Dear Granny Smith
That nopony has put together yet that you're a 500 year old mummy I'll never understand. I know you've been sacrificing your children and grandchildren for generations to retain your youth, and guess what? I've notified the Night Shift, and they're coming for you, you death-cheating hag! It's the least I can do for your overweight grandson, illiterate granddaughter and their incestuously conceived child.
Yours sincerely, Discord