The Everfree Forest. The throne hall of the Castle of the Royal Sisters.
There were five ponies living creatures conscious creatures creatures sitting around the table, and four of them were staring in disbelief at the deck of the fifth.
“Very well, I will say it,” said Nightmare Moon. “Exactly how many cards are in that deck, and why do you think this is going to stand?”
“Only a little above a hundred thousand,” Discord answered. “And it is standing just fine, thank you.”
“It's awfully... tall,” said Queen Chrysalis.
“A hundred and something feet, to be precise,” said Discord with a smile.
“Good thing we decided to play at your place, Moonie,” said Chrysalis. “The Hive has very low ceilings, even in the brood chamber. There's no way this would fit in my place.”
“There is no way it will be playable!” Nightmare Moon declared. “You are making a mockery of this noble institution! There must be a rule against this.”
Discord blew a raspberry at her. “There is no rule against me playing a full playset of every legal card ever printed, so long as I can shuffle it unaided. Which I can. As a matter of fact, it shuffles itself unaided even by me. Watch.” He snapped a claw, and the tower of cards began to dance through the air, splitting itself into dozens of smaller decks. These, in turn, began to shuffle wildly, within themselves and among each other, splitting into halves and joining with other halves, and then in larger groups.
They watched the display transfixed while Discord lay back on his chair with his arms behind his head and grinned. Somewhere in the distance, seductive smooth jazz began playing as the cards shuffled ever more wildly.
Nightmare Moon shook off the spell and shot Discord a murderous glare, blushing. “Discord! Your deck is having an orgy! We command you cease this obscenity forthwith!”
“Oh, lighten up, princess,” Discord said, winking. “You need to learn where little cards come from sometime, after all.”
"It is quite dazzling though," Chrysalis said, watching the display intently. "It reminds me of the Swarm's synchronized flocking maneuvers. Don't you think, pet?"
"It has all the beauty of an all-consuming forest fire, Mistress," said Silver Spoon. "Truly I am the most fortunate of living things, that I have been permitted to gaze upon its magnificence alongside you, my Queen."
Chrysalis giggled and squealed, clapping her chitinous hooves together happily. "Isn't she a darling? Come, sit in my lap and let me comb your mane!" Silver Spoon leapt into the changeling's grip and rested her head against the queen's rigid exoskeleton chest-plate, the queen cooing softly as she stroked the filly's hair.
Discord gagged. "Honestly! I thought we were going to have a proper night of villainous games? I get enough of this touchy-feely crap from those two lovebirds at home."
–
"A high-power precision accident..." Rainbow Dash muttered to herself as she looked over the mail. "That's what I need..."
"What's that Dashie-washie?" Fluttershy asked as she came in from behind her fiancee and nuzzled her softly. "How are the RSVPs coming? I do hope everypony can make it to the wedding."
"Oh yeah," Dash said just a little too quickly. "Of course! Nopony in Ponyville would miss it! I'm getting all the yeses!" She grinned and looked into Fluttershy's wide, trusting eyes. How can I tell her that everypony is too busy playing a Celestia-forsaken card game to show up?
Fluttershy stepped back with a smile, satisfied. "Oh, I'm so glad to hear it. I would be absolutely heartbroken if somepony missed it."
"Hehe, yeah, how crazy would that be," Dash muttered through her teeth. Lemme see, if I start out at the outskirts of town, an altitude of ten thousand feet, and the wind 'accidentally' turns a few degrees further south, I can do a sonic rainboom and realize just a second too late that I'm too close to the ground, and pull up just in time to only demolish one building... Her lips curled up in a vicious smirk. Dice Whirl the Neck Bearded, you and your store are going to get a megaton of high-velocity friendship to the face. That'll teach you to schedule a frigging Magic tournament on my wedding day.
–
"Will you cease that infernal noise?" Nightmare Moon demanded of the changeling queen and her servitor, who were rolling on the floor tickling each other's tummies.
"You're just jealous that nopony wants to have a tickle-war with you," Chrysalis said, grinning as she pinned down Silver Spoon and viciously raspberried her side.
"She's right, though, you are," Discord said. "Honestly, Princess, uptight much? Even this guy is more fun to be around."
The fifth entity at the table let out a low, ghostly growl.
"Oh shush," Discord said. "You're lucky we could be bothered to muster the magical energy to bring you back from the dead. I said there was no point, that it was a complete waste to go to that effort just to find out what kind of deck you'd play. I mean you're obviously playing either mono black, or black-red. So boring."
Sombra let out another ghostly howl.
Discord raised an eyelid curiously. "Seriously?"
"What did he say?" Nightmare Moon asked. "And why can't he speak normally?"
"He said he's playing white-blue-black," Discord said. "And he can't speak because I couldn't be bothered to lend as much magic power as we agreed was needed to manifest him, so his vocal chords are only partially formed."
Sombra spat and growled at length, a powerful and angry sound that made the ground tremble beneath them.
"Oh yeah? When you die, which will be as soon as we finish playing, I'm going to still be sitting right here, immortal, as always." Discord crossed his arms and turned away.
"Really? You're playing white?" Chrysalis said, her voice slightly muffled from the filly lying on top of her head and holding tightly on to her muzzle.
Sombra howled and started flipping cards from the top of his deck: Due Respect, Forced Worship, Mind Control, Nightmare Door, Enslave, Feeling of Dread, Dead Weight, False King...
"You are one sick puppy, do you know that?" Nightmare Moon grimaced. "I still cannot believe I allowed these two to talk me into bringing you back for this game."
"Big deal. We're villains," Discord said.
"Got your muzzle!" Chrysalis cried and began running around the table, a delighted Silver Spoon chasing after her.
"Most of us are villains," Discord corrected.
"Aren't you reformed?" Nightmare Moon asked. Discord shrugged. "I know that I am no villain, to be certain. I only ever asked that I receive the gratitude and appreciation which is my rightful due, and for this I was unjustly persecuted!"
Discord snorted and laughed, a full-throated laugh that sent him falling backwards over his chair clutching his head in his paw and claw. He kept at it for a minute straight before he finally could breathe enough to say: "It's so cute that you still think so. Anyway," with a thought he teleported back to sitting in his chair, "what are you playing, then, loony Moonie? White Crazy Cat Mare? Blue and red cognitive dissonance? Perhaps a random artifact and artifact-destruction 'anything to keep my mind occupied so I don't go insane while enduring a thousand years of isolation' deck? Or could you possibly be playing black vampire ponies? That would be very original and absolutely not painfully obvious and expected."
Nightmare Moon snorted. "You mock my choices at your peril, worm."
Sombra snorted, and barked. Discord rolled his eyed theatrically. "The floating patch of inadequate lighting is right, we should just get started already."
Nightmare Moon turned to Chrysalis and Silver Spoon who were happily playing patty-cake a short distance away, the changeling queen lying flat on her stomach in order to be of equal height to the little filly. "I cannot decide if this is incredibly sweet or sickeningly perverse."