The Darkest of Dark Humor
Mandolins are amazing instruments. They are held like a violin, yet played like a guitar. They have both four strings and eight, and they have an entirely unique sound. Not to mention that they have been used by many cultures in many different ways, from the vast, marching armies of the Equestrian Conquerors to the simple country folk in Appleoosa.
That is, they're interesting instruments is one played them correctly.
Rarity was drawn from her slumber by a hideous-sounding twanging. An area near her horn ached and throbbed, and the entire side of her body was being pressed into by a sheet of gravel.
The twang sounded again, followed by another. Rarity groaned, and the noise stopped. Rarity froze. Her memories slowly crept back and her bloodshot eye bolted open.
He waved at her.
Rarity quickly scrambled to her hooves and took a defensive position. She knew she should've never trusted the alien creature. Hay, he was wearing a mask, how could she have ever known his true intentions?
The creature reached out to Rarity, but she shrunk back. The creature lifted held his hands in the air and the two stared one another down. At least, Rarity stared the alien down. No one ever really knew what the alien was doing. Ever.
Again, the creature waved. Needles to say, Rarity was a bit confused. He was acting as friendly as ever, but he had still knocked her out with a frying pan and dragged her out to . . . to . . . .
Rarity's mouth fell open.
She was in a cave, one with a bright, pool in the center. And, from the floor to the wall, were piles of treasure. Gold, silver, brass, jewels, as well as ornate chairs and several handheld mirrors.
"Wha . . . what?"
Rarity whirled back around to her forced host.
"Did you . . . did you steal all of this?" she asked.
The creature's hand flew to his chin and his stroked it for a few moments, before waddling his other from side-to-side in a "so-so" gesture.
"What do you mean, 'kind of'?"
The creature pointed to a part of the cavern that Rarity had not noticed. She followed his finger and, once again, her mouth fell open. There, amid the jewels and the treasure, was the skeleton of a dragon, picked clean.
"You . . . killed a dragon?"
The creature nodded. And then, in his trademark randomness, withdrew a notepad from his pocket. Using a rather nice-looking fountain pen, he scribbled on it and then showed Rarity.
Wait here, I have business to attend to, it read.
Rarity frowned. "Business?"
The creature nodded and then spun around. He dashed off into one of the many offshoots and all was silent for a few moments. Then the screaming started.
Rarity's eyes widened and she backed away from the smaller cave. They sounded like they belonged to a stallion, and they were very pained. Rarity was horrified, but she knew. She knew what this creature did to thieves and criminals. And now that it was taking place so close to her . . . it was unnerving, to say the least.
Rarity, knowing that the monster liked her and was likely to forgive her, turned around to leave. But then, for the third time in the past week, something rather solid stopped her.
She looked up. The other creature cocked his head.ts
- - -
Golden Mind panted heavily. Tears slid down his face, but he no longer had the energy to weep. The pain was dulling, which he was thankful for, but his fear returned when the monster, his tormenter, turned to him, a syringe in one hand, a hoofheld drill in the other.
But then someone, someone that was not Golden, screamed. The monster's head lifted from Golden who lay, tied an old dining table.
And then he was gone.
A vast range of delusional hope surged into Golden's head. Maybe the creature was gone forever, maybe he could somehow escape while . . . but then Golden remember that his hoof had been crushed.
Suddenly, he found the energy to weep once more.
- - -
Rarity backed into a stone pillar, beholding the new monster. It was similar to the other alien, thous different in its own ways. This new creature was taller, more solid and muscular than the first. This new creature wore a tan jacket, filled with pockets, old camouflage cargo pants, and a hood, also camouflaged, but green.
The most interesting part, however, were his hands. This creature's gloves were fingerless, unlike those of the first monster, and this meant that Rarity was able to see some of the alien's flesh. It was pale and hairless.
None of this made Rarity any less confused.
Suddenly, the first alien returned. He froze and stared at the second, who stood stoically, arms crossed.
The first took a few quick steps forward and stopped in front of the second. Neither of them moved.
Slowly, ever slowly Rarity backed out of the main cavern area, until she found the exit, which she graciously took.
- - -
Golden Mind made no effort to move. He was completely drained of energy and, most likely, blood. But, while his body forsook any attempts movement, his mind raced.
This creature . . . how could it have possibly come to Equis? What exactly was it doing here?
Golden looked at his mangled hoof, and then smirked. Well, that was one thing . . .
Golden's ears perked as he heard his torturer reenter the dark chamber, but he did not feel fear. He found no point in crying and begging.
"Come back, eh? Where'd you go?" Golden called.
There was no reply. Not a word nor even the sound of a footstep in the gravel. Suddenly, a face popped into Golden's view, and he jumped.
"What?" he said, confused, brow furrowed.
The face was not that of his tormenter; it was entirely new.
"Who are you?" Golden asked, his fear returning, unbidden.
The new monster didn't answer. It instead eyed Golden from underneath its mask, examining him. Eventually, it made a sound that sounded like a grunt, and vanished from Golden's line of sight.
Golden struggled to lift his head, suddenly feeling very afraid, despite his previous thoughts.
But, instead of a blade slicing into his flesh, Golden felt . . . relief. He strained his neck and saw the new creature at his hoof. It was . . . using magic . . . to heal him.
It wasn't unicorn magic. Golden didn't know how it worked, or even if it was really magic, but Golden did know that his hoof was somehow . . . rebuilding itself.
When his hoof had been thoroughly mended, the new creature circled around Golden, using the same, blue, pulsing magic to heal the more minor cuts and bruises. Golden, needles to say, was confused, but glad.
"Uh . . thank you . . . whoever you are," Golden said to the creature, not really knowing what else to say.
Again, the creature regarded him and again, the creature grunted. It vanished into the dark, but Golden was no longer worried. He did wonder about the original creature, though. Had the new one killed it? Subdued it?
Golden also wondered why his rescuer hadn't let him go . . . .
Golden suddenly saw a orange glow crawl into the light and the new creature returned, boots heavy in the gravel.
"No . . .wait, no!" he shouted.
The new creature clutched a long, curved blade, one glowing red with heat.
"What's going on!" Golden shouted, now more angry than afraid, "You can't do that! You sick monster!"
Golden's shouts only grew louder and more frantic and the monster approached. It wasted no time in slamming its blade up Golden's newly-healed hoof and into his leg.
While the unicorn screamed louder than he had in his entire life, the first "monster" stood, hiding in the shadows. Its face was covered, but it still somehow conveyed a definite feeling of . . . worry.
- - -
Tempest burst into the building, panting.
"Sir! Something happened!," he shouted, startling the the secretary even more.
The portly pegasus Sergeant trotted into the room.
"What is it? What's going on, Tempest?"
"The Creature! It got Golden! I couldn't stop him!"
Tempest's senior quickly approached him and spoke, low and fast.
"Tell me, boy, what did you see?"
"Not much, sir, it was dark and I was hurt, but I know that Golden was not killed immediately; we could still find him."
The larger pegasus's eyes widened and he reared around.
"To arms!" he bellowed.
- - -
Rarity huffed, exasperated. Perhaps leaving was not the most top rate of ideas. She had assumed that the thing's lair had not been to incredibly far from Ponyville. She had not been entirely correct.
When she had first left, she had marveled at the fact that the cave had been located directly beneath the shadow of Canterlot. You could look up and see the rocky bottom of much of the city.
But Rarity, though amazed, had still wanted to go home. And now she was lost in what she believed to be Whitetail Woods.
"Oh why didn't I just follow the road up to Canterlot? I'm an Element of Harmony, I'm sure that the Princess would've let me see her!" she cried.
Rarity slumped down onto the ground and moaned.
She lifted a hoof and tapped her chin in consideration. "Oh, fine," she said, "I'll go back . . ."
Rarity stood up and brushed herself off, grumbling as she turned around.