Hoofed by Your Own Petard

by Tortfeasor

Something Wicked This way Comes

Disclaimer: I’m going to have to keep saying I don’t own this aren’t I?

“Two hours before your appointment is a good time to show up, right? I mean it says that I’m serious about this. It says that I care about being part of the team. Or does it say that I have no life, no friends, and couldn’t help anypony at the library?”

Eager to spend as much time above ground as possible and to escape her roommates Twilight Sparkle had left for her Ten AM interview at the library at half past Seven. Not that anypony could tell by the sky since the sun wouldn’t come up till half past Ten when Celestia raised it for the Summer Sun Celebration. Of course having nopony with whom to celebrate Twilight simply thought of this as another day of studying followed by work.

“Oh but what if I walk around this park too long and miss my interview? No, that can’t happen I mean I’m right in front of the royal library. It’d be silly to somehow walk far enough that I’d get lost. But what if I did? I’d make the library ponies mad at me. I mean they’re probably already mad working on a holiday and it wouldn’t take much to put them over the top. I’d never get a job after I graduate if I got on their blacklist.”

Twilight’s teachers had been telling her for years that she had an ability to work herself into states of panic over things that were far less worrisome than she made them out to be. Any of her teachers who had stumbled upon her on this particular day would have considered themselves wholly justified in their opinion. None of her teachers were in that particular park on that particular day so ponies out and about before going to watch the sun come up simply avoided the odd lavender pony pacing in front of a bench near the library.

“Calm down Twilight, deep breaths. You won’t do yourself any favors if you go into this interview frazzled and nervous. This is the royal library, you have to look and act the part if you’re ever going to get them to see that you’re smart enough to work here. But what if all this time I’ve spent walking around has made me look frazzled? I don’t have anything with me to brush my mane or smooth my coat and it’s a half hour home. If I go home by the time I fix myself up I’d have to run back and I’d look terrible, and I can’t bring a mane brush with me or anything. They’d think I’m some airhead pony trying to get the job on my looks. Oh I still don’t know what they’re going to do when they find out I’ve been working as a stripper. They’ll probably throw me right out on my flank when they find out, but it’d be even worse if I tried to hide it from them and they found out.”

The next two hours were unpleasant for Twilight Sparkle to say the least. Not least because she spent most of them watching the clock on the library tower tick down minute by minute so two hours of constructing various worst-case scenarios for her interview and then topping herself felt more like half a day of torment. By the time it was a quarter of Ten and she made her way into the library with hooves that seemed to weigh about as much as Celestia’s castle she was convinced the interview would go so badly from word one that she would be expelled from college, fired from her job, disowned by her parents, shunned by any other potential job, and wind up the poorest of the poor on level twelve of the undercity.

“Hello,” she somehow scratched out to the pony at the front desk of the administration wing, “I’m Twilight Sparkle, I have an interview at ten.”

“Oh hello,” the secretary’s smile was surprisingly bright for having to work on what should have been a day off, “your interview is with Bow Tie, the head administrator of the library. He felt that since you were coming in for an interview on what should be a holiday that he’d do you the courtesy of conducting your interview himself. Oh and where are my manners, did you want some water before your interview?”

“That would be great.” Twilight managed to smile despite her stomach falling somewhere between levels three and six of the undercity. The head administrator was going to be interviewing her? Maybe it would be better if she saved everypony the trouble and moved down to level twelve right away.

The water was cold and probably some fancy brand that cost as much per bottle as Twilight made in a night but it did nothing to wet her throat. Since she’d had the courtesy to show up early the administrator did her the ‘courtesy’ of starting her interview early. One more ‘politeness’ Twilight could have done without.

“Good morning Miss Sparkle,” Bow Tie was an older earth pony with a brown notebook and blue pen for a cutie mark, “I know you weren’t expecting to have your interview with me, but I had to be in here today to meet with a potential donor to the library and since you were going to be in here anyways I decided there was no need to waste anypony else’s holiday.”

“No problem,” Twilight tried and mostly succeeded at not sounding like the nervous wreck she was on the inside, “It just caught me a little off guard is all. They’d said I should expect a lot of technical questions about the library and I’m not sure what to expect now.”

“Well you are sort of getting kicked up a round of interviews. Normally you’d start with a technical interview with a junior administrator. Then if they liked what they saw you’d come in for a second round with me or another senior administrator. I’ve looked at your school records and your written scores are plenty high enough that I don’t feel too bad skipping another test I’m sure you’d breeze through.”

“Oh, um thank you.” Twilight had spent so much of the morning thinking about what would go horribly wrong during the interview and how to fix whatever had just gone horribly wrong that something going right was enough to knock her off her stride.

“Don’t thank me yet. Lots of ponies who do just fine with the technical aspects of the job fall flat when dealing with pony relations. Some high and mighty noble walks up to the desk, wants their family history for some reason totally over your head, and then reams you out for fifteen minutes because you didn’t have it right there is something they don’t cover in school.”

“That isn’t something they cover in school,” Twilight’s attempt at a smile may or may not have helped, “the college library is staffed mostly with student volunteers and it’s mostly students checking out books. I doubt there’s a single noble at the school and since lots of us have classes together being high and mighty is a quick way to no friends.”

Twilight very purposefully didn’t mention that despite being neither high-born nor mighty she had no friends at school.

“Most of my job is dealing with ponies who had the world on a silver plate when they were born and complain the plate wasn’t diamond encrusted gold rimmed platinum. Usually we like our applicants to have previous experience in library work, but like I said your written scores are high enough that I think with a little time you can pick up everything you need. I guess that seems like as good a place to start as any, where do you see yourself in five years if you get this job?”

The question was one that Twilight had anticipated, eventually. Eventually being the key word she’d done next to no thinking about how to answer it. Nor had she pursued her favored approach of reading about these sorts of interviews in the college library. Her answer left her, unsurprisingly, cringing on the inside. Her lack of magical talent made her biggest weakness an easy enough question though it did bring up her failure to enter Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.

In all Twilight didn’t think she did too badly, nowhere near the panic she’d worked herself up to. But as Bow Tie had said she needed to be the best to work here and while she’d done okay she wasn’t sure she’d gotten the right impression across in her nervous and rushed state. Even the topic she’d dreaded most hadn’t totally crashed and burned. Bow Tie had said that bits were bits and a pony had to get through school however they could, but that it would still be a good idea not to mention it to anypony else.

“I think that just about does it,” Bow Tie ran a hoof down the list he seemed to be drawing from, “thanks again for coming in on what should be a holiday. And remember, I know firsthand that we sprung this interview on you and I’m the last word in hiring for the library.”

“Thank you so much for giving me this chance,” Twilight started backing towards the door, “I really didn’t mind coming in on the holiday, not at…”

Twilight’s profuse thanks were interrupted by a bump, a gasp, the sound of water and a glass hitting the floor, and a high pitched shriek.

“Oh my goodness I’m so sorry!” Twilight felt her mouth freeze as she turned around to see who she’d bumped into. She’d seen that face, at least when dry, and cutie mark on posters all over Canterlot. Rarity was the CEO of Rare Gems, rumored to be one of the most powerful unicorns in Equestria, and even occasional magical student of Princess Celestia herself. Twilight Sparkle had just knocked over and soaked one of the wealthiest and most powerful ponies in all Equestria.

All the worst case scenarios she’d thought up before the interview were just idle speculation beside this. The ponies on level twelve wouldn’t have her after this. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad living as a hermit in the Everfree Forest. Twilight had never been much of an outdoor pony, but if she could somehow get her hooves on any books she’d have plenty of free time to read them without being bothered. And not having to go back to Touchy Hooves wouldn’t be the worst fate in the world.

“Oh no no no no no, let me help with that.” Twilight was so panicked that it was a minor miracle when her horn actually started glowing and the various papers strewn about the floor lifted into a semi-organized pile. That accomplished she collapsed into a pile of her own with her hooves covering her eyes so she couldn’t see the world come crashing down around her.

“I’m so sorry,” Twilight moaned, “please don’t banish me to the Everfree Forest.”

“It’s quite alright dear, this is all my fault.” The cultured laughter only hammered home how influential a pony Twilight had just bowled over. “I was in a hurry and barged in before your meeting was over. I should hope,” Twilight glanced up at the pause to see Rarity looking past her, “that you suffer no negative consequences as a result of this little incident. It was after all, primarily my fault for being in a hurry. And I most certainly consider fairness in pony to pony dealings as criteria for deciding where to make my donations.”

“Miss Sparkle?” The secretary intervened to pull Twilight from her worst nightmare come to life, “I’ll escort you from the building. It usually takes a week to ten days to make a decision though since you interviewed with Bow Tie it might take less time. Regardless, when he makes a decision we’ll be in contact.”

As she stepped out of the library into the soft moonlight the only thing running through Twilight’s mind was ‘what just happened there?’ Had she just ruined her chance at the job only to have one of Celestia’s friends intervene to make sure she’d get the job? Twilight was smart, well-read, and worldlier than she cared to think of but this was simply beyond her.

Another thought began running through her mind, “Bow Tie said that my good grades counted for something. If I’d thrown my grades a bit harder could I have gotten some other job than Touchy Hooves? Could I have actually gotten through college without becoming a stripper?”

Heaving a sigh that filled her lungs Twilight got up and started walking back to her apartment. She’d panic until she heard one way or another, but like a mistake on a turned in final exam it was out of her hooves. For that other… thing, she’d made her choice of employment long ago and with any luck she’d be finished there in a matter of days. The less she thought about it the better.

The clock on the library tower struck eleven and Twilight glanced up at the moon still high in the sky. Celestia should have raised the sun half an hour ago but nopony seemed terribly put off by the delay.

Twilight had very much wanted to go to Ponyville for the celebration but the logistics were simply impossible. During the time in which she’d indulged her dream she’d done some reading on Ponyville. The town was late every year for Winter Wrap Up so it should come as no surprise they wouldn’t be ready for the Summer Sun Celebration on time either.

Ponyville was mostly an earth pony town but the Summer Sun Celebration had it packed to bursting with all types of ponies. Ponies who didn’t know how close to being late with the preparations the town had come. Adding to the stigma of being perennially late with Winter Wrap Up had convinced everypony in town to pitch in, and by some miracle everything was ready on time for Celestia to make her appearance.

“Isn’t this exciting?” Pinkie Pie nearly bounced with joy as she stood next to Applejack and Rainbow Dash near the food table. “Are you excited? Cause I’m excited! I’ve never been so excited!”

Before Pinkie Pie could continue any further on what Applejack was sure would be a non sequitur of epic proportions the bird choir burst into song drawing every eye and ear to the stage. The yellow pegasus Applejack had learned was named Fluttershy kept the beat by flapping her wings to stay aloft in front of the birds completely ignoring the parting of the curtains for Celestia to take the stage.

“Fillies and Gentlecolts,” the town’s mayor spoke from a lower stage, “As mayor of Ponyville to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration.”

This announcement was met with general applause and cheering. Though somewhat muted since while indoors ponies were always careful not to stomp too hard in applause lest they risk damaging the floor.

“In just a few moments,” the mayor took a break in the applause to begin speaking and recapture the audience’s attention, “our town will witness the magic of the sunrise and celebrate this, the longest day of the year. And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day. The good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria, Princess Celestia!”

The bird choir struck up a triumphal entry and a mint green unicorn with a lyre for a cutie mark grabbed the rope and yanked it aside to reveal Princess Celestia ready to raise the sun. Except Princess Celestia was nowhere to be seen.

“Remain calm everypony,” the mayor hurriedly tried to rein in the situation before chaos erupted, “there must be a reasonable explanation.”

“Oh!” Pinkie Pie started jumping in excitement, probably the only pony in the building not taking this as a deadly serious event, “I love guessing games, is she hiding?”

“She’s gone!” The mint green unicorn returned from backstage with a look of what had to be near terror on her face.

Her terror immediately spread to nearly everypony in the audience with Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie being among the few not wearing their terror on their faces. As much as she disliked the pegasus with the rainbow mane Applejack did have to give her credit for having a level head where her temper wasn’t concerned.

“Ohhh she’s good.” Pinkie Pie seemed totally disconnected from what was really going on.

“Ahhh!” It was of all ponies, Pinkie’s scream that brought attention to the dark swirl of energy rising from where Princess Celestia was supposed to be standing.

The energy coalesced into a pitch black alicorn with teal eyes bearing slit pupils Applejack had only seen in drawings of dragons. She wore armor of sorts and gazed down on the assembled ponies with a look somewhere between imperious coldness and outright hatred.

“Oh my beloved subjects,” her voice had all the warmth of the highest peak in the griffon lands far to the north where winter perpetually gripped the land, “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun loving faces.”

“What did you do with our princess?” Applejack had not at all expected Rainbow Dash to be the one to leap right into the situation. Her earlier talks with the pegasus gave her the impression that something had happened to make her very wary of reckless actions.

Nevertheless Rainbow Dash recklessly sprang forwards before Applejack could recover from her shock and flew directly towards the unknown pony. The intruder simply stood there impassively until Rainbow Dash was about to reach her and then swatted her aside with magic so strong the pegasus left an impact mark in the wall where she impacted. Fluttershy, who Applejack had gathered was a doctor in addition to being Rainbow Dash’s friend gasped and quickly flew over to the injured pony to start treating her.

“Hahahaha,” the laugh was soft and yet sent chills down Applejack’s spine, “why, am I not royal enough for you? Don’t you know who I am?” The last was accompanied by a menacing flaring of her wings, far larger and stronger looking than any normal pony’s.

“Oh, oh, more guessing games.” Applejack was beginning to think that for her genius at gem selection Pinkie Pie was insane. Clearly the unknown pony had done something to the princess and did not mean them well and here the Pinkie Pie was trying to play games.

“Um, Pokey Smokes, how about Queen Meanie, no Black Snooty! Black Snooty!” Applejack hurriedly grabbed a cupcake from the table and stuffed it in Pinkie Pie’s mouth before she found a way to get them all killed.

“Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years?” The pony moved with surprising speed to loom over Fluttershy’s efforts to help Rainbow Dash.

“Did you not recall the legends? Did you not see the signs?” She was standing before Applejack and Pinkie Pie in less than the blink of an eye. Her mane was the same sort of energy as Celestia’s but where Applejack had heard the princess’ mane was warm this seemed as cold as the far side of the moon when it brushed under her chin.

“Well, well, well,” the alicorn flew back above all the ponies with a single, powerful flap of her wings. “Such ignorance I find on my return. Do you not know history? Do you not know to fear the name of Nightmare Moon?”

That rang a bell in Applejack’s head and if the groans of terror around her were any indication it had the same effect on everypony else in the building.

The chuckle that followed was profoundly unsettling, “remember this day little ponies. For it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!”

As if that wasn’t bad enough Nightmare Moon broke out in truly evil laughter and spread her mane until it was a swirling tempest of crackling energy.

“Seize her!” The mayor shouted, “Only she knows where the princess is!”

Though not bound to follow her orders the royal guards knew a good idea when they heard it and leapt in unison towards Nightmare Moon.

“Stand back you foals!” Nightmare Moon turned to face her newest adversaries as her eyes took on an eerie glow. Lightning crackled from her mane and struck down the guards even more harshly than she had dispatched Rainbow Dash.

Nightmare Moon laughed as she disappeared in a swirl of energy towards somewhere nopony could even guess at.

“Come back here.” Applejack turned to see Rainbow Dash barely returning to consciousness grasping futilely with her hooves towards the rapidly vanishing swirl of energy.

“Nighttime forever? This can’t be good.” It was a true testament to how rattled Applejack was that she brought out the whole sentence in a drawl. It had been years since she’d spoken more than a word or two in her drawl without meaning to.

“Thank goodness you’re alright Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy helped her friend to shaky hooves, “I was worried about you.”

“She has the princess,” Rainbow Dash took an unsteady step towards the door before thinking better of the idea, “we have to go after her.”

“You’re right,” Applejack returned to the voice she used most every day, “but it’s quite apparent that we’re all terribly ignorant about Nightmare Moon and what she’s capable of. If we’re going to have any chance at retrieving the princess we must begin by learning about Nightmare Moon. Pinkie Pie, your associate Rarity is still in Canterlot isn’t she?”

“Yep,” the irrepressibly cheery pony replied, “and I bet she know all about what’s going on. Rarity’s smart like that!”

“That’s what I was hoping for,” Applejack started pacing in front of the impromptu group, “if there’s anypony who can figure out how to bring the princess back it would either be Rarity or Celestia’s personal student Trixie. We should gather what supplies we can and make for Canterlot immediately.”

“Agreed!” Two loud votes of agreement and one quiet made a unanimous decision.