The Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
High noon in Ponyville’s town square. A harsh wind howled as two titans approached, ready to do battle for honor and glory.
“You ready for this, Scootaloo?!” Sweetie Belle squeaked as she pulled her red ball cap around to let a cotton candy curl pop out like a fluffy, little quail feather. Across the square, her arch rival rolled up her long, purple sleeves and thumbed her nose like a 80’s kung fu star.
“You know it! World Pokémon Super Ultra Championship Battle is officially a go!”
Eyes glinting in the hard sun, hands darted to belts and retrieved the red and white orbs that would mark the start of their epic duel.
“Go, Persian! I choose you!” Sweetie Belle yelped.
“Let ‘em have it, Crocnaw! Go!” Scootaloo cried.
The two Pokéballs sailed through the air and landed, splitting the papier-mâché hulls apart to release an exploding sprays of red confetti. Sparing a moment to admire a morning’s worth of work well spent, the two hurriedly turned around to get their “Pokémon” in place.
“Ow, quit it, Opal!” Sweetie Belle winced as her sister’s hissing cat caught her a good swipe on the hand. “You’re supposed to be fighting Scootaloo, not me!”
“What’s the matter, Sweetie Belle?” her cocky friend gloated, “is it hurting you in confusion?”
“Just you – ow! – watch, Scootaloo! At least my Pokémon has attacks!”
“Yeah? Well… uh…”
Well, Leer was technically a move, which sort of counted, right? And Gummy, with his wide, empty gaze, was certainly doing a good job of that.
“Alright,” the girl in curls called as she finally got her cat reasonably situated. “Persian! Use your Fury Swipes!”
Being as disagreeable as ever, Opal deigned to cease her hissing clawing and chose to wash her paws instead.
“Hah! My turn!” Scootaloo crowed. “Crocnaw! Use Bite!”
He did. Opal didn’t seem to notice.
“Looks like it’s not very effective,” Sweetie Belle smirked. “Persian! Use… uh… Tail Whip!”
With a look of supreme condescension, the white cat continued to lick its paws. However, she did sort of move her tail around, enough to tickle Gummy’s nose at least. With a squeaky pop, the toothless alligator sneezed itself right off.
“Oh no, critical hit!” Scootaloo groaned. “Alright Crocnaw, come back and take a rest.”
A slow blink and Gummy ambled off on his merry little way.
“Alright, Sweetie Belle. You may have the advantage, but I’ll bring it back with this. Go… Blastoise!”
It took a little huffing and puffing, but Tank finally made his dramatic appearance into the battle.
“Go, Blastoise! Use your Headbutt!” the tomboy cried.
Turning its head about very, very slowly, Tank gave Scootaloo a very, very confused look.
“Come on, use Headbutt,” the purple haired girl pleaded. “Just do that little… you know… head thing you always do.”
After a blink that lasted a good fifteen seconds, Tank finally seemed to get the idea as he turned and nudged Opal with his noggin. Slowly, of course.
“The attack missed!” Sweetie Belle cheered.
“No it didn’t! It totally hit!” Scootaloo shot back.
“Well, it didn’t do anything, did it?” she retorted.
“If it didn’t, then just say it wasn’t very effective,” her friend replied.
“I already said that! I was trying to add some variety to the situation!”
“Yeah, well– wait, what?”
As the two were arguing, it seemed that the Pokémon had gotten some ideas of their own. Not pleased at having been touched by a lesser creature, Opal had taken a swipe at the tanky tortoise, who had jumped back into his shell with surprising alacrity. The swipe, therefore, had come into contact not with the turtle, but its shell, resulting in a very upset cat as it broke a well-manicured claw.
A screeching yowl later, and the cat darted off like a furry, white cannonball.
“So... Persian fainted?” Scootaloo suggested.
“I guess,” Sweetie Belle shrugged.
Here, the red capped girl turned to grab her next Pokémon, only to find that it was nowhere to be found. It seems like Owlicious wasn’t as keen to play a Hoothoot as she’d originally thought.
“Well, what now?” Scootaloo frowned. “It’s not exactly an epic battle if you’ve only got one on your entire team.”
“Um, gimme a second,” Sweetie Belle called out. “I’m sure I’ll figure out something.
Rummaging through her pockets, the cotton candy haired girl took quick inventory of what she might possibly use as her next battler. Pocket lint? Possibly a Ghastly, but not very convincing. A goldfish cracker? About as useful as a Magikarp, but not quite worthy of a place in their World Pokémon Super Ultra Championship Battle. A butter knife? It could do for a Honedge, but they’d agreed on only up to Gen… wait, why did she even have a butter knife?
Just as Scootaloo was about to claim dibs on Sweetie Belle’s snack fund, salvation came walking over on hard-soled boots.
“Graves! Thank goodness you showed up!” Sweetie Belle beamed as she ran over to grab the marshal’s sleeve. “Here, you need to step in. There’s no way Scootaloo can beat me now that I have a Genesect!”
“Sweetie Belle–”
“Wait, what?” Scootaloo gaped. “How the hay is he a Genesect?”
“Um, hello? He carries around a big old metal cannon as part of his job? I think that qualifies him for the job,” Sweetie Belle replied with a roll of her eyes.
“Oh yeah?” Scootaloo retorted? “Well, then, uh… Hey, Rainbow Dash! Over here!”
“Yo, ‘sup squirt?” the aforementioned flyer grinned as she alighted next to the giddy little girl.
“So, me and Sweetie Belle are having a Pokémon battle, only she’s cheating by calling in Graves on her side–”
“It’s not cheating!” Sweetie Belle huffed as her squishy cheeks puffed up in anger. “It’s a legitimate choice for a competitive sweeper! Everyone knows that!”
“Sweetie Belle–”
“Aw yeah, I used to love this stuff!” Rainbow Dash chuckled as she began stretching out her arms. “So what am I? Rapidash cause of my name? Pigeotto cause of my speed?”
“Rayquaza.”
“WHAT?!” Sweetie Belle screeched. “And you say I’m cheating?”
“What the hay’s a Rayquaza?” Rainbow Dash blinked. As a staunch gen oner, her knowledge of the Pokémon in question was sorely lacking.
“Legendary dragon,” Scootaloo beamed. “Controls the weather and flies so high, almost nobody’s ever seen it. I thought it’d suit you cause you’re both so cool and all.”
“Heck, you betcha!” Rainbow Dash grinned. “Course, it probably needs to be about twenty percent cooler, but your head’s in the right place.”
“Okay, that’s it!” Sweetie Belle cried. “If you’re gonna cheat by using legendaries, then I’m taking priority and attacking first. Go Genesect! Hyper Beam!”
…
…
…
“I said… Go Genesect! Hyper Beam!”
Even with the repeated command and dramatic finger point, there was no movement from the marshal. In fact, from the way he stood with arms cross and feet firmly planted, launching into sudden and violent confrontation seemed to be the last thing on his mind.
“Sweetie Belle,” he called once more, the low rumbles of his baritone sounding like thunder on the horizon. “I just had a chat with your sister. Didn't you promise to clean up the living room this morning?”
“Um… yes?” the little girl nodded as she suddenly recalled the mess of construction paper and confetti she'd left all over the galleria's floor.
“Morning’s over, isn’t it?” Graves continued, as calmly and coolly as ever as he glanced up at the noonday sun.
“Um… yes?” Sweetie Belle answered, a drop of sweat rolling down her forehead.
“Well then,” the marshal frowned as he fixed gunmetal grey eyes on her with a pointed look. “Are you finished?”
“Just gimme five more minutes, Graves!” Sweetie Belle squeaked as she latched onto his sleeve in fervent plea. “I just need to finish this one battle and I promise I’ll do it as soon as it’s over! Pretty please with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top?”
Graves looked down at the fluffy little girl as she looked up at him with big, sorrowful, pony eyes. He stroked his chin in thought.
“Woah, I didn’t know Genesects knew Seismic Toss,” Scootaloo gaped.
“You make a promise, you keep it,” Graves said, as calmly and coolly as ever as he walked back to Carousel Boutique with the Sweetie Belle safely tucked under arm. “When Rarity says you’re done, you can come back out and finish your little game, but not a minute before.”
“Stop! Lemme go!” Sweetie Belle cried out as she flailed with all the effectiveness of a Splash attack. “Genesect, return! Use Rest! U-turn! Uh… Self Destruct!”
“Yeah yeah,” Graves sighed with a weary roll of his eyes. “Not enough badges to train me.”
And with a final, dismayed wail, Graves rounded the corner and carried his forlorn quarry out of sight.
“… Huh,” Rainbow Dash blinked. “I thought trainers caught Pokémon, not the other way around.
“Maybe it got its hands on a Master Ball?” Scootaloo offered.
“Maybe…”
The two stood there, a little confused as to what had just happened and a little confused as to what came next. Rainbow looked down to Scootaloo. Scootaloo looked up to Rainbow.
“So,” the older girl shrugged. “Wanna go throw stuff off a cliff?”
The offer was super effective!
**********
To Be Continued
The Journey of Graves will continue in the next story: Old Flames and New Sparks.