Chapter 10: Shadows of Canterlot Castle
I stared at the three guards seated before me.
They stared back.
“So, uhh…” I tried hesitantly. Celestia had departed from the room, leaving me alone with the three guards she had assigned as my personal watch, and I had to say that I wasn’t feeling particularly thrilled about being in the same room with three professional soldiers whom I barely even knew. “I guess it’s… nice to meet you all?”
The big stallion sitting next to Starfall - Brick Wall, Celestia had called him, gave a jovial snort at the awkward introduction, but he didn’t seem to be judging all the same. “Likewise, kid. No need to feel all awkward around us - Starfall and Flash are a friendly bunch. Aren’t you guys?”
Flash simply shrugged amicably as he grinned, but Starfall didn’t seem to be feeling as casual as her subordinates. Instead, she let out a little sigh, and gave me a look that obviously bore very little patience. “All right, let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? The Princess has told us what we need to know about you, so you can assume that no secrets were kept. We know who you are, and what you’re doing here, so let’s not try to be too skittish, all right?”
I sighed, trying not to think about the fact that they still wouldn’t know what I hadn’t told Celestia. “Okay, so I assume then that you know that I’m not really a pony despite my appearance right now, and I’m not really from Equestria?” Starfall’s nod was all the answer I needed, so I went on. “And you already know what my race is called?”
“Princess Celestia told us that you were a human, which is pretty far-fetched in and of itself.” The unicorn lieutenant frowned. “In fact, I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t heard it from the Princess herself. But I have no reason to doubt Her Highness' words, so here we are."
"A little assurance would be nice, though." Flash piped up from the side, looking curiously at me. "I was always a little curious as to what a human looks like anyway. I remember the stories I heard when I was just a colt, but there never were any pictures."
I stared again at the orange-furred stallion, still unable to comprehend the fact that the one male character that had managed to single-handedly earned the ire of over half the fandom was sitting the exact same room as me, and he was proving himself to be just as much of an individual as the next guy, rather than the shallow, flat character he had been demonized out to be. Given how much hate the guy had received from fans all over, I was expecting at least some facet of it to be reflected in this world that I had been thrown into, but Flash had shown that he was just as amicable and easy-going as one would be with an old drinking buddy - it was really hard to summon up even the slightest bit of ire around him.
Not that I wanted to, of course - personally, I’d always thought Flash was an okay character, and probably would’ve been a decent guy one would like to be around if he’d ever been a real person. Not seeing any reason to deny them my true appearance, I shrugged and hooked a finger around the amulet circled around my neck, lifting it over my head.
With the tingling sensation of the amulet’s residual magic fading from my skin, I took the amulet off, and watched as Flash’s jaw practically dropped open in surprise. Starfall’s eyes widened only marginally, though the shock was clear in them, but Brick Wall’s reaction took the cake.
“Holy horseapples, Lyra was right all along!” Brick Wall roared with laughter as he slapped a hoof down on his thigh. “And to think, all these years I thought it was all just a load of crock! I always thought that crazy cousin of mine was a few haystacks short of a barnhouse, but I guess she was on to something this entire time.”
Starfall’s gaze immediately shot to the stallion. “Wait, since when did you have a cousin that was obsessed with humans?”
“Uhh, since I mentioned it just now?” Brick Wall snorted. “You guys never asked! Besides, Lyra’s just a distant cousin of mine - she was always considered the family eccentric, so we were never really close."
Again, I found myself bowled over by the sheer number of coincidences that were stacking up one after the other. Was Equestria really that small of a world that I would just keep bumping into ponies I knew, or ponies that were connected to those that I did? It was too contrived for it to be realistic - more like some form of bizarre wish fulfillment. Once more, the possibility that this was all nothing more than an incredibly vivid dream crossed my mind, but it was at odds with the sheer level of detail and clarity with which I was experiencing it that screamed at me that this was real.
By that point, I didn't even know what to think any longer. I'd already pondered the question for hours going around in circles, and had gotten absolutely nowhere with it. Rolling with the punches seemed like the best thing to do at the moment, so I just shrugged and replied to Brick Wall. "I think I may have spotted her during my short stay at Ponyville before the Princess brought me here. Then again, she spotted me too, so I guess she must be feeling pretty vindicated right now if she's as obsessed with humans as you say she is, Brick Wall."
"Please, just call me Brick. All my friends do." The stallion grinned at me, and for just a moment I heard the voice of the huge, musclebound bruiser from Borderlands speaking to me, right before I came to the stark realization of how uncanny the stallion's resemblance to the berserker of the Vault Hunters was. My gaze shot towards Starfall and her vividly red mane, peering at the strange, deep purple patterns that had been inked into the fur of her left foreleg, and for just an instant I could have sworn I saw Lilith the Siren sitting there, instead of the Royal Guard lieutenant.
Flash was the only one who didn't have some sort of uncanny resemblance to a character from elsewhere that I already knew, but that could have been easily attributed to the fact that one, he was already a canon character, and two, his casual attire was devoid of any distinguishing characteristics. I suppose that would be easily remedied once I saw them in their combat attire, but for the moment it was still two incredible coincidences too many for me to just write off just like that.
Back where I'd come from, I had been an avid fan of Borderlands, but what were the odds of encountering two ponies here in Equestria that pandered almost completely to my expectations? When I thought about the implications of that, I realized that it almost meant that my thoughts and memories somehow reflected or held sway over what I encountered in this world, but... the mere notion of it to begin with was just so ludicrous I almost slapped myself for even thinking it. That was just crazy! ... Right?
"Hey! Joseph!" I was suddenly aware of Flash calling my name, and realized that he was clapping his hooves right in front of me to get my attention, looking at me with a concerned expression. "You all right there? You look like you've just seen a ghost there, mate."
"Uh... Yeah, don't worry about it, it's nothing." I tried to casually wave it off, suddenly seeing the three guards before me in a whole new light. "Just thinking about something back home."
"Aww, feeling homesick already?" Brick laughed, but he nudged me with a friendly hoof anyway. "Don't worry about that, you'll find more than enough to keep your mind occupied when you're with us."
"Oh, stars, I hope that doesn't mean you're planning to take him along on one of your bar brawls, Brick." Flash groaned. "I was in the infirmary for a week after you brought me on one of those."
“That’s cos you’re a little pansy that can’t take a hit,” Brick laughed as he clapped his comrade on the back, and judging from the roll of Flash’s eyes, this was something that happened often enough for it to be nothing of concern. “How many times have I been trying to get you to hit the gym and step inside the ring with me, eh?”
“He does, Brick. You’re just too busy pumping iron to see him training his stamina, which you are neglecting,” Starfall remarked dryly, before turning her gaze back to me, eyeing me speculatively. “So… This is what a human looks like. Can’t say it’s any odder than what we’ve seen out in the field before, and trust me when I say that we’ve seen some shit most Royal Guards wouldn’t even dream of.”
The appraising look that Starfall was giving me was uncomfortably similar to the one Twilight had given me upon our first meeting, except that while Twilight’s had been more academic in nature, Starfall’s look seemed to be more along the lines of threat assessment. Now that I thought about it, I had no idea how the hell I was picking this all up, given that I used to be terrible at reading people in-depth back on Earth, but impressions were just… imprinting themselves on my mind each time I took the time to really look at the ponies to get a sense of them.
But putting that aside for the moment though, the look Starfall was giving me seemed to give me the sensation that I’d been judged rather stringently, and been found sorely lacking. The lieutenant’s expression was reserved as she leaned back in her chair, and she continued giving me that speculative look, as though she was expecting something.
I decided to take the first step then. “Well, like what? I assume that means you three aren’t exactly a part of a normal Guard regiment or something, then?” I asked as I slipped the amulet back around my neck, and felt the residual tingle of magic against my skin return.
“In a manner of speaking,” Starfall replied as the illusion overlaid itself over my body, and I returned to the appearance of a pony to their eyes. “The three of us are from a company of elite soldiers that each have their own specializations, and we usually get assigned with high-priority missions. Which begs the question of who you are, if the Princess saw fit to assign us to you in what pretty much amounts to babysitting detail.” Starfall looked at me questioningly, obviously wondering why such high-level operatives had been saddled with such menial work.
To be honest, I was wondering the exact same thing too, but who knew what was going on in Celestia's head? All I could tell them was what I already knew, but it was unlikely that it would answer any questions Starfall had. "Well, you wouldn't have to worry about that, because the Princess wasn't keeping any secrets when she told you I'm not anybody important back where I come from - just an ex-military officer and general run-of-the-mill guy. That was what she told you, right?" I shrugged, directing a questioning look at the lieutenant.
My answer, though, didn't seem to satisfy Starfall much, and she gave a flat "Uh huh," in reply but nothing else, obviously not convinced. Well, she was just going to have to live with that then. She was apparently fixed on the notion that I was an individual of some importance, since Celestia had assigned her and her subordinates to act as my bodyguards, and it didn't seem like she was going to be changing her mind anytime soon.
Although, perhaps to Equestria, I did make a rather significant individual. I was pretty much a mythological creature come to life for them, and it certainly would have carried the same kind of impact it would have on humans if my existence ever became public. If anything, the only reason why the three royal guards' reactions to my appearance seemed so blasé was probably because their world was one where physical gods walked the earth, and myths and legends came to life around them with semi-regularity; they'd probably seen even weirder, more eldritch shit at some point in their lives, that even the appearance of a supposedly mythological creature was hardly enough to faze them.
"Aww, c'mon Starfall, don't be like that." I heard Flash Sentry speak up from the side, suddenly interrupting my reverie. "There's no need to be so hard on the guy on your first meeting with him, right? The Princess told us to take it easy on this one, so why don't we just lighten up for a bit? If you ask me, it's been a little too long since our last stretch of R&R."
Starfall didn't say anything in reply to that; she simply leaned back in her chair and continued glaring at me suspiciously. Sighing, the pegasus stallion shook his head and looked over to me, flashing me a friendly grin. "Don't mind her, she gets like this sometimes. You said you were ex-military, right?"
I quickly nodded, relieved at the change of subject, and Flash beamed. "Well, as far as things in common go, that's gotta count for something! Got any interesting stories to share?"
I opened my mouth to answer as memory lane opened itself up, and almost immediately, my blood froze, the sound of bullets flying and the screams of men dying around me roaring back into my ears. The fingers on my right hand began twitching violently against my own volition, and my breathing began to quicken as the noise gradually began to grow louder.
But before it could get any further than that, I immediately clenched my fist, forcefully slamming the door shut on that stream of memories with an ironclad grip, and I quickly forced a cheery smile to cover up the little hiccup in my composure, praying that they hadn’t seen it. "Oh, like you wouldn't believe.” I forced a chuckle, forcefully blocking out the memories that threatened to come screaming back, and I dug back deeper into my memory for happier, more carefree times. “Really, you ought to hear about some of the shit that my section-mates and I got up too while we were in Basic Training.”
“Oh, we swappin’ bunk stories now? Now this I gotta hear!” Brick’s eyes lit up, the massive stallion leaning in closer as he listened eagerly, and I launched into the stories, falling back into the same old routine that had gotten me into the Apples’ good graces, and hoping that they would do the same for me right now as Flash and Brick started roaring with laughter, and Starfall even cracked a smile or two.
If anything, it was at least a good distraction from what I knew lay behind the ironclad door I’d left inside my mind, and the breakdown that would ensue if I ever let it loose.
---
Nearly a week later, I had to admit that things were going much better than I'd expected. And by better I meant 'safe, but godawful boring'. Even with the obstacle course and training room Bitworth had put together for me, I was this close to slitting my wrists out of boredom, what with the mind-numbing routine of regularity that I had no choice but to settle into.
While I technically had been let out of my room to go outside and explore the castle a few times, I always needed at least one of my three guards to be outside accompanying me while on my little excursions, and I was never allowed to roam any further than one or two corridors away from where my suite lay, the reason I was given for such restrictions being merely 'Princess Celestia's instructions'. My three guards each took shifts keeping watch over me, rotating watch once each day where those who were off-duty were presumably off to take care of their unit's day-to-day matters whenever they weren't saddled with what Brick had affectionately termed as 'babysitting time', clearly out of good-natured but insensitive humor.
The rest of my time was spent inside the suite, either working out or trying to brush up on reading written Equuish, with the only social contact I ever had being with Bitworth and my three guards. It wasn't exactly what one would call very fulfilling; though Brick and Flash were friendly enough, Starfall was frosty enough that despite her resemblance to Lilith, she was starting to seem a lot more like Maya, the other Siren from Borderlands 2, to me. She was barely enough of a conversationalist during her shifts that I nearly rolled my eyes in relief each time she left the room and either Flash or Brick took over.
So in that light, it wasn't much of a surprise that when I received my first outside visitors since my arrival at Canterlot, I seized upon the sudden change of schedule to create an opening to slip out from under the surveillance net that Celestia had so masterfully draped over me, taking the opportunity to go about exploring the castle for a bit and see just what it was that Celestia was so adamant on me not seeing or hearing.
The first sign I received that things were about to suddenly change was when Bitworth came to me while I was in the middle of my afternoon workout. I was in the midst of a series of push-ups when the door to the suite swung open to let the old butler step inside, and he looked slightly harried, which was something I realized to my alarm that I had never seen in him before.
"Sir?" Bitworth asked as he trotted towards me. "You have a few visitors here to see you. I tried to get them to wait outside first, but one is being most impatie-"
"HEY THERE, JOEY!!!" A blur of pink abruptly streaked through the door and past Bitworth, and I suddenly got the breath knocked out of me as I found myself pinned against the floor with something ball-bustingly heavy sitting on my back. "We haven't seen you in ages! Do ya still remember me? Do ya? Do ya?"
"Pinkie, get off. I can't breathe." I wheezed.
"Okie dokie loki!" The pink ball of hyperactive fluff obliged a second later, and the weight on my back abruptly disappeared. Hauling myself to my feet, I dusted myself off and saw Pinkie standing right next to Bitworth with a shit-eating grin on her face, while the rest of the Mane Six were slowly filing in through the open door leading into the suite. Rarity, as expected of her, was busy admiring the tapestries on the walls and the general decor of the place as she walked in, but the others had their attention fixated on me, beaming smiles and welcoming grins on Twilight’s and Applejack’s faces as they came forward.
"Joe! It's been way too long, sugarcube - how've ya been?" Applejack beamed as she extended a foreleg for a hoofbump, which I returned obligingly as I ignored the distrustful look Rainbow Dash was throwing my way. "We ain't heard a peep from either you or the Princess ever since she took ya to Canterlot!"
Well, that was unexpected - I would've thought that Celestia would have kept at least some form of correspondence with Twilight as to what was going on, who would then pass the word on to her friends. But, it looked like not a single scrap of info regarding my presence here had even been leaked.
Just why was Celestia so determined to keep me a secret anyway, even to the ponies who already knew I existed?
"Eh, I'm fine, just bored out of my mind, though." I shrugged as I let the question slide and paid it no further heed. "I didn't expect to even see you girls pop up here, honestly - what's up with the sudden visit?"
"Rarity has something for you!" Twilight said excitedly, nudging Rarity with an elbow and jostling the fashionista out of the trance she had gotten herself into by admiring the decor of the place. "C'mon Rarity, weren't you the one who got so excited about the project in the first place?"
"Huh?" Rarity abruptly snapped out of her daze as she tore her gaze away from the curtains and turned to face her friends as though just remembering that she were there. "Oh, right! Pardon me, it's just been so long since I've been in one of the castle's suites - you are so lucky to have gotten these accommodations, Joseph! Oh, but what am I doing, tottering on about the luxuries of royalty, I finally finished those clothes I said I’d be working on for you! Here, have a look!"
As the ponies before me whipped out a large carrybag from behind them that seemed big enough to contain an entire week’s worth of clothing, I tried not to blink in alarm, wondering what sort of girlish horrors awaited me, given the fact that a high society fashionista was the one that had designed my apparently entire new wardrobe. My fears, however, were quickly assuaged when Rarity actually pulled out not some overly-sequined shirt, but a beautiful, incredibly stylish leather duster that seemed to be perfectly tailored to fit me. I swear to God, it was almost love at first sight.
The leather of the coat was a dull, matte black that barely reflected the light off of it, just the way I liked it. Rarity levitated the coat towards me, and I took it, noticing that the hem ended just above my knees. "I thought this would fit your image perfectly, so it was one of the first pieces I started working on!" The fashionista tittered. "Your clothing was just so rugged and utilitarian, I couldn't help the inspiration that came my way to try and spice it up a bit while maintaining the original feel! Do you like it?"
Her question broke me out of the daze I'd gotten into while admiring the duster, and that was when I thought about something that I should have realized was off earlier - the duster was made out leather.
"It looks fantastic, Rarity, I can tell you put a lot of work into this," I thanked her, simultaneously scratching my head mentally as I wondered how the hell I was going to break the question to her. "It's just that, uhh..."
"Hmm?" Rarity briefly gave me a puzzled glance, confused, but a moment later her eyes widened in realization. "Ohhh, I recognize that look," The seamstress giggled unexpectedly as though she knew exactly what I was thinking, and she set a hoof on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Joseph, I get the same questions from some of my regular pony customers whenever they see me working on an order for a griffonian client. Griffonia is a major exporter of leathers and furs, and a seamstress simply must expand her field of expertise into other materials so that she can make outfits for clients from other cultures. Don't you agree?"
"Well, I can't really argue there." I shrugged as I set the duster aside. "So what else is there? That suitcase looks like it's got at least a week's worth of clothing inside."
"Of course! You didn't think I would've made just one measly coat for you after that offer I made to revive your tattered wardrobe for you, did you?" Rarity smirked as her horn sparked, and the clothes within the suitcase were encased in her horn's distinctive sapphire aura. "Such a crime against fashion cannot possibly go unanswered!"
The clothes in the suitcase floated out, and I found myself pleasantly surprised by how restrained Rarity had been in the liberties she had taken while reconstituting a wardrobe for me. Granted, there were a few unexpected changes, such as the clothes being made out of silk instead of the run-of-the-mill cotton and cloth I was used to, but by and large, what Rarity had made was a pretty faithful recreation of the simple, utilitarian clothes that I had brought with me to Equestria in my haversack, along with a few other slightly altered designs that seemed meant for everyday wear.
"Wow, Rarity, that's... I don't know what to say." I shrugged honestly as I gave her a helpless grin. "That's really a lot of clothes you're making for me for free!"
"Oh, nonsense, darling! Just saying 'thank you' is enough!" Rarity waved a hoof at me with a smile as though it were the most natural thing in the world. "It was the least I could do for somepony who needs clothing as much as you do, honestly."
"Well, now that that's out of the way, why don't cha tell us what ya've been up to the past few weeks?" Applejack drawled as she leaned forward. "Applebloom's been askin' after ya since ya got brought here by the Princess, and ah still got no idea what to tell the poor girl!"
Before I could answer however, it was at that moment that my assigned guard for today decided to return from the bathroom break he'd gone on, and Brick Wall poked his head through the doorway to see me surrounded by the Elements of Harmony.
"Hey, nopony told me we were having visitors today!" The big bruiser beamed as he strode into the room. “Joseph, you didn’t tell me you were friends with the Elements of Harmony!”
“Oh, who's ya friend, Joey?" Pinkie bounced forward to meet Brick at the door with a wide smile on her face before I could reply to him, and I braced myself for the imminent collision of the two boisterous personalities. "Hola there, amigos! Methinks we've ever met before, so introductions are in order! Name's Pinkie Pie! What's yours?"
"Brick Wall, but just call me Brick." Brick answered with an amused grin as he looked down at the hyperactive pink ball of fluff that barely came up to his shoulder. "I'm one of the bodyguards Princess Celestia assigned to Joseph here."
"Uh huh, uh huh," The pink mare nodded, looking at the big bruiser up and down. "Daaaaaayum son, you BIG. You could give Jackie's brother on the farm some runs for his bits! So how much of them irons do you pump every day, hmm? Gotta be a lot for you to get jacked like that - ain't I right, AJ?"
I raised an eyebrow at Pinkie's bizarre manner of talking as Applejack groaned at the terrible pun Pinkie had just made, and I began half-wondering to myself why she had suddenly gotten all faux-ghetto on us. It reminded me unnervingly of an unholy mix of Tiny Tina and Deadpool's mannerisms, and I silently prayed to whatever gods that were still watching that her weirdness at least had an upper limit of some sort.
As the rest of the Mane 6 went to the front door to welcome Brick inside, with Brick taking Pinkie's exuberant energy surprisingly well, I quietly slipped over to Bitworth and whispered to him, "Hey, could you make sure that they've got everything they need while they're here? I can make do on my own for a couple of hours."
"Sir?" The old stallion looked at me in surprise. "Well, if you insist, sir, though I am rather loathe to leave you unattended even by your own order."
"I'll be fine, Bitworth." I reassured the butler with a pat on the back and sent him forth. "And get something for Brick too, will you?"
The poor, confused butler went forth to carry out my request, which left me with just seven problems to deal with. By the time Bitworth came back with enough refreshments for all of us, Brick and I were thoroughly engaged in conversation with the six mares in the room - though for me, it was only insofar as Rainbow Dash doing her best to pretend that I didn't exist, and Fluttershy still seemed to be scared out of her wits of me, but the rest of them seemed to be sociable enough.
The first few questions we had to answer were what exactly Brick meant by 'bodyguard' - we had to spend a few minutes on that topic explaining the arrangement Celestia had made, but once that was out of the way we quickly moved on to much more light-hearted topics. After a few stories had been exchanged and a round of laughs were had over tea and biscuits courtesy of Bitworth, I sent the butler off to get another round of food for the others and excused myself off to the training room for what I told them was my 'afternoon workout'. While it didn't garner any questions and only a couple of giggles from Rarity and Twilight, the glares that Rainbow Dash had been sending my way didn't grow any less suspicious as they followed me out of the room.
While the Mane Six busied themselves with talking to Brick, I made a show of excusing myself to the training room, and quietly slipped out the back. I stayed at the door for a couple of moments to make sure that nobody, especially Rainbow Dash, was about to come looking, and once I was sure that I was going to be alone, I immediately broke open the cupboard that I'd placed next to one of the windows leading out of the room, pulling out the gear I had stashed inside there in case of such an opportunity.
I'd been waiting for weeks for a chance like this, to slip out from under the watch I'd been saddled with, and it looked like the six mares in the room outside were the ones I was going to have to thank for that. The windows leading out of my suite were the only routes out into the castle that weren't under almost constant surveillance, and they'd been unlocked after my first day in the suite so they could let fresh air into the rooms. I doubted that they even expected me to be able to climb outside, given that the balconies ended over a sheer drop that was probably several hundred feet down, but that was where they had sorely underestimated me.
I still had some leftover climbing equipment in my pack from my hiking trip before I'd stumbled into this psychedelic dream of a fantasy world, and here was where it was finally going to be put to good use. Out from the cupboard where I'd discreetly stashed my climbing supplies, I pulled a generous length of nylon climbing rope, about fifty feet of it coiled into a loop, and threw it over my shoulder as I clambered over the window sill and onto the balcony outside.
From the adjacent balcony that was connected to my suite, I could hear Brick's roaring laughter, probably at Pinkie's antics or some other equally hilarious story that they were sharing, and I doubled my efforts to stay quiet. It wouldn't do for me to be discovered at this juncture. Looping the rope around one of the pillars of the balcony's parapet, I tied several secure knots, then looped it around the horizontal railing and tied several more - one could never be too careful with this sort of thing.
Making sure that my disguise amulet was secure around my neck, I pulled on my climbing harness, knotted the rope around a carabiner after giving it about thirty feet worth of slack, and hooked it onto the harness. Once that was done, I then hopped over the side of the balcony facing away from the suite's bedroom where the others sat, clinging onto the parapet's edge as I prepared myself for my descent.
It was then that I looked down and saw the dizzying height over which I hung precariously, and it was with no small twinge of fear that I realized just how ridiculous what I was about do was. For a second I got a tiny impression of what Altair and Ezio Auditore must have done on a regular basis, and I can’t say that I particularly envied them at that particular moment. Then I shoved the thought aside, ignoring the cold chill crawling over my skin that had absolutely nothing to do with the wind, and took a deep breath to brace myself before I started rappelling down to the lower floor.
I kept the loop of rope close to my body, releasing out the length only as necessary, and once I had reached the balcony directly beneath mine, I silently alighted and fastened the remaining loop of rope with a cable tie for quick retrieval once I’d made the return ascent back up to my floor. Once that was done, I made a quick peek over the corner of the window, checking to see of the coast was clear and praying that I hadn't just rappelled down onto a balcony outside a room full of guards.
When I’d ascertained that the room on the opposite side was indeed empty, I vaulted over the windowsill and kept to a crouch. Keeping my profile as low as humanly possible, I crossed the room in complete silence, and creaked open the door leading out into the corridor outside. Once I was sure the coast was clear, I quietly slipped out.
The next several minutes were like a montage of moments straight out of a Splinter Cell game. Even with my illusionary amulet on, I still stuck out like a sore thumb - though I had the appearance of a pony to their eyes, I was still an unidentified civilian who was undoubtedly trespassing within a restricted area, and I definitely didn’t have the clearance I needed to be in here. Getting caught outside by a guard who wasn’t one of the three assigned to me would most probably be a fast track down to the dungeons, and Celestia would probably have to do a lot of awkward explaining in order to get me out.
In other words, I couldn’t afford to get caught out here. I had to tread very lightly. Sticking to the shadows and memorizing wherever I took a turn so I'd remember the way back, I darted from cover to cover, avoiding the wider corridors where places to hide were few and far between. Keeping myself concealed behind pillars and inside broom closets whenever a patrol of guards or a servant got too close to me, I began eavesdropping on conversations whenever I could to get a feel of the grapevine around here.
Having been pretty much confined to my room ever since I had gotten here, I literally had no idea what was going on outside of my suite outside of what Brick and Flash had told me during our conversations with each other, which to be honest was woefully limited. Listening in on gossip was the only avenue of information gathering open to me right now, and though most of what I heard was nothing more than inane everyday chatter, it wasn’t long until I caught wind of the first juicy tidbit of information that my guards had neglected to mention to me in the weeks that I'd been confined to my suite.
When I heard the distinctive hooffalls of royal guards in armor coming in my direction, I immediately ducked inside the nearest broom closet and quietly shut the door, holding my breath as their hoofsteps slowly approached. As they came nearer, the words of their conversation became clearer, and I craned my ears as I started listening in, trying to figure out what it was about.
"... I'm just saying, stuff like this is unheard of! Equestria hasn't had a major war in over several centuries, and not a single Equestrian Guard regiment has ever been fully mobilized." The first voice, a younger, more sprightly guard probably judging from the tone of it, insisted. "Why suddenly start now?”
“Because, Silver, you should already know how rough things are on the border.” An older, rougher voice replied - probably his sergeant or something. “What with the attacks going on, the Princesses would be fools not to step up the guard."
"Well, yeah, but to order the entire First Company on standby and post out at least half of the entire Equestrian Guard’s current active forces to double up the garrisons and patrols on the border?" The first guard replied. "Don't you think even that's a bit much? We're only talking about a few border skirmishes, Steel. Surely it doesn't warrant putting almost half the Guard on high alert and putting the entire country on the defensive as though an invasion’s about to happen."
His compatriot gave a lengthy, heavy sigh, and I could practically see the exasperated gaze he was fixing his subordinate with now. "One of these days, Silver, you're going to learn why complacency like that is going to get you killed. The Princesses have faultlessly led the Equestrian military in maintaining the peace of our country for centuries, and they know better than anypony else what they need to do to maintain that peace.”
“Well, yeah, but-” The first guard tried to get a word in edgewise, but his companion didn’t give him the chance.
“If Princess Celestia thinks that we should be stepping up security on our borders, than that’s what we should be doing.” He continued, his tone brooking no argument. “Peace like this doesn’t come by itself, you know, and just because we’re Royal Guards in the capital city so far away from the border doesn’t mean that we get to slacken off either. We’re both soldiers of the cream of the crop, so you’d better start acting like it!”
“Yes sir, sergeant,” Silver muttered begrudgingly as their hoofsteps continued onward past the broom closet I was hiding in without any sign of slowing down, and I let out the breath I’d been holding in, contemplating my next move.
That little tidbit of information I’d just picked up had piqued my curiosity - Equestria was expecting war? How the hell had I not come to know about something as major as this? I’d have thought Brick or Flash would have at least mentioned a hint about it to me whenever we were talking about what was happening outside.
As the two guards continued walking away, I realized that I was now being faced with a choice. I could tail them here from the shadows, in the hopes of learning more about what else was going on out here, but that carried with it the very real risk of getting caught. I was by no means a master spy - for all the stealth games I'd played, coupled with the military training I'd received, I was still several leagues out of Sam Fisher's or Solid Snake's. If I got caught out there, there would be no convenient reset button or 'Reload Last Checkpoint' option. I would, instead, be looking at a very definitive trip to the dungeons.
The other option was for me to return to my suite right now while I still could, minimizing my risk of being discovered, but that would mean denying myself whatever information was out here that I could find out. The notion of knowing that a potential war was on the rise out there, and then intentionally letting myself run blind into it by not gathering what intel I could went against everything I knew and had been trained to do - it was, by my standards, a monumentally stupid decision.
The fading hooffalls in the distance reminded me that the clock was ticking, and I rapidly came to a decision - I couldn't let myself go running blind into a potential war any more than I couldn't have just let myself lie down and die while I'd been in the Everfree. I had to know everything I could in order to be prepared for it and maximize my chances of survival when the shit, inevitably in my experience, hit the fan.
So I silently creaked the door open, slipped out without a sound, and started hugging the shadows as I continued tailing the guards.
"So how did you hear about the mobilization orders for the Guard anyway?" Sergeant Steel asked Silver, his head turning to focus on his comrade, and I took the opportunity during his lapse in attention to his surroundings to dart closer towards them before they walked out of earshot. "You have a brother in the Fillydelphian Warhawks, right?"
"And a cousin in the Cloudsdalian Drop Troops as well, plus the old friends I have back in the Baltimare Steel Legion,” Silver replied with a smirk. “I still have a few connections, you know."
“Well, just don’t go sniffing around for information that isn’t yours to know, and you’ll be fine,” Steel grunted as the duo continued walking along, and I continued tailing them silently from behind, staying out of sight behind the pillars and darting from cover to cover. “You know how the captain is about information leaks ever since that infiltration of Canterlot during his wedding.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Silver chuckled in reply. “We had to turn the entire Royal Guard upside down just scrubbing it clean. How many changelings did we bag over those few months when we caught them posing as a few of our soldiers?”
Ah, so they were talking about the Royal wedding. This might prove to be interesting... “At least a few dozen, which is troubling enough already with the security protocols we had in place back then.” Steel’s voice turned troubled, the stallion’s gait slowing in pensive thought, and I took the chance again to close the gap silently before they got any further. “If the changeling infiltrators were good enough to get past those to that degree, who knows what else might have been compromised…”
And just as if to prove that fate was out jerking my chain, just as I was several feet away from the next pillar, the sergeant’s ear twitched, and Steel’s head began to turn in my direction. "Hey, did you just..."
Throwing myself into a slide across the carpeted floor at the last second in a panic, I gave silent thanks to whatever gods still watched over me as the slide was made without even a whisper, and I ended up right inside the shadow of the pillar I'd been dashing for. Pressing myself up against it in a crouch, I held my breath and started praying to high heaven that the guard wouldn't decide to investigate. Please don't look here, please don't look here, please don't look here...
Luckily for me, Silver made that decision for him before Steel could. The younger, brasher guard merely snorted, and he turned to continue walking down the corridor. "What, you're hearing ghosts now, just as we’re talking about our security protocols? You’re being really paranoid now, sir. I didn't hear a thing."
"Well, I could've sworn..." The older guard frowned, looking down the corridor in my direction just a few mere feet away from me, and I desperately tried to keep my breathing quiet despite the tense, terrified hammering in my chest.
After the longest damned three seconds of my life, Steel finally shook his head and turned around to follow Silver down the hallway. When he was finally a good distance away, I let out a quiet sigh of relief, and the knot of tension between my shoulders dissipated somewhat, letting me breathe easier.
Well, so much for that. That one had been way too close for comfort, and all I'd gotten out of the close encounter were only the names of a few Equestrian regiments. The names sounded vaguely familiar, now that I thought about it - it felt as though I'd heard of those names somewhere before, but like the curious sense of déjà vu I'd experienced with Bitworth, I just couldn't put my finger on where.
But whichever it was, the fact remained that the information I'd gotten was next to useless in telling me what was happening out there. I was going to have to find alternate sources of info, and I certainly wasn't going to be tailing that patrol anymore.
Once the two guards had turned around the next corner much further down the corridor, I glanced around to make sure the area was clear, then continued my skulking around as I stuck to cover and hid whenever someone got too close. I picked up a few more conversations from the closets and empty rooms I'd hidden in, but it was again nothing more than idle castle gossip - chaff that I had to filter through.
Several corridors later, I was starting to get positive that this was all a unnecessarily dangerous waste of time, and I would have been better off just heading right off back to my suite. I was just on the verge of simply turning around and heading back the way I’d came when I rounded around the next corner, and my blood ran cold when I overheard what was going on in the room just next to me.
“As I have said before, Princess Celestia," stated a voice that I didn't recognize, but possessed a distinct flanging effect that I couldn't possibly miss - it almost sounded as if a turian was speaking in the next room. "The demands of Councillor Stormbrewer are not to be ignored. Equestria has had sanction over the Whinnean mountains for centuries, and it is not something that the Councillor intends to ignore any longer. Those mountains are the rightful historical territory of Griffonia, and he intends to make it so."
"Be that as it may, Ambassador," Celestia's voice, ever so composed and unflappable, replied from the other side of the door. "History also speaks clearly enough for itself. The outcome of the Battle of Whinneapylae was dictated centuries ago, and it was your nation's defeat at that mountain pass that allowed for your government's reformation into what it is today. Griffonia has been peaceful and prosperous enough thus far, has it not? Surely a centuries-old grudge isn't something worth disturbing your kingdom's peace for."
Immediately, I started looking around for a better vantage point to eavesdrop from as I listened closely to Celestia's words, making sure that I didn't even miss a single one. I did not want to miss out on this. Nearby, I spied a conveniently placed ventilation shaft grate in the shadows, and I raised an eyebrow in mild surprise, unsure if such a thing was supposed to be out of place in a baroque-era medieval castle.
On closer inspection however, it turned out to be a no-go. The shaft was way too narrow to afford me much mobility if I crawled inside, and realistically speaking I was also more than likely to be making all sorts of noise just clunking my way through, which kind of defeated the purpose of being stealthy to begin with.
The ventilation shaft out of the question, I frantically cast my gaze about searching for other options, and in the room behind me, the conversation continued.
"Don't patronize me and the councillor, Princess." I could practically hear the sneer through the flanging of the other voice. "Griffonia's prosperity does not change the fact that your kingdom came to possess those mountains through unlawful force - mountains that were the rightful territory of the Griffonian Hierarchy. Councillor Stormbrewer has been all too aware of this, and he intends to rectify that. If you will not yield these mountains to us diplomatically, then the Hierarchy will not hesitate to use force to annex them."
"The Councillor will not hesitate to use force, you mean." Celestia's voice replied with complete surety, as out of the corner of my eye I spotted an overhanging pipe running along the ceiling of the corridor, easily within reach from a nearby ledge that was within jumping distance. The next thought that crossed my mind was so ridiculous I almost facepalmed, but it was the only avenue of stealth left to me that didn't involve tailing people at ground level and risking getting spotted. What the hell was this turning into, a Splinter Cell level?
"I am aware that his political movements have gained some momentum as of late, but I am by no means taken by the illusion that he has the backing of the entirety of the Hierarchy's government." Celestia continued from behind me, and I realized that time was starting to run out. Crap, I think the discussion is coming to an end! Not having a second to waste, I immediately chucked my doubts aside and flexed my knees, bracing myself for the jump. "You aren't fooling anypony here, Ambassador; if Councillor Stormbrewer wishes to take Equestrian land by force, he will have to contend with opposition both here and from within Griffonia. I stand by my decision: Equestria will not yield to the Councillor's demands."
"Then this discussion is as good as over." I heard the Ambassador reply with a foreboding amount of finality in his voice just as I leapt upwards and immediately took hold of the ledge, trying not to grunt from the exertion. "The Councillor will be receiving my report within the week - you can expect to be hearing from him after that."
I'd just managed to get myself onto the pipe, bringing my legs up to wrap my ankles around it and hug the ceiling as closely as possible, when the double doors to the room directly below me swung open. A thin, reedy specimen of a griffon stepped out, flanked on both sides by two burly bodyguards that were nearly twice his size, his expression thin and dour. Well, either that or that was just what his face looked like, given his narrow eyes and sharp beak - I wasn’t too sure.
The trio of griffons turned right upon exiting the room, heading down the corridor in the direction where I'd come from, and just a few seconds later, Celestia emerged from the room, flanked by her own Royal Guards, her own expression a perfect picture of queenly serenity. The Princess went in the opposite direction of the griffon ambassador, and I stayed where I was on the ceiling, perfectly still and not even daring to make a single noise.
Once both Celestia and the Griffonian diplomat were a decent distance away, I finally started breathing again, and slowly began shimmying along the pipe in the direction where the griffons had gone, silently praying that the pipe would hold underneath my weight and willing myself to be as quiet as possible. I had no idea how securely this pipe was secured to the ceiling, but everything now hinged on how well the castle's plumbing had been constructed - something that I didn't exactly have a lot of faith in.
But by some sort of divine miracle, the pipe actually held up underneath my weight quite nicely, and I caught up to the griffons a few moments later after quickening my pace slightly. As I neared them, the words of their conversation slowly became audible, and I tuned my ears in again, listening closely for any valuable intel I could pick up.
"... not going to take this news well." I heard the ambassador mutter to one of his aides, his voice low and nervous. "He'd expected Equeatria to just roll over to accommodate with his demands in the name of 'peace and co-operation' or some such, but I knew this would happen. The Councillor has no idea how Equestrian society works, and yet he expects me to work miracles with the Princess!"
"You already did everything you could, sir," One of the ambassador's bodyguards replied. "So, what's our next move?"
"Let the councillor know what the princess' response was, and await further instructions." The ambassador's reply was tight-lipped, the stress evident in his voice. "What happens next will be in the claws of the spirits."
"You don't think he would honestly try to take the Whinnean mountains by force, would he?" The other bodyguard asked with a hint of incredulity. "All he would do is prod awake a sleeping giant - there is no guarantee that Griffonia would be able to win a war against Equestria in this day and age. Our soldiers may have superior training, but they have the numbers and magic that trumps our furycrafting. Only a fool would pick a fight with that sort of opponent."
"The councillor has assured me that he has a plan for that, and he seems to have faith in some unknown benefactor that has been supporting him from behind the scenes - he would not tell me anything more than that," The ambassador replied as he hurried along the corridor. "He seemed convinced that we could win against Equestria should we wage war against them, though. I do not know what gives him such confidence, but I know that he is not one to be prone to flights of fancy. It chills me to think of what might have given him such sureness that we could get away with this."
"It's madness, I tell you - madness." The bodyguard on the left muttered, shaking his head. "But we have already sworn an oath to the Councillor's service - what else can we do?"
"There is little else we can do now, aside from waiting and hoping that this madness unfolds no further." The ambassador sighed, pinching the bridge of his beak. "So we pray. In nomine spiritus."
"In nomine spiritus." The guards echoed with a hint of near-reverence in their voices, their heads bowing briefly, and I reeled mentally in shock as I took in the information. So the two royal guards from earlier hadn't been indulging in idle gossip - there really was a shitstorm still in the midst of brewing, and it was only a matter of time before the ticking time bomb went off. Was this why entire weeks had gone by without even a peep from Celestia about how the search for a way back to Earth was going?
The party continued walking along in tense silence, and it wasn't far before I found myself unable to follow them any further as the pipe I was shimmying along came to a stop and turned into the ceiling.
Forced to come to a halt, I could only watch the party of Griffonian delegates turn the next corner, unable to follow them any further. Once they were out of sight, I kept an ear out to make sure nobody else was approaching, and then I started to slowly ease myself down from the pipe. All right, Joseph; time to get out of here. I think that's all you need to learn for today.
Quietly dropping to the carpeted floor in a crouch, I bit back a grunt of pain as my knees took the fall harder than I'd thought, but luckily I didn't break or sprain anything. Looking around, I took stock of my surroundings, noting to my relief that I was already halfway back on the path returning to my suite. Well, thank God for small mercies - it would've been a bitch to retrace my steps back to my infiltration point if the griffons had gone down an entirely different path.
A few minutes of sneaking about and dodging patrols later, I slipped through the door of the room that I'd first emerged from onto this floor, and darted over to the rope that was still waiting there for me to make my return ascent. Without wasting a second, I grabbed a hold of the rope and clambered up as fast as I could - it had almost been half an hour since I'd sneaked off on my little trip, and there was no telling if Brick and the others had realized I was actually gone.
I hauled myself over the parapet the moment it was within reach, and by some small miracle, I could still hear the sounds of laughter and cheer coming from my suite, Pinkie Pie's high-pitched giggles most prominent of all. Quickly retrieving the rope from downstairs, dismantling all the knots I'd tied, and stuffing my climbing equipment back into the cupboard, I'd just finished packing everything up when I heard Pinkie's voice through the door. "Hey, Jojo's been in there for quite a while, hasn't he? Wonder what he's doing!"
"You know... I am rather curious about what this little 'workout room' of his that you told us about looks like, Brick." Rarity's voice came a few seconds later, and the moment I heard that, I immediately started double-timing it for the weapon rack in a panic, just so that I could look like I’d been practicing something before they came in. "Might we go in and take a look?"
"I don't see why not." Brick's nonchalant reply came through the door just as I grabbed the first sword on the rack and pulled it off, turning towards the nearest practice dummy and immediately starting to run through some practice drills.
Just in time - the moment the sword’s wooden blade made contact with the dummy with a dull thwack!, the door to the training room swung open, and my cover was barely maintained as Brick stepped inside with the Mane Six in tow, their mouths agape as they took in the entire obstacle course I’d gotten set up inside here.
“Hooo-lee horseapples, this is one solid lookin’ course ya got set up here, Joe!” Applejack whistled as she walked into the room, staring at the obstacle course. "How'd ya get the whole thing built?"
"Oh, I had a little bit of help from Bitworth - wouldn't have been able to do it without him." I replied, faking a slight breathlessness as though I'd spent the past half hour working out - not too difficult, considering that my heart was still pounding from the adrenaline of all the times I'd nearly been discovered downstairs. I only hoped that they didn't hear any trace of the nervousness I'd tried my best to hide, as I tried not to think about the foreboding discussions of war I'd overheard downstairs. "Wasn’t expecting you guys to come in before I was done - what'd I miss while I was in here?"
"Oh, we were just having a nice chat with Brick Wall, but it wasn't really anything important. It's not like everypony doesn't know about the scrapes we've been through as the Elements of Harmony, right?" Twilight replied, and I tried very hard not to cough at the irony of the thought that by right, I wasn't supposed to know anything about them, even though I actually did. Rarity though seemed to pick up on Twilight's unintentional faux pas of exclusion, and she threw the unicorn a shocked, offended glare on my behalf before giving me an apologetic look.
There wasn't much else I could do besides shrug casually at her without raising suspicion, but after that Pinkie suddenly bounded forward, eagerly bouncing on the tips of her hooves as she pointed excitedly at the obstacle course. "Oh, but that course looks like a lotta fun, Joey! Think we could run a couple of rounds on it? Dashie and AJ are gonna love competing to see who can finish it first!”
“Betcha twenty bits I’ll clear it before you do,” Rainbow Dash butted in, nudging Applejack with an elbow as she grinned confidently. “Without using my wings.”
“Oh, yer on, sugarcube!” Applejack returned the grin with equal enthusiasm, and she looked over to me. “That is, if ya don’t mind us usin’ yer course, Joe?”
“Go ahead - I think I’d like to see how this turns out.” I gestured for them to go ahead as I leaned against the practice dummy, glad for at least something to distract me from the ominous news downstairs. “Let’s raise the stakes a little - Brick and I bet thirty bits each on AJ finishing the course first.”
Brick’s eyes widened slightly as the stallion raised an eyebrow at me, but I gave him a conspiratorial wink and said nothing more. Of course, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but rise to the bait, and before I knew it she was hovering up in my face as she glared at me challengingly. “Hey, buster, you’re looking at the fastest pegasus in all of Equestria! If you wanna lose thirty bits that badly, be my guest - just don’t say I didn’t warn you!”
“By all means - show me.” I gestured at the obstacle course with a maddeningly serene smile on my face that I knew would drive her crazy, and I could practically see the steam coming out of the pegasus’ ears before she stomped over to Applejack and began dragging her friend towards the course, ignoring AJ’s protests.
As the two ponies started their pre-match warmups and the rest of the mares in general began chatting excitedly about how they thought they were going to handle the obstacles that had been set up, I took in just how light-hearted and carefree the atmosphere in the room was, and realized to my consternation what a stark contrast it made to the grim tension I had felt in the air downstairs, when I had been eavesdropping on Celestia’s conversation with the Griffon ambassador. It wasn’t a pretty thought, but a rather harsh, sombre one, that all this was more than likely going to take a turn for the worse within a few weeks.
None of the ponies here in this room might have realized it yet, but war was already looming over the horizon, and as far as I knew… aside from Brick, none of them were prepared for it.
And for some reason, that mere notion chilled me even more than the thought that I myself was going to get swept up into this before I’d even gotten the chance to return home. Whatever storm that was on the way, none of us here were going to be coming out the other side unchanged.