reflection of the character in mind, I was going to enter a contest for best costume in the category 'anime characters' back at the convention.
A contest I never entered as it seems, which leaves me where I am now... wherever that may be.
After musing a bit about my gained weight, I made a second attempt at standing up, this time more slowly.
When I was straight on both my feet, I began to notice the trees weren't as high as they appeared from when I lay on the ground. In fact everything else seemed smaller then I was used to... and more vibrant in color too, especially the grass.
Did the world shrink while I was out? Nonsense! Come on Jimbo, get your stuff together! What happened?. I saw a butterfly pass by right then... too small if you ask me, it even appeared no bigger than damn bumblebee including the wings and all. Weird.
I finally took a look at myself more thoroughly. Hands, legs and feeling around my head, every limb featuring parts of my costume as it should be. I'm still whole, aside from a small headache, I concluded in my mind, as I looked down. Oh dammit why does the ground look farther away? Did I get high or something? What caused this damn tunnel vision? Well, I do feel slightly woozy, could still be a minor concussion aftera- waitaminute...
Realization hit me like Franky's 'Strong Hammer', when fueled with cola.
"Poisoned! That's it! Now I remember! That merchant gave me a chocolate replica of a 'Devil Fruit'!" it wasn't really a 1:1 copy as it was slightly smaller then my palm, "Uhhrg! That bloody bastard must have put something in it and now I'm in some kind of strange delusional state! My mind is making this all up!... I hope someone is taking care of me in a hospital." I angrily scowled and held my fist to skywards, "Chocolate replicas never again! I swear if I survive this shit, I will sue that asshole!"
Shit indeed. Because exactly that became my next greatest worry, literally. I still remember how it happened the first time.
*grumble, growl* Foreboding sounds began to emit from the lower level of my stomach.
"Huh?" I mused, "Am I getting hungry already? No that's illogical, I'm probably in a hospital right now, wringing out this stuff the merchant gave me. So, why is my sto- OOH MY GOD!"
Not only were my circumstances more than unknown, but that moment my body also regrettably signaled me that it was time to take a dump.
Only 'that' signal felt like an immense and powerful ache, comparable to Luffy's Jet Pistol hitting you beneath your stomach, a feeling that a certain warden figure was just all to familiar with as I recall.
"HOLY SHIIEETT! I gotta go... FAST! IT HURTS! DAMMIT! WHERE IS A GOOD PORTA POTTI WHEN YOU NEED ONE?!" I jumped around frantically as I called out with despair, tears now straining me to keep my eyes open.
Despite my previous musings, the pain made this delusion seem very real to me, and it didn't even occur to me that this pain could just be another illusion or dream, and in reality 'they', whoever that was, may have done something to my body in the infirmary.
So I found myself some fine bush off to the right, in my dire need for relieve. And let me tell you, relieve myself I did.
*Sounds of gases being released*
Needless to say it wasn't pretty, more like the greatest horrors imaginable. I wanted to cosplay Magellan so badly, it seems I got the express card 'Poison man, eats poisoned food and has disgusting diarrhea afterwards' free of charge.
What came out neither resembled half digested pasta al forno I had for lunch, nor the carrot cake I had at the convention.
It was more like a chocolate rain with occasionally bits of small bricks in between shooting out, at least that's how it felt.
After a minute or two of painful release, I must have looked like... well guess what. My facial expression was a mix of 'me gusta' and 'no me gusta' memes all together with an upside down troll face thrown in. I took a large fan like leaf from the bush I was behind, something that you would actually only find in tropical forests, and began to wipe myself with it.
That's when I noticed a flock of small birds falling out of the treetops above me, awfully wringing in pain when they hit the ground... strangely I could swear some of them where making comically gasping sounds.
"Oh man, poor fellas... Must have shocked them! Hard to avoid when you're right underneath them." I frowned, finishing up with wiping myself. "Why didn't they just fly away from the sound? Instead they wait just to drop down like fowl apples... And why do they look like choking? I'd say it felt far worse than it smells, at least for me," I mused out loud again, not really recognizing any disturbing smells in the air. Actually, they couldn't have smelled that so high up in the trees.
While musing about that, I failed to notice something shifting behind my back.
*grooowwwl*
"Aww no man, NOT AGAI- wait that sounded different." T'was true, that sounded less like my digestive system rebelling against me again, more like a growl of some kind of dog.
Wait... a dog?
I turned around hesitantly, looking slightly downwards ... and came to face with something that can only be described as a monster from World of Warcraft.
It looked like some kind of canine or wolf creature made out of wood, twigs and sticks. Two large green glowing eyes, like neon light, where staring into my own with viscous intend, as it snarled with sharpened wooden teeth resembling small knives. Parts of its ear twigs seemed to have molten somehow, with strands of a visible purple steam rising up from them. The occasional leaves around it's face, like a lion's mane of sorts, were withering away too. One of the very sick looking birds had fallen on his head as well
While being the size of a grown up grizzly bear, still can't tell accurately but it felt like that compared to the trees, it seemed really upset.
Already amazed and afraid of this 'timber wolf', another thing then struck me in horrifyingly realization, and I went scared shit-less like Usopp usually does on routine.
It was covered in the amount of tish, that originally came from my chocolate starfish.
Somewhere in the distance of reality, I swear I heard The Great Mighty Poo laughing.
With my wastes dripping from it's face, back and withers, it's expression most accurately bordered the catchphrase "YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR LIFE!".
I did the only thing I was capable of in such a predicament.
I screamed my lungs out, desperately not trying to sound like a little girl, as it leaped for me.
<<<=======================%%%%--%%%%=========================>>>
It was a good day for Sweet Apple Acres, as the nearby town of Ponyville was in dire need for Applelicious goods only the Apple Family, locally known as the best farmer family, could provide. From sweet treats, to pastries, cakes and all kinds of other baked goods involving apples, they were sure to make them in masses, especially since the entire family was coming from all over Equestria for the big reunion in light of the oncoming festivities.
It was the day of the yearly 'Summer Sun Celebration'.
But not only that, it was also an anniversary, since this was the 1000th celebration of that specific day in pony history.
For such a monumental occasion however, dependable hooves were needed, to complete the preparations in earnest.
Applejack, a well toned orange earth pony mare with a gold-yellow mane and tail, wearing a brown stetson, was tasked to manage the catering for the feast.
This earth pony was the older sister of two more siblings living at the farm of Sweet Apple Acres, and she was co-responsible for the family's business. The other main responsible, being her older brother Big Macintosh, a bulky earth pony stallion whose coat was apple red, sporting a short orange mane and tail.
Both were currently 'bucking' apples from the trees, each kick with their hind legs against the tree trunks sending large piles of apples down into carefully laid out baskets.
The traditional technique of apple bucking was an art for itself, and could only be performed correctly with enough balance between physical power and focus... and a good bunch of apple family genes of course.
As Applejack was about to give another tree a good old hard buck though, her focus was broken by a high pitched noise of sorts, almost sounding like a scream, followed shortly by the faint howling of timber wolves.
That caused her to miss the tree by a few inches and she almost buckled over, before quickly catching herself. Her ears stood at attention with eyes wide as dinner plates, astonished at what she was hearing.
After the noise went down and faded into nothingness, she sported a quizzical expression with a raised eye-brow, as she turned to her brother who only gave her a stoic look in return.
"Just wut in tarnation was that about? Aren't the timber wolves supposed to howl like that when the 'zap apples' are bloomin'?" the orange mare said, clearly confused at what she had just heard.
"Eeyup!" replied the stallion, not really a friend of words.
"But we aren't even nearin' the season," she turned around to face the patch of zap apple trees, holding a hoof flat over her forehead while squinting her eyes. "And ah honestly don't see any zap apples come sproutin' from them trees!"
"Nope!" Again, short to the point.
Applejack shrugged, scratching her chin with her front hoof. "Well ah guess as long as they leave us alone, we shouldn't bother with them possibly come messin' with us. We're busy right now anyway, need to finish those tree patches here before the other family members arrive."
Right than a shrill elderly female voice rang out from the farm house around the orchard like a warning siren, accompanied by the sound of a pot being hit with a big dipper, continuously, causing Applejack to lower her ears against her skull while gritting her teeth.
"THE TIMBERWOLVES ARE HOWLIN'!! THE TIMBERWOLVES ARE HOWLIN'!! THE ZAP APPLES WILL BE GROWIN' SOON!!
"Dagnabit," the cow-mare mumbled while turning around, trotting back towards the barn in a hurry. "GRANNY!! IT'S ALRIGHT! IT WAS ONLY FALSE ALARM! NO ZAP APPLES THIS TIME!"
The red stallion only gave a small chuckle at his granny's antics and AJ's fruitless efforts to calm her. Ignoring the banter behind him, he glanced back towards the Everfree Forest, just in time to see a small faint purple smoke string, steadily arising from the canopy that lay deeper in the forest.
A frown began to form on his face, reassuring himself with a firm "Nope!" With that done he went back to the next apple tree in line.
Never did he expect what was about to happen on this fateful day.
