Diplomacy's Sake
I stood there, staring at 'Shining' waiting for a response, while the pony stood there staring at my visor trying to see through the impenetrable reflective plate. After five minutes I pulled my battle rifle from my back and stood, holding it by the carry handle. The two sets of eyes in front of me grew wide as I held it. 'Shining's' instantly narrowed and I moved the rifle to rest against my shoulder, muzzle pointed at the ground. His mouth opened but before he could say anything, there was the same female voice behind me that caught me off guard for the second time.
"Shining," the voice snapped, "I said to let him go, and I meant right now."
The ice blue eyes flashed a look of worry before he let out a sigh. Once the noise was finished I spun and took a good look of the owner of the mysterious voice. My hopes were high wanting it to be another human being, but were quickly dashed when there was nothing there. Then I decided to look down. The rifle in my hands almost fell to the ground, standing there was another pony. This one had wings and a horn, and its hair had streaks of purple, pink, and yellow. Even its coat was a pale pink, which managed to put a small sense of finality to the fact that I was not getting back to the UNSC. As I was standing there like an idiot, the pink female pony spoke.
"What are you," it began in a soft yet firm voice, "and what are you doing here?"
I was about to reply, but something in my mind made me decide otherwise. The bubble around me had vanished, and the two ponies behind me were walking around to stand next to the pink one. As the two made it to their destinations I took a few steps back. The odd colored pony between them opened her mouth to say something, which I cut off with my index finger pointed up. That signaled for her to wait, and she did. I turned around to grab the discarded shotgun that lay in the pile of trashcans; upon picking it up I looped the weapon's sling around my arm and brought it to a rest on my shoulder.
"Alright," I began, "let’s get this over with."
Two of the three stood there with an angry look on their faces, the pink one however stared unblinking at me. Assuming this pony was female, she was about to say something when the sounds of children laughing and heading this way interrupted her. The ponies’ eyes went as wide as Warthog tires, and they motioned for me to follow them quickly. I stood there for a few seconds not knowing what to do, and then the laughter came again but closer. Not wanting to cause mass hysteria, I quickly ran to the shadows and made my way to the ponies I was being interrogated by moments before.
I trailed them for fifteen minutes. Those fifteen minutes were some of the most insane minutes of my life. As I made my way through the so called "Ponyville", I saw no other life besides ponies. When I looked back towards the three that I was following my mouth almost dropped out of my helmet. There was a tree before me. It had a sign hanging off of one branch with a book drawn on it. Noticing the other three waiting for me by the door that was in the trunk, I moved to the bushes to the right. I even crouched as low as I could manage to avoid being seen. After Shining looked at me to make sure I was hidden, he did one final check of the area around us to make sure I wasn't spotted. Once done, he let out a sigh and knocked on the door.
Another female voice came shouting from within, "We are closed for the evening, please come back tomorrow!"
"Twilight, now is not the time," he responded, "can we come in?"
There was the sound of hooves on wood as yet another pony came running to the door. When I heard the tumblers on the door unlock I tried to move further into the bush. When the door fully opened another unicorn was behind it, except this one was lavender, with a darker purple mane and tail. She had a look of confusion on her face until she saw the pink pony, then her eyes lit up and they began some sort of dance, giggling all the way.
"Sunshine sunshine lady bugs awake," they said in unison as they moved around, "clap your hooves and do a little shake!"
Shining and Applejack decided that the front door was not a good place for the topic of the upcoming conversation, and they pushed the new unicorn named Twilight into the tree building. While the other pony waited outside with me. I could only wait in silence as the three talked.
"So," the one standing next to the door asked, "are you going to answer my question?"
"What question?"
"What are you," she asked again.
"For diplomacy's sake," I replied, "I’m a Orbital Drop Shock Trooper of the UNSC."
She stared at me confused as to what that was, but before she could ask my attention was brought back to the inside of the house. There was a loud crash as what I could only assume were books reverberated in the area. Upon hearing that I decided to move from a near prone position to a half crouched stance, but doing so, I became eye level with a window, and I saw something that bugged me. Shining was trying to find something by tearing apart the room he while the one called Twilight stood by him cowering in fear from how frantic he was throwing things.
"Alright," I sighed as I stood up to full height, "I’m stopping this."
My conversation partner began to voice her worries, but I wasn't having any of that. I walked into the room and Twilight turned and saw me. Her eyes went wide and she was about to make a sound, but I moved my index finger over where my mouth would be. She obviously knew I meant for her to stay quiet and she did just so. Sadly her way of being quiet in this situation was to shrink to the floor and try to hide her head. I shook my head in frustration as I realized how stupid this was, standing in a room with talking ponies. Shining's commotion was not helping this fact. I looked over to him and one thing came to mind. I tapped him on the "shoulder" and waited for him to stop throwing books.
"Hey buddy do you mind?" I said with an annoyed tone, "You’re scaring the others."
He spun to face me, but only coming face to face with the center of my abdominal plate. His mouth could only open and close as I stood towering over the being. Moments that felt like days passed as I stared into his eyes trying to see what he was doing. I could only see pride and a sense of duty to protect all who can’t protect themselves. He took a chance to get me away from him. His horn began to glow with a light purple aura. As the glow became brighter, my hands tensed on my shotgun and began to swing for his head. But before I could bring my rifle butt into his chin I was sent flying across the room.
"Son of a-" was all that escaped my mouth before I smashed into the wall with a loud thud.
"How DARE you," he shouted, "You come into my country and terrorize the ponies I protect! You faceless creature, entering this town and scaring its inhabitants! Let’s see how the big monster likes this!"
The pink pony that was in the doorway galloped over to put an end to all of this, but she was tackled out of the way by Twilight, and they rolled across the floor. I on the other hand turned back to Shining, but when I did he was mere inches away from my head. His horn was glowing again and eyes full of anger. I could feel my helmet being pulled off of my head! I tried to bring my hand up to hold it on, but he removed it faster than I could react. Then my helmet was carelessly thrown across the room.
Shining's whole demeanor changed when he saw my face. Whether it was from the scar on my face, my buzz cut hair, or the death glare I was giving him, Shining paused and his eyes went wide. Before he could do anything more I brought my gun butt into his chin and snapped his head back. As his head came back down to its original position I smashed the shotgun into his snout, hit him with a one-two punch to knock him out. His body crumpled to the floor, and I slowly began to get on my feet. Upon reaching full height I noticed a darker purple glow around me, and again I could not move.
"Alright," I began in my best Irish leprechaun voice, "now you got me, do you want me pot of gold?"
"What are you going on about," asked the purple unicorn as she came around to be in my field of view.
I continued in my incredibly stereotyped voice, "You caught me, now are you going to take me pot-o-gold or will we stay here and hold me in place all day?"
"Do you want to be serious or stand there and make jokes?" asked the pink one that I deemed one of the sanest here.
"Alright fine," I said in my normal voice, "so where do we go from here? At least you two seem to be the least crazy."
"Hey! Ah take offense to that!" cried Applejack, who I had forgotten she was even here.
"Anyway," said the pink one, "since Twilight and I are not trying to harm you, I am going to ask you one thing: Can we trust you enough to let you wander this room freely?"
"Yes," I replied curtly and hoping to get the ability to move again.
As I finished speaking I felt the ability to move return to me. I then walked over to my discarded helmet, and picked it up. Holding it under my arm I turned to the ponies standing there, and sat down. Upon getting comfortable, Twilight went over to Shining and tried to wake him up, but when he didn’t respond she stopped shouting and her horn started to glow.
"Okay," I said catching her attention, "let him be, I don't really want to deal with him again."
She looked at me with a worried look and mumbled something about her 'big brother best friend forever'. I just sat there staring at the pink one waiting for her to respond. For a few minutes she didn't say anything, just stared at me with an uneasy look on her face, until I slowly began to smile.
"Now that we are getting along," I said, "let’s get started with this first contact scenario."
"So," began the pink pony,” I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, and I want to know just who and what you are."
I looked at the Princess and sighed, "Is there something that isn't a mouthful I can call you?"
"Yes, Cadence will be fine."
"Well Cadence, Twilight, and Applejack, correct?" they all nodded, “I am a Helljumper, the only human being here apparently."
"Helljumper?" Twilight asked, "That sounds like a job title, or a nickname."
"Yes it is," I shot back, "a nickname I am happy to hold."
Cadence cut in with a quick question, "Formalities aside, could you tell us how you got here and what your intentions are?"
"First off, you will not get anything that I would deem classified," I said with a serious, determined look, "and second, I truly have no idea how I got here.”
"How do you not know?" asked Twilight.
"When you’re in combat," I deadpanned, "you don't care about anything but keeping your friends, and yourself, alive."
The three in front of me frowned, and Twilight began to form a questioning look in her eyes, but she stopped and excused herself to head upstairs. Upon her leaving I sat there with an uneasy silence between me and the remaining ponies. Ten minutes passed before I could think of anything to say. Then, I heard a sound that caused me to throw my helmet back on. The sound came from the mass of pony on the floor that was Shining. It was a low groan that meant he was waking up, but before he could rise there was a bright flash to my left which my helmet thankfully prevented from blinding me. When I turned that direction I saw two tall regal ponies. One was white with a horn and wings, and the other was a dark blue with a horn and wings.
Upon noticing me the white one spoke, "I am Princess Celestia, and you are not from here, and I plan to make sure you mean no harm to my little ponies. I hope we can come to terms for a peaceful dialogue."
I mumbled as I stood up, "Fuck, so much for a quick diplomatic solution."