Jake's POV
The dogs and I had nearly reached the forest's edge. Just another twenty feet, give or take. Just a short walk beyond the edge, was a small town. Easily within walking distance, just a little to far for me to see any of the inheritance.
"Stay here." I instructed them, trying to sound like I possessed some sort of actual authority. They nodded solemnly. They really are loyal to their Alpha. I thought. Which is me. With that, I began a leisurely walk towards the town. Then I stepped over the edge. My blood ran cold. Something is wrong. I though, as a chill ran up my spine. This place doesn't like me. Something here wants me gone, no, it wants me dead. And yet.... there was a subtle cry for help beneath it, almost drowned out by the other presence. I shook the feeling and started toward the town again. I was at the edge of town in less than two minutes. I stopped dead when I saw the inhabitants. I single word escaped my lips. "What." Ponies. Honest to God, MLP, Technicolor, PONIES. The ones the bronies worshiped.
Now, I know a bit about the bronies. I'm perfectly okay with them and their Anti-brony counterparts. Until they start trying to force others to their viewpoint, or accusing others of being them. I have a similar relationship with homosexuals, like most relatively sensible people. But this, my response? What. The. Fuck?!
The ponies eyed me suspiciously. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, one screamed "A MONSTER!!!" at the top of what I assumed to be a her's lungs. And just like that, the other ponies were swept into a panic, running into their houses, screaming. In maybe 10 seconds, the ponies had completely fled.
"What the fuck?" I asked whoever might be listening. "No seriously, what the actually fuck?! Where am I, Equestria?!" I knew enough about the bronies to know were their show took place. Suddenly, a blue blur that left behind a rainbow streak hit me in the chest, driving me backwards. We hit a house's wall and fell back to the ground.
Looking back upon the experience, I would wonder just how the Hell my armor didn't break. Seriously, what are these things made of?!
The blur, now revealed to be a pegasus, shoved it's face towards mine and demanded, in a distinctly feminine voice:
"Get out of our town you monster!" I responded far more sensibly.
I calmly responded by shouting "FUS RO DAH!" at the top of my lungs, which summoned a wave of force that thew the pony off my chest, clear to the other side of the street. As this happened, I swear I heard the music that was in the trailer after the Dragonborn used it.
A bit later, I realized that quite a few Skyrim dragon shouts were actually real incantations. Maybe the developers knew some real magic?
I quickly rose to my feet and grabbed the pony in my telekinetic grip, lifting her a few feet of the ground, using my hands to channel it, just to make sure she knew it was me. I gave her a steely gaze that I hoped she would understand meant "Fuck off". And with that, I telekinetically threw her at the nearest building. She somehow flew into a window. I calmly turned away and continued walking, only for something to hit me in the back, latching on. One look down told me it was her again. I quickly decided to ignore her.
"DON' T YOU DARE IGNORE ME!!" she screamed in my ear. Ouch. This pony much be pretty stupid, assaulting a sorcerer like this. Twice. Plus, she can't even proper grammar. "Don't you dare ignore me" translates literally to "Don't you have the courage to ignore me" in proper grammar.
What? I had a friend who was a grammar Nazi. His name was Carl.
Needless to say, I was already nearing the end of my patience, when I heard someone yell
"Get back her you big meanie!" From behind me. I calmly turned around, to reveal....a pony. A yellow pegasus mare with a pink mane.
"Hello." I said calmly. "Does this belong to you?" I asked her, gesturing to the blue mare. The yellow one, glared at me, then sucked in her gut, stood up straight, and looked me right in the eyes, trying to look tough.
"Give me my friend back!" She demanded. I suddenly felt something. It was the most peculiar feeling. I can't really describe it to anyone who hasn't felt it before, but suffice to say it felt like someone was invading my mind.
I'm not going to lie, I bitch slapped her. Hard.