"Have we been Foal'd?
Chapter 5: "Oh my god, this cannot be."
Doritos.
Yes, as in the the chips. That's what I was craving for right now. They were delicious triangles of symmetrical goodness, very much a good way to even pass time, should you not be hungry, they didn't fill anything up unless you had them in large quantities. Yeah, I know I just had some food and I was a fatty for wanting some more, but I have a good reason.
The pony that was walking beside our stroller, pushing her own child, had a triangle cutie mark. And I couldn't think of anything besides a Dorito that had such a symmetrical shape with any value!
Grinning widely at the prospect of actually getting a Dorito was absolutely fantastic! My mouth was watering as I gazed at the cutie mark on the mares flank, at the moment I was considering getting up and going to just get a small lick...
Suddenly a dull pain on my shoulder got my attention. My gaze drifted from my shoulder, to my best friend. Who probably was the offender, who does he think he is? Inflicting pain upon my wondrous shoulder!? I gave him the stink eye, to which he replied with a hoof in my face, it was all up in my grill yo'.
Groaning he took back his hoof, which was a great choice seeing as I was about to bite it! He looked at it muttering sadly, which caught my attention, a sad Drew is not a good one, I raised a brow, waiting for an elaboration. Then remembered that this is Drew we were talking about, so I spoke up myself.
"Hey Bud, what's wrong?" I asked him very carefully. He turned to me, with a pout on his face, waving his hoof once more in my face. Whatever that was supposed to achieve.
"I'm trying to flip you off, but I can't because I lack the fingers for it." He sighed, being the Rarity Drama Queen he was. I scratched my chin with my hoof in wonderment, I hadn't really thought about the whole no more middle finger thing. Then again, we used more than finger for flipping people the bird.
"Well, I'm pretty sure the gesture would be lost here." I told him with a frown. He scoffed.
"I'm not aiming for the ponies. I'm aiming for you."
"Hm, good point."
"Look, anyway dude. You were ogling that mare's flank. I didn't know you were a dirty little clopper..." He glowered at me.
"Whoa, dude no. I was just looking at the dorito cutie mark she had!"
"Are you sure you're not wanting the goods? Sure are droolin'..."
I groaned, turning away from the idiot. Looking back to where the mare was, only to see she had gone far up ahead. I was disappointed since I wouldn't be able to actually find out if there was a cutie mark for making Doritos...
I knew one thing though, this whole stroller thing was already getting boring. And if there was one thing I hated more than anything else that would be boredom.
I decided that we'd be leaving the stroller today, I had, had enough. It was time to venture.
Drew agreed with me, I knew that twinkle in his eyes any day.
After a quick illusion spell we had been off, hopping out the stroller before she had even knew it. Mrs.Cake thought we were still with her. And if the timer on the illusion was set at three hours, we'd be fine.
If not we were boned.
Walking down the road, we could see tons of ponies gathered up, walking at their leisure and doing their task. The street was bustling with activity, every one of these cheerful ponies were like little children, innocent and happy. Yet the adults were still mature in a sense, from their experiences. It was a rather magical sight. No one was violent, or grumpy.
Just, beautiful.
We found ourselves at Ponyville's market district, where ponies of all sorts were trying to sell their things.
"Buy my things!"
Yeah, some of them literally said that. Clearly they weren't all that versed in the subtle sales.
On the other hand, for some reason ponies were still "buying their things!", despite poor salesman ship. It was pretty pathetic to watch. Drew stood beside me with a raised brow, not really seeming to believe what he was seeing, then both of his brows lifted when he saw people(or ponies more accurately) actually purchased stuff from whatever owner.
"Uhh..." Drew started off, "I don't think that they're-"
"I know, I thought the same, but since we're here how about we actually, you know. Do something. I'm pretty sure that we don't wanna walk around though, you know, the whole short stubby small legs.... We need some sort of mobile transportation..." I glanced around, my small but keen pony eyes sharply taking in the detail of our surroundings, until I spotted something near a garbage dump in an alley. In perfect condition mind you. It was an ordinary, everyday...
Chair.
Drew and I looked at each other with knowing looks for a second.
Drew and I soared through the air at a break neck pace, our mouth billowing in the wind from the sheer amount of force we were going through to get to our destination. We were using a rope we found in the alley as seat belts as well, we flew over the clouds so no one could actually see two foal's flying on a dangerous chair applied by one of said foals with unstable magic.
"So, I found a bit on the ground worth about one hundred of them!" Drew exclaimed. Though I didn't hear what he said over the gale of wind going through my ears."
More wind billowed past us, all the clouds were a blur. Whipping at us harshly, the wind threatened to throw us off course and into a cloud. I could barely hear the tiny child voice that was Drew, not with all this wind in my ears I couldn't.
"WHAT!?" I tried to ask him while keeping my eyes and magic focused on the- err, road? More like an invisible air path, but uh...whatever I guess. I tried not to distract myself, not with driving...
What? I was irresponsible, but I was always a good driver! Safety first damnit! I knew safety. My friend died in a car accident, and I'd never actually get over it.
"I SAID I FOUND SOME MONEY ON THE GROUND EARLIER!" He screamed in my ear, and the wind was so loud I almost missed it.
"ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING!?" I asked Drew. excitedly
"BACON!?" He asked back with raised brows.
"YEAH MAN!" I screamed over the harsh winds. Drew grinned, when suddenly the coin he was holding up almost slipped out his grasp. No wait, it did.
Luckily I caught it with my magic!
That harsh wind wanted me booty. But my booty was my own! I love my booty so much I could kiss it!
Err- I meant the loot we found of course. Technically Drew found it.
But hey, details, details.
We were gonna get some bacon!
As we blasted through the air at super sonic speed(not really), we lowered our selves down so we could see the ground below us, instead of clouds.
"I'm telling you- that's not a bacon stand! It looks like one, but it's for carrots!"
"And I'm telling you, I don't care! When I get down there- IT'S GONNA BE BACON!" I yelled back at Drew who scowled at me, "Besides! How would you know that's not it!"
"I HAVE PEGASUS VISION!"
Oh yeah, I forgot about that.
"Seems legit," I told him.
"WHAT!?"
"SEEMS LEGIT!" I screamed over the damn wind. He sage nodded at me, and pointed his hoof down at a random place. Said place turned out to be a acre, Applejack's to be specific.
"What? That's Applejack's farm! How in the hell would be get bacon there?-," My eyes widened. "-We're gonna kill their pigs for bacon!? Think about the ponies dude!" I gasped aghast.
"What?- No! I meant there, idiot!"
My eyes trailed to his hoof, and down to where he was pointing, which was Twilight's Library.
"Okay, now how the hell would we get bacon at Twilight's place!? You know, it's a library, not a damn meat slaughter house."
"Well then we'd have to go back home and into Pinkie's basement for that." Drew said sarcastically.
"DON'T SAY THAT!" I demanded him, he snickered.
"No, but seriously. They don't really sell bacon in stands here. Unethical and all that." He raised a good point, but still. Where was he going with this?
"Okay, say they don't sell it, why Twilight's Library then?"
"Remember dude! You have magic! You can conjure up some bacon if you learn how!"
Wait, what?
"Wat?"
"Yeah dude, conjure food! You know, like mages! They have tons of books a the library and just have to have a book about conjuring somewhere! Think about it! Endless bacon- OH MY GOD DUDE, ENDLESS BACON!" He gasped as the realization hit him like a giant spider swatted him.
"OH MY GOD, THIS CANNOT BE." I denied as I thought about the sheer possibility, of infinite bacon. It was glorious, a true treasure. And it was all thanks to Drew I realized this possibility.
It was true, after all.
Friendship is Magic.
And so is bacon.
We parked our 'vehicle' at the back of Twilight's tree, no need for anyone to see us go in after all. I quickly hopped off the chair, while Drew flew off of it. We both made a mad dash to Twilight's front door, where we poked our heads out to check for anyone.
Pinkie Pie was at the door, talking with Twilight, well it was more like a kitten against a Manticore. Very one sided while all the other one could do is cower.
"Dude! Get in here!" Drew's voice hissed at me, I turned to him, to see he was waving her hoof in a 'come on' gesture, as he had jumped in a side window. Glancing around, I saw no one and also jumped in the window. Drew shut it behind me softly.
"Holy shit that's a lot of books." I gaped as I said that, it was true. It was like fucking Willy Wonka.
Book Edition.
"Never have there been truer words. Where do we even start?" Drew gaped with me.
"I don't even know anymore." I said in Consuela's voice. "Ah man, we're in trouble." I said in my silly voice. But nonetheless began to walk forward to begin our journey to search for the book of conjuring.
We had found a pocket dimension closet, that led to a literal mountain of books, it was taller than eight sky scrapers, and snow blasted our once warm bodies, and eyes.
I struggled as I scaled the mountain of books, the wind whipped at me as I held on for dear life. Flailing slightly, I shut my eyes, waiting for the ominous wind to pass, which it did. I spared a glance down, only to be greeted by thousands and thousands of miles.
Downward.
I was up high trying to scale this damn mountain made of books, and I was freezing my damn head off up here. I picked up a book that was sticking out, while Drew was making a cave out of pulling some books out. The book I picked up was called: "Freezing your face off, and you" The god damn person who made this book better hope I don't find them.
How the hell does one even make a mountain of books?
"Daniel! The cave's made!" He yelled to me over the wind. I would have grinned if my face wasn't frozen off.
"Finally!"
We took the safest way through the mountain, through the inside. To find the conjuring book, you had to go to a pocket dimension they said. It would be fun, they said. You wouldn't catch your death out here they said. Bah! Damn, lying books...
As we moved on deeper into the cave, we spotted something. It was a treasure chest! We carefully scanned the area before procceding to the box, we were at the top of the inside of the mountain, so this had to be it!
As I opened the chest, I was about to read the contents when suddenly a boulder made of books sailed right past my head.
Yup, you heard me right. A boulder made of books.
BOOM!
I shakily glanced up from my book, looking over to drew, who was gaping at something on the ceiling. In hindsight I shouldn't have looked up.
There was a giant fucking spider made of frozen books, which was basically a giant ice spider. If I was correct, it just threw that giant rock at me.
"Well...You know what they say. Knowledge is power. Those damn books he just threw at us proved that much." I groaned at my own bad joke.
"That's it dude! Read the book! I bet it'll tell how we can beat this thing before it att-"
"GWRWSARARARA!!!
The sound of that monster shrieking could only be described as horrific. Which is why I had to use every text changing ability I had. I couldn't even begin to comprehend that noise. It was like trying to understand how space was infinite.
"AAAAHHHH!" We began to panic. I quickly opened the book and hastily began to read it's contents.
"HEY, IN THIS CHEST THERE SHOULD BE A THING OF JUICE! IT'S DAMN STRONG! IT'S LIKE A RISING HOOF TO THE FACE! IT'S GOT ENOUGH VITAMINS TO BLOW YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!
I blinked. Man that was some powerful shit.
I had to dodge another boulder as the spider kept throwing them from the ceiling. It crushed the ground I was just at with a sickening CRACK! I rolled forward, dashing to the chest.
CRASH!
Drew had pushed me out the way of an incoming rock of doom, and to the chest. Where I thanked him quickly and opened the chest, revealing a glass bottled juice labeled "F.P" I smiled happily, we had our solution. Now just needed to figure out how to use it right. However...
It unfortunately, it all came at a cost. A heavy one.
The ginormous spider had secretly crashed with the boulder to hide the noise of it hitting the ground. It stood over Drew menacingly, Drew's ears flattened on his head.
"Fuck." He sighed as the monster stood over him smugly. He glared back up at it. "COME AT ME BRO!"
SWATT!
"AHHHH!" Drew flew right out the cave, and off the side of the cliff. "REMEMBEEEEEER MEEEE!" He cried as he fell.
"FOR THE BACON!" He cried one last time as he plunged down into the abyss below us that would take hours for him to reach the bottom...
"AWWW SHIT SON! DREEEEEEWW!" I bellowed out, as my best friend fell off the cliff. I turned to the one who did this... This giant, spider.
"DAMN YOU!" My eyes began to glow as I grew angry, but my horn was too frozen for powerful magic. Then it hit me...
This, this bastard just killed Drew. He just...No...
NO!
"YOU SON OF A-" I was swatted as well, but I crashed into the hard ice walls, my body made a sickening crack as I did so.
"AGHHH!"
I slumped against the wall, gritting my teeth and sending a bolt of magic at the monster, only for it to bounce of like it was nothing. It started to slowly walk to me, savoring it's kill. And there was nothing I could do about it...
"HEY, IN THIS CHEST THERE SHOULD BE A THING OF JUICE! IT'S DAMN STRONG! IT'S LIKE A RISING HOOF TO THE FACE! IT'S GOT ENOUGH VITAMINS TO BLOW YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!
Wait...
THAT'S IT!
I uncorked the bottle, and it began to glow as I lifted it and sent it at a neck break pace at the giant spider, which the juice spilled all over it after the glass shattered on it. Suddenly, a fire falcon took shape around the spider, and let out a dangerous "CAW" right before exploding.
"Hasta la vista baby."
BOOOOOOM!!
A sudden explosion rocked the very cave I was in, blasting me out the cave the same way as Drew, and sending me cascading down the abyss, plunging down to my end. Flames licked at me the second before I fell.
I had avenged Drew, I had done it. Now the problem was, how to save my own damn self?
Only to see nothing but air for miles.
"FFFF-"
To be continued